Innappropriate behavior in a 6 and 7 year old?

[IisJustMe]

Do you work specifically with children? Just being curious, lol... wondering what your experience is in this area

I work with addicts. I've heard and seen it all. No, normally I don't work with children. But part of my studies, by necessity, have been child and adolescent behavior and early childhood development.

 

[IisJustMe]

Really? At any age? Because you know that's a normal, healthy, beautiful part of marriage, right?

Child-on-child sexual abuse is defined as sexual activity that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. These children are the same age, which makes them equals, and there is nothing to indicate that either of them were forced or coerced into the situation.

Please take no offense, but that is incorrect. There is no age difference defined for child-on-child sexual abuse, though usually the abuser is older. He/she doesn't have to be, however. Many children suffering sexual abuse at home reach out to enact the same kind of abuse on another child, younger, the same age or, in rare cases, older. Nor does there have to be "coercion" as one child may simply be too innocent to realize this is not normal, or so compliant with the directions of another child so as not to protest. That is why this is such a concern. A seven-year-old, as I said in my initial post, does not normally have enough information to undress another child, get her to lie on the bed, and be caught in the act of preparing to get naked himself.

There is an excellent white paper by the Florida Department of Children and Families regarding child-on-child sexual abuse. It describes sexual contact such as the OP describes, and it contains this caveat:

Child-on-child sexual abuse involves children with sexual behavior problems and child victims. Children who engage in this type of abuse, as well as their victims, are diverse and not easily classified into typologies. Child-on-child sexual abuse may involve children of similar or divergent ages; may involve aggression, coercion or force; may involve harm or potential for harm; may occur frequently or infrequently; and may include minor or advanced sexual behaviors. As such, standard definitions of child-on-child sexual abuse are difficult to delineate and are variously used throughout the research literature resulting in differences in methodology and findings.
​

I would suggest the OP and others particularly read pages 11-18 of this white paper. It will open some eyes.

This incident described in the OP is child-on-child sexual abuse, and it needs to be addressed professionally. I backed off on that in one of my other posts, but the more I think about it, the more I think it has to be addressed this way. All four children need to be questioned about what may or may not have happened among them at other times, as this is indicative of ongoing abuse from a source within these familial groups and the immediate acquaintances, as that source is likely an adult or mid- to older teen.

 

[BFine]

I really appreciate all the replies. It gives food for thought. As to the kids being unsupervised, the parents were in the next room, but they (IMO) are not as careful as they should be when watching their children. I have a 6 year old and always make sure doors stay open, etc.

To be honest I am more conflicted than ever as to what to do about this. I really wish my sis would call the pediatrician....

*Pray about the matter-- speak with your minister about it--omit names etc...
just explain what occurred and ask him to pray/give advice. If you still feel lead to do more--
Then you should go talk to a pediatrician about the situation...
ask for information/material on child on child sex abuse or sexual behavior
in Children (what's normal and what's not) -- get enough reading material
for all the parents of the children involved in the incident --locate the parents-
share what you told us/explain your concerns.

 

[parsley]

Use the incident to start setting some standards, and initiating conversations. Use your past experience to suggest that people apply a higher level of decency and caution. It's a good excuse to talk about how it hits you, and to encourage parents to think through how they will handle it in the future.

Panicked or stern responses would probably drive it further into hiding, but open conversations seem necessary. The boys need to be told to respect other people's bodies and privacy.

There is a massive difference between what is average behavior, and what is unharmful behavior. Being common does not make something beneficial. Even a clinical report on tendencies at age levels does not set a safe standard for living. My goodness, when I was twelve, it was "normal" for boys at school to solicit sex from strange girls passing in the hall. When these boys grow up and become adults, they add to the "normal" statistics on crimes.

The medical chart was useful, so I do appreciate the post. But there is so much going on in the world, the odds are not in her favor for a safe and healthy childhood and teen years.

"Almost half of women aged 15-49 years in developing countries think that a husband is justified in hitting/beating his wife under certain circumstances"

Source: UNICEF global databases, 2011. Based on DHS, MICS and other national surveys, 2002-2010.

UNICEF


Percentage of women aged 15-49 who have endured genital mutilation/cutting; data for the 29 countries known to practice FGM/C widely

(Egypt 91%, Somalia 98%)

Percentage of women aged 20-24 who were first married/in union before the age of 18http://www.childinfo.org/tables/marriage_sowc2011.xlsx
(Chad 72%, Niger 75%, Nepal 51%)


Some countries are still in the 20% range for AIDS/HIV.
WHO | Global Health Observatory Data Repository


And then there is rape, abductions, human trafficking, inappropriate content...


Kids are on the internet much younger than they used to be. Some risky sites have been set up to fly past the parental settings.

 

[contango]

Panicked or stern responses would probably drive it further into hiding, but open conversations seem necessary. The boys need to be told to respect other people's bodies and privacy.

I'd be wary of assuming it was the boys who initiated whatever it was that happened. What if it was the girl who initiated it and the boy was an innocent victim?

 

[BFine]

All we have to go on is what the OP revealed, which is this:

"Both children have been questioned by their respective parents and the only information that they have given is that the boy removed my niece's clothes because he was, "curious".

 

[brinny]

I have a 6 year old niece that was visiting friends with her parents and 8 year old brother. The friends have two boys, ages 7 and 9. The 8 and 9 year olds took off playing and the 7 year old boy and my niece were playing in the 7 year old boy's room when the parents noticed that things had become strangely quiet. They went to see what the kids were doing, and the door to the 7 year old's room was barricaded from the inside. When they finally pushed the door open they found my niece completely naked lying on the 7 year old's bed and he had his shirt off.

Needless to say the parents were in complete shock and separated the two and got my niece dressed. Both children have been questioned by their respective parents and the only information that they have given is that the boy removed my niece's clothes because he was, "curious".

I am very concerned about both my niece and the boy involved. I was sexually abused as a kid, so I am really sensitive to stuff like this. I have told my sister that she should contact my niece's pediatrician and ask if this behavior is "normal" or if the pediatrician suspects that there is something that needs to be looked into. My sister keeps brushing it off as, "kids will be kids" and hasn't taken any action about it.

I keep thinking this boy barricaded the door, so he obviously knew he was doing something wrong and I wonder if he is being sexually abused by someone else thus his actions....

What is your take on this? Innocent, curious children or something amiss?

it's the barricaded door and the little girl, lying naked on the bed, that would send red flags (especially the barricaded door).

Your instinct (your gut) is on target. Follow it.