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Is divorce a sin?

Tears

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I'm a new Christian.

I was wondering if somebody could please tell me if divorce is a sin, if the marriage was done in exceptional circumstances (ie one of the partners was suffering an illness that affected their judgement)?

I don't want to go against God, but I truly believe now that what I was suffering at the time coerced me into marriage to the wrong person at the wrong time.

Does God want me to stay in this marriage? Does God want me set free with a fresh start? How do I know what God wants? I've been married for 2 years now.

Thank you for any advice.
 

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Welcome to the Forum!!!

There are all kinds of conflicting beliefs about divorce. As far as it being sin, the only "reason" Jesus gives for divorce is infidelity. But what about a marriage that is abusive, or was perhaps too hasty or was under deceptive circumstances?

I think that legally there are ways of dissolving a marriage because of deception, but I think that woulda have had to been done before two years together.

Maybe you should ask an attorney about that one.

Any thoughts anyone?
 
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EdmundBlackadderTheThird

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Well we have words from Paul on marraige as well that say to not leave a non-beiliever but if they want to leave that we should let them. I have always been straightforward on my beliefs on this subject and believe that the only time it is right for a Christian to get a divorce is in the case of adultery. Most states offer another option and that is legal seperation, this can be used when there is an abusive relationship. As a Christian we could gain a legal seperation and protect ourselves from the abuse while remaining married and praying for our spouse.

I know that there are believers who abuse, but I have never met one myself so I can only speak from that position and all of my comments are from that point. If we gain a legal seperation and the abusive spouse files for divorce then we have done nothing wrong and if the spouse is a non-believer then we allow them to leave without any wrong having been done.

In the case of making a bad judegement I do not see an easy way out that involves divorce at all. We all have to take personal responsibility for our actions and strive to live according to the scriptures regardless of the situation we are currently in. The Bible is clear that any divorce that is not because of adultery is not recognized by God. While not the exact wording we find that if someone divorces without adultery being the cause then anyone who marries either party is guilty of adultery as well. Adultery is only recognized as a sin if you are married, if you are not married it is fornication, so the wording can be easily read to mean that if the one flesh bond has not been broken then the marriage remains intact in God's eyes.

I know that this advice pretty much says that there is no way out of the marriage but I do not intend it to be harsh at all. If we find ourselves in a monogamous marriage where we are not happy then we are not to find a way out but instead find a way to be happy in the marriage. God can do awesome things including giving us a love for someone that we are incapable of loving in and of ourselves. We should turn it over to God and seek his strength and wisdom on how to make the marriage work and not look for ways out of it. Paul tells us to count all things joy and that is one of the hardest lessons we can learn in my humble opinion.

We have so much societal influence all around us that our first reaction to an unhappy marriage is to seek a way to get a divorce and justify it scripturally when in reality we should be seeking God's strength and love for our spouse. God is an awesome God to be sure and he will give us what we ask. His will on marriage is clear in the Bible so we can be assured that if we pray for him to heal our marriages that it is his will to do so. The problems that lie in this set of actions are in the arena of the spouse who is not trying to make the marriage work and we must fall back on the patience of Christ so that we can remain stong in the situation and not fall victim to the enemy and take the oh so easy out that society offers us in quick divorces.

Christian life can be easy at times, but at times it is very hard. We are called to live this life and to trust in God's grace to sustain us. Every trial we have designed to make us stonger and God will never give us situations that we are not capable of handling. Does this mean we will handle them correctly evey time? Of course not we are all sinners and all of us fall short, the point is that we can handle them if we drop our flawed perception and rely on God and his wonderful grace.

I will pray for you; that God will make his will clear and give you the strength to remain in his will and not falter. My advice is lots of prayer and seeking. We are promised that if we seek we will find, fall back on this promise and seek the answers dilligently and God will provide them and always remember that His grace is sufficient for us in all things!
 
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sioleabha

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I'd have to agree with flesh99, but to add one thing. In the Bible times, I'd be willing to bet that it wasn't too uncommon for a person to marry when they were really to young to know what they were getting into. Notice stories (like with David) where girls were promised to others by their fathers. While not ideal, perhaps, it happened, and Christ never said that a young woman in this situation could divorce and find someone she chose to marry.

God can make your marriage work, and He can help you to be happy no matter the circumstances. Put your faith in Him.

Don't forget to pray for your husband, too.
 
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charligirl

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Now you have put your faith in God you can live under all His blessings, He loves marriage and no matter who you are married to He can and will restore your marriage to be a happy and loving marriage. There are many testimonies of Him doing just that!!

I would suggest that as a new christian you get some good teaching on marriage and how God views it... perhaps get a book about how to pray for your husband and how to be a godly wife. I'm sure someone on this forum could suggest a good one.

There are also some great websites that minister into this area.

God loves you and wants you to have a happy marriage, he wants to restore you both.
 
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Micaiah

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flesh99 said:
Well we have words from Paul on marraige as well that say to not leave a non-beiliever but if they want to leave that we should let them. I have always been straightforward on my beliefs on this subject and believe that the only time it is right for a Christian to get a divorce is in the case of adultery. Most states offer another option and that is legal seperation, this can be used when there is an abusive relationship. As a Christian we could gain a legal seperation and protect ourselves from the abuse while remaining married and praying for our spouse.

I know that there are believers who abuse, but I have never met one myself so I can only speak from that position and all of my comments are from that point. If we gain a legal seperation and the abusive spouse files for divorce then we have done nothing wrong and if the spouse is a non-believer then we allow them to leave without any wrong having been done.

In the case of making a bad judegement I do not see an easy way out that involves divorce at all. We all have to take personal responsibility for our actions and strive to live according to the scriptures regardless of the situation we are currently in. The Bible is clear that any divorce that is not because of adultery is not recognized by God. While not the exact wording we find that if someone divorces without adultery being the cause then anyone who marries either party is guilty of adultery as well. Adultery is only recognized as a sin if you are married, if you are not married it is fornication, so the wording can be easily read to mean that if the one flesh bond has not been broken then the marriage remains intact in God's eyes.

I know that this advice pretty much says that there is no way out of the marriage but I do not intend it to be harsh at all. If we find ourselves in a monogamous marriage where we are not happy then we are not to find a way out but instead find a way to be happy in the marriage. God can do awesome things including giving us a love for someone that we are incapable of loving in and of ourselves. We should turn it over to God and seek his strength and wisdom on how to make the marriage work and not look for ways out of it. Paul tells us to count all things joy and that is one of the hardest lessons we can learn in my humble opinion.

We have so much societal influence all around us that our first reaction to an unhappy marriage is to seek a way to get a divorce and justify it scripturally when in reality we should be seeking God's strength and love for our spouse. God is an awesome God to be sure and he will give us what we ask. His will on marriage is clear in the Bible so we can be assured that if we pray for him to heal our marriages that it is his will to do so. The problems that lie in this set of actions are in the arena of the spouse who is not trying to make the marriage work and we must fall back on the patience of Christ so that we can remain stong in the situation and not fall victim to the enemy and take the oh so easy out that society offers us in quick divorces.

Christian life can be easy at times, but at times it is very hard. We are called to live this life and to trust in God's grace to sustain us. Every trial we have designed to make us stonger and God will never give us situations that we are not capable of handling. Does this mean we will handle them correctly evey time? Of course not we are all sinners and all of us fall short, the point is that we can handle them if we drop our flawed perception and rely on God and his wonderful grace.

I will pray for you; that God will make his will clear and give you the strength to remain in his will and not falter. My advice is lots of prayer and seeking. We are promised that if we seek we will find, fall back on this promise and seek the answers dilligently and God will provide them and always remember that His grace is sufficient for us in all things!

Agreed. I think you have described what the Bible teaches on these matters.

There is one point you may wish to consider. The only grounds for divorce by Christ (adultery) were stated in Matthew, the gospel written to the Jews. None of the other gospels include this exception. In the OT law, a man was permitted to divorce his wife if she was found not to be a virgin after they married. This followed the betrothal period which I understand in Jewish culture was equated to marriage (cf. Mary and Joseph).

Sorry if I've confused things here. I am simply saying in my mind at least, there is a case for saying Scripture (Jesus) does not permit divorce on any grounds.
 
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JillLars

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Jesus does however specify how a marriage is supposed to work, how a husband and wife are supposed to treat one another, so one could argue that if a couple disregards the rules set down for marriage then they are not actually married, or have divorced one another already (not legally speaking). For example, there is no excuse for abuse within a marriage, if abuse has taken place, the covenant to love, honor, and cherish one another has been broken/seperated/divorced...

I don't know its just a thought.
 
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charligirl

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Micaiah said:
Agreed. I think you have described what the Bible teaches on these matters.

There is one point you may wish to consider. The only grounds for divorce by Christ (adultery) were stated in Matthew, the gospel written to the Jews.

Sorry if I've confused things here. I am simply saying in my mind at least, there is a case for saying Scripture (Jesus) does not permit divorce on any grounds.
I'm not with you here.. are yousaying that Matthew doesn't apply to the christian today?
 
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juasch

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My wife and I got married more than four years ago. We've had some really difficult times in our marriage. We even talked about divorce many times. Most of the problems were me not being 100% with my wife. I wanted to end the marriage many times. We have a child together and that is one reason that I didn't go through with it. The second reason was God said "No Divorce". As unhappy as we both were we have made it through it. We talk about all of our problems together, we keep nothing from each other. At first it seemed like we got married just because of our child. But we have now found the love that we were both searching for. We love each other totally and we are even in counseling to make sure our marriage is going to last forever and a day.
What ever you decide, I wish you the best and that God will be with you.

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of Peace.
Ephesians 4:3
 
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Ok, so no one can get a divorce for any reason? What about a mother's responsibility to her children before God? Suppose the father has an imbalance or disorder that causes him to be abusive, suppose he cannot look at any relationship except as that person being a victim- because of his problem. Suppose he is financialy abusive, and an isolationist, refuses to get help for his problems, and finally, takes the children away from the mother on the grounds that she is unstable. All the time touting the image of being the good Christian father, and telling so many lies to so many people that he connot keep his stories straight. All the time, keeping the children, who despise him, hostage to punish the mother because she refused to 'obey' him in his mandates that violated her consicence. Mind you, this is a woman who had gone through 27 years of being told she was ugly (she's beautiful), stupid (she's brilliant) and worthless (no one is) all in front of her children by this 'Christinan' father. She raised ten children and homeschooled them and others, virtually on her own. This is a woman who tried to reason with the man, who put up with his lies, abuse and threats for 27 years. Then her took the children away, who he was never involved with anyhow, and expects life to go on as usual. I don't think so. The man is sick, I know because he's my dad. Don't tell me that my mom is supposed to stay married to this creep. Believe me, there is a moral obligation to protect oneself and one's children that is grounds for a Christian to divorce.

p.s. Understand this in not a normal rational man we're talking about, he's a sociopath, so this is by no means a normal case.
 
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EdmundBlackadderTheThird

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Snowhite: I can only answer from the basis of my understanding of scripture, and that is the honest truth that your mother should have stayed married to your father. But before you act on that statement alone read the rest of what I have to say. There is an obligation to protect herself and the children involved, most states allow for this by either granting a legal seperation or allowing for restraining orders against spouses. According to the Bible the only reason for a divorce is adultery, nothing more and nothing less. We have other legal option than a divorce though and I would counsel someone in that position to exercise those options and not divorce. God can heal the man involved and what should be done in my humble opinion if for the woman to get herself and her children safe and pray for her husband to be healed or delivered from his afflictions.

This is not a popular opinion as society says much different than I do, but this is the only position I can find that would be in accordance with the scriptures on the matter. We should not look for what makes us happy and assume that we are justified in our actions because they seem to serve a good purpose but instead subject our actions to scripture and only choose a course that lines up with the Bible.
 
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Micaiah said:
Agreed. I think you have described what the Bible teaches on these matters.

There is one point you may wish to consider. The only grounds for divorce by Christ (adultery) were stated in Matthew, the gospel written to the Jews. None of the other gospels include this exception. In the OT law, a man was permitted to divorce his wife if she was found not to be a virgin after they married. This followed the betrothal period which I understand in Jewish culture was equated to marriage (cf. Mary and Joseph).

Sorry if I've confused things here. I am simply saying in my mind at least, there is a case for saying Scripture (Jesus) does not permit divorce on any grounds.

There were two major priests at the time of Jesus one taught that divorce was premisable due to a burnt dinner the other said only for adultry. In Matthew we know where he sided.
and i think you may be confusing yourself here....he told his disiples that behind closed doors, He was talking to those the he knew best that tried in life to follow Him and those that worshipped him and His father.....those are believers...those are you and me, he gave us that option as well. You have to see to see the literal and metaphorical take on this particuar situation to the masses condemned it to us he did to but gave us the choice....free will. He is a God of second chances thats why Jesus died for us to give us that second chance. He wouldnt grant that chance to us in marriage then??.....did He make divroce be an unforgivable sin???...for there is no such thing in His eyes. In mans view divorce is failure...in my eyes its that second chance, if ite needed. I have the experience of that. If I ever marry again it will be under Gods will this time not mine. But my wife will have to thank my ex-wife for the man she marrys cause her (my ex) and God made me who and how I am now. Divorce saved my life.....in more ways then one.

Warrior Poet
 
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snoopy2

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flesh99 said:
We should not look for what makes us happy and assume that we are justified in our actions because they seem to serve a good purpose but instead subject our actions to scripture and only choose a course that lines up with the Bible.

I heartily agree with you, flesh. I think that contemporary society has become so self-serving and hedonistic that it seems almost impossible for even Christians to contemplate that sometimes God's laws and His will may be difficult roads to travel.
John 15
10 If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.
God always provides a way out, but it may not be divorce.

jillLars said:
Jesus does however specify how a marriage is supposed to work, how a husband and wife are supposed to treat one another, so one could argue that if a couple disregards the rules set down for marriage then they are not actually married, or have divorced one another already (not legally speaking).
jillLars said:
I would argue that God intended the Bible to be the revelation of His Word to His people and, although it is something that needs to be seriously studied and expounded upon, I really don't believe that God expects all His children to have theological degrees to understand His message. He commanded that we should come to Him as 'little children', therefore I believe we need to simply trust Him at His word and be obedient to it without constantly trying to make it fit our wants and desires.

Praise God that He is a wonderful and just father who cares so much for us:bow: .
 
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P3nguin1

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I always found it curious that Christ said the only justification for Divorce was "marital unfaithfulness" not "adultery"....


Is this just a quirk of translation (seems unlikely because the word adultery is used in the passage before)?

Anyone know the original word and why it is translated as such?

If it is accurate, is it possible there are other ways to be "unfaithful"? Abuse, theft, consisitant deciet, etc....?

Anyone with better greek than me (I have none) have any insight?
 
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JillLars

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I think its important to figure out exactly what divorce means. Saying that a legal seperation is ok, but a divorce is not really doesn't make any sense to me. Aren't they the same thing (not legally speaking, but practically speaking), and would there have been any difference between the two during biblical times? There are so many screwed up people out there who refuse to get help for their problems, I can't believe that God, who loves us, would want women (or men) to stay in abusive marriages, I think that if an actual marriage has taken place (two people promising to love honor and cherish one another), that they will take care of one another, they won't beat each other up, they won't cheat on one another, how can a marriage even exist if the vows have been broken?
 
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EdmundBlackadderTheThird

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Well the problem is partially that one person breaking their vows does not give leave for the other to break theirs. The vows of marriage are not taken with the caveat of "I'll keep mine if you keep yours", they are taken in and of the person making them and do not rely on the other person to keep theirs in order to be valid.

The difference in a legal seperation and divorce is very simple. When used properly a legal seperation is a vehichle to repair the marriage in the long run while protecting yourself and possibly your children in the short term. It is not by any means a divorce which is a dissolving of the marriage. This concept did not exist in Biblical times but we have it available and can make use of it. The goal is the heal the marriage and the seperation would be used as a time for prayer to this end.

The problem with saying you don't think God would want you to stay married in those cases is that we have the final word on divorce from the mouth of Jesus himself and it does indeed say that. If our opinion disagrees with the Bible then it is our opinion that must be evaluated and not the other way around. When Christ said that the only valid reason for divorce was adultery I am certain that he meant what he said. The problem I see is that people want to use their spouses behaviour to justify theirs. If your spouse is not living according to the scriptures that does not excuse you from acting in accordance with them as well.

People today do not take marriage seriously enough. Abuse is horrible, never think that I do not understand that, but when you vow for better or worse that is what it means. Abuse would classify as worse to be sure, but you still took the vows in front of God and everyone else. This is a harsh stance to take and I understand that, but it is the only stance that is valid according to the scriptures.
 
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JillLars

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Abuse is horrible, never think that I do not understand that, but when you vow for better or worse that is what it means. Abuse would classify as worse to be sure, but you still took the vows in front of God and everyone else. This is a harsh stance to take and I understand that, but it is the only stance that is valid according to the scriptures.

But you have to understand that by saying this, you are saying that God wants people to stay in dangerous situations and be hurt repeatedly by abusers, and I hardly think that is what Jesus preached. I don't think we have the proper meaning of what Jesus said about adultery, why would it be permissable for a wife to divorce her husband if he cheated on her, but not ok if he was beating her nearly to death every day? Logically it just doesn't make sense, I think something got mixed up in translation. I don't think "for better, for worse" means through abuse, I take it to mean going through troubles as a couple, and if one person is beating the other one up, they're not going through it together.
 
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EdmundBlackadderTheThird

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JillLars said:
But you have to understand that by saying this, you are saying that God wants people to stay in dangerous situations and be hurt repeatedly by abusers, and I hardly think that is what Jesus preached. I don't think we have the proper meaning of what Jesus said about adultery, why would it be permissable for a wife to divorce her husband if he cheated on her, but not ok if he was beating her nearly to death every day? Logically it just doesn't make sense, I think something got mixed up in translation. I don't think "for better, for worse" means through abuse, I take it to mean going through troubles as a couple, and if one person is beating the other one up, they're not going through it together.


Let's look at the meat of your assertion, that something got lost in translation. We have Christ's words on this in two seperate books and they are the same. The word used for adultery is the same word in the Greek, and from what I have it is the same word in all the manuscripts. The spiritual aspect of a marriage is that the man and wife are made one flesh in God's eyes, adultery breaks this bond. This why it is the only acceptable reason for divorce. Abuse while deplorable does not break this bond.

As for not being what Jesus preached, you are not completely correct on that one. He taught to turn the other cheek, to love and not show anger. You seem to think that I am suggesting that the woman stay in the same house and just take the abuse and I have never suggested that. I have suggested that she use other legal means short of divorce to protect herself and any children that may be involved. Abuse is not legal in any state and she could go as far as to have her husband arrested and not be in any danger of violating the scriptures. There are myriad legal options that are short of divorce and all of those can used and the person would still in concert with the scriptures.

We cannot go around assuming that "something was lost in translation" simply because we cannot logically fit the scriptures to our picture of the world. This is dangerous and has no place in a Christian's life. If we do this in order to fit the word fo God to our needs then we can apply it to any part of it. Maybe "somthing was lost in translation" when Christ said "No man comes unto the Father but by me". This is not an acceptable method of justifying our actions. I can assert that God does not want us jailed for our faith and yet we see Paul writing from prison and not even sure if he will live or die.

Abuse is a rampant problem in our country and it is a horrible thing, but we cannot look to the Bible to justify an action we have already decided is a legitimate course of action, that is the wrong way to approach the Bible. What we are to do is look to the Bible to see what action we are allowed to take. I thought about this for a long time last night and came to the conclusion that if there were not children involved then I would rather die being 100% certain I was following what Christ then save myself and possibly be in sin, and that is only is all the legal options short of divorce failed. Children can be protected short of divorce as well. A legal seperation is just as binding as a divorce in states that have that option, a restraining order is also an option as well and that is binding. All of these things, sending the abusive spouse to jail, legal seperation, restraining order, all fall short of divorce and yet are binding. Why not make use of all of the legal options that fall short of what we are told not to do instead of trying to justify what our minds have been told is right by society?
 
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