In the mood

[olafias]

Alright ladies, are any of you having trouble with husbands who aren't "in the mood?" Honestly, I never thought I'd say this about my husband, but since we found out we're pregnant, he doesn't want to get too intimate (if you know what I mean!). He thinks we're going to hurt the baby and I think he is a little weirded out by the fact that there is a person inside of me. So, any advice? (I asked him if I could post this and he said it was okay. I know he doesn't want to hold out until August, so any advice is appreciated! )

 

[purpleunicorn_Andi]

I think all hubbies are like that at first... might have your dr reasure him that he will not be hurting the baby....

I think with Robert Ken was hesitant at first... but after a while just could not hold out... that and I was very much in the mood a lot... so he really didn't have much of a choise

 

[Singin4Him]

My husband was the same way once I started really showing. There was no changing his feelings about it either so we held out and are still waiting until my OB gives the "ok" . So don't worry, it's normal .

 

[RoseofLima]

I think a lot of what is unexpressed with men is the duality of their woman now also being a mother. It often comes out expressed as concerns about hurting the baby...but I personally think it is very often a deeper issue- one which is very deeply culturally rooted...that mothers are not viewed as sexual beings. I think it takes men awhile to work through those feelings...as well as the feeling of the added responsibility which being a father adds to them.

This is a huge transition for your husband, too...if y'all can talk about it all very openly and express your fears that will probably be a great help.

This is actually my first pregnancy where I have been blessed to be intimate with my husband throughout its entirety. (Our marriage was kind of a mess before and we wouldn't be intimate even when I wasn't pregnant). Now approaching 36 weeks we are still having great (and very active) sex...though you have to be a little imaginative to find positions that work--and also very good at communicating if something doesn't feel okay. It has been a great blessing, and I have almost never fretted about my physical appearance --since I know that my husband still desires me. PErhaps if you can share your feelings about how his withdrawl from intimacy makes you feel will also help him.

Sex is actually good for mother and baby, because of the hormones and the increased tone in the muscles of the vaginal wall. In Spiritual Midwifery Ina May Gaskin makes the observation that in her experience couples who continued to be intimate through term had better labors than those who stopped being physically intimate.

One last thing--maybe if he is open you can just sort of initiate things...I know for me, even those times when I am not in the mood- that about a minute or two after my husband getting things moving along-- I am very much in the mood! I can't imagine that it would be much different for a guy

 

[olafias]

Thanks for the advice!

 

[PegasusOnFire]

it also gets better the more kids you have.

My hubby didn't want anything to do with sex when we were preggers with our first daughter, and really not after I started showing good, but with this one, I think his drive is getting higher than mine.

 

[Just4Jesus]

it also gets better the more kids you have.

My hubby didn't want anything to do with sex when we were preggers with our first daughter, and really not after I started showing good, but with this one, I think his drive is getting higher than mine.

That's my story too