Intimate Thoughts........

[GirlForChrist]

So is it wrong or right to have intimate thoughts about your boyfriend/girlfriend?? Is it considered a sin? My boyfriend and I have confessed having intimate thoughts about one another. I've never told him any of mine, but I want to, and I'd like to know a proper way of doing so....

 

[JahRawks]

I'd say just talk with him about it, in a calm manner, and don't worry about taking a roundabout way to talking about it, just tell him that you've had intimate thoughts about him, and if you feel the need to tell him what the thoughts here, just tell him, going straight to the heart of the matter is much, much easier than trying to tell him by dropping hints and such. Hope this helps. God Bless-
Nathan

 

[Hewitt]

Itimate thoughts are part of being human. But at the same time, remaining pure of the highest importance. God gives us desires which are there for our pleasure but we must remember (as Solomon wrote) there is a right time and we must not awaken love until it so desires. If these thoughts are just honest feelings, then that's cool. However, if lust or any form of sexual impurity is present, I would give them up to God and try to think about better things.

 

[LadyBird]

I don't think that sharing intimate(sexual) thoughts is appropriate in a dating relationship. Sometimes when you think intimate thoughts about someone and tell that person...it usually just makes the temptation a lot worse for both of you knowing that that is what you are thinking and maybe even wanting to do. It's not going to harm your relationship by not saying anything. Sharing with someone how you feel....like say for me, I really think about how much I love my boyfriend...I think that sharing those thoughts are ok...but not your sexual thoughts of the other person...keep those to yourself.

 

[YouthPastor]

Intimate thoughts - would, I assume, thoughts about having sex with him (and other things). With sex being designed to be between husband and wife - then those thoughts should be in the same place - a marriage.

I think discussing those thoughts, especially in detail can create "feelings/temptations" that are better left alone.

 

[GirlForChrist]

Itimate thoughts are part of being human. But at the same time, remaining pure of the highest importance. God gives us desires which are there for our pleasure but we must remember (as Solomon wrote) there is a right time and we must not awaken love until it so desires. If these thoughts are just honest feelings, then that's cool. However, if lust or any form of sexual impurity is present, I would give them up to God and try to think about better things.

Things kind of go along of what Hewitt is saying above....My thoughts are just my thoughts and I have no intention of acting them out, even if Clint and I do marry...they're just thoughts that I think everyone has about someone they love....They're not lustful either.

 

[enslow]

If they're thoughts that you are unable to act out at the time, and the integrety of your relationship is not compromised by keeping that kind of information to yourself, then do not share such information.

If, however, your b/f or g/f does something (innocently) that causes you to desire more from the relationship than you're prepared to do, than you can reveal how that makes you feel instead of just telling him/her to stop doing it.

Hope this helps.

Enslow

 

[GirlForChrist]

Thanks Enslow. You're hit my feelings right when you said :

If they're thoughts that you are unable to act out at the time, and the integrety of your relationship is not compromised by keeping that kind of information to yourself, then do not share such information.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I think it is good to communicate if you are in a very serious relationship.

Sharing some things, like maybe your "love language" (like, acts of service, physical tough, word of affirmation, etc.). But be cautious of sharing things that will lead him to lust, or you to lust. Moderation is good.

 

[GirlForChrist]

*Nods in agreement. I agree with you Davekerwin...That was my plan and intention in the first place....



We plan to marry someday after he graduates high school

 

[LadyBird]

Great advice Dave.

 

[enslow]

*Nods in agreement. I agree with you Davekerwin...That was my plan and intention in the first place....



We plan to marry someday after he graduates high school

I think that's wonderful that you have found your future husband already, and plan to marry after he graduates from highschool. However, I would suggest that you date/court for a couple more years after highschool. I know people change througout life, but the biggest changes seem to occur right after highschool, once people start experiencing what it's like to work in a career, deal with adults as adults 100% of the time. Don't worry, there's lot of time for your lives together. Some people don't get married until their 30's.

Good luck!

Enslow

 

[User9056]

With you 2 being so far away as long as you arent lusting it should be ok. However it is always better to error on the side of God rather than our flesh I believe if you are unsure

 

[GirlForChrist]

Enslow I agree with you and so does my boyfriend. We've dicussed dating longer and getting engaged during college and getting married after we graduate from college....his parents dont want us to get married till hes 21. So we'll be patient and wait longer if thats what they want

 

[DaveKerwin]

I would not wait to marry until after college, most people would have having sex by then, so I would wait for a leading from God on it. But at the same time, be cautious of marrying too young. I think maybe you should not think so seriously about the relationship. I remember high school, and I know myself now that I am graduating college, and let me just say I am not entirely the same. I have grown up a lot. With growing up comes slight changes in personality and other things, so go slow ok?

But again on intimate thoughts, don't let it get too sexual, or too intimate. Share stuff like love languages. You can tell him if you like to be touched, and that he might rub your arm or brush your hair, you know what I mean. Just be cautious of awakening love before its time.

 

[GirlForChrist]

*nods.....

I agree Dave...Thanks for your advice.

 

[lil_god_lova]

Ok sometimes if they are brought on by things you are doing it is good to explain the general gist of the thoughts to each other. Then you both can keep more pure, by working out an action plan to have less of these. The thoughts (temptations) are not sins, however if you dwell on it in your mind it is.

 

[msjones21]

I don't think that sharing intimate(sexual) thoughts is appropriate in a dating relationship.

I agree with Belle. Regardless of whether or not you're marrying this young man, thinking about having sex with him is lustful. If, by intimate thoughts, you mean things like taking care of him, how excited you are he will be the spiritual leader, how you can't wait to set up housekeeping with him, etc. then that is not lustful. Either way, I feel it's best to keep certain things to yourself. If, for whatever reason, the two of you do not wed there won't be as much heartache as there would have been had you both 100% poured your hearts out to one another. That way you are safeguarding each other's hearts.

Just pray for God's wisdom. Ask Him what He would have you to say to the man you love. As far as marriage, I disagree with Dave on this point:

I would not wait to marry until after college, most people would have having sex by then, so I would wait for a leading from God on it.

I think that if a couple have made a covenant with God and with each other to remain chaste until the wedding day that there will be temptation, yes, but they can remain celibate. Granted, it's always best to go with God but I feel too many young Christians get married prematurely strictly as a means of be able to have sex without it being a sin. Not waiting on God's timing is just as sinful (in God's eyes) as fornicating.

 

[lil_god_lova]

I definatly agree about he last post. it is just too important eh..