I've been married for just over a year. I just found out that my husband has beem emailing & texting a girl, which he invited to our home 2 weeks again when I was out of town. He's kissed her and hugged her an held hands, but no intercourse. I'm really torn on what to do. I'm not sure if I should leave him.
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infidelity
- Thread starter katykiss
- Start date
Wow I am so sorry. This is the down fall of the intranet, putting temptation right in your own home.
I know you are torn up about this. Is he a Christian? Open for some counseling? Heck, write Dr. Phil he is very anti-cheating and gets right at the core of why? and how to rebuild trust.
If not, then I might consider leaving before children are brought into a "cheating" marraige. That secret lifestyle and undertone of resentment will be picked up on by a child. And it is not fair to them.
I know you are torn up about this. Is he a Christian? Open for some counseling? Heck, write Dr. Phil he is very anti-cheating and gets right at the core of why? and how to rebuild trust.
If not, then I might consider leaving before children are brought into a "cheating" marraige. That secret lifestyle and undertone of resentment will be picked up on by a child. And it is not fair to them.
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Rafael
Only time enough for love
Sorry to hear of this for you. A unfaithful spouse hurts bad. Infidelity is grounds for a divorce in scripture, but if he didn't commit adultry, I think I'd have to stay and trust God by being obedient to His Word. If we obey God, there is always a blessing for us.
I think I'd confront and tell him that he had hurt your feelings, and what's up with this flirting with other women and bringing them home business...
I think I'd confront and tell him that he had hurt your feelings, and what's up with this flirting with other women and bringing them home business...
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Please do not convinve yourself that you are over-reacting or making too much of this. This is a big deal. He did things with another woman that he had no business doing, and continues to have a relationship with her. You need to confront him.
His reaction will be quite informative. If he is embarassed, humiliated and repentent that is a good sign and there is room to work to improve and restore your marriage.
Remember, nothing you did or said caused him to be inappropriate with another woman. This is not your fault.
Should he become angry with you, that is not at all encouraging. If he is angry with you, he does not feel this is his problem. The only problem, from his perspective, is that you found out. There's very little room to improve from that position. Of course, God can change His heart, if your husband is willing.
His reaction will be quite informative. If he is embarassed, humiliated and repentent that is a good sign and there is room to work to improve and restore your marriage.
Remember, nothing you did or said caused him to be inappropriate with another woman. This is not your fault.
Should he become angry with you, that is not at all encouraging. If he is angry with you, he does not feel this is his problem. The only problem, from his perspective, is that you found out. There's very little room to improve from that position. Of course, God can change His heart, if your husband is willing.
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I would honestly confront him. If he lies, I would definatly not be with him. If he admits it, I would sit down and have a serious talk about it. Its all up to you from here. I believe it doesnt take sexual intercourse to be considered cheating. Especially if your married. Because when you are just together as boyfriend/girlfriend, you have no God-seen bond. No commitment as deep as pledging your life to someone. The Bible doesnt specify what is or is not considered cheating aside from any type of sex (oral or intercourse), so its up to you to determine with God. Then, after much prayer and your feelings toward him, cheating, etc, i would make a decision of weather or not you really want to be with him. I believe in second chances, but I also don't believe someone is truly sorry if they are caught. If he were to fess up to you before you had to take a step to confront him, then I believe that is truly being sorry. But it is really up to you. Can you work it out? Forget about what he did? Move on? And let him prove himself again if he or you so choose? You and God need to determine that one.
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rainbowprism
Elevate My Soul
Desi, I certainly hope that you are being flippant in your response. Even if you are, I'd question your compassion to make a joke of this woman's significant and relevant crisis. May your problem become the butt of a joke someday....I think you'll find you don't like it.desi said:
All other posters, good advice and i'd say "ditto"
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E
EmSchmem
Guest
Does anyone even listen to Desi anymore?rainbowprism said:
i would confront him. It is up to you to remain in this marraige or not. If you remain you will both need some SERIOUS conseling both together and alone. You will also need good people within your church to talk to.
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Why does everyone think I'm joking about such things when I suggest avoiding the acute in favor of novel approaches.
The response to confronting him is painfully predictable...
If you confront him about it he will probably lie and continue things behind your back, if you befriend her he will be unable to lie about it anymore and she will become disinterested in him as she will get to know you on a personal level.
The response to confronting him is painfully predictable...
If you confront him about it he will probably lie and continue things behind your back, if you befriend her he will be unable to lie about it anymore and she will become disinterested in him as she will get to know you on a personal level.
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rainbowprism
Elevate My Soul
Your "novel approaches" make light of this woman's pain. True, confronting might only bring about lies....but they might now. I feel the OP already knows in her heart what she wants to do or will do, I just thinking she was looking for some compassion and support-which she completley deserves from us, we are afterall her sisters and brothers in Christ here.desi said:
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EmSchmem
Guest
Um... now is hardly the time to have an arguement over desi's 'motives'. someone is asking for our help.
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I am so sorry. I am sure that this has to be difficult. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
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I would argue your obvious approaches perpetuates this woman's pain. It is only by doing the unexpected that things can change.rainbowprism said:
She's in the advice forum, so give it if you've got it.rainbowprism said:
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