Intent

[cloudstrife007]

Being an introvert, I analyse things a lot, particularly my intentions into why I do things and why I think the way I do. It may be a lack of confidence...or it may be because I'm an overly analytical person...I'm not sure...

Some things I'm thinking about now relates to liking a co-leader from my church and asking her out. She's been at our church for 18 months, I was in the youth ministry team with her last year and this year, I've been running/organising young adults ministry with her.

- Do I like her only because we've been spending lots of time together as co-leaders? If I wasn't spending so much time with her, would I be liking someone else instead?
- Do I like her because she's friendly and easy going and so I feel like she's giving me attention? She's nice and friendly to everyone.
- Do I want to ask her out because I'm just wanting a girlfriend? There are only a handful of guys in their mid 20s and above in my congregation, and as of late I'm the only one left who's single. I only realised that at this very point in time as I type. lol
- Would asking her out bring out the wrong ideas in terms of dating for the younger guys when they enter ministry leadership? "Just hook up with your co-leaders"...*cringe*
- Am I putting unnecessary pressure on her to have to deal with someone liking her (whom she may or may not like back)? I know she's recently been avoiding someone online (she told me) because she's only been talking to me on invisible mode. Using this fact, I reckon she's already avoiding someone who has interest in her. It may even be me. LOL
- Do I think I like her for being a godly woman more than she is? I may be infatuated with her and so think that she's nicer, and more loving to God and others than she actually is

Does anyone ever question their own intentions in liking someone or thinking about asking them out?

I think I'm silly, but then all my self questionings also seem somewhat valid or logical concerns. I don't know what I'm after in writing this post. Probably just wanting to vent at not knowing what to do.

 

[dewba]

By analyzing, you're purifying; There's nothing wrong with that.

Questioning, including intentions, is part of the spiritual walk and you're not the only one. When the right "option" comes along, you will have no need to question/analyze.

 

[dewba]

There's no need to rush. Take your time.

 

[Mr Dave]

I understand you, I can be very analytical too; it can be a blessing and a curse. Some of my friends have to come to me for advice, and I've overly-analysed the situation from every possible angle, which has been really good for them, but then it comes to the girl I like, and I know I've probably got on my friends nerves by analysing everything to the death (not saying you're annoying anyone, you're not).

I've asked myself similar questions. I've like this one girl for a while. I know I've become involved with girls before, being besotted with them and then it falls apart because we rushed into a relationship and didn't really get to know each other first, so with this girl I made a commitment in my head to not go for it for a while and see how I felt after a while. I think it's good to hold off like you have for a bit, just to confirm things in your own mind, it;s for yours and her benefit that you do. Pray that if it is right, that something will happen and that you'll have the confidence to speak to her when the time is right.

Do I like her only because we've been spending lots of time together as co-leaders? If I wasn't spending so much time with her, would I be liking someone else instead?

I don't know you two (obv) so hard to say. That said, most people like each other after having spent time together, this is good, cos you know each other and have interacted a lot, and already have something as friends. There's a good chance you may spend time together because you like each other.

- Do I like her because she's friendly and easy going and so I feel like she's giving me attention? She's nice and friendly to everyone.

Yes, of course, a potential girlfriend's personality is really important, if she's friendly to you, it's easier to like her than if she wasn't. She may give you more attention than others, I don't know. If she doesn't then that doesn't mean she doesn't like you, different people respond/react in different ways.

- Do I want to ask her out because I'm just wanting a girlfriend? There are only a handful of guys in their mid 20s and above in my congregation, and as of late I'm the only one left who's single. I only realised that at this very point in time as I type. lol

Possibly, possibly not. Although I get the impression you've liked her for a while, so it's more than just wanting a girlfriend, and there'll be a lot about her as an individual.

- Would asking her out bring out the wrong ideas in terms of dating for the younger guys when they enter ministry leadership? "Just hook up with your co-leaders"...*cringe*

depends how the relationship goes. You could also become an example of a good Christian relationship working.

- Am I putting unnecessary pressure on her to have to deal with someone liking her (whom she may or may not like back)? I know she's recently been avoiding someone online (she told me) because she's only been talking to me on invisible mode. Using this fact, I reckon she's already avoiding someone who has interest in her. It may even be me. LOL

Easier to say this than to be the one who does it, I know, but you can try and start something and see what response you get. If she's a good person, I doubt she'd hold it against you. (You know her though, so this one needs you to decide how to handle it).

- Do I think I like her for being a godly woman more than she is? I may be infatuated with her and so think that she's nicer, and more loving to God and others than she actually is

Yeah, no question, of course you think she's nicer than she actually is. You're male, it's what we do This doesn't mean she isn't nice though

 

[cloudstrife007]

I understand you, I can be very analytical too; it can be a blessing and a curse. Some of my friends have to come to me for advice, and I've overly-analysed the situation from every possible angle, which has been really good for them, but then it comes to the girl I like, and I know I've probably got on my friends nerves by analysing everything to the death (not saying you're annoying anyone, you're not).

I've asked myself similar questions. I've like this one girl for a while. I know I've become involved with girls before, being besotted with them and then it falls apart because we rushed into a relationship and didn't really get to know each other first, so with this girl I made a commitment in my head to not go for it for a while and see how I felt after a while. I think it's good to hold off like you have for a bit, just to confirm things in your own mind, it;s for yours and her benefit that you do. Pray that if it is right, that something will happen and that you'll have the confidence to speak to her when the time is right.

Thanks for the reply Dave
I think I've narrowed down my issue. I definitely think she's a God fearing, loving Christian woman and I'm attracted to her personality and how much she loves Jesus.
But I'm reluctant to proceed because:
- I probably fear failure (I need to man up with this one)
- I don't know how she views me (as above, man up and take the lead)
- if she doesn't reciprocate the feelings, there is the potential awkwardness it may bring on the ministries we are both be involved with. I literally see her 3 times a week. Sunday service, Tuesday leader's meetings, Thursday small groups. This one is really out of my control and until I can confidently know that we won't become too awkward about it, I don't think I'll proceed. Need to be patient and trust God.

 

[Mr Dave]

I'm gonna PM you cloud, to leave space here for other people to respond