Is being single, and able to handle it, a blessing?

timewerx said:

Jesus and His disciples ate with sinners - Matthew 9:10-13

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Jesus had no choice but to eat with sinners. Everyone was a sinner but Him.
His disciples had no choice, everyone was a sinner but Jesus.

I would love to be among them who are not sinners.
Sinners tend to always be doing something evil.

prudent_commenter said:

A master is one that demands. Your wife, tells you or demands of you?

I already told you. Pastors and priests need to be close to the population, otherwise no one would follow. They act or, better yet, they should act as examples. Would you follow a recluse, that never touched a woman in his life, and lives separated from the world, and doesn't cut his hair?

What is intended for you is extremely easy. Take me for example, lust is nothing. I stay away from things without even thinking. Why? Because it comes naturally - it cannot be taught, it cannot be faked - either have it or you don't.
Same thing with singleness, if it's natural it's very easy. If it's something like "oh, I want to be free", it's hard alright.

Those that have sexual desire, need to get married. I believe that's how you know that marriage is for you.

That's the problem: you shouldn't view it as anything. You need to do according to your strengths and weaknesses. Who decides if it's worth it?

You can only love person in this world. Anything else is simply lust. You don't want love, but sexual intercourse. It's very important to perceive the difference between the two. Love comes only once, sex is unlimited.

No, it is better for people to evaluate themselves, and understand the gifts that they have from God.

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So if I decide to marry, it's inevitable that my wife will be a ruthless dictator?

The picture you're painting of marriage is pretty bleak. if you believe that such an experience in marriage is inevitable, well, I guess I understand why you prefer singleness. You also seem to be saying that singleness is personally very easy for you to handle, and that you personally have no desire for marriage/romantic love/intimacy/sex. If so, well, great. I guess you have that gift, then. But not everyone's like that.

It's OK to have sexual desires. Nowhere does the Bible condemn having sexual desires. They're not inherently sinful. Paul even says that if you have sexual desires it might be a good reason to consider marriage. The proper place to fulfill sexual desires.

Muhan said:

Jesus had no choice but to eat with sinners. Everyone was a sinner but Him.
His disciples had no choice, everyone was a sinner but Jesus.

I would love to be among them who are not sinners.
Sinners tend to always be doing something evil.

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Wrong. Jesus chose to eat with sinners:

Matthew 9:10-13
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

timewerx said:

Wrong. Jesus chose to eat with sinners:

Matthew 9:10-13
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

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I choose to avoid sinners at all costs. They tend to be evil and do evil all the time.
They just cannot help themselves. They are evil. Do you seek the company of evil doers?

Muhan said:

I choose to avoid sinners at all costs. They tend to be evil and do evil all the time.
They just cannot help themselves. They are evil. Do you seek the company of evil doers?

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You risk becoming a hypocrite if you're avoiding sinners while you're still sinning (whether you're aware of it or not)

You also risk judging others unfairly by doing so.

Matthew 7:2
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

You are judging sinners with indifference and coldness if you're avoiding sinners. You don't even bother to know what pushes them to sin. God might take it against you if you even make the smallest sin and God won't even bother considering the circumstances that pushed you to sin.

prudent_commenter said:

I'll answer with another question. How does money command? Does it dictate? Or have any physical power? Yet, people would do anything for it. Chase it everywhere it goes, and do whatever it pleases.

Paul said that in a marriage, a man would do any anything to please his wife. And I agree. In a marriage you tend to "forget" certain things. Priorities change, views change. Who you were before marriage is not the same as you are in the marriage.

Love is a beautiful thing, without question. However, most people never find it. I myself hope to find it someday, but realistically I know it's not likely. Only if God will help to find her, only then.

What worries me is the vow. I take the vow of marriage, I need to uphold it. If something goes wrong, I'll have to bear that stain for the rest of my life. What God forms, man must not break.

I remained single not because I prefer it. I don't prefer anything. I remained because God showed me some traits that I found to be scarce today. I didn't knew their importance prior to Him pointing them out to me. I'll probably remain single for the rest of my life, because I can handle it, and very well. God would not have given this "resilience" if He would simply allow me to marry anyone. Everything given is for a purpose. Besides, if I were to make a mistake with this, I know what He'll say to me, which is "You should have know better".


It's fine to have them as long as they are controllable. You have sexual desires: are you capable of saying NO to yourself? Say you want it, and say to yourself: not this week, but maybe next week. Can you handle it?

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Well, you can let money, or the love of money, or worries about money, dictate your life, certainly. And if you're a worldly person, chasing worldly things, and not prioritizing godly things, then yes, money will likely run your life in some way. if you're an unbeliever, well, you'll have certain attitudes toward money. if you're a believer, your perspective shifts, and you'll have different attitudes.

Does marriage change people? It can, certainly. It'll definitely challenge you. But it's not inevitable that you'll change for the worse. We all have the power to control our decisions and actions.

Also, what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7 was that your interests are "divided." Yes, you have a spouse to please and take care of. But that doesn't stop you from doing God's work, it just makes it a bit more complicated and challenging at times. If both commitments are too much for you, well, you're not required to marry. Aren't most pastors married, after all?

You also mention that the idea of marriage vows scares you. I understand that. It's a weighty commitment. And a lot of people are going to be counting on you; your family, your spouse's family, your kids, etc. It's OK to be intimidated by that. That's healthy. If you assumed that you could handle it no problem, well, that seems like an indicator of arrogance or hubris. Everyone's going to struggle, and fail, and make mistakes. But the kind of crises that ruin marriages will be things that you consciously choose, and consciously compromise on, bit by bit. We're not robots. We can make choices. And it helps to have good, godly people in your life who can observe your marriage and provide you with help and encouragement.

You said you hope to find love one day. I wouldn't give up on the dream, or give up on making yourself into an eligible marriage partner that your future spouse and her family will approve of. If you do give up on it, well, isn't it guaranteed to never happen?

Are you afraid of making mistakes in marriage? Every married couple makes those. Nobody's perfect. Do you feel pressure to be a perfect husband if you do marry?

Are we capable of controlling ourselves when it comes to sexual desires? Yes. As Christians, we all are. We can't always control what sorts of things tempt us and appeal to us. Or how strong these temptations are. But self-control is called a fruit of the Holy Spirit in Galatians. Desiring sex isn't inherently sinful. But sex is restricted to marriage.

When Jesus saved us, He gave us freedom from sin (Romans 6:6) the Holy Spirit gives us self-control, so we can refuse sin. We'll still be attacked by external temptations, and by our own impulses and desires. But we can learn discipline to guard against these. In 2 Peter 1:6, we're told that self-control leads to perseverance; as we value the long-term good, we can better resist instant gratification.

prudent_commenter said:

@James Wesley
I was replying to your questions. I did not seek advice. Understand the difference before posting.

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My bad, sorry. I'm just trying to say that it's OK for someone to have fear about weighty commitments. But that doesn't make failure inevitable.

timewerx said:

You risk becoming a hypocrite if you're avoiding sinners while you're still sinning (whether you're aware of it or not)

You also risk judging others unfairly by doing so.

Matthew 7:2
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

You are judging sinners with indifference and coldness if you're avoiding sinners. You don't even bother to know what pushes them to sin. God might take it against you if you even make the smallest sin and God won't even bother considering the circumstances that pushed you to sin.

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I have a very good question for you before we continue on with this conversation.
I would like for you to establish this truth about yourself, so as we can use it as a source of truth
in this conversation.

Have you ever in your life
believed and thought you were absolutely right
about something, when later on, you found out you were
instead, absolutely wrong in what you believed and thought you were right,
and did not know that you did not know that what you believed, and thought was right
was actually wrong?

Has this ever happened to you?

A. Yes

B. No

C. I don't know.

timewerx said:

You risk becoming a hypocrite if you're avoiding sinners while you're still sinning (whether you're aware of it or not)

You also risk judging others unfairly by doing so.

Matthew 7:2
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

You are judging sinners with indifference and coldness if you're avoiding sinners. You don't even bother to know what pushes them to sin. God might take it against you if you even make the smallest sin and God won't even bother considering the circumstances that pushed you to sin.

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I love separating myself from sinners. I find it to be most wonderful.
And it serves me well. Praise the Lord.