"interfaith"

[sparkle123]

i converted or came back to Christianity and my husband will have nothing to do with it on a deeper level. He is supportive in a superficial way--he listens to me talk about books I am reading and asks how church went. he is not much interested in engaging in the content of my reading and his support, while appreciated, is just a kind of nicety. I know it could be worse so I am happy. It's just that in the beginning of our relationship it seemed like there would be some unity in our spiritual life. He got into meditation because I used to instruct it when we met. I guess that's how I got the idea...

I pray regularly and our therapist suggested he meditate when I pray... I have tried this and dislike it. I tried including him in prayer for our marriage but he just sits there and then later resents me instead of declining. Let me note that I am not a tyrant or controlling, and I don't make threats to leave him. Part of this is his issue with passivity and communication. He is afraid I will leave him if he doesn't agree. But he is a good man and I'm not leaving. I am tired of this "interfaith" prayer thing. I don't want to encourage his meditating--he wouldn't do it if I didnt remind him. I told him last night I don't want to pray/meditate together as suggested. He can continue to do It of course but I don't feel like it's creating any closeness. Is this something anyone has heard of before in an interfaith relationship? Praying to your God while they pray to theirs (or meditate etc)? Are you supposed to feel closer? Do you just have to accept there won't be a spiritual bond? That we are married but still very much separate in this area? I have already stopped asking him to go to church since he won't say no and then he resents me after. I am a "baby Christian" and feel like I am failing at all of this most of the time because I am clueless and don't always feel loving. I think I am just going to continue to do what I have been, church, church friends, and visits to monastery. If he wants to join someday he can, but until then it has to be separate. Does this sound ok? I'm quite lost here...

 

[mkgal1]

He can continue to do It of course but I don't feel like it's creating any closeness.

I can understand that that may highlight the difference between you two. How did he respond to you saying that you don't wish to do it together any longer? May I ask what faith he is (and what you were....I'm assuming)? I do believe there's an area of intersection between most of the main religions. If the basis is on genuine love and each person maintaining their own dignity and freedom for their own choices---I definitely see it as "working". You said he wouldn't meditate if you hadn't reminded him----does that mean he's not really motivated to focus much on his faith/spirituality?

 

[sparkle123]

I was Buddhist. I introduced him to meditation and retreats, classes, etc which he attended with me. We even pilgrimage to Lumbini and Boudhanath at my wish. He never took refuge vows but did think about it. When I gave up going to the local center he stopped too. He talked about going elsewhere but never did, and he never had a regular practice outside me. So he still talks about meditation and maybe being interested in zen but that's pretty rare. I don't know that he considers himself Buddhist or is interested in figuring it out. I just don't think it's that important to him. He didn't seem too upset about not praying/meditating together. It may have slightly bothered him as it seems like I'm separating us. I just don't see the point of it. Whatever similarities (and there are some) they are not enough to unite us in a faith (which is what I wanted for us).

 

[mkgal1]

Whatever similarities (and there are some) they are not enough to unite us in a faith (which is what I wanted for us).

I was thinking you were previously Buddhist, but I didn't want to assume. Are you familiar with Thomas Merton? I believe his faith can be described as a Christian with a heavy influence of Buddhism (he believed Zen to be compatible with Christianity). From what I understand....he believed our focus should be mainly about "practice" and not so much doctrine (and by "practice"....I mean exercising openness, compassion, generosity....etc).

Maybe just ask your husband--open up communication---about whether or not he's still interested in Buddhism (or *any* faith for that matter).....or was just doing that for you. I just looked for an article about Thomas Merton and found this:

http://americamagazine.org/content/all-things/thomas-merton-and-dialogue-buddhism

...and, I haven't read it personally, but I've heard that this is a very encouraging book of Merton's


I'm just bringing that up as --maybe---a talking point for you two. I do believe that its best to allow room for him to figure out if that's even important to him.