Initiating a friendship by email (?)

[Living4Him03]

GeorgiaGuy might have some truth in what he's said...INTJs with INTJs (which is probably what most girls in your classes are)? INFJ is the best type for ya'll. Anyway, courting is a tedious thing for INTJs, so don't rush yourself. Just be you and try to get in a conversation when you can. Are there other events on campus you could attend? I'm a social work major and our school has a lot of events that the campus can participate in. Maybe you could attend one of those events and begin asking questions about what's going on? INFJs will likely be more willing to open up and get to know you. Just my two cents for an INTJ

 

[Bks Finest]

well i have done it in the past because im a shy person i find it easier
to start a friendship like that

 

[jay_swift]

I have the same problem at my college. My SCHOOL is male dominated (engineering university) and the only real place to meet women is on campus. Now I have never had problems meeting women before. I don't know if the women think that they have the advantage since there aren't very many of them, or if that's just my mindset so I'm intimidated. I thought I'd add this info to the discussion.

 

[dailybread1978]

its a good start. If you cant find to take an opportunity to talk to them personally. A short message will do. But do you consider emailing to someone across the miles???

 

[white dove]

As for shyness being cute, heh, perhaps you are right. However, I am more worried about that coming off as geekish infatuation rather than simple timidity!

um..don't worry 'bout that, Apollonian...truthfully, a girl (like me) WOULD get creeped out (or think a guy's being geekily-infatuated ~nice usage of language there~) if he (this stanger..this guy whom I've never seen before, never talked to, etc) somehow found my email address and started emailing me out-of-the-blue~like, who does that??

Does anyone have any ideas for ways to quickly introduce yourself and open the possibility for future short dialogues. In one case in particular, the person just seems to be reserved most of the time and I am tentative even to wave and say hello casually as a friendly gesture.

again, I refer to my initial post...(and this is s/t that Living4him kinda mentions here too), if you guys have some kinda meeting or college happenings (esp. when it concerns aerospace stuff ~however 'boring' it may be)..this would be an absolutely PERFECT opportunity to meet up w/ your 'reserved' lady w/o making it seem obvious that you're interested in her...it makes it almost a 'chance happening'. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll just have to throw a wad of age-old college-rule at her and say 'oooh! that wasn't meant for you..it was meant for the geek {i.e. your friend } behind you!!'
I'm sorry, I'm just bein' silly...but really..if there is that one lady you'd like to get to know better, just don't pressure yourself into worrying about what to say to her..she's a human just as you are..she's probably thinking 'where will I go for lunch today?' and you can interrupt her thought process by saying 'hey, do you know where (such and such) a place is...I wanted to go there for some (blah blah)...and....' does this help, apollonian?? *really really hoping this time*

 

[fishstix]

I'd stay away from "aerospace" girls. It sounds like they're trying to act like a man, and they'll likely be a dominating type of woman.

That sounds rather sexist. Are you implying that women should not go into engineering? Or that women who do go into engineering have something wrong with them?

 

[fishstix]

BTW - Apollonian and others - don't let yourselves be limited by a label like INTJ or whatever. You *can* do things that aren't what everyone would expect that type to do. You don't have to limit yourself to the things that your personality type is described as being limited to. It's perfectly fine and often beneficial to push yourself beyond your comfort zone sometimes. That helps you to stretch and grow as a person. Just because small talk isn't your thing doesn't mean that you are completely incapable of doing it. You just might need more practice than some other people do. But you can do it if you set your mind to it. Don't be afraid to venture outside of your label's description.

 

[Apollonian]

I'd stay away from "aerospace" girls. It sounds like they're trying to act like a man, and they'll likely be a dominating type of woman.

This is a sexist comment. As an aerospace engineer myself, it is simply untrue. Most of the girls in my class do NOT seem like they are acting like men at all and the others I have not met yet. I encourage women to get involved in engineering, as they can offer many perspectives that men cannot. They also need not be the dominating type of woman. I have encountered FAR more dominating women in the fields of psychology than in engineering. (ie - the ones who are INFJ's/ENFJ's, know they are INFJ/ENFJ, and embrace the assertiveness ). Frankly, I think that the assertiveness that these women had to have to get into engineering is a good thing and has nothing whatsoever to do with gender-dominance.

BTW - Apollonian and others - don't let yourselves be limited by a label like INTJ or whatever.

Indeed! I am not really even an INTJ but rather technically an INTx. I know myself far more precisely than any of the typology available.

White Dove - the idea about the college rule paper was not so much of a joke. There was one point where I seriously considered something similar - only instead of an unsophisticated "wad" I would be using my perfected paper aeroplane (took me five design phases to create). Except at that particular time, I got sidetracked reading a text book and didn't finish said aeroplane before she left the lab. I also wonder whether it would really be annoying rather than a good ice breaker.

As for meetings, there are the AIAA society meetings but I don't know if she attends (they also tend to conflict with my schedule). Other than that, most of my extracurriculars are tied up in research or youth-group. I will need to catch her somehow to be able to invite her to lunch. And even if I initiate, it is the inviting that I seem to balk at - since we usually have routines built in which I follow mechanically.

Would someone like to give me the straightforward "wack upside the head" list of things that I am probably not doing but should just kick myself to do? Girls, what do you wish guys would do/say but often don't because of social constraints/fears? (For the sake of my pride , please realize that I am not being pathetic here but rather analytical. Personally, my trouble comes only half from fear and half from a general sense of wellbeing since I have an awesome youth group where I get plenty of wholesome social interaction)

-Apollonian
INTx (INTJ dominant)

 

[fishstix]

Would someone like to give me the straightforward "wack upside the head" list of things that I am probably not doing but should just kick myself to do?

Certainly. Here is the list:

Say Hello

 

[white dove]

Apollonian, you're such a doll, man!! Um, okay, here's 'list' for ya:

What I'd like for guys who like me to do (or what I don't want them doin'):
1. NOT act like they DON'T like me, nor make it seem that they have absolutely NO interest in me whatsoever (I know some guys are shy (this is okay),but when their insecurities take over, it usually leaves me out in the cold). *shivers* Be bold..not overbearing nor stalkishly weird but confident and super-sweet..ya got the super-sweet thing goin' for ya already..also, it wouldn't hurt to add a little humor *giggle*
2. Talk to me like a human being/a lady, even; like they want to befriend me, get to know me as a person and not just date me but care to find out more about me..some hoo ha you can try after saying "Hello" : "So...what do you like to do when you're not bored to death in astrophysics class {or whatever kinda smarty classes you guys take } ?"
"Hey, I got some tickets for {yadeee yadeee}..ever hear of 'em? They're pretty good..wanna come with me and some friends?" Or..."Me and some friends are having a barbeque (or pig roast~whatever suits your fancy)...wanna come over?"~p.s. inviting some friends not only makes for some good accountability along the way but it also makes your get-togethers more casual and not so "this is a date..oh yes, this IS a date!! "
or you know what, apollonian..if you pray about it, if you feel very strongly about talking to this girl and if, after you've prayed about it and after God's given you the thumbs up, if you're confident that this is His will and that she feels the same way ('cause if God gives it the thumbs up....well..you know ) then I'd say just tell her this (if it's what you're feelin') "You know what...I've noticed you for awhile...you seem unlike any other girl I've ever met...and I'd really like to get to know you better. I mean, I would completely regret it if I'd never even asked you this and miss the opportunity of talking to such an amazing girl." and then proceed to initiate communication (via email or phone or whatever you want)..again, if ya want..'cause that's kinda what I'd like to hear from a decent/fun/awesome/nice/well-rounded/God-fearing guy
but I mean yeah..you asked what us girls would like to hear if only social constraints were not a problem...and that's pretty much it..just tell her, man!!! you don't even know how us girls value honesty in a man!! and if you sweat while you tell her, so what? if you jumble your words, who cares?? it just means you're nervous 'cause you like her..and that isn't really a bad thing. If you're afraid she might reject you (not stinkin' likely but okay...), then look at it this way..you're close to graduating and you may never see this girl again (another reason to just tell her..you never know when you'll see her again). It's the carpe diem thing. But, first ask God about it, pray, seek His word on it and then go with God (to sound hokey). I'll pray for you, Apollonian..here now......

go git' her!!!!

 

[Lbiagm]

get her and dont be shy.

 

[Greenriser]

It's good but will it pay off in the long term. Ask some questions like "How far are the couples apart?" - someone in your home state might feel more or less comfortable talking to you. "What are your cultures?" - some people have cultures that are different to other people, so how can you overcome that. "what is your attitude when you first meet the person?" - you might change your attitude around women, once you meet them, which could be an advantage in the short term, but how about the long term. so it's important that if you want to be the ice breaker, you must continue that tradition of breaking the ice .

 

[Lbiagm]

good point greenriser.

 

[Periann]

I think go for it, look for the girls email address, and email her. Pick someone who think is nice enough to respond back to you. Once, some guy emailed me like that, at first I thought it was a bit strange, but after a few emails I was actually looking forward to checking my inbox.

You won't know until you try. And you don't want to be completely bored until the next school year starts.

 

[Lbiagm]

i agree periann.

 

[Apollonian]

You won't know until you try. And you don't want to be completely bored until the next school year starts.

*laugh* Well, don't worry about me being bored. I have plenty of work to do over the summer. Though it may be lonely at times, it will be lessened by my youth group at school. My motivation does not stem from my own entertainment but rather from the longing to lift other people up. However, sometimes I wonder if this is my problem. Ironically, my altruism lessens my motivation. If I am content with my life, I am less eager to reach out to new people. Still, I feel compelled to do so by the calling of the Word.

Call me crazy or call me gallant, but when I hear that a pretty girl is having a rough semester I get to wishing I had some way to help change that. Alas for missed opportunities.

-Apollonian
20/m INTj

 

[Lbiagm]

good point appollo.