My oldest daughter is 15. She's always have been into rough housing . Which didn't bother me. But I'm starting to wonder if she's getting a bit old to rough house with boys who aren't her brothers. I know it's probably just playing around but after last night I'm not too sure. I am new to parenting teens this old as unfortantly I was not involved with my 3 oldest children till recently. But I know atleast when I was there age if a girl rough housed with us she was either labled weird or homosexual (i know very stupid) or a few of the boys had a bit too much fun. It looked like to me when she was wrestling a few of her friends one of the boys got a hand full of something that is definetly not her arm or leg or ect. I told them it was too late to be making so much noise and to settle down please. When they didn't I sent her friends home. I tried to talk to her this afternoon but all I got was " Don't be an idiot. And so what if he was touching my b*** . He didn't mean anything by it. It was a complete accident. He's not a jerk like that. What do you expect me to quit the wrestling team at school too just because I happen to have vir*****"
I'm worried about my tomboy!
- Thread starter jeffisthename
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She was prolly a bit embarrassed. Girls and dads & sexuality are a recipie for disaster.
For the sake of peace i would apologize and affirm that you dont think less of her. I would then at another time talk about the way guys can be as one who knows. Good luck
For the sake of peace i would apologize and affirm that you dont think less of her. I would then at another time talk about the way guys can be as one who knows. Good luck
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I tried to apoligize but now she just won't listen. Great first weekend this turned out to be.
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gengwall
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Well - I do know regardless of how sincere her boy friends may be they are getting cheap thrills by wrestling with her. That alone should make it inappropriate. Girls generally don't get this until they see it in action as a "fly on the wall". I used to tell my daughter, then 16, that all the hugs the guys in the marching band were running around getting from girls were just cheap thrills. "No guy 'needs' a hug". She refused to believe me until she stood back and watched them from a distance. Then, all of a sudden, she found them disgusting. It sometimes takes a young girl time, (old girls too), to believe guys are the way they are because it is so foreign (and, quite frankly, disturbing) to females. But that doesn't mean you should stop giving the message and providing protection and guidance. Keep up the good work. I would have sent them home too. If your daughter doesn't like it, tough bounce.
But am I to understand that she actually is on the wrestling team? If that is the case, then she should leave the wrestling to the wrestling room. In practice and competition, boys would be too focused on winning (and more so on not being beat by a girl) to be thinking much about what and where they are grabbing. Plus, frankly, grabbing comes with the territory. But play wrestling is too open for copping a feel and attributing it to a "slip" of the hand.
One more note. I'm an old guy who is married and perfectly happy with my wife. Still, with my nieces and with my daughter's friends, there was a time (usually around 13) where I would stop the more physical play with them. It just wasn't appropriate anymore. I'm a mature adult who gets that and am self disciplined. I know of no 15 yo boy who is such.
But am I to understand that she actually is on the wrestling team? If that is the case, then she should leave the wrestling to the wrestling room. In practice and competition, boys would be too focused on winning (and more so on not being beat by a girl) to be thinking much about what and where they are grabbing. Plus, frankly, grabbing comes with the territory. But play wrestling is too open for copping a feel and attributing it to a "slip" of the hand.
One more note. I'm an old guy who is married and perfectly happy with my wife. Still, with my nieces and with my daughter's friends, there was a time (usually around 13) where I would stop the more physical play with them. It just wasn't appropriate anymore. I'm a mature adult who gets that and am self disciplined. I know of no 15 yo boy who is such.
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Jeff, I'm the father of two girls myself.
One of which is very much a tomboy as well. (The girl can shoot as good as I can)
We work on the truck together, change the oil in the van, bow hunt together, etc.
That being said, she is a young lady, and I treat her as such. That means I open the door for her, I expect her to dress like a young lady when in public, and behave like one.
I also insist that she be treated as a lady.
From what little I learned from your post, your young lady is just very high spirited, and physical. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
But "Boys will be Boys" and you do have a responsibility as her father to make sure that she is treated with respect.
You and I both know exactly what those young men were up to. (So does she.)
You have a tough row to hoe ahead.
If it were me, I would concentrate on letting my daughter know that I love her, and expect her to be treated like a lady. (The best way to show her that is by example.)
As far as her friends, I think you made the right decision.
If they can't treat her like a lady, then they can hit the bricks.
You are in my prayers sir.
"Proverbs 22:6"
One of which is very much a tomboy as well. (The girl can shoot as good as I can)
We work on the truck together, change the oil in the van, bow hunt together, etc.
That being said, she is a young lady, and I treat her as such. That means I open the door for her, I expect her to dress like a young lady when in public, and behave like one.
I also insist that she be treated as a lady.
From what little I learned from your post, your young lady is just very high spirited, and physical. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
But "Boys will be Boys" and you do have a responsibility as her father to make sure that she is treated with respect.
You and I both know exactly what those young men were up to. (So does she.)
You have a tough row to hoe ahead.
If it were me, I would concentrate on letting my daughter know that I love her, and expect her to be treated like a lady. (The best way to show her that is by example.)
As far as her friends, I think you made the right decision.
If they can't treat her like a lady, then they can hit the bricks.
You are in my prayers sir.
"Proverbs 22:6"
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HappyVonHut
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Good Luck
I think I too would say wrestle on the mat in the gym, in uniform....let the refs see it is done in open arena!!!!
and, I too find it important that she understand you were just looking out for her reputation, as well as safety!
(mom speaking here)
I think I too would say wrestle on the mat in the gym, in uniform....let the refs see it is done in open arena!!!!
and, I too find it important that she understand you were just looking out for her reputation, as well as safety!
(mom speaking here)
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icbeckyc
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My youngest, 13, is a tomboy takes Shin Shin Jui Jitsu, which is alot of ground fighting. She loves it. But she will come out of class peeved to say the least from time to time because a boy wasn't just wrestling and grabbed something other than an arm or leg. We have talked about it and if she plans on doing this she needs to speak up to her instructor or the boys and keep me informed. So even at this age it can be more. So I would say go with your instinct and if things get out of hand toss em out.
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She gets along better with boys, so do I. Girls are really mean sometimes lol
but...even though it was very shocking to see her breast being grabbed, maybe it was only an accident? Things like that happen alot even ur if not wrestling, theyre pretty pesky and in the way
but...even though it was very shocking to see her breast being grabbed, maybe it was only an accident? Things like that happen alot even ur if not wrestling, theyre pretty pesky and in the way
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Sounds like she needs to take Martial Arts
I am very much of a tom boy and i did TaeKwonDo for 7 years.
I am very much of a tom boy and i did TaeKwonDo for 7 years.
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I also have a tom boy daughter! She needs to know that YOU trust her and her judgement. Let her know that you do! my daughter wrestles like that all the time and can take down 1/2 or more of the boys. Being a tom boy has made her not only strong but strong in her beliefs and not afraid to stand up for them! If a boy wrongs her, even on accident, she will let him know! Atleast give her a chance to show you that.
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TexasSky
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When I was young, my father came to me one day and said, "Hon, I want you to understand a few things. First, you are a beautiful woman. Not a little girl. A woman. I am a man, and I've been one since I was about 14 years old, and I know you think I'm old, but the fact is, some things never change, and one of those things is that a man or boy will only give you as much respect as you give yourself. The only way they know how much respect you give yourself, is if you demand a certain level of respect from them. I know that you think it doesn't hurt anyone if he drives up and honks, but if you run out like a dog when he honks a horn, and the girl up the street makes him come to the door like a gentleman, she's already won something you gave away. She set herself up on a higher level than you set yourself up in his eyes. She became the "better prize to win" because she put herself on the higher shelf. And I'll tell you something, there will be a day in your life when a guy, if they haven't already said it, will say, "If you love me you will," or, "All the other girls do, what's wrong with you," or, "What's wrong? Are you a baby?" Before you let him guilt you into what you aren't ready for, ask yourself, would a person who loved you ask you to do something you were so uncomfortable doing? Have you ever done anything else in your life just because all the other girls were doing it? Do you want to be just like "all the other girls" in his eyes? And how many adult women do you know who will have sex or let their bodies be used, just so they can prove to a man they are an adult?"
He died when I was 15.
His words never left me.
And at times in my life, when boys did push harder than they should, I could look them in the eye and say, "My Daddy loved me enough to teach me that I should never let a guy push me into throwing away, what I have a right to choose who to give it away to."
Daddy thinking I was beautiful, desireable, and "worth more than a cheap thrill," meant the world to me.
He died when I was 15.
His words never left me.
And at times in my life, when boys did push harder than they should, I could look them in the eye and say, "My Daddy loved me enough to teach me that I should never let a guy push me into throwing away, what I have a right to choose who to give it away to."
Daddy thinking I was beautiful, desireable, and "worth more than a cheap thrill," meant the world to me.
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The roughousing with anyone needs to stop. As a teenager, when my parents left the house, my older brother would come and pay attention to me, start up a conversation, but somehow it always ended up with me being groped. I had no language for it, I only knew I hated it.
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Honestly? I'm more concerned about her calling you an idiot.
I had to come back and edit this, since I just noticed that you're the father.
Number 1, why is she on the wrestling team where boys can grope her?
Number 2, You need to put an end to this "idiot" business right now. If she doesn't respect you, and it sounds like she doesn't, then nothing else you do or say is going to make a bit of difference.
Number 3, you need to go to the boy(s) involved and explain to them "Next time you touch my daughter, I'm going to 'touch' you. Upside the head, hard, and continuously."
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It isn't a matter of being a tomboy or not. It's a matter of inappropriate touching.
I don't care how innocent it looks on the surface, a boy has hormones that make him interpret even an otherwise innocent, accidental touch of a girl's breasts completely different than the girl may realize.
I'll guarantee you, based on forty years of experience as a male and forty years of sitting in locker rooms hearing other men tell the same stories, that later that night, that boy is going to be analyizing everything about that touch. The softness of her skin, the texture of her breasts, the smell of her hair...and I'll guarantee you that he's not going to want just an innocent brush next time. If you allow that, then you're allowing your daughter to become fodder for that boy's fantasies.
Not only is the girl not showing respect for herself, by letting boys touch (even innocently) what should only be touched by her husband, she's also encouraging the boy to sin by opening the door to lust.
The first time a boy did that to my daughter, he and I would have a serious talk. The second time he did it, he'd be in the hospital.
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Dads have no idea the emotional power and influence they have over their daughters.
That's why I take my oldest daughter, Melody, out on "dates". I take her out and show her how she should expect a gentleman to treat her.
It's done amazing things for her self esteem (not that it was bad before) and I believe that this is one of the reasons that she is so steadfast about abstinance.
I plan on doing the same with my two younger daughters in just a couple of years.
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Chajara
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Personally, if she's 13 and her breasts are coming in, she's going to get sick of the roughhousing real quick because getting hit in the boobs, whether it's an accident or intentional, hurts a lot. As in, if you do it hard enough you'll have to sit down and cry for a minute. Wrestling is fun, yes, but I stopped doing it when I realized that my boobs just get in the way and cause me pain, therefore making it not fun anymore.
I don't think it has anything to do with whether she respects herself. It's about the fact that to an energetic tomboy, certain activities are hilariously entertaining and at that age they don't quite realize that most boys are starting to wake up sexually at a much faster and more intense rate at that age.
This is coming from a tomboy who had people try to turn me into a girly-girl my entire life, and I cannot stand that condescending "Why can't you act like a LADY" crap when all I want to do is catch that toad or examine that spiderweb or jump across that creek. I can be a tomboy and I can be feminine without having to adhere to some stereotype about what a lady likes to do and doesn't like to do. And I'm almost 21 and I've mellowed out and still get crap for it. Just the other day my manager told me I was weird because I'm a girl and I don't jump up on a chair and pull up my skirts and yell "EEK" whenever there's a rodent or snake around. Chances are this is why your daughter got snippy with you when you brought it up. I wouldn't let her use such harsh words with you, however. If she's going to disagree she needs to do it respectfully lest she be branded a "mouthy teenager" and then there's ANOTHER stereotype she gets to deal with.
I don't think it has anything to do with whether she respects herself. It's about the fact that to an energetic tomboy, certain activities are hilariously entertaining and at that age they don't quite realize that most boys are starting to wake up sexually at a much faster and more intense rate at that age.
This is coming from a tomboy who had people try to turn me into a girly-girl my entire life, and I cannot stand that condescending "Why can't you act like a LADY" crap when all I want to do is catch that toad or examine that spiderweb or jump across that creek. I can be a tomboy and I can be feminine without having to adhere to some stereotype about what a lady likes to do and doesn't like to do. And I'm almost 21 and I've mellowed out and still get crap for it. Just the other day my manager told me I was weird because I'm a girl and I don't jump up on a chair and pull up my skirts and yell "EEK" whenever there's a rodent or snake around. Chances are this is why your daughter got snippy with you when you brought it up. I wouldn't let her use such harsh words with you, however. If she's going to disagree she needs to do it respectfully lest she be branded a "mouthy teenager" and then there's ANOTHER stereotype she gets to deal with.
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Make sure she knows you weren't trying to get on her case or anything.
My mom was a tomboy, even doing more things than her older brother. Into her first marriage she was working at an engineering firm (no, not a girly secretary job or anything), racing trail bikes, racing cars, etc. She's not afraid of anything and knows more about alot of manly things than most guys do. And, she's not a lesbian.
Maybe your daughter was just wanting to show that she's just as capable of doing things; she wants reassurance and support from you that she can do anything she puts her mind to
My mom was a tomboy, even doing more things than her older brother. Into her first marriage she was working at an engineering firm (no, not a girly secretary job or anything), racing trail bikes, racing cars, etc. She's not afraid of anything and knows more about alot of manly things than most guys do. And, she's not a lesbian.
Maybe your daughter was just wanting to show that she's just as capable of doing things; she wants reassurance and support from you that she can do anything she puts her mind to
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