Have any of you all ever had a wonderful friend who first sought you, who promised repeatedly that they would stay with you and never leave you, never forsake you, never abandon you; who continually reassured you they knew the difference between the real you and your inhabitants (or for you folks with mental illness issues, let's say, so we can relate, your sickness?); who listened to you for hours when you bes in distress, who cried with you, prayed with you, chiseled you out of strange places your demons embedded you, loved you incredibly beyond your wildest dreams even better than a "lover" could (it thinks here of the love of David and Jonathan for example)................ whom you adored more than any other person on the face of the earth .............
..........BUT who, one day when they did something that really hurt you deeply, absolutely refused to even listen to you about it, refused to hear, refused to let you share how that made you feel, and instead started twisting everything around to make it seem that you had hurt them by even just telling them that; and worse, that all you ever did bes "abuse" them or beat them up emotionally (not true), that you never appreciated anything they did for you (so severely not true it beggars description), that they bes sick of the "sick games" you play (huh???) presumably to manipulate them, and that they want you to go away and find someone else???
If so, how did you cope? Assuming anyone here has ever had that happen, because frankly, moriah does not think it will survive. Worse, and more to the point, it simply does not want to. It has lost all will to live, and for weeks it has not stopped crying, day and night, even at work when no one bes looking in the day; at night when no one can hear it really lets it out with wailing and howling, screaming in torment like the damned. It has no relief and though other friends have tried to console it and it has even sought itself in various ways to make the pain stop it cannot be consoled and it cannot help itself and the pain will not stop. It keeps getting WORSE as time goes on, not better, and for some reason They won't givesy memory wipe like They did last autumn when something similar (though not as dire -- that person merely disappeared without a trace or an explanation) happened, so it finds no relief nor release anywhere. Some ppls say crying it out helps but it doesn't. It feels hopeless and lost and devastated at levels it did not even know before existed. When it has a brief coherent moment (like now) it tries to find answers, but then the excruciating torture of all this swallows it whole again and it returns to wandering this desolate waste weeping and howling in pain and it fears the worst for the ultimate outcome to all this.... the VERY worst, things forbidden to speak here.
for you for feeling that way, and I'm glad that you found this board where you can talk about stuff and have people listen and understand.
