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In The Beginning

burn97

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In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6Â to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and
olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and
named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might
lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories
and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.
 
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momodunc

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and than god created anal **** , Australia finest export

Jack Kevorkian Is Cool
Valujet
You've Got No Friends
You Keep A Diary
You Own A Store
You Got Date Raped
Recycling Is Gay
You're A Cop
You Can't Shut Up
You've Got Cancer
We Just Disagree
Hungry Hungry Hippos
You Are An Interior Decorator
Pottery's Gay
Rich Goyette Is Gay
Branscombe Richmond
You Live In Allston
You Are A Good Food Critic
Just The Two Of Us
Your Band's In The Cut-Out Bin
You're Gay
You Look Adopted
Your Cousin Is George Lynch
You Have Goals
You Drive An Iroc
You Play On A Softball Team
Because You're Old
You Sell Cologne
Being A Cobbler Is Dumb
You Live In A Houseboat
Richard Butler
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Your Kid Is Deformed
You Are An Orphan
You're Old (**** You)
You Go To Art School
You're Best Friend Is You
You're In A Coma
Windchimes Are Gay
No, We Don't Want To Do A Split 7" With Your Stupid ****ing Band
Reni Auberjonois
Internet Is Gay
Ha, Ha Your Wife Left You
Hootie And The Blowfish
You Went To See Dishwalla And Everclear (You're Gay)
Locking Drop Dead In McDonalds
Technology's Gay
Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp
I'm In Anal ****
You (Fill In The Blank)
Kyle From Incantation Has A Mustache
Bonus Track #3



 
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Woman of Faith

...by faith I am saved.
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Too true. Reminds me of this one.

The monsoon season began and when the rains came flood warnings came with them. Newscasters advised urgently, "Evacuate, the water's rising quickly!" But, the man said, "I have faith, God will take care of me." Soon the water was upon the man's doorstep and friends were calling, "We have a 4x4 and we have room for you, let's go!" But, the man said, "I have faith, God will take care of me." Now the water was in the house, knee high and rising fast. Rescuers on a boat came and said, "Let's go! We're here to help!" But, the man said, "I have faith, God will take care of me." Before he knew it the water was over the top of his roof and he man was balancing precariously on his chimney. A helicopter came and a rescuer shouted, "Grab the rope! We'll get you to safety!" But, the man said, "I have faith, God will take care of me." Suddenly, a wall of water rushed through knocking down the house and drowning the man. Before the throne of God he said, "God, how could you let that happen? I told everyone of my faith in You and told them You'd take care of me!" God said, "I tried, but you wouldn't evacuate, you didn't get in the 4x4, you wouldn't get in the boat and you waved off the helicopter!"
 
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