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LOL, you're not nutty
I feel the same. What He opened the eyes of my heart to see His sovereignty, I basked in the fact that nothing is a coincidence with Him. No more could I say, "Well, that was a weird coincidence!" I saw that my every day was written by Him, even the little things, perfectly timed.
He caused me to fear Him and stand in awe of Him in a way that I hadn't before when I believed in Free will and that I chose Him. More and more will click as He brings you into it in His way and He uses so many ways in which to show us His sovereignty.
I decided that I wanted to go to church when I was 25, and I encountered years of wishy-washy, liberal, "believe what you like - it's all good" types of believers. Eventually it drove me to atheism, something for which (ironically) I thank God. After 11 years of atheism, arguing with Christians on forums and generally being a non-believer, everything changed in a car journey from London to Bristol. I instantly believed.
I decided that I wanted to go to church when I was 25, and I encountered years of wishy-washy, liberal, "believe what you like - it's all good" types of believers. Eventually it drove me to atheism, something for which (ironically) I thank God. After 11 years of atheism, arguing with Christians on forums and generally being a non-believer, everything changed in a car journey from London to Bristol. I instantly believed.
I was so blown away by the experience that it emptied my mind of all considerations that I chose God. It was clear that God had chosen me.
I've pursued discussions along the lines of self-deception, wishful thinking, guilt-driven conversion and the like. I don't buy it. My studies led me to examine a theology where God acts on Man and guess where I ended up?
My final conversion was about 3 years ago. In that time, my atheist son and his atheist wife have both become Reformed Christians, and church is the only place where my 5 month old grandson Caleb will sit for an hour and a half without a murmur. Only God can do that...
So I try to thank god every day, rather than giving myself the credit for being good enough to choose Him. It makes more sense that way.
He had a conversion experience in the same week as me, but our experiences were unknown to each other until about 3 weeks later, when I finally got the courage to tell him. He breathed a sigh of relief because he didn't know how to break it to me.
I understand. I sometimes post over in Soteriology about this subject and even though I know and am convinced of what God has shown me, there is no way I can personally convince anyone. It has to be shown them by God Himself. I sometimes wonder if my posting over there is in vain or really glorifying the Lord.
We can know the Lord has shown us things and yet when we go to share with others, even if they are saved, they may not see it. It can be a lonely experience at times. Years ago, I was sitting alone with the Lord and was unloading to Him about my frustrations of not being able to find many with whom I could fellowship with about the things He's shown me (about intimacy with Him, Election, etc.) and a few minutes later, I went to pick up a devotional book and flipped directly open to a statement that I knew He intended me to read: (No coincidence!)
Here is what it said, "Only those who have attained the same understanding (from Him) will see it. Yours is a foreign language to them. Do not vainly and foolishly expect understanding. Do not misjudge them for not giving it."
When my eyes fell on that passage in the book, directly after speaking to the Lord about my frustrations, I knew since He arranges all things, that He intended me to see this. It's exasperating at times, but we can experience things in the Lord so deeply that it's known sometimes only between yourself and God or a very few others that He brings your way to understand and fellowship with. But, He cautions me all the time, that "knowledge can puff up". and the enemy can use the understanding God has given to look down on those who do not see something with Him yet.
Like Paul said, "if we correct someone, do so with humility and then ask that, if it be God's will, He will grant them repentance to see the truth." God's wisdom will always go against human logic or understanding.
I still need work in this area! I get very passionate and need the Lord to tell me to cool off. I have a long way to go....
