Is adopting a good idea?

[Joined2krist]

Hey, I'm in my 30s and I really love kids. I had thought I would have a few by now but life has a way of not meeting all our expectations

Do you think adoption is a good idea? I'm about to enroll in a school but at the same time, I feel ready to give it a shot.

So what do you all think, is this a good idea?

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

No. Definitely not.
(oops, sorry, just noticed the category this is in)
Delete ad lib.

 

[mina]

If you are serious, it might be better to wait until you are out of school and have a steady career/income. Adoption is expensive and Adoption agencies will look at your stability in life as a consideration to adopt. I don't think it is wrong to adopt as a single. I have a friend that is single and in her 30's and she has adopted two children out of the foster system. She was a foster parent first and was lucky enough to be able to adopt the children in her care. It doesn't always happen like that.

 

[URA]

Definitely something to pray about.
Consider taking in a foreign exchange student; I would imagine it would help get you used to having another person in the house.
As far as enrolling in school at the same time goes, whether you're going part-time or full-time would make a big difference. Keep in mind your financial situation; you might be able to pay for school & a kid, or maybe you'll have to cut expenses...whatever God's will is for you, stay with Him, and He'll make it happen. Remember, "Draw near to God, and He'll draw near to you." (James 4:8) While I have no experience here, I'm sure it can be a very rewarding process.
Don't settle on anything too quickly; this is certainly a big decision. You did right by coming here; I'm sure the Holy Spirit has already increased His presence in you.

 

[Brightmoon]

I have a friend who was a foster mother to 4 kids who were HIV Positive as babies. One seroconverted and the others have the virus. She adopted all 4 . The worst thing she said happened is that she has nightmares about them dying sometimes.

Being a parent, Depends on who you are I guess. If you’re a control freak I’d advise you to never have kids, as no child fits into a box you might want to build for them and you’ll make yourself and the child miserable. I’d also advise you to finish school as small children interfere with even going to the bathroom. Michaela Deprince, the ballerina was adopted but so were old Hollywood actress Joan ( mommie dearest) Crawford’s kids

 

[Willing-heart]

As an adopted child of the living God, I have to agree that adoption is a great thing to do. However, perhaps God wants you to be patient. Listen to our Heavenly Father and let His will be done.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

yes, go for it. we need more people willing to adopt.

get them as young as possible though, as dealing with children who are older can be quite difficult.

 

[Joined2krist]

Thanks for all your responses, I have decided to look into fostering instead. I have anxiety issues and I pray it wouldn't affect my relationship with my child(if I decide to adopt later). I'm hoping my school will be full-time, hopefully I will explore fostering afterwards.

 

[Brightmoon]

Kids always push your anxiety buttons . They’ll go to a friends house and spend the night without telling you. The styles and fashions are going to offend your sensibilities. My cousin’s mom had the best idea to dealing with that second issue . She’d say ,” Well, I don’t have to wear it.” I took it a little further because I felt that they shouldn’t wear certain clothes to some places but that were fine to hang out with their friends in.

 

[Joined2krist]

Kids always push your anxiety buttons . They’ll go to a friends house and spend the night without telling you. The styles and fashions are going to offend your sensibilities. My cousin’s mom had the best idea to dealing with that second issue . She’d say ,” Well, I don’t have to wear it.” I took it a little further because I felt that they shouldn’t wear certain clothes to some places but that were fine to hang out with their friends in.

I'm hoping I will be able to handle it. I haven't fully learned how to stay calm when I'm tensed or stressed, maybe that's the reason God hasn't made me a parent yet.

 

[Knee V]

I have little to no opinion about single people fostering (it is probably perfectly fine as a temporary thing), but I am always opposed to single people adopting. Children need two married parents, and there are plenty of married couples who want to adopt.

 

[mama2one]

Do you think adoption is a good idea?

as someone who has adopted, do say adoption is a wonderful thing
depending on what type i.e. foster to adopt, private, international there are different requirements to be met

children available to adopt often have trauma, loss, neglect so there's what I call "an extra layer" of parenting needed
my husband took time off work when we adopted and I'm a SAHM and we never even attempted to leave our child with anyone the first yr home(babysitter) and since our child was 2 and from another country, we choose to wait an extra yr to send child to school for secure family bonding/learning English (which turned out well as adopted children are often emotionally/socially behind their peers)
there are many older children in foster care that want families and it's more difficult to find parents for older children so I would not discourage anyone from adopting but instead encourage them to prepare themselves, open their hearts, and pray

 

[Joined2krist]

I have little to no opinion about single people fostering (it is probably perfectly fine as a temporary thing), but I am always opposed to single people adopting. Children need two married parents, and there are plenty of married couples who want to adopt.

I don't understand what you mean. There are many widows, separated, and divorced women raising their kids alone and some of them turn out fine, do you remember Obama?

 

[Knee V]

I don't understand what you mean. There are many widows, separated, and divorced women raising their kids alone and some of them turn out fine...

Getting married and having children, only to have the other parent die or leave, or even accidently getting pregant when one is single, is different than deliberately raising children without another parent. Bad things happen to us, and we make the best of it, and there are many many great mothers and fathers who have raised children on their own due to circumstances that were beyond their own control.

 

[Joined2krist]

as someone who has adopted, do say adoption is a wonderful thing
depending on what type i.e. foster to adopt, private, international there are different requirements to be met

children available to adopt often have trauma, loss, neglect so there's what I call "an extra layer" of parenting needed
my husband took time off work when we adopted and I'm a SAHM and we never even attempted to leave our child with anyone the first yr home(babysitter) and since our child was 2 and from another country, we choose to wait an extra yr to send child to school for secure family bonding/learning English (which turned out well as adopted children are often emotionally/socially behind their peers)
there are many older children in foster care that want families and it's more difficult to find parents for older children so I would not discourage anyone from adopting but instead encourage them to prepare themselves, open their hearts, and pray

Thanks, I'm praying about it. I think this is the reason I was led to post here. You all are guiding me to focus on the easiest way to make this possible. I will certainly chose an older child if the option is available.

 

[Joined2krist]

Getting married and having children, only to have the other parent die or leave, or even accidently getting pregant when one is single, is different than deliberately raising children without another parent. Bad things happen to us, and we make the best of it, and there are many many great mothers and fathers who have raised children on their own due to circumstances that were beyond their own control.

I don't see the difference, they are still single. Being single for some is not by choice but by similar unfortunate circumstances as you mentioned above. As Christians we are supposed to be givers, spreading love and touching lives in the process, if I can act as a guide to a child who has no parent, bringing her up in the way of the Lord, do you think God will be angry with me for this?

 

[mama2one]

have you looked into it yet, joined2krist?

you will need a homestudy plus agency req.
don't know if they have changed and we may have had more requirements for int'l adoption but some of what was required for us was:
parenting classes, CPR, fingerprints from FBI and state, child abuse clearance from every state lived in, physical including bloodwork, 5 references, meeting with a social worker 3 times and questioned as to parenting methods, etc, as well as looking at our house, fireman had to approve our house (fire extinguisher and smoke detector needed for every floor), financial papers including assets, liabilities, income, insurance and letter from employer to verify job
those are what I recall off top of my head

 

[Jenniferdiana]

sure why not

 

[Sketcher]

Literally choosing to become a single parent - which is what this is - to me is unwise. Parenting isn't a load that is meant for only one person. Choosing to do this while simultaneously starting school to me is insane. I generally favor doing fewer things well over taking on more than I can do well.

 

[Joined2krist]

Literally choosing to become a single parent - which is what this is - to me is unwise. Parenting isn't a load that is meant for only one person. Choosing to do this while simultaneously starting school to me is insane. I generally favor doing fewer things well over taking on more than I can do well.

Some people have chosen this path and some of them have no regrets.