Insurance problems

[brokenman]

So now that my wife has left, she wants me to be removed from her insurance because she is only working part time and needs money. But unless we get divorced or there is some other change in the status, I can't be removed. So my wife expects me to pay half, $200 a month to be exact.

The thing is I haven't asked for a dime from her even though she said she would pay for some of the rent from the apartment since I can't break the lease, I pay car insurance for both of our cars, I have paid some stuff she put on the credit card since after leaving, I am paying off her laptop, and she took out some money after we separated for personal use which she said she would pay back.

She sure as heck doesn't want me helping her out with anything else (one time she said she didn't have enough money to go to the doctor and I offered to pay for that, but she refused it), she has said more then once there is no 'us,' and she wants me to treat her like an adult.

It wouldn't be a big deal if I made more money (its well over half I make a month with all the other bills) but I know she hasn't saved any money since moving out including half of our savings (over $1000 which was gone, according to her, after a month of being separated). She has bought all sorts of stuff, which is fine, but she complains about never having money.

So I wanted to just say, "Let's call it even." Since I am paying for all the bills and she has put herself in this position. Thanks.

 

[madison1101]

Why is she not working full time? If she moved out she needs to pay her own way. See a lawyer and get legal advice.

 

[brokenman]

She isn't working full time because she can't find a full time job. So are you saying don't pay the insurance?

It just doesn't seem right that in order for there to be peace, I have to give in and pay. We aren't to be walked over.

 

[Gimpy]

So now that my wife has left, she wants me to be removed from her insurance because she is only working part time and needs money. But unless we get divorced or there is some other change in the status, I can't be removed. So my wife expects me to pay half, $200 a month to be exact.

The thing is I haven't asked for a dime from her even though she said she would pay for some of the rent from the apartment since I can't break the lease, I pay car insurance for both of our cars, I have paid some stuff she put on the credit card since after leaving, I am paying off her laptop, and she took out some money after we separated for personal use which she said she would pay back.

She sure as heck doesn't want me helping her out with anything else (one time she said she didn't have enough money to go to the doctor and I offered to pay for that, but she refused it), she has said more then once there is no 'us,' and she wants me to treat her like an adult.

It wouldn't be a big deal if I made more money (its well over half I make a month with all the other bills) but I know she hasn't saved any money since moving out including half of our savings (over $1000 which was gone, according to her, after a month of being separated). She has bought all sorts of stuff, which is fine, but she complains about never having money.

So I wanted to just say, "Let's call it even." Since I am paying for all the bills and she has put herself in this position. Thanks.

What type of insurance is it she wants you to half of? Why did she leave? If she wants a clean break, and There is no "us" why is she still using the credit and savings? From the way I am reading this, I say, Tell her to find her own way. She owes you money? Tell her to pay the insurance til its paid off.

 

[brokenman]

What type of insurance is it she wants you to half of? Why did she leave? If she wants a clean break, and There is no "us" why is she still using the credit and savings? From the way I am reading this, I say, Tell her to find her own way. She owes you money? Tell her to pay the insurance til its paid off.

It's health insurance. Not 100% sure on why she left, search my old posts, there is one with my complete story, its a long one. She does owe money and I have never wanted or intended to hold it over her head but it seems as though I am going to have to. I can just see the crap hitting the fan from all this, but I have to step up on something right?

 

[Gimpy]

It's health insurance. Not 100% sure on why she left, search my old posts, there is one with my complete story, its a long one. She does owe money and I have never wanted or intended to hold it over her head but it seems as though I am going to have to. I can just see the crap hitting the fan from all this, but I have to step up on something right?

Yes but be merciful about it. Pray for guidance on how to approach the situation. I would however move all my savings to another account that she does not have access to and cancel any credit cards that are in your name she uses. She will want to take vengence on you monetarily.
God Bless you and Guide you

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I agree with Gimpy, set up your own acounts and cancel anything that is going to run you more debt. You should not be paying her bills after she left you period. She is even asking you to treat her like an adult so do just what she's asking for. Take your name off any bills, send a letter to the places she owes stating that she has moved and you are no longer together and send a copy to her. Then tell her you are more than willing to pay the $200/month after her debt to you is repaid, and until then you will deduct the $200/month off her debt. Let her know that this is what she wanted so you are just separating the "us" that is no more. Be respectful and show her proof of any debt or bills you had transferred. My daughter's father and I had a joint account for my daughter and he ended up spending a lot of money that was for our newborn baby. It was bad and I suffered from it. Please protect yourself financially and do what is best for you.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I agree with Gimpy, set up your own acounts and cancel anything that is going to run you more debt. You should not be paying her bills after she left you period. She is even asking you to treat her like an adult so do just what she's asking for. Take your name off any bills, send a letter to the places she owes stating that she has moved and you are no longer together and send a copy to her. Then tell her you are more than willing to pay the $200/month after her debt to you is repaid, and until then you will deduct the $200/month off her debt. Let her know that this is what she wanted so you are just separating the "us" that is no more. Be respectful and show her proof of any debt or bills you had transferred. My daughter's father and I had a joint account for my daughter and he ended up spending a lot of money that was for our newborn baby. It was bad and I suffered from it. Please protect yourself financially and do what is best for you.

Good advice as are the other posts.
Personally I'd just cut her off. Let her lose the things you've been paying for or take on the responsibility herself. Cancel or modify anything that is joint and either pay her for the insurance or get your own. She'll still be stuck paying the bill or she'll have to work something else out.
I'm not saying be spiteful or vengeful but she's working you dude. No need to put up with it to be nice. You can still be Christ like yet be firm. Christ wasn't a wuss.

 

[brokenman]

So does anyone have any ideas on how to approach this without opening a hornet's nest?

Because I don't want to destroy what fragile relationship there is. I have this gut feeling that this could end up being bad.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I don't fully know your situation.
I do know you can (most of the
time) remain civil in these situations.
She's having an affair. Do you honestly
think your relationship could be restored
or at this point you'd want it to be?
You wouldn't wind up paying her anything
alimony wise. I don't know what assets you
and she have but those should be pretty easy
to divide unless you have investments and
properties together. No children right?
I might sound harsh... Cut your losses.
Don't worry about the hornets nest - it
can't hurt you. You've done everything you
can do. Yes you have responsibility for
the situation. You didn't twist her arm and
force her to have an affair. No matter how
much you want to take the blame. I can
only say that because I know. I know.
The Lord doesn't want to beat you up. It's
us humans that do it to one another. You
can either lay there getting kicked and spit on
(metaphorically) or you can dust yourself off
stand for and with Christ and forge ahead.

 

[madison1101]

So does anyone have any ideas on how to approach this without opening a hornet's nest?

Because I don't want to destroy what fragile relationship there is. I have this gut feeling that this could end up being bad.

There very well could be a hornets' nest. That is part and parcel with divorce. I suggest you pray and ask the Lord for her to be calm and receptive and for you to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.

If there is a divorce in your future, cut off all the financial and legal ties now. Get your own insurance and get her off your credit cards. You don't have to tell her face to face, just send her an e-mail. Don't take her calls, let them go to voicemail. If she is upset, she will tell your voicemail. Call her back, if you choose, at a later date, when she is probably calmer.

God bless.

 

[brokenman]

So I talked to my marriage counselor and he thought the best idea was that I pay because the other option will make things worse for a marriage I want to still work out. But he said that doesn't necessarily mean that its the right answer. I should pray to God for a clear answer on this issue. We pray everytime we close our time together and I prayed for this.

When I got home I checked my email as I always do. It said my new credit card statement had been created online. So I checked it out and there was a charge on it that I didn't do.

So I called my wife to see if she bought something (it was done last week). I asked her if she was going to tell me or not. Then the conversation just went to the insurance issues and all the stuff owed. Then somehow got to figuring out what the crap happened to us and then to divorce. And I asked her if she doesn't want this marriage to work how come I don't have divorce papers to which she answered she hasn't had time. There was other stuff said, but that was the most influential thing.

Hornet nest shaken, I wasn't ready for all the stings.

 

[Gimpy]

Oh yes, if you want your relationship to continue and even in hopes of getting back together, I believe you should be as accomodating as possible without telling her in a way that she can do to you what ever she wishes.
I hope you two are back together in a very little amount of time.

 

[brokenman]

Oh yes, if you want your relationship to continue and even in hopes of getting back together, I believe you should be as accomodating as possible without telling her in a way that she can do to you what ever she wishes.
I hope you two are back together in a very little amount of time.

Well thanks for the advice but the damage is done as said in the previous post.