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Intense Despair

Discussion in 'Prayer Wall' started by TenthAveN, Nov 28, 2020.

  1. TenthAveN

    TenthAveN Active Member

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    I just read about the death of Judas, and I can’t help but feel that I’m just like him, unable to Trevor repent of my sins and only sorrow over their consequences. Every time I think about repenting of my sins I am met with a tightness in my chest that screams NO! I feel so trapped right now, and no matter how many times I’ve asked for true repentance and godly sorrow, I’ve never received it. I feel so angry at myself (to the point that I could deck myself in the face), and hopeless, and I just don’t think God hears me anymore because my words are empty and hollow. Many people tell me that I actually do love God, and I am truly repentant, and I find it infuriating. Prayers and advice are welcome.
     
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  2. honey badger

    honey badger i am

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    repentance is granted not earned ...
     
  3. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Honest dear struggler it is about having faith in His love and eating grace. This divides the sheep from the goats, you just love God and neighbour and let your renegade self feast him/herself into oblivion.

    The truth is we have an old us, who seeks after the flesh, and we have a S(s)piritual self in which we love God and neighbour. Both sheep and goats in one person. Best be well aware of that.

    Learning to love Jesus more than ourselves takes awhile of being a most miserable sinner in most peoples lives, before they realise they need saving and their prayers turn real and urgent. Desolations are decreed for those who take this path though. For sinning with uncaring hearts hurts Jesus heaps and causes much darkness to enter us, darkness which doesn't just want to leave any more.

    Eat grace! AS much as you can. Taking in grace brings love for God alive in us. Love for God has no desire to keep on sinning. So that is what you need to stop.

    Please ponder on the cross and our Lord's agony for a bit, it was so bad for Jesus so people like you (and me in the past,) testing the Lord to the limit being selfish and uncaring about the cause of His agony. How shameful is such mentality? i know i ate humble pie for years because i took such horrible forces into my heart being selfish and uncaring. So glad Jesus set me free in the end i never want them as rulers of my life again. Jesus is so very much better. Honestly true!

    Ephesians 5:8 "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light."
     
  4. Cormack

    Cormack “I bet you're a real hulk on the internet...”

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    In terms of advice, I’d write that sometimes our desire to live a more holy life is overpowered by our immediate life circumstances. We can’t just will away some terrible habitual sins that pervade our lives, instead we need to change our life circumstances that lead into sin. That’s more daunting though, it might require changing our partner, changing jobs, leaving bad influencers behind, distancing ourselves from the people or stressful situations that lead into repeated sin.

    Although, if we’re just attached to our sins, and there’s that voice shouting “no!” to the idea of repenting, I’d write something a little different from most and say to start ignoring the severity of the sin. I’m not meaning to say excuse it, don’t excuse it or remove it or ask God for healing endlessly, asking to the point that you feel like your prayers are insincere.

    I’m saying don’t be a “sin gong.” That’s the best phrase I can think of at the moment.

    Don’t get caught up in your head fixating upon some awful sin that’s a feature of your present life, instead, so long as you can serve others and change your life without the sin issue harming those around you, then change that life.

    Fight evil with good.
     
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  5. God is good

    God is good Well-Known Member

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    Just please remember that we can't rely on our feelings. We have to trust in God's Word. You are loved very much by God
     
  6. TenthAveN

    TenthAveN Active Member

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    I’ve asked God for godly sorrow and true repentance for what has to be over a year. Unfortunately, I gave in to the deceitfulness of sin for a while, indulging myself until I was awakened to the reality that we are near to the end. Before that spell of sin, I was struggling with mental illness and cowardice. Eventually i started getting these strange feelings that I didn’t even want Jesus anymore, which was startling and was driving me insane. Maybe I got burnt out, maybe I thought that I just couldn’t be forgiven, but I fell into sin nonetheless. And now it just seems like I’m half-heartedly seeking God just so I can avoid the consequences of what I’ve done.
     
  7. musicalpilgrim

    musicalpilgrim pilgrim on the sacred music pathway Angels Team Supporter

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    Jesus took the penalty and died to set you free. This verse is true, it is a fact.
    John 3:16
    For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that all who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life.
     
  8. honey badger

    honey badger i am

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    give it no thought ... to have faith in God is to believe He has you right where He wants you, understanding we are being raised up to see as He sees ... a serpent being a necessary evil in our path, hence Jesus chose Judas ....
     
  9. Richard T

    Richard T Well-Known Member

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    I will be straight with you, the Judas comparison is way over the top. Luke 22:3 Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. Judas not only was greedy but Satan entered his heart. Now I suppose that could happen today, but it has not happened to you because here you are asking for help. Judas did not go to the other disciples for deliverance or prayer. No he went on to the task of betrayal.

    If you think I am a novice on this, I too once thought I would not be granted repentance. It is very disturbing and in looking back it was a case in my misunderstanding the blood and forgiveness power of God. Anyway, in the interim when I thought I was forever estranged from God, I decided to just follow him anyway. I was not going to go to Satan. Even if I were to go to hell, I would not willingly try to sin or go to the side of darkness as long as I was breathing. So as i kept in the word, and going to church, it was not too long that I got faith restored and found peace in place of condemnation. I do not wish that on anyone but whatever place you are at, don't give up. Just move toward God and His word the best you can. Get some help too. At some point your going to gain some understanding and knowledge and trade the condemnation for peace. God bless you brother, you are flying without instruments but the Holy Spirit can still be your guide and helper, even if you do not see or feel it for some time.
     
  10. Anthony2019

    Anthony2019 Pax et bonum! CF Ambassadors Supporter

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    We love God because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).
    We do not gain God's love by getting everything right and being perfect. His love is already there. It is when we receive that love, that we allow our hearts to respond to it. And the more we let his love grow in our hearts, the more we change.
    It is a love without measure, so undeserved, but yet so freely and generously given.
    Take the analogy of a magnet. A magnet draws and attracts, it clings and embraces.
    And it is similar with the love of Christ. Jesus loves you and is drawn to you because you are made in God's image. He longs for you to cling to him so he can embrace and enfold you in his love and care.
    As our Lord already has all of your hairs numbered, do you not think he is able to understand and feel for you in your situation. He is the Lord of love and He loves you perfectly. He understands. He cares. And He wants you to trust Him that he can help you.
     
  11. Cormack

    Cormack “I bet you're a real hulk on the internet...”

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    It’s a massive reason for hurt in the community, mate. Check out the huge numbers of people who are struggling with sin related OCD on this very site, writing every few months about how they’ve committed the unforgivable sin etc. It’s a form of spiritual abuse, spiritual self harm. Resist those feelings.

    Sin and the consequences of sin are grave, of course, but don’t let that fear accuse and condemn you for an entire life, it’s a trap to destroy the good that’s in your power to do. Remember the good, plan good for others and be a blessing to them.

    The devil is an accuser, not Jesus. So don’t let accusatory thoughts cloud your mind and prevent you acting out in a righteous way. Find Gods gifting for your life and grow in the Spirit, we were put here to support that search too. :thumbsup:
     
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  12. Cormack

    Cormack “I bet you're a real hulk on the internet...”

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    I also agree with @Richard T about the Judas comment, don’t slip into those thoughts mate. They’re untruths made to ruin you. We’re not devils or like Judas, that’s a bigger title than we petty criminals deserve. :tearsofjoy:
     
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  13. Someone12

    Someone12 New Member

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    Hi,

    I have read some of your postings.

    You have a gift with technology and you are learning
    the Information technology. It seems you are worried
    about some things but the Bible does instruct us
    that we need not worry.

    It seems you are worried about evangelism but you should
    not be worried about tomorrow or what you might say for
    God will provide for you.

    You also do not need to be afraid, because perfect love
    casts out all fear and rather we should fear the one who
    has the power to throw us into hell (Luke 12.5)

    Judas was a traitor but we can learn from his example of
    what not to do and instead look to examples of godly men
    and woman in the Bible who had faith in God.

    Genesis 4.7 God asks Cain why he is downcast and angry and
    if he did what is right he would be accepted.

    If you want to be accepted you need to be faithful and
    follow the commandments God has given to you faithfully
    and love the Lord and your neighbor.

    The dichotomy between grace and works can be a stumbling block.
    People can be bruised many times falling and stumbling because
    they are confused by grace and works.

    However God is merciful and a bruised reed God will not break
    (Isaiah 42.3)

    I have suffered a lot in my life because I did not understand grace
    and works. If you want to think of it like your technology, you can
    think of it as you can write many commands to a console or program
    but if some command is mispelled the entire program will refuse to
    run.

    This is why we need to be diligent in the faith and observe the details
    as well. A key missing component is faith.

    There were some men who lowered a paralyzed man through a roof, and
    another woman who just wanted to touch Jesus's cloak, also the centurion
    who believed his servant would be healed on the command. What these
    people all had and Judas did not was faith.

    How can we prevent from going down this path?

    1. It is important to confess and repent from sins, Judas was stealing the

    money and he did not confess to his theivery.

    2. We need to have faith, Judas did not have faith

    3. We need a personal relationship with Jesus, out of all the 12 Judas was
    the most distant and strayed from the shepherd.

    I hope you are able to find God
     
  14. Cormack

    Cormack “I bet you're a real hulk on the internet...”

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    Cheers for that insight, @Someone12.

    An emphasis on evangelism (especially when evangelising isn’t our calling) can be destructive to the soul too.

    Christians shouldn’t believe the lie that absolutely every Christian is supposed to be converting the nations or preaching revival to their coworkers.

    If anyone finds evangelistic duties extremely difficult, hurtful or straining on their current relationships, it’s not a case that you need to man up and resist the wicked world further, it’s just that you haven’t mastered the craft yet.

    Step away and let your life shake out some more, give yourself time to mature and find Gods use for you.

    Making evangelists indiscriminately is something wannabe mega preachers use to make merchandise of people, don’t be anybody’s foot soldier and don’t force yourself to do something you aren’t proficient in.

    I remember once seeking employment in a particular church, after luring me in with the promise of an interview, I was treated to a long tea and coffee sales pitch about the importance of sacrifice, an opportunity to “work” and receive one room housing from the church, at a “small fee” of course. A “love donation” some people say.

    I’d sacrifice my time, money and evangelistic energy in recruiting for these people, and they’d give me some dinner and a room (a room I’d pay for.)

    Imagine my surprise, not only was I brought in to interview for a proper paying job, but I already lived within walking distance from the church. :fearscream:

    With my living arrangements already comfortably paid for (a fact they already knew,) there I was, being offered this strange deal to “sacrifice for the Lord,” downsize my home and pay these people money in order to move into this small room nearby.

    You could cut the shame and embarrassment in the room with a knife, still they asked on the off chance that I’d say yes and begin paying them for this dinky room.

    You know what my answer was? If this is all about sacrifice, why don’t you lot sacrifice a wage. :tearsofjoy: Isn’t the labourer worthy of his hire?

    On a personal note, I love evangelism. Don’t let the story fool you. There’s nothing more exciting and life affirming than being able to share Jesus and His power with people, if that’s a lifestyle anybody reading loves then go for it!

    Do it well and you’ll make friends, soften hearts and have an amazing life.

    But don’t force yourself if trying to “work the works of an evangelist” is harming your life or spiritual wellbeing. Sometimes we love the idea of converting the heathen more than the reality, if the reality isn’t working out so well, it’s okay to take a step back for awhile.

    We’re not all called to preach and to teach, the claim that every Christian ought to be doing so is not true, and trying to be an evangelist when our mental and spiritual health aren’t in order will lead to hurt and disaster.

    Anyway, I’ll be praying for your quick recovery, be strong my friend and don’t let our shortcomings get you down. You got us all praying for your protection.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2020
  15. UnpopularOpinion

    UnpopularOpinion Member

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    cuz you don't understand what repentance means , it does not mean stopping sinning.
    if it meant to stop sinning then God would be sinner

    14 And the Lord repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people.


    Judas hang himself instead of seeking forgivness tried to pay with his own death this didn't work.
     
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