I am a 45 year old male, married, three children. I have recently been diagnosed with BPD.
My mother and father divorced when I was 8 months old.
My mother met another man soon after. With him, she had a daughter (L). She never married the man and their relationship ended.
Later, she married another man. She had a son and daughter (C) and (W).
With this man, there were lots of fights. I recall the use of knives and guns, and the sound of beatings while I tried to sleep. She left him.
It wasn't long before she found another man. She moved to the Pacific coast with him. I went to live with my grandmother. (L) with her father. (C) and (W) with their father.
Later, I went to live with my mother and the man she would marry later. While there, her husband cheated with a co-worker and my mother cheated with another guy.
(C) & (W)'s father beat (C) with a 2x4 for peeing his pants. Child protective services became involved. A custody battle ensued, but neither parent deemed acceptable. Custody was temporarily awarded to the state, then given back to their father.
My mother divorced latest husband, then moved back to original state and lived with another man. I went to live with grandmother again. (L) came to live with me and grandmother. I was 12, she was 10. (L) was sexually active. At age 11, (L) shot herself in the head.
(W) has told me that her father sexually abused her. Additionally, her brother (C) also abused her. (C) was arrested as an adult for sexually abusing his own daughters. This makes me believe that (L) was also sexually abused. My therapist believes the same man abused me. I have no memories. However, I have been crossdressing on and off since the age of 5,....when I lived with this man.
As a teenager, I was a very angry young man. I have since mellowed. Still, I find it difficult to function as a husband and father.
I became a Christian in 1984,....but have never been sure of myself, my beliefs,God's concern for me, how my transgender thoughts conflict with Christian belief.
It feels like I am too many people,...swimming in ambiguity,...always unsure of who I am.
I have never attempted suicide, though I have had thoughts. I have never been a cutter,....though I do injure myself. Usually, this injury takes the form of not caring for myself,..eating poorly, etc. However, I have physically injured my genitalia many times over the years.
My mother and father divorced when I was 8 months old.
My mother met another man soon after. With him, she had a daughter (L). She never married the man and their relationship ended.
Later, she married another man. She had a son and daughter (C) and (W).
With this man, there were lots of fights. I recall the use of knives and guns, and the sound of beatings while I tried to sleep. She left him.
It wasn't long before she found another man. She moved to the Pacific coast with him. I went to live with my grandmother. (L) with her father. (C) and (W) with their father.
Later, I went to live with my mother and the man she would marry later. While there, her husband cheated with a co-worker and my mother cheated with another guy.
(C) & (W)'s father beat (C) with a 2x4 for peeing his pants. Child protective services became involved. A custody battle ensued, but neither parent deemed acceptable. Custody was temporarily awarded to the state, then given back to their father.
My mother divorced latest husband, then moved back to original state and lived with another man. I went to live with grandmother again. (L) came to live with me and grandmother. I was 12, she was 10. (L) was sexually active. At age 11, (L) shot herself in the head.
(W) has told me that her father sexually abused her. Additionally, her brother (C) also abused her. (C) was arrested as an adult for sexually abusing his own daughters. This makes me believe that (L) was also sexually abused. My therapist believes the same man abused me. I have no memories. However, I have been crossdressing on and off since the age of 5,....when I lived with this man.
As a teenager, I was a very angry young man. I have since mellowed. Still, I find it difficult to function as a husband and father.
I became a Christian in 1984,....but have never been sure of myself, my beliefs,God's concern for me, how my transgender thoughts conflict with Christian belief.
It feels like I am too many people,...swimming in ambiguity,...always unsure of who I am.
I have never attempted suicide, though I have had thoughts. I have never been a cutter,....though I do injure myself. Usually, this injury takes the form of not caring for myself,..eating poorly, etc. However, I have physically injured my genitalia many times over the years.
