"Intimacy" question...

[HobnobLover]

Hey people, here's the thing: I have a girlfriend. She's my first girlfriend. I'm her first boyfriend. We've officially been going out for about 3 months. It's a LDR but we knew each other very well before that (ie we were best friends and then went to university at opposite ends of the country). We see each other probably on average every 3-4 weeks. Don't know if all that has any relevance, but maybe it does...

Anyways, we've done all the talking about what physical boundaries we should set ourselves, and we've basically got a list that involves holding hands, linking arms, leaning, and the occasional hug in extenuating circumstances (!). But, and here's the but, when we visit each other and do the whole handholding/armlinking/etc thing, all we can think about for the next few days (possibly weeks in some cases) is precisely that. Well, not *just* that but can't stop thinking about the other person in general. Which isn't too helpful when it comes to church/bible studies/prayer meetings as you can imagine!

So here's the question(s): Is this healthy? Should we be perhaps refraining from any sort of "physicalness"? Is it just because we're so far apart and not been going out so long? Anyone with any experience/advice care to comment?
Thanks all

 

[invisiblebabe]

Sounds normal to me, at the early stages of a relationship. So long as you don't lose your focus on God and your desire to serve Him, I don't see it as a problem...

 

[kiora]

yeh I would say that it seems normal fo rthe early stages of a relationship and as long as you are still God honouring and he is at the centre of your life then I think that is okay

 

[FatBurger]

When you say "all we can think about for the next few days (possibly weeks in some cases) is precisely that", what do you mean?
Are you constantly thinking about her?
Are you constantly thinking about the holding hands, etc.?
Are you constantly thinking about going beyond the physical boundaries you've set?

If it's the first, then it's completely normal for a relationship. If the second, then it's also normal, but just means that you both naturally crave touching more than other things (that's not bad, just useful information to know about each other. I'm like that myself). If the third, then you are struggling with lust. Every relationship needs to deal with that, and you'll learn how to in time. Just stick with the boundaries you have set, get advice from other people when you ned it, and you should be ok.

 

[Smashed Pumpkin]

I don't think you need to worry at all. I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now ( i know i'm younger than you but still ) and i think about her a lot. lots of times every day.

You are human remember and God made you so that you would have thoes feelings. I think you should see it as more of a test from God to help you learn to handle your feelings. And remember that just because you mess up a few times it doesn't mean God will give up on you. That's one of the hardest things i find to come to terms with.

I hope your relationship goes well.

 

[HobnobLover]

Hey thanks all, that's really helpful. Yeah I guess apart from anything else it's a prompt to focus on God, and if I do that, then my relationship with both God and my girlfriend will be strengthened - so that's cool!
Cheers!

 

[superfly]

I think you should see it as more of a test from God

i wouldn't call it a test from God, because it isn't that. it's just a normal part of being human. we all feel those feelings, and experience those things. the key is to let our minds control us, not our feelings and our bodies. i think paul has some things to say about that... can't remember where though... :-(

 

[Smashed Pumpkin]

i wouldn't call it a test from God, because it isn't that. it's just a normal part of being human. we all feel those feelings

This is just my opinion but i think that everything that happens in our lives is overseen by God and anything that comes our way is intentional. Not simply "part of life".

Going on what you said, I am not alive because of God, i'm alive because that is how the world works.....

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with thinking about your SO on a regular basis. You can maintain a balance of serving God and keeping the focus on Him while being excited about the times you and your girlfriend get to spend together. I always wonder why so many Christians want to chastize themselves for their thoughts about someone they care about. So long as it isn't causing you to do poorly in school and miss church, etc. I don't see what is wrong with the way you feel.

 

[EmSchmem]

It sounds like you are having the normal thoughts. Like the poster before said if you're not constantly thinking about going beyond those boundaries, you're probably OK. If it continues to worry you (I happen to think it's great that you're seeking counsel and not just poopooing the dangers that could pop up) I would talk with her and consider stopping the physical things you've seen as OK until this point. Also, I don't know if you have any devotional time with her but that may help keep the focus on having a Godly relationship.

 

[cmd624]

Just make sure that God is the CENTER of your relationship and He will take care of you. You will be tempted, but look to the Holy Spirit for guidance and strength. Don't let God slip away from being the center of your realtionship... when He slips away things can turn downhill from there. You seem to be very focused on God and concerned about His presence in your relationship... God Bless You and your relationship!