Interfaith Parenting - Catholic vs Evangelical

[Lucky9]

I agree. Also.....I think the message it portrays about God/love can lead to all sorts of trouble later, too. Love isn't manipulation. That's what I see as maybe the most harmful parts of all this...is how he's forcing the children to do things against their will (leaving no room for them to explore and discover on their own). With them nearing (or at) teen-age years....IMO, that's a scary thing to mess around with. I believe in building the bond of trust between children and parents....not merely teaching them to avoid punishment/consequences.

As it stands, my kids have been going with their father solely, to his church, since last November. They have not stepped foot in my church since. His "plan" was to have them go until this December, where they would get Catholic teaching and instruction on the Chatocism (sp?).

My eldest son, who is about 16, hates it. He complains every Sunday and tells me he can't wait until he's done being forced to go with his dad. He is upset though, that even though his dad and I agreed they would only have to go until this December, dad told him he's going to make him continue to go until he's done with his Chatocism classes, and I don't know when those end. I've seen the calendar the church emails and it seems to go on through next Spring. So, I'm going to be pretty dang upset if my husband goes beyond what we agreed to and keeps forcing the kids to go after this December.

My other two kids seem to like dads church now. And my middle kid seems to think he wants to be baptized there and become a Catholic with dad. If that is the case, I don't believe he will ever be allowed to attend my church again. Even though his dad says, if he decides he doesn't want to go to his church any more he can make that decision...I just don't believe he'll allow it.

My youngest, who I feel is way too young to be forced to decide what "religion" she wants to commit to (being only 10), has told me that she just wants to be able to go to both of our churches equally and doesn't want to just go to one. That's what I want too.

I tell my kids when it comes time to sit with the Priests and discuss what they want/believe, etc, they need to be honest for themselves and not worry about what me or their father wants. I told them they need to be selfish in their decision and do what THEY want. Hopefully the priests will be honest as well and not try to steer them one way or another.

I just do devotions with my kids daily on our way to school. And I try to teach them what the scriptures say. I don't tell them their dad is wrong or that his church is wrong, etc, I just tell them what the Bible says is the ultimate truth and let them go from there. Once in a while my parents watch our kids and will do a devotion with them, and my youngest will tell my husband this, to which he feels they are being indoctrinated against his church.

We both believe in the resurrection, the Trinity and the path to Salvation. What we don't agree on is church teachings. Hence why I don't like "religion"...and don't feel it's necessary to belong to a denomination, when the most important thing to me, is the personal relationship with Jesus.

 

[mkgal1]

What we don't agree on is church teachings.

....and is that where he's getting the whole bit about "the man is the rule-setter" (without the wife's agreement) or is there more this church is teaching that you don't agree with?

 

[Lucky9]

There are things that Catholics practice that I don't believe in, because I believe they are not biblically based. The whole worshipping Mary issue. Purgatory. All the statues and pictures and images that, in my view, scripture says not to have. The whole Priest thing, confession, the sacriments, and other church teachings that just seem to raise the church above worshipping God, to me.

Like I said earlier, when I went to his church, it creeped me out. I just felt so awkward and unnatural. If it grabs him and it's something that he feels the spirit of God, then good for him. But not for me. Unfortunately, my husband does look down on my because I'm a "protestant" (and he always uses the hand quotes, when saying it)...so he is very condescending when he brings it up. And he infers that I'm not "as saved" as he is, because I'm heretical.

I could give a rats A myself about what his church thinks about me. My relationship with Jesus Christ, is all I need. And it's just fine, thank you very much. The fact that he gets SOOOO utterly defensive when any issue is brought up about his beliefs (something I avoid, like the plague), makes me wonder if deep down, he isn't as secure in his beliefs as he portrays.

I know I'm secure. I know I'm saved. And I pray, he is too.

 

[mkgal1]

The whole worshipping Mary issue. Purgatory. All the statues and pictures and images that, in my view, scripture says not to have. The whole Priest thing, confession, the sacriments, and other church teachings that just seem to raise the church above worshipping God, to me.

Oh....okay. Well.....some of that has gotten mischaracterized by Protestants (especially evangelicals). It's all different spiritual language...and just looking at the surface (especially when others have said their own critical remarks) doesn't really give you much understanding.

I really appreciate this couple's advice:

 

[chevyontheriver]

There are things that Catholics practice that I don't believe in, because I believe they are not biblically based. The whole worshipping Mary issue. Purgatory. All the statues and pictures and images that, in my view, scripture says not to have. The whole Priest thing, confession, the sacriments, and other church teachings that just seem to raise the church above worshipping God, to me.

Like I said earlier, when I went to his church, it creeped me out. I just felt so awkward and unnatural. If it grabs him and it's something that he feels the spirit of God, then good for him. But not for me. Unfortunately, my husband does look down on my because I'm a "protestant" (and he always uses the hand quotes, when saying it)...so he is very condescending when he brings it up. And he infers that I'm not "as saved" as he is, because I'm heretical.

I could give a rats A myself about what his church thinks about me. My relationship with Jesus Christ, is all I need. And it's just fine, thank you very much. The fact that he gets SOOOO utterly defensive when any issue is brought up about his beliefs (something I avoid, like the plague), makes me wonder if deep down, he isn't as secure in his beliefs as he portrays.

I know I'm secure. I know I'm saved. And I pray, he is too.

And yet back in the days when he wasn't religious at all that was OK with you. So he reverts back to being religious and that bothers you. Would that you both had this worked all of this out back when you were first married, so you could have been equally yoked believers in Christ from the beginning, capable of believing the same thing and worshiping together. But you were OK with him as long as he wasn't a practicing Catholic of any sort, not too much concerned for his salvation in the process.

This post of yours betrays a considerable misunderstanding of what the Catholic Church is actually all about. Not that your husband is necessarily mainstream Catholicism, but when you talk about Catholics worshiping Mary, then you might want to figure out a bit about what you are condemning first. You might want to ever so quietly check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church for yourself to get the straight scoop on what you are rejecting. Don't tell your husband or children, but see for yourself what you oppose. Catechism of the Catholic Church

Earlier I mentioned a story by Kimberly Hahn, whose husband had become Catholic and how she was horrified. And how that ended up. Did you seek that out yet?

 

[Lucky9]

And yet back in the days when he wasn't religious at all that was OK with you. So he reverts back to being religious and that bothers you. Would that you both had this worked all of this out back when you were first married, so you could have been equally yoked believers in Christ from the beginning, capable of believing the same thing and worshiping together. But you were OK with him as long as he wasn't a practicing Catholic of any sort, not too much concerned for his salvation in the process.

This post of yours betrays a considerable misunderstanding of what the Catholic Church is actually all about. Not that your husband is necessarily mainstream Catholicism, but when you talk about Catholics worshiping Mary, then you might want to figure out a bit about what you are condemning first. You might want to ever so quietly check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church for yourself to get the straight scoop on what you are rejecting. Don't tell your husband or children, but see for yourself what you oppose. Catechism of the Catholic Church

Earlier I mentioned a story by Kimberly Hahn, whose husband had become Catholic and how she was horrified. And how that ended up. Did you seek that out yet?

That's typical - a Catholic judging and shaming someone who doesn't think like them.

Not that I have to explain myself, but to clarify:
Although my husband was raised as a Catholic when he was really young, his parents pulled away from the Catholic church when he was about 8, because of the Progressive (Vatican 2) stance it has taken and that they pulled away from original teachings, etc. So, pretty much from the age of 8, he hadn't been practicing ANY "religion", but he believed in the same things I did.

So when we met and before we got married, we were both non-denominational Christians and had the same beliefs and ways of thinking. He and I were on the same page. He and I were equally yoked at that point, in our lives. We went to many non-denominational Christian churches together.

It wasn't until about 5 years ago, that he suddenly decided to go back to the Catholic church, which by the way is the SSPX branch, which is really old school, old tradition, orthodox beliefs. It's a complete turnaround from what we'd been living together, for 14 years. So don't give me grief, like it's my fault, I should have known before we married, nonsense.

We are where we are now....and I've done a lot of research and a lot of study and I know what the Bible says. To be honest, I actually don't care about the Catholic church's teachings, written and created by fallible men, which aren't going to convince me anyway, that the truth in the scriptures means something different than what the scriptures lay out. I've read several Catholic writings and quite franlky, they creep me out, because they are so twisted from the actual truth. I'm not meaning to get in a back and forth with Catholics. Obviously I don't agree with that "religion" for MANY reasons. There are so many things that Catholics practice, that are an actual insult to the whole meaning and reason Jesus died on the Cross. So many things that take away from that gift, that sacrifice, that promise.

 

[mkgal1]

That's typical - a Catholic judging and shaming someone who doesn't think like them.

Lucky9....to be fair, it seems that you do have a disdain for the Catholic teachings....and maybe aren't quite understanding what's behind a lot of the symbolism. You don't have to agree with it....or follow it yourself...but I do believe we can bridge gaps by learning a bit more behind traditions.

I do agree with what Chevy wrote below:

When you talk about Catholics worshiping Mary, then you might want to figure out a bit about what you are condemning first. You might want to ever so quietly check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church for yourself to get the straight scoop on what you are rejecting. Don't tell your husband or children, but see for yourself what you oppose. Catechism of the Catholic Church

I don't really see this as an issue of Protestant vs Catholic, though.....it's more that there's a lack of respect for freedom of choice (referring to your husband's mandatory attendance). Forcing religion rarely goes well. I believe that teaching children to respect the opinions of others leads to kind and compassionate people that can enjoy the friendship of a diverse group of friends....and it allows them the freedom to explore their own beliefs as well.

So far....I've only done a cursory reading of this page, but it seems to be pretty balanced and informative:

Catholics make Mary too important. You even worship Mary, which the First Commandment clearly forbids, for we must not worship anyone other than God. According to the Bible, salvation is found in Jesus Christ alone.

And so we begin this online course! Through it, I hope to help Catholics answer such objections and to more deeply appreciate the special role God gave to Mary in his plan to bring salvation to the whole world through Jesus Christ. Then, in a second online course, readers will find guidance to help them welcome Mary into their lives as the model of Christian discipleship and their true Spiritual Mother in heaven.

As for "worshiping" Mary, of course, most Catholics do no such thing. To "worship" someone or something implies that one recognizes in the object of worship the source of all worth and goodness. But the Catholic Church teaches that Mary is certainly not the source of all worth and goodness in the universe; she is just a creature, a channel and vessel of God's grace. We call her "Holy Mary" in much the same way that all Christians speak of the "Holy Bible," because the Bible, too, is a vessel, a channel of God's grace to us. As St. Ambrose (340-397) once wrote: "Mary is the Temple of God, not the God of the Temple." ~Part 1: We Don't <em>Worship</em> Mary. So What <em>Do</em> We Do? | The Divine Mercy Message from the Marians of the Immaculate Conception

 

[chevyontheriver]

That's typical - a Catholic judging and shaming someone who doesn't think like them.

Thank you for your kind words.

To be honest, I actually don't care about the Catholic church's teachings, written and created by fallible men, which aren't going to convince me anyway, that the truth in the scriptures means something different than what the scriptures lay out. I've read several Catholic writings and quite franlky, they creep me out, because they are so twisted from the actual truth.

With such a position I can see nothing but a future of hostility between you and your husband, at least until the divorce lawyers finish their work. I don't know that it has to be that way, but to avoid that outcome will require temperance and prudence from both sides.

 

[hedrick]

Lucky9....to be fair, it seems that you do have a disdain for the Catholic teachings....and maybe aren't quite understanding what's behind a lot of the symbolism.

But remember, she's not seeing actual Catholicism.

 

[JAM2b]

I've been reading this thread, and it makes my heart ache.

To me the religious differences are secondary to the issue of control and emotional and spiritual abuse that is happening in this family, especially to the children. It appears to me that your husband is doing great harm. This is not a situation that can be solved within the family or in the churches you attend because the battle lines have been drawn. Outside help is needed here, and if he won't participate, then I think it would be wise to go as far as you have to in order to get help. If you were apart from one another while this gets sorted out, then you could at least have a turn at taking them to your church and teaching them how you believe. If nothing gets resolved in a separation, then a court order he has to follow will allow you to take them to your church, and you would also have opportunity to take them for family or individual counseling.

Regardless of how this works out, your entire family needs a great deal of healing, especially your children.