Is age a problem?

[twinkeethekid]

Here's the deal. I'm just about 22 (turning the day after Christmas) and I'm interested in a 17 year old (turning 18 in March). We've been friends for about six months and are both interested in each other. We also both prayed about it, and we both feel like the Lord is giving us his blessing for us to court. To confirm this, our minister and his wife both bless us moving forward to courtship.

My main concern is her being under 18. However, that's usually a concern brought about by secular society, because they assume we'd be having a sexual relationship. I'm trying to think of it terms of: if the Lord doesn't have a problem with our ages then I shouldn't have a problem.

I was just trying to get opinions of other Christians about they would feel about a 17 and 22 year old dating (keeping in mind that God blesses us). Thanks.

 

[bumblebee62331]

I feel age is only an issue if it's an illegal age gap. However, if you both were to do nothing until after she's turned 18, then she is legally an adult and that's your choice. My younger sister is 18 and she's living with a 22 year-old man.

I think you need to know that both of you know what you are getting into. Maturity levels are different, wants and needs are different, career vs uni are different - it's up to you both to sit down and talk about how it's going to be like. 22 to 18 isn't that much of a gap.

Just don't have an sort of relationship until after she is 18.

But it would be hard to give a definite answer because it totally depends on the circumstances, the people and their personalities. My sister wants to live more, but her boyfriend wants her as a trophy girlfriend. It's frustrating. What do her parents and your parents think of it? Your friends?

 

[Maeyken]

4 years? that's not all that big of a gap (there's 8 years between my fiance and myself, and 4 years between my sister and her fiance) They started dating when she was 14 and he was 18. I don't ever remember it being an issue. Maybe the laws are different in Canada, but I don't think anyone's gonna arrest you for just dating/courting.

 

[lozzie]

I don't see a problem with it...

my sister was 17 when she was dating a guy who was 24... it was a 7,5 yr age gap... at the time we thought that was HUGE... and she's now engaged at 22 to a guy who's 28... i don't have a problem with it and neither does my family...

 

[-Kyriaki-]

i have a four year age gap, it's not an issue for me. my parents are five apart!

but yeah...if the laws say she's a minor if she's under 18 (therefore it would be illegal to have sex with her) then don't have a formal relationship until then. hard but it's easier to keep yourself clean in the face of the world... illegal relationships being used against you by others isn't pretty.

 

[bliz]

I think the 4 year gap is an issue, at this point in life.

She is still a high school student living in her parents home. You have moved beyond that and are an adult making decisions on your own. She needs to have the time you have had to make her own decisions and discover things about herself before she can commit to a relationship with you. In even 2 years time it will be a different story, but I think it is unwise to talk about courtship at this time.

 

[gracefaith]

I can't speak to the maturity gap. It's different for everyone. I would however wait until March to start any sort of real relationship. Sounds like a bummer and sort of silly, but I think a real sign of maturity and that you guys are thinking this through would be to show some patience and wait to date until you are both legal adults.

You can ask her out for a date on her 18th birthday. Very romantic.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i don't think it's about age. it's about maturity. now if she's still acting like a silly little teenager not taking responsibility for things and so on then maybe u should wait a while. but when i was 17 i was more mature than most 40 year olds so if it's fine w/ God then that's all that should matter.

 

[DeezyC81]

Opportunity sometimes only comes once. I say take the opportunity but hold off on being serious about it until she's 18 so no illegal issues will come up. I do not see no problem with the age gap at all. I'm in a relationship with a 4.5 year gap and we get along fine. Maturity will be a factor so you two will have to work things out. You're going to have to respect the fact that she's in high school and things are going to be different for the two of you until you're both out of school(college included). And by any chance that the both of you go to different schools... well lets say the two of you have to decide on what to do.

I'll leave with this. If its GOD thats putting you two together than nobody and nothing on earth can separate the two of you. However, their is two flaws. Two things can separate the two of you, and they are GOD and yourself. You'll be in a relationship so you have to watch your decisions especially if you care about her. Well I'm about to quit typing before I type something crazy.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I think it has a lot to do with maturity level vs. actual age gap...I really don't see 4 years as being that big of a problem

 

[A2597]

I think it has a lot to do with maturity level vs. actual age gap...I really don't see 4 years as being that big of a problem

Definatly the Maturity vs. Age...
I'm concidered mature for my age at 21, and my girlfriend is 18, and while generally we're fine, ocasionally I wish she were a bit more mature...but it's different in every single case out there, so in the end, it's entirely up to you.

That said, we are commanded to avoid the APPEARANCE of evil, people will think whatever they want, but why give them something to work with? I'd try to hold off until she is 18, solely for appearance sake.

 

[Hackett]

I agree that it is more about maturity than chronoligical age. Just be aware that it is a proven fact that the frontal lobe of the brain does not finish the development stage until the early 20's....could even be later for some people. The frontal lobe is the emotional control center and home to our personality as well as motor function, problem solving, spontaneity, memory, language, initiation, judgement, impulse control, and social and sexual behavior. Once the person has fully developed mentally some attitudes and opinions could differ from what they were at 17.

How do her parents feel about the relationship?

 

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

This is not my question, but one that has been asked about a couple who are numerous years apart.
What does a 22 year old guy have interest in a 17 year old girl for?

I don't really care about the answer, but this is a question that is asked often, by Christians and non-Christians about relationships with a larger age gap.
Even though the years between you will never change, how noticeable the difference is will diminish as you both get older. That's why it's different for a 24 year old to be seeing a 28 year old. They are at more similar times in their lives, whereas you and this girl, are not.

Be careful.
Wait until she turns 18.
Don't give anyone any reason to question your relationship or wonder why you can't wait until March.

 

[Amy47]

I think you're taking a BIG risk when you date someone that is anymore then 3 years older then you. Obviously people are at different stages in their life and I think it would be smart to stick with your own age group.

That being said it's not impossible to date some one who is alot older or younger then yourself. It's been done, but there are so many risks involved, like: different maturity levels, different priorities, different life goals, etc... I mean my parents are 5 years apart so obviously it works but they DO have alot of stuggles because of it. She is younger so she is more energetic, and he LOVES sleeping, so often she has to give in a take a nap with him. So you have to take into consideration that when you're older that the older spouse will most likely pass away before you and acquire more health problems before you, simply because they are older. Unfortunately these things come with age.

I don't know about you guys but I would rather be around the same age as the beau.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

There's nothing wrong with the age gap. Just remember that she is still a minor. I would be very careful; make sure that HER parents are ok with it because if they aren't and she is not yet 18 and an adult then that could cause big problems.

 

[Linnis]

Wait until she's 18 to date. I know it sucks but she's a child legally until then and why walk the line with something illegal. Depending where you live, dating(even without sex) can *look* bad and sorry but do you really want to be seen as the guy who goes after kids? It's not true but how things look and how true they are are too different things. Besides do you think you could date for six months without wanting to kiss? What happens if you two slip? Seems like playing with fire to me.

 

[felinity]

I can only speak from my experience, but here's what I know:

I dated a 20-year-old when I was 16. I was very mature for my age and a smart kid. I dated this guy until I was 23 -- this wasn't a flash-in-the-pan sort of relationship. But it wasn't a good relationship for me. The age difference made for an imbalance in our relationship. While I was in high school, he was in college, and while I was in college, he was working. We were never really peers, and that was problematic. At some point, when I was 22 or 23, I realized that I didn't know who I was, or who I had been at 16, or who he was, for that matter. My sense of reasoning, and who I was, and what I liked changed a lot over those years.

 

[AceHero]

i don't think it's about age. it's about maturity. now if she's still acting like a silly little teenager not taking responsibility for things and so on then maybe u should wait a while. but when i was 17 i was more mature than most 40 year olds so if it's fine w/ God then that's all that should matter.

Exactly. A five year gap could be huge between a 17 and 22 year old couple but not as extreme between two people who were 22 and 27.