Is being attracted to someone else adultery?

[abacabb3]

I don't know how you can change how your eyes look, that might be out of my power. We have been married two years. I think our sex is good. When I look at my wife, I love how she looks. She doesn't believe me though. Never really flirted with my wife, always joke around and tell her she's sexy all the time.

My wife and I have worked through and are continuing to work through other issues, but this one has be confused. Both of us have anger issues, though with God's help I have mostly resolved mine. Plus, the issue is not so confusing. This one confuses me.

 

[The newguy]

My two cents:
We all may find other people attractive in some way. Physical appearance, character, etc, .... That's our nature. So, I think your view is correct. You find other women attractive physically but you're not fantasizing about them; not lusting in your heart. I don't see an issue with that. Reassure your wife that she is number 1. Don't tell her that you find anyone else attractive. Even if she asks.

 

[seeingeyes]

I don't know how you can change how your eyes look, that might be out of my power. We have been married two years. I think our sex is good. When I look at my wife, I love how she looks. She doesn't believe me though. Never really flirted with my wife, always joke around and tell her she's sexy all the time.

My wife and I have worked through and are continuing to work through other issues, but this one has be confused. Both of us have anger issues, though with God's help I have mostly resolved mine. Plus, the issue is not so confusing. This one confuses me.

Ahh...well, if she doesn't believe you, then it is most likely something that she needs to work on within herself.

To OP's wife: It is one thing to be told that you're beautiful, it is another to receive the compliment. It's not enough for your husband to love you, you must receive his love as well.

This man chose you above all the other ladies. You are the one he wants (even on those days that you act like a crazy person). You are the one he wants to be a better man for (even on those days that he acts like a crazy person).

The two of you are still new to each other. There are many, many more fights, and insecurities to work through, and trouble aplenty in your future. But there is also a lifetime of forgiveness, and encouragement, and support ahead as well. Embrace it all, the good with bad.

That "two become one flesh" business doesn't happen when the ink dries on the paperwork, or when tab A enters slot B. The two become one through struggle and forgiveness, disaster and rebuilding, calamity and kindness. Resolve to grow up together.

God bless you both.

 

[MountainBluebird]

I don't think it is wrong to be attracted to another person, and I don't see how we can even help it at times. That being said, I think we should make an effort to keep our thoughts pure and our mind on other things. I don't think your wife should be asking you if you saw any attractive women. If anything, this will make you notice them all the more because you know that she will ask you when you get home.

 

[abacabb3]

This is OP's wife.

My problem with his compliments is that he usually jokes around and when he compliments me, it doesn't sound sincere, it sounds like he's just joking.

One time I asked my husband "what do you love about me?" and he had a hard time coming up with the list.

He usually jokes around that i have stubby legs, doughy belly, and once a while says that he likes my stubby legs. Now imagine how i feel when all the women he's attracted to are skinny with flat stomach and long lean legs.

One time he said good men don't approach a hot chick coz they don't have the confidence to ask her out. That just makes me feel that I was asked out because i'm not pretty enough and thus approachable.

Because I feel ignored all the time when my husband and I are around other women, it makes me feel sometimes as second and not first. It seems like I am found beautiful and attractive if i am isolated from any woman, once I'm around another woman, then i'm out of my husband's attention, another woman has his attention, he can't speak normally or feel at ease any more.