I'm starting to look elsewhere...advice please

[mannysee]

Hi y'all,

it's time i put this question to you reformed folk regarding my church.
I'd like your opinions on this if possible.
I've been attending a presbyterian church for around 6 months after getting my bearings again from pentecostal fallout/shellshock (my christian beginnings).
Anyway, i really enjoy listening to the pastor (we actually have 2) and i do feel that finally i have found a church where the bible is opened and it is preached from in depth (which i have been praying about for some time) without all the hooha and hype and entertainment.
Now here's the but....
But, there's hardly anyone in my age group here.
Being from a small town (laid back) pentecostal church, where we all knew each other well and people were glad to talk to you (maybe it was the heat or something?!) and get to know you outside of church, i find this somewhat lacking here, and i will admit that i long for this.
I've read amusing terms mentioned here such as 'the frozen chosen'.
A short church survey:- lots of professional people, well to do, lots of old people, many asians (great!, because i'm all for mixing it up and i speak some Mandarin), lots of married folks, and a great pastor.
But i'm the kind of guy who enjoys being sociable towards others, and i'm getting alot of awkward responses (from the frozen chosen ).
Is this a big city common thing?

Help, exortations and rebukes are welcome....

 

[CoffeeSwirls]

What kind of interaction have you had? Do you rush out after the service or linger for conversation? I don't go to a PCA church, but nobody can be so frozen that they won't introduce themselves after 6 months!

 

[CCWoody]

You know what is funny is that in my own recent descent into Presbyterianism (PCA), I found the "frozen chozen" to be among the friendliest I've encountered. Now, granted, I may cause quite a bit of that. I, too, am a recovering "Pentecostal" (Ok, not really cause I'm still firmly a believer that the gifts of the Spirit persist today, which makes me mildly Charismatic even if I don't leap over pews or do other strange things) and am not above creating a bit of mystery about myself:

Presbyterian (on my first visit): "Are you new to our city?"
Woody: "Nope, been here a long time."
Presbyter: "How did you hear about our Church."
Woody: "Oh, I've had my 'eye' on you since you began in my city."

All of this is true, but the way you say things sure does make your Presbyterian experience interesting. I have been told in my 5 weeks or so visiting (we join next Sunday) that I am the life of the party so to speak. You have no idea how amusing that this slight introvert finds this.

I think they are friendly so that they can keep their eye on this little credoBaptist Charismatic Calvinist.

 

[mannysee]

coffeeswirls,

yes, i'm not someone to rush out of church afterwards, unless we're doing a charismatic lap around the building, after swinging from the chandeliers.
I introduce myself to people and we chat about things (i tend to ask them about themselves), but as most people i talk to are twice my age, a little awkward conversation tends to pop its head up.
As i long to get to know younger people in my own age group -and there being a lack of this at my church- it's a little disheartening for me.
I've been 'sticking it out' for 6 months, mainly because of the good preaching from the pastor, but i'm always wondering, "Where are the younger ones?".

 

[frumanchu]

coffeeswirls,

yes, i'm not someone to rush out of church afterwards, unless we're doing a charismatic lap around the building, after swinging from the chandeliers.
I introduce myself to people and we chat about things (i tend to ask them about themselves), but as most people i talk to are twice my age, a little awkward conversation tends to pop its head up.
As i long to get to know younger people in my own age group -and there being a lack of this at my church- it's a little disheartening for me.
I've been 'sticking it out' for 6 months, mainly because of the good preaching from the pastor, but i'm always wondering, "Where are the younger ones?".

Manny, have you considered that God may be preparing to use you to bring a fresh infusion of youth into that church?

 

[mannysee]

maybe fru, maybe.

I just wish that the other churches i've attended earlier on while looking to find a home, concentrated more on plain speaking and using the bible, rather than self-conscious marketing/entertainment kind of things, where there are MANY younger ones.

I do feel that my church here has a much more 'austere' air about it (again, probably due to being a traditional presbyterian one and it's majority older folk).

Oh well.
Could i please ask though, perhaps you could pray concerning my situation sometime.

thanks,

graeme.

 

[mlqurgw]

I understand the desire for people of the same age group, it is natural. Still, you must ask yourself your reason for attending church. Do you go to fellowship or to worship God in truth? Our bond with other believers has nothing really to do with age, economic status or personal preferences. By all means make an effort to bond with folks but be patient. Some of us old folks can be fun once you get past the gray hair, if there is any left, round shape and false teeth.

 

[frumanchu]

maybe fru, maybe.

I just wish that the other churches i've attended earlier on while looking to find a home, concentrated more on plain speaking and using the bible, rather than self-conscious marketing/entertainment kind of things, where there are MANY younger ones.

I do feel that my church here has a much more 'austere' air about it (again, probably due to being a traditional presbyterian one and it's majority older folk).

Oh well.
Could i please ask though, perhaps you could pray concerning my situation sometime.

thanks,

graeme.

I will. And consider mlqurgw's words. The "self-conscious marketing/entertainment kind of things" are often a major reason why there are many younger ones. My own personal experience has actually been that the older, more austere Presbyterian churches are often the exception and not the rule (depending of course on what exactly you mean by "austere").

You would do well to discuss the issue with one of the more approachable elders too. Simply express your concerns and the challenges it is bringing you. Like I said, you just may find that you are a means through which God will re-invigorate that church (from an age standpoint).

In my own personal experience, I will take preaching the whole counsel of God in spirit and truth over fellowship if it comes to that. I just left a church where I had many friends my age (late 20's/early 30's) but where the Gospel simply was not preached. I'm currently visiting a church with better preaching, but have no friends there (in my case though I haven't tried much yet).

Will pray for you and your situation.

 

[Truly Blessed]

Hi y'all,
...
But i'm the kind of guy who enjoys being sociable towards others, and i'm getting alot of awkward responses (from the frozen chosen ).
Is this a big city common thing?

Well, when we arrived at our first PCA home. We thawed the frozen chosen. The pastor was sorry to see us move. After a few moves around the world, we have noticed that some are more frozen than others . My wife ignores the awkward responses. I am still a little self concious. I do believe though that the Word of God is the most important thing and friendly fellowship is a bonus.

Our current home, for the last 3 months has warmly welcomed us and it appears somebody else must have thawed them before we arrived .

 

[edie19]

I grew up Presbyterian and have never heard the term "frozen chosen" until I came here this summer. It makes me a little sad, but also makes me chuckle.

The church (UCC) I attended before where I am now had lots of ladies with blue hair. At my current (and future) church, I'm actually one of the oldest folk there (only 2 or 3 older than me).

But back to the UCC - the mom of one of my son's friends and I started a womens prayer group. Most of the participants were older (>60 years) women, Jill and I were late 20s. While Jill and I were considered the leaders, we learned so much from the older ladies. Even after the prayer group fell by the wayside - I had a very special relationship with these women, we always had an affinity for each other.

One thing we do in my current church - most Sundays one of us will invite a couple of families over for lunch after church. Usually something simple, hamburgs & hotdogs on the grill. Nothing fancy, nothing formal - but we make a point to invite the "new folks" and that has given us the opportunity to get to know each other.

 

[calmcoolandelected]

You know what is funny is that in my own recent descent into Presbyterianism (PCA), I found the "frozen chozen" to be among the friendliest I've encountered.

My husband and I make it a point to greet at least one visitor each Sunday and we also try to invite "new" regular attenders over for dinner. We set aside two Sundays a month to have folks over for dinner and we usually alternate between folks we know and folks we are trying to get to know.

CC&E

PS-Did you used to post on a very large, conservative forum? I was once accused of being a retread of "Woody" and if it was you, let me say I consider that an honor!

 

[calmcoolandelected]

coffeeswirls,

yes, i'm not someone to rush out of church afterwards, unless we're doing a charismatic lap around the building, after swinging from the chandeliers.
I introduce myself to people and we chat about things (i tend to ask them about themselves), but as most people i talk to are twice my age, a little awkward conversation tends to pop its head up.
As i long to get to know younger people in my own age group -and there being a lack of this at my church- it's a little disheartening for me.
I've been 'sticking it out' for 6 months, mainly because of the good preaching from the pastor, but i'm always wondering, "Where are the younger ones?".

They are all at MY CHURCH! My husband and I are in our mid-40s and we are THE oldest people in our church! To be fair, we have a RUF ministry (college) and our church meets right next to campus. This has been one of the most frustrating aspects of my church. It really seems that the younger crowd expects to be served and entertained. That is a general statement...

CC&E

 

[CCWoody]

PS-Did you used to post on a very large, conservative forum? I was once accused of being a retread of "Woody" and if it was you, let me say I consider that an honor!

Yes, I did. Thank you. Did you have the same name over there?

Rumors are, BTW, that I still post over on that forum as Arminians and Calvinists. I suppose that they think I have all the time in the world to post on my employer's nickel.

 

[CCWoody]

They are all at MY CHURCH! My husband and I are in our mid-40s and we are THE oldest people in our church! To be fair, we have a RUF ministry (college) and our church meets right next to campus. This has been one of the most frustrating aspects of my church. It really seems that the younger crowd expects to be served and entertained. That is a general statement...

CC&E

I have a similar experience. We, too, are near the oldest in our church and do have an RUF and we are close to my old school. They also have fistfuls of kids. Not that I mind. I have 4 and got started in marriage at 19 and kids at 21, while in school. It nearly killed me, but was great fun. I do know what Calvinist Presbyterians do in these cold winter nights to stay warm and help build churches.

However, I have not noticed the need to be served and entertained by any. I think, the last time our church helped in the soup kitchen, it was only the RUF that showed up. If anything, I don't think our RUF crowd has brought enough of their own culture. I love the hymns and the old service. But, I like to raise the roof with the kids too.