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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
I'm so so sad
- Thread starter credwi88
- Start date
- Aug 24, 2012
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First of all welcome to CF and I mean that. Also I and many other here have been or still are in your shoes emotionaly. There are many forums here where people can share their struggles and victories. Stay in touch. I'll pray for you sister 
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Welcome. A change in your perception of the world would help.
What I do is to tell myself that I don't exist. The self and the universe are illusions. God exists but I only SEEM to. I find myself at a particular point in space just as one seems to be at a certain location during a dream. However, none of my thoughts or choices mean anything in reality because they are all illusions based on other illusions.
It doesn't matter if this is actually true because it's only a metaphor for something the human mind likely can't comprehend anyway. But thinking this way helps me.
Another way to think of it, that perhaps isn't as extreme, is to think of this as a relative reality, as opposed to the absolute reality of God. This life is real relative to nothing at all but less real than the absolute reality of God, which I think of as eternal, unchanging love and perfection.
The Holy Spirit plays a part in this as well. It can help you to see through the world into the kingdom of God, not with your eyes but by way of an experience of peace in your daily life. Don't take your thoughts or this world too seriously because their absolute reality is dubious. And they can only give you a temporary happiness anyway. The Holy Spirit on the other hand, can give you a lasting peace if you let it control your life. The way to do this is to remove the barrier - your solutions. In other words, don't try to think your way out of the pain. Putting your mind in charge of your happiness will lead to ruin. Though the mind may mean well, it's solutions to your problems will only result in more misery. As the saying goes "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Instead, put your mind's solutions aside and let the Holy Spirit guide you toward the peace of God. It sounds too easy but it does really just boil down to trust in God. I don't mean to trust in God that the temporary circumstances of your life will get better, but rather to trust in God directly for your happiness regardless of what has happened or what will happen.
For me personally, seeing myself, my thoughts and the world as illusions rather than reality helps me to put myself aside and let the Holy Spirit deal with the "apparent" problems in my life, such as the apparent death of loved ones and the resultant, apparent grief and misery this causes, for example.
What I do is to tell myself that I don't exist. The self and the universe are illusions. God exists but I only SEEM to. I find myself at a particular point in space just as one seems to be at a certain location during a dream. However, none of my thoughts or choices mean anything in reality because they are all illusions based on other illusions.
It doesn't matter if this is actually true because it's only a metaphor for something the human mind likely can't comprehend anyway. But thinking this way helps me.
Another way to think of it, that perhaps isn't as extreme, is to think of this as a relative reality, as opposed to the absolute reality of God. This life is real relative to nothing at all but less real than the absolute reality of God, which I think of as eternal, unchanging love and perfection.
The Holy Spirit plays a part in this as well. It can help you to see through the world into the kingdom of God, not with your eyes but by way of an experience of peace in your daily life. Don't take your thoughts or this world too seriously because their absolute reality is dubious. And they can only give you a temporary happiness anyway. The Holy Spirit on the other hand, can give you a lasting peace if you let it control your life. The way to do this is to remove the barrier - your solutions. In other words, don't try to think your way out of the pain. Putting your mind in charge of your happiness will lead to ruin. Though the mind may mean well, it's solutions to your problems will only result in more misery. As the saying goes "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Instead, put your mind's solutions aside and let the Holy Spirit guide you toward the peace of God. It sounds too easy but it does really just boil down to trust in God. I don't mean to trust in God that the temporary circumstances of your life will get better, but rather to trust in God directly for your happiness regardless of what has happened or what will happen.
For me personally, seeing myself, my thoughts and the world as illusions rather than reality helps me to put myself aside and let the Holy Spirit deal with the "apparent" problems in my life, such as the apparent death of loved ones and the resultant, apparent grief and misery this causes, for example.
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GreatSpeckledBird
Junior Member
My life is a shipwreck too. I just joined today as well. I'm so glad you're here. I think you and I can help each other. I'm a 57 year old mom, grandma. I'm married to a very hard man to live with and if things don't get better I'm leaving him in a few weeks. I've drawn a line in the sand with his depraved behavior. I believed him you see and he was happy to live a lie. But my desperation isn't only caused from a painful failed marriage but also from many many harsh trials involving my children & extended family. My mothers heart too has been ravaged and suddenly i realized i physically & mentally couldn't take the despair and loss anymore & I wasn't going to make it if I didn't do something about my relationships & my emotions.
I was reading the post above about the Holy Spirit taking us to peace and I found His premise intriguing and will see if maybe what He's saying is something that can help me. I must find the peace that Christ promised me. I must let go of the pain of this world and the love that is killing me and learn to love without letting it destroy me. I haven't known how to do that rather I've let liars take advantage of me & despair over the choices & I've let the behavior of lost loved ones damage my heart. I forgot to enjoy my life. I became consumed with the pain.
I want you to talk to me if you have the time. Send me an email. I'd love to get to know you. Maybe you and I can help each other hang on and find a place that's better for us both.
I was reading the post above about the Holy Spirit taking us to peace and I found His premise intriguing and will see if maybe what He's saying is something that can help me. I must find the peace that Christ promised me. I must let go of the pain of this world and the love that is killing me and learn to love without letting it destroy me. I haven't known how to do that rather I've let liars take advantage of me & despair over the choices & I've let the behavior of lost loved ones damage my heart. I forgot to enjoy my life. I became consumed with the pain.
I want you to talk to me if you have the time. Send me an email. I'd love to get to know you. Maybe you and I can help each other hang on and find a place that's better for us both.
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I'm so sorry life has been so difficult for you. You are so strong to withstand all of this. I will be praying for you. God bless you 
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Or maybe try this: Only value the eternal, or that which lasts forever, such as love itself. Don't value anything that can change, which would include everything in the world, your life and the lives of your loved ones. This may seem extreme but by only valuing the eternal you have more peace and love to share.
When you value something it becomes part of your identity. If you value eternal, unchanging, perfect love it becomes a part of your identity. If you value something in the world which can change, such as a situation, it becomes a part of your identity. The difference is, when the temporal situation changes a part of your identity dies, which leads to emotional pain. When miserable you cannot have peace or spread true love. So, it may seem counterintuitive but it is more loving to others to not value them, yourself, your relationship to them or anything else that can change. If you only value love and the eternal you have more love to give others, without needing anything from them.
When you value something it becomes part of your identity. If you value eternal, unchanging, perfect love it becomes a part of your identity. If you value something in the world which can change, such as a situation, it becomes a part of your identity. The difference is, when the temporal situation changes a part of your identity dies, which leads to emotional pain. When miserable you cannot have peace or spread true love. So, it may seem counterintuitive but it is more loving to others to not value them, yourself, your relationship to them or anything else that can change. If you only value love and the eternal you have more love to give others, without needing anything from them.
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Sad here. I am a Christian but that is what I feel now: love is not all-embracing -- you either have it, or you don't. Nobody need to show you any love if they don't like you or they don't know you. There isn't complete help that can lift you up and bring you into full protection and love. You are not entitled to anything which you think you deserve. I am sick, thin, lonely, depressed and negative. I wouldn't commit suicide but I genuinely don't want to live any more... Actually I want to get a life, yet the world is too horrible for me. 
btw I like your replies, they are good. (nebula your icon cat is so cute -- makes me wanna cry. I wish I am a lovely person too)
btw I like your replies, they are good. (nebula your icon cat is so cute -- makes me wanna cry. I wish I am a lovely person too)
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Sad here. I am a Christian but that is what I feel now: love is not all-embracing -- you either have it, or you don't. Nobody need to show you any love if they don't like you or they don't know you. There isn't complete help that can lift you up and bring you into full protection and love. You are not entitled to anything which you think you deserve. I am sick, thin, lonely, depressed and negative. I wouldn't commit suicide but I genuinely don't want to live any more... Actually I want to get a life, yet the world is too horrible for me.
I don't know if you are saying that stuff about love in response to what I said, but just to clarify, the practical technique that I was talking about involves valuing universal love, brotherhood, unity or interpersonal harmony in general. The kind of love that one person has for another person, or that a person has for a pet, doesn't have anything to do with it. The reason we get depressed is because we value something higher than we value universal love. Other things are more important to us than universal brotherhood and this causes problems.
Here are some examples of events and why these things make us miserable. If we value love or universal brotherhood more than anything else, we will still find life tolerable despite these events.
I am sick. I am miserable because I value health more than love.
My house has burned down. I am miserable because I value shelter more than love.
Others have lied about me. I am miserable because I value my reputation more than love.
I have been rejected by someone I am attracted to. I am miserable because I value that person's companionship more than love.
I am starving to death. I am miserable because I value nutrition more than love.
Someone else is being intolerable and stupid. I am miserable because I value other people being reasonable and intelligent more than I value love.
Someone else is wrong and won't listen to me. I am miserable because I value being right and having other people know I'm right, more than I value love.
Someone has disrespected me. I am miserable because I value this person's respect more than I do love.
My dog had cancer and I had to have him euthanized. I am miserable because I value the companionship of my dog and my memories of him more than I do love.
I have done something I shouldn't have. I am miserable because I value my guilt and memories more than I do love.
I have done something embarrassing. I am miserable because I value my personal history more than love.
Someone else has prevented me from realizing my goals in life. I am miserable because I value my goals more than love.
etc.
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Conflict/strife/anger etc. is like an inflammation while love is like healthy tissue.
Loving a specific person is valuing that person, which is a bit dangerous. As long as you value universal love more than you value that person or animal, the relationship will not cause you that much pain. But if you value the person or animal more than universal love, you will have problems. If not now then someday.
Valuing universal love doesn't mean you go around loving individuals. You can BE LOVING to someone without loving that person. There is a big difference. As far as what it takes to be happy, you don't even have to like anyone personally, let alone love them. You only have to be loving, which is a natural result of valuing universal love and brotherhood above all else.
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