Is divorce a sin?

God hates divorce. I agree

God permits divorce in the case of adultery. Why?

God permits divorce in the case of adultery because the physical bond formed between the married couple is broken when one spouse sleeps with someone else.

If divorce is permitted due to the physical breaking of the bond, despite the fact that God hates it, why would it not be acceptable in the case of breaking the spirtual bond?

If you don't believe divorce is ever permitted, then there is no question. But, if two people become one both phsyically and spiritually, why would God allow divorce in the physical breaking of the bond and not the spiritual.

Maybe it is some sort of punishment to the adulterer?


I don't know just a thought.

Either way divorce is way too common nowadays.

Malachi 2:16
"For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."

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I'd also like to point out the last line of that verse, the way it sounds to me is that God hates divorce so we should treat each other with kindness (not treacherously) so that we don't have divorce. It sounds to me like God hates it when two people seperate what God has joined together, but he knows why they do it, so he warns us to treat each other properly, if that makes sense. That's the way I see it anyways.

JillLars said:

God hates divorce. I agree
If divorce is permitted due to the physical breaking of the bond, despite the fact that God hates it, why would it not be acceptable in the case of breaking the spirtual bond?

If you don't believe divorce is ever permitted, then there is no question. But, if two people become one both phsyically and spiritually, why would God allow divorce in the physical breaking of the bond and not the spiritual.

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Personally I see good reason to believe that God does not sanction divorce and remarriage under any conditions except the death of a spouse.

Your interpretation of the Scriptures would lead to the same problem that prompted the rebuke from Christ on this matter.

Actually no, people were divorcing one another for frivolous reasons, I don't consider breaking the marriage vows to be a frivolous reason, and I don't think God would either. He knows our hearts and our intentions, and if someone gets a divorce to go sleep with other men, he'll know it, if someone gets a divorce to get away from someone who is trying to kill them, he'll know that too. Legalities are just that, legalities, ultimately it is what's in our hearts that matters. I don't think divorce is a good idea, but some people end marriages long before they get a legal divorce, marriage means keeping your vows, and if you're not doing that then you have "put away" your spouse, whether its legal or not.

In my marriage vows I promised to care for and provide for my wife. I was out of work for a several weeks and this promted her to leave. She used your rationale to suport her separation and the subsequent divorce.

(Should add this was one among a fairly sizeable list of 'reasons' used to justify the separation.)

I think part of the problem here is that we are using the spouse as the barometer for our actions. Our spouses actions do not give us leave to break God's commandments. I don't see agreeing on this topic at this point, I know you have been through a lot JillLars and I hope that God will repair your trust in him. The main issue I have with with all of this is that it seems there is a lack of faith in God and his word and that seems to be what is rubbing me the wrong way. I am not trying to be pious here, not in the least, I am more than guilty of not heading God's word on a daily basis, I am the lowest of sinners and it is only by grace that I am fogiven. But the problem lies in not even attempting to follow God's word and trying to make it fit with our views on how things should be.

When you get right down to it my flesh wants to believe that divorce is allright in many situations, even ones that fall short of abuse or adultery. My flesh would love it if falling out of love was a good reason for divorce. However this is not the case, the Bible is very clear on the issue. The words adultery and fornication are used in Matthew and when used together like that it is obvious that the context is sex and not idolatry. If we cannot accept God's will we should not simply try to make it fit our ideals but we should pray that God's ideals will become important in our lives. I can see why some victims of abuse would take this stance, and regardless of how harsh my words might sound, I do understand why this happens and cannot fault them for their stance. I can witness to them and try to help them get back under God's perfect will for us. There are many situations where finding the Biblical answer is not easy to do but divorce is not one of them.

Please understand that I do not think that this is an easy command to follow. I had to make the decision in my life as well. There was no abuse in my first marriage, and to top it off I thought that my wife was lying about sleeping with the other man just to get my ire up. When she turned up pregnant with no chance of it being mine I knew that she hadn't been lying. I still didn't divorce her right away. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. In the end I did it to protect my children from being taken out of the country and raised in a home where the man was still married and there was no God! We are not called to take the easy way out and many times we are not called to take the logical way out. Just look at Abraham, he was told to sacrifice his son, he did not question God but went to do waht God had called him to do. While it turned out that he did not have to sacrifice him, the fact remains that he was willing to do so. Our flesh does not want us to follow the word of God and will give us plenty of logical reasons not to, it is our job to submit to the will of the Lord even when we do not understand it.

I don't think divorce is always a sin, but it's always the result of sin....

I once heard a very good analogy. Divorce is to marriage as an emergency parachute is to a flight. You don't jump out of the plane because the person you're sitting next to is rude, or you don't like the flight attendant, or it smells, or you just get tired of flying, or even if the ride is a lot more bumpy than you expected. You only use the emergency parachute if the plane is crashing.

By the letter of the law, and by Jesus' very words, it says that divorce, (and remarriage) is a sin.

As I face the very subject of this discussion, I know that to divorce is ultimately against God's will for my (our) lives. We are being tested in this mortal tent for our faithfulness and trust in our God, and His Son. This means holding to our word given to him for a 'til death do us part' covenant. We can choose to break that covenant, and to even be forgiven this trespass, but at what cost to your eternal position and place in eternity? Not that I am saying your loss of redemption, but you are all being proven now for you ultimate place in God's eternal life ahead.

It seems to me, however, that if you advocate staying in a deliberately dangerous and abusive relationship, you are bordering on the attitude of the pharisees who raised such a stink about healing someone on the Sabbath.
I agree, perhaps, that Legal Separation is the best route for anyone to take. Perhaps I shall give this idea plenty more prayer and meditation, before I make my final decision.

I face a situation with a partner with an explosive temper, alcohol and drug use, irrational and untrustworthiness, he has put us in tens of thousands of dollars of debt, all of this has seriously compromised my health, both physical and mental. I have children to raise (not mine, nor his) who have been rescued out of this very problem, so my concern is more with them than anything.

Yet, I KNOW God can heal even this situation. Only God can, because I am so filled with hatred, bitterness, despondency, and hopelessness, that reconciliation doesn't have a chance without the Lord's intervention. Only the Lord can turn his lying, violent, craziness around, too. It will take an 'Act of God' to bind these wounds. But---I am going to have to do something legal about my situation, though, because without it, I know I can't continue. I also know that divorce circumvents any reconcilation that He might have planned for us, or anyone facing this dilemma.

It seems to me, however, that if you advocate staying in a deliberately dangerous and abusive relationship, you are bordering on the attitude of the pharisees who raised such a stink about healing someone on the Sabbath.
I agree, perhaps, that Legal Separation is the best route for anyone to take. Perhaps I shall give this idea plenty more prayer and meditation, before I make my final decision.

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My personal opinion is that where there is serious ongoing physical abuse, or where there is a threat to life, separation is warranted until things can be resolved, however divorce is not an option according to Scripture.

The problem is what you consider to be serious abuse. It is very easy to again fall into the other error of the Pharisees who watered down God's teaching on divorce to the point where it became meaningless.

I do see the practical wisdom of God's commands. Second marriages do have a statistically high failure rate. The difficulties of 'blended' families add extra pressures.

Over the years prior to and since our separation and divorce, I've always made it clear to my spouse that I wanted us to be reunited as a family. That has been in the face of her bitter personal attacks, and her taking away children and finances. I have not remarried even though there has been the opportunity.

In recent times my (ex) wife's attitude has changed. She organised a family day out with the children, and this was the first time in five years we met in this way. She wants to continue to get together. It is one small step toward a reunited family. I have heard of several cases where families have been reunited even after divorce.

I mention this to encourage those who have remained unmarried after being divorced, believing it is God's will for them.

I almost think I could forgive my husband if he cheated, but definately not if he hit me. That would be the end of our relationship.

Rom 7:1 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?

Rom 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Rom 7:4 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.

Which side are you making the point for there? (I need to know before I can respond with sufficient snarkiness)

I posted those scriptures because I think the relation to marriage in those scriptures tell us EXACTLY how important the Lord feels about marriage! We cannot enter unto grace without dying first Hallelujah!! In the same manner, we are not free from the convenant of marriage vows to divorce and remarry unless a partner dies.

As a woman, I am not the norm. I totally agree with scripture and Flesh99. I am proof though, that separation, prayer, and faith in God can heal an abusive man. Although I have never been near death, I have been abused in ALL areas by my husband and we have 2 children. Not saying that it always happens happily ever after, but I believe in the healing power of the Lord! I know he is the ultimate healer! I am a witness to it.

Blah:o
Tears, don't some of these responses just get to you. It's so easy for ppl to say, "oh, put your faith in Jesus, he'll make it ok" when they aren't in your shoes I know, I am so tired of hearing those statements. I too made a mistake, got married out of foolishness and have been putting all my faith in Jesus from the get go- it's been 5 years now and it still sucks Though I have become a stronger person because of it. But if you do get a divorce, mail me and we can chat about it, I'll be here for you regardless of what you do, ok. Then maybe I'll have a friend to be there for me if and when I finally give up and get a divorce.


Sorry, this is a little negative. But it's hard to get support from most christians regarding divorce, especially if they haven't been in your shoes.

Hisbloodformysins

And here's another question. I've heard it said that when you get have sexual intercourse with someone, it's considered marriage to god. If that's a case, than I was an adulterer way before I got married

Does anyone have a response to this?

One last question. When the bible says except for the case of adultery. Does that mean I'm free from my obligation of marriage since I've committed adultery since I've been married. Boy, do i wish my hubby would just divorce me. But he still wont.

sioleabha said:

How does a divorce with a restraining order protect you more than a legal seperation with a restraining order? I'm assuming that you'd get a restraining order, otherwise neither is much protection at all. If you think an abusive person will stop hurting you just because you aren't in the same house anymore, well, that's naive.

The only difference between these options is whether the marriage is dissolved, right? With a divorce, you deciding to leave the marriage behind you and move on. You'll probably date again, maybe remarry. With a legal seperation, you intend to keep the marriage. You're away from the abuse, but you keep your marriage vows. You don't date, and you can't remarry. You pray for your husband, and trust God. Maybe you stay apart for the rest of your lives, but as long as you stay faithful both in celibacy and prayer, you have not violated your marriage.

Some people would say you "deserve" a new love. You "deserve" to remarry and be happy. But are your "rights" more important than God's commandments?

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No offense, but that is just rediculous. And forgive me for going a little overboard, but very legalistic. Whatever happened to God's mercy and forgiveness? Plus, if you want to get technical about it, if she/he were to lust after another person while staying seperated, yet legally married for the rest of their lives, then they are breaking God's commandment by committing adultery in their hearts, which is bound to happen, because that's a natural consequence. The bible says not to seperate from eachother either for that reason. And technically, if someone is in an unhappy marriage, though they are keeping their vows and working at it, they still sin and break the command by committing adultery in their heart, because that is a natural consequence of not having that need met.

First off, this is just my opinion for what it's worth.

I think the various Christian denominations and interpretations have very different views on marital divorce being a sin. However, they all seem to agree that the scripture cites adultery as being the one, if not only reason to nullify your marriage. But I personally believe adultery has both a literal and a figurative translation. Because I believe the Bible is The Living Word, I happen to believe that while the Bible states that divorce for reasons other than adultery is a sin, adultery can take many forms in modern society.

I will not cast any stones because I am currently in the process of getting a divorce from my wife. It is a painful process that I would not wish on anyone. I am fasting and praying so often now and I can feel God wanting me to heal from this.

But about what happened with me:

My wife did not honor what was said between us and would tell her mother all about everything we ever talked about. So every time we argued...bam!...on the phone. Everytime we had a heart-to-heart talk...bam!...on the phone. She didn't do this immediately, sometimes the next day or the next week. Once, I overheard the conversation and I was crushed at what I heard. I confronted her and told her that this was wrong and she should keep our discussions private between us so we could resolve them. She apologized and told me she would not do this anymore, but she did not stop as I later found out. Some time later when we went to visit her family at the holidays, her mother started making suggestive remarks about private things my wife and I had talked about. It broke my heart and when we got back home, I told her that we had to go in for counseling in order to find a solution to this. This time my wife not only did not apologize but she refused to get counseling. I told her that because of the trust issue I now had that I would require it to move forward in the marriage. She put it off and I kept after her about it. Eventually she got sick of my demands and she moved out and refused to talk about it any more. Not long after, she changed jobs and moved back to where her mother lives. I tried to talk her out of it, but she again refused to listen.

After a time of separation, my wife says she does not want to come back to the marriage and that she doesn't want to try and work things out. She has started a new life for herself as if I don't exist. I have lived for long enough as a "single married man". I have recently filed for divorce because my wife is leading a new life now. When she got the papers my wife called me and was very angry and upset that I was filing, but my feeling is you can't be angry because someone wants out of an abandoned marriage.

My wife has been unfaithful to me by not keeping our marriage sacred and keeping what's between husband and wife where it needs to stay. If there is no keeping marital issues private, then there is no basis for loyalty and fidelity. How can you be in an honorable marriage if you don't have honor and respect for the other person?

Some may say that I required by the Bible to remain unmarried after the divorce, but I think it's open to interpretation. I don't know if I'll ever marry again. The pain is too intense right now to even think about. Unfortunately, God was not involved in my decision to marry my wife but I will listen to what He wants me to do and go from there.

I think in the end, that's all we can do for just about anything is to rely on Him for all answers. Do what God instructs you to do and you'll be fine.

Good thread. I'll post my comments when I get the chance.