I'm so frustrated

[amazingme5888]

Preface: I didn't know where to stick this, so this is probably will need to be moved by mods, but whatever. I should also add, I'm a christian, I'm drawing closer to god, I do not, in any way shape or form, desire to act upon these desires, this is more of a rant, than anything.


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I'm going absolutely insane. Sometimes, I want to say screw god, screw the commandments, screw not sinning, and just give in to all my hearts evil desires. I struggle with lust and have with porn for a long time, However recently (in the last months) god has given me the strength to say no to it and I don't look at it, and have only fallen into masturbation one or 2 times. I'm going absolutely insane. part of me wants to completely give myself self over to every form of sexual perversion thats not illegal. I mean, I can't even get a girlfriend. It doesn't sound that hard, go out there, there are plenty of women, but I can't, because most don't hold the same values as I do. If I was to throw my values away it would be easy, Just go to a party, find someone who is sorta drunk and boom, sex. But I don't want that, I want to save myself for marriage, even though my entire body is screaming at me to say "screw it, do what you want". It would be so much easier to find a women, if I didn't have any criteria other than her looking decent, but because I want to find someone who is close with god, who want to wait till marriage, and who actually wants a relationship as opposed to a quick fling (which is all anyone on campus wants). Part of me wants to just completely give myself over to every perversion, to have friends with benefits, casual sex, become a swinger. But I know that none of this will bring me pleasure, Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 2

amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, and a harem as well—the delights of a man’s heart. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.
11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.

If anyone could find happiness in sex it would have been him, the man with 700 wives and 300 sex slaves. But no, the bible tells me I won't find happiness there. I want a wife, but can't even get a date, I'm going insane. I'm not even in a place where I should even think about getting married, but the bible says if we burn with passion, to get married (one book I read had a footnote that added "or learn to acquire a wife"). Well, I may not burn with passion for a specific person, but I'm certainly burning with passion, and its driving me absolutely insane.

I can't even get respite from these thoughts with READING SCRIPTURE, Its like, in old testament scripture do you REALIZE how many people acted out sexually in a way they shouldn't have? Abraham(forced slave to marry him, used her as a baby factory and treated her horrible), lot (offered daughters to crowd for sex), Judah (thought the person he was having sex with was a prostitute),Samson (spent the night with prostitute) , David (had multiple wives and stole another mans wife killing him in the process, Solomon ( Had 700 wives and 300 sex slaves).

Like, how am I suppose to study and put thoughts of sexual perversion behind me when even reading the word of god they show up! I mean, sex slaves (concubines), multiple wives, prostitution, Jezz, maybe I'm not doing so bad after all, but I'm tired of having temptation at every corner, I'm tired of not being able to fulfill these desires in a way pleasing to god. So Now that porn is out of the equation, and masturbation is to (though I occasionally mess up and touch). Then I come across scriptures that almost ENDORSE prostitution!

Proverbs 6:25-27New International Version

25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
or let her captivate you with her eyes.

26 For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread,
but another man’s wife preys on your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?

Though obviously its not, its simply trying to show how bad adultery with a married woman is. But in moments of weakness my mind still flies to some of these scriptures to try to justify itself. I'll be praying and even while praying my nether regions will be screaming at me. I pray and pray for god to help me, AND HE HAS, he has given me the strength to say no to porn, and I'm so grateful for that, because before I was a slave to it, I had no choice, I was unable to say no. But god, he gave me the strength to. But with this increased sex drive from no release my mind keeps going places it shouldn't, even more than when I looked at porn! I mean, I'll be doing something and suddenly the fantasy of doing something sexual will come over me, I don't want it, I want it out of my mind, but there it is. I pray and pray god will help me. It feels almost like a joke, In the last year he has brought me so far in my prayer life, in my spiritual life, and bringing me close to him,yet at the same time I have these urges that can't be described as anything but evil. The bible talks about us being a people of unclean lips, well I have an unclean MIND. I wish so badly, that I could at least get a date, at least that would mean I would have success in taking the first step to finding a wife, but I can't even accomplish that. I don't just want a wife for sex, I want someone to share my life with, and despite the way I sound in this post, I'm NOT desperate, I have certain things and beliefs that are dealbreakers (like she has to be a christian). But all the the time I feel those being attacked, I start to doubt god, I mean, if he he isn't real, then all of this is a waste, if he isn't real, there is NO reason not to go out there and do anything I desire, but the fact is, he IS real, and I'm SO grateful he is real and that he has saved me, and I strive every day to get closer to him, but at the same time my flesh screams at me, because it doesn't like that, and Im going insane from these polarized desires ripping me apart at the seams. I wish all these evil desires would leave me, leave my mind, I wish this burning desire for a woman would leave me, I know its healthy at 21 years old, but its driving me absolutely insane.

I know I'm not alone in this struggle, Ive seen other people on here post about it, but somehow that makes it even worse, I don't know how.

I'm going insane

/end rant

 

[LilLamb219]

We have a Men's Only forum if you're interested in getting more private advice. If you can't see it, you can request to have permissions for it in Member Services Center.

 

[1watchman]

If one stops reasoning and wondering, wandering, worrying, and receives the Savior into one's heart, that one will find peace and blessing. Do you know the Lord Jesus as your personal Savior of your soul? Read John 1; John 3; John 14, then ask God to teach you. He will if you are open to learn. Look up always!

 

[amazingme5888]

If one stops reasoning and wondering, wandering, worrying, and receives the Savior into one's heart, that one will find peace and blessing. Do you know the Lord Jesus as your personal Savior of your soul? Read John 1; John 3; John 14, then ask God to teach you. He will if you are open to learn. Look up always!

Did your read the little thing at the beginning of my post? I'm absolutely saved, no question at all about that. Ive grown leaps and bounds in regards to my relationship with him, and Ive actually made improvement in this area. These desires arn't typically aimed "at" women. I don't typically consider myself lusting over women in real life, I means sure there are exceptions, I fail and fall, but by and large these desires are just that, hollow desires. I don't actually have any want to do them, and yet at the same time part of me wants to. I know I'm saved beyond any shadow of a doubt. He has helped and changed me so much just in the last year that if you had told me I wouldn't have believed you. Ive been saved since being a kid but fell away a few years ago, and recently came back and truely got serious about my relationship. I read my bible every day, I love listening to sermons (something I use to think was cliche and unappealing) , and I spend anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour in prayer every day (I never understood how people could pray for more than a couple minutes a year or so ago). I don't say all that to say "look at me, I got my nice little checklist and I'm a good christian because I do these things", no , I say that to say, I use to not like doing ANY of those things, and they have become joyful for me to do. Which is why this problem kills me so much, I don't WANT to desire these sinful things. I WANT to desire god more and more, I want to do what he wants, but I have this gnawing desire inside me all the time, and its not even a BAD desire in and of itself. I mean, the sex drive is a natural part of our body designed so husband and wife could enjoy each other. Its that I'm not married, and therefore I have no way to act on it, leading to this constant never ending desire in my life, that I'm use to numbing with porn/masturbation, and now I don't. Honestly, I feel peace in the sense that I'm saved, I know god loves me, and I'm going to heaven, however I feel at times utterally hopeless, because I want to please him and I constantly fail, even if I'm not looking at porn anymore I still toy with temptation in ways I shouldn't in my mind, instead of pushing them out to the side. Like, I just want to make god happy with me, not because I think it will earn my salvation, jesus did that, I can't do that, but because I want to make my father HAPPY, I don't want to grieve the holy spirit. Yet all of the time I have these desires, these horrible desires, that I WANT to kill, seriously, If god told me "these desires live in your foot, cut it off and they will be gone" I would be looking for a chainsaw. But its not that simple, i cannot literally carve them out of me. And so I constantly fall. Less than I use to,but I still fall. This desire, its driving me insane, Ive never had a girlfriend, which (which is probably a good thing honestly, or I would have done some really stupid stuff with her) but I want to find a wife, I mean, not just for the sexual reasons, but so I have someone to share my life with. All of this just compounds together and is driving me absolutely bonkers.

I hope I don't come across as a rambling idiot, and I hope that made sense. I feel like thats a little hard to read, but I'm not sure how to make it better.

 

[BFine]

Are you also posting as: anewman1993?
For both threads on this topic sounds alike.
I will share this with you anyway---

I would recommend putting on the full armor of God--
a good study on it here: http://www.freebiblestudyguides.org/bible-teachings/armor-of-god.htm


Learning self control is also needed...
Commit yourself to making better decisions.

The Bible is your sword...work on learning to wield it properly.
Use the Word of God-- Have your Bible out where you can access it.
Learn some verses of scripture to use when you are hit with the desire
to self pleasure/look at porn etc...Open your Bible and speak boldly the Word of God when
you are facing temptation... Read the Bible aloud if you have trouble
memorizing scripture...Focus, believe what you say and Stand your
ground!

You didn't get to this point in life without giving up some ground--Now
it's time to focus on taking back the ground that was surrendered each
time you gave in to looking at porn, self pleasuring etc.
Here's a link to how porn effects the brain: Free e-book: Your Brain on Porn | Covenant Eyes

Change the atmosphere in your home.. put on praise and worship music.
Be mindful of what you are looking at-- guard your eyes from too much
exposure to "soft porn" that's on TV/movies/video games etc.


It is good to have people praying for you but you also have to do your
part in guarding your eyes, mind and your heart from ungodly things.
This is where the armor of God comes in, it's our armor for protecting
the whole body and it should be used daily and inspections should be
made to see if there's any cracks in one's armor. If there are cracks,
repairs need to be made.

 

[parsley]

Try to separate what's going on in your mind, from the instincts in your body. Looking at porn is different from having physical compulsions.

Leviticus keeps it simple-- as risk of communicable disease afterward is higher, men needed to separate themselves until the risk was over. Unclean was literal. What went on in the mind was not written in the Law (more in the wisdom books like Proverbs), but protecting others from disease was.

Something to keep in mind -- in marriage, your (potential) wife will expect you to relate to her as a friend, a respected partner in life... not someone ready at any moment to jump into action and meet your physical needs. You will still need to exercise self-control, respect her time, and resist objectifying women.

So this is a good time to work on it, when there isn't a partner hurt about the porn, or upset at being treated like a prostitute. Ask God for help, and take more cold showers.

Women serve in many important roles in society, and most don't appreciate being treated like they're only good for relieving a man's urges. I know that's not your intent, but that's what porn leads to.

 

[technofox]

Preface: I didn't know where to stick this, so this is probably will need to be moved by mods, but whatever. I should also add, I'm a christian, I'm drawing closer to god, I do not, in any way shape or form, desire to act upon these desires, this is more of a rant, than anything. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm going absolutely insane. Sometimes, I want to say screw god, screw the commandments, screw not sinning, and just give in to all my hearts evil desires. I struggle with lust and have with porn for a long time, However recently (in the last months) god has given me the strength to say no to it and I don't look at it, and have only fallen into masturbation one or 2 times. I'm going absolutely insane. part of me wants to completely give myself self over to every form of sexual perversion thats not illegal. I mean, I can't even get a girlfriend. It doesn't sound that hard, go out there, there are plenty of women, but I can't, because most don't hold the same values as I do. If I was to throw my values away it would be easy, Just go to a party, find someone who is sorta drunk and boom, sex. But I don't want that, I want to save myself for marriage, even though my entire body is screaming at me to say "screw it, do what you want". It would be so much easier to find a women, if I didn't have any criteria other than her looking decent, but because I want to find someone who is close with god, who want to wait till marriage, and who actually wants a relationship as opposed to a quick fling (which is all anyone on campus wants). Part of me wants to just completely give myself over to every perversion, to have friends with benefits, casual sex, become a swinger. But I know that none of this will bring me pleasure, Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 2 If anyone could find happiness in sex it would have been him, the man with 700 wives and 300 sex slaves. But no, the bible tells me I won't find happiness there. I want a wife, but can't even get a date, I'm going insane. I'm not even in a place where I should even think about getting married, but the bible says if we burn with passion, to get married (one book I read had a footnote that added "or learn to acquire a wife"). Well, I may not burn with passion for a specific person, but I'm certainly burning with passion, and its driving me absolutely insane. I can't even get respite from these thoughts with READING SCRIPTURE, Its like, in old testament scripture do you REALIZE how many people acted out sexually in a way they shouldn't have? Abraham(forced slave to marry him, used her as a baby factory and treated her horrible), lot (offered daughters to crowd for sex), Judah (thought the person he was having sex with was a prostitute),Samson (spent the night with prostitute) , David (had multiple wives and stole another mans wife killing him in the process, Solomon ( Had 700 wives and 300 sex slaves). Like, how am I suppose to study and put thoughts of sexual perversion behind me when even reading the word of god they show up! I mean, sex slaves (concubines), multiple wives, prostitution, Jezz, maybe I'm not doing so bad after all, but I'm tired of having temptation at every corner, I'm tired of not being able to fulfill these desires in a way pleasing to god. So Now that porn is out of the equation, and masturbation is to (though I occasionally mess up and touch). Then I come across scriptures that almost ENDORSE prostitution! Proverbs 6:25-27New International Version Though obviously its not, its simply trying to show how bad adultery with a married woman is. But in moments of weakness my mind still flies to some of these scriptures to try to justify itself. I'll be praying and even while praying my nether regions will be screaming at me. I pray and pray for god to help me, AND HE HAS, he has given me the strength to say no to porn, and I'm so grateful for that, because before I was a slave to it, I had no choice, I was unable to say no. But god, he gave me the strength to. But with this increased sex drive from no release my mind keeps going places it shouldn't, even more than when I looked at porn! I mean, I'll be doing something and suddenly the fantasy of doing something sexual will come over me, I don't want it, I want it out of my mind, but there it is. I pray and pray god will help me. It feels almost like a joke, In the last year he has brought me so far in my prayer life, in my spiritual life, and bringing me close to him,yet at the same time I have these urges that can't be described as anything but evil. The bible talks about us being a people of unclean lips, well I have an unclean MIND. I wish so badly, that I could at least get a date, at least that would mean I would have success in taking the first step to finding a wife, but I can't even accomplish that. I don't just want a wife for sex, I want someone to share my life with, and despite the way I sound in this post, I'm NOT desperate, I have certain things and beliefs that are dealbreakers (like she has to be a christian). But all the the time I feel those being attacked, I start to doubt god, I mean, if he he isn't real, then all of this is a waste, if he isn't real, there is NO reason not to go out there and do anything I desire, but the fact is, he IS real, and I'm SO grateful he is real and that he has saved me, and I strive every day to get closer to him, but at the same time my flesh screams at me, because it doesn't like that, and Im going insane from these polarized desires ripping me apart at the seams. I wish all these evil desires would leave me, leave my mind, I wish this burning desire for a woman would leave me, I know its healthy at 21 years old, but its driving me absolutely insane. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, Ive seen other people on here post about it, but somehow that makes it even worse, I don't know how. I'm going insane /end rant

This is a challenge for 99% of all men in the USA, not sure abroad though since other cultures don't tend to sexualize the female anatomy as much as us. Take heart, you are not alone and if you believe Jesus is your savior and lord, your sins are forgiven. This is something you will deal with for a long time and it is a vice that your mine will look towards when something triggers it. The best thing you can do is involve yourself in positive things, like working out, volunteering, etc.

You should also find a church that offers celebrate recovery to help you find ways to get passed the temptation. I will pray for you and others that struggle with this, including myself.

 

[amazingme5888]

Are you also posting as: anewman1993?
.

Haha, I don't think so, I saw another post sorta similar to mine, was that It?

Try to separate what's going on in your mind, from the instincts in your body. Looking at porn is different from having physical compulsions.

Something to keep in mind -- in marriage, your (potential) wife will expect you to relate to her as a friend, a respected partner in life... not someone ready at any moment to jump into action and meet your physical needs. You will still need to exercise self-control, respect her time, and resist objectifying women.

Oh, man, thats the thing, I don't view women as just a release for physical needs. I want a person to share my life with, but that doesn't diminish the fact that a healthy way to act on these desires would be VERY helpful.I want, as you put it "a respected partner in life" more than I want to have sex.

So this is a good time to work on it, when there isn't a partner hurt about the porn, or upset at being treated like a prostitute. Ask God for help, and take more cold showers.

Cold showers actually don't help! In fact, warm showers help me, Showers are my "thinking" time, and most of the time I'm thinking about god or meditating on his word. Hard to do that and rub one out at the same time

Women serve in many important roles in society, and most don't appreciate being treated like they're only good for relieving a man's urges. I know that's not your intent, but that's what porn leads to.

Oh, I know that, I want life partner, the sex is just a relay nice bonus and I'm sick and tired of not being able to act on the urge, so its just builds and builds and builds driving me insane

 

[Midst]

I know I'm not alone in this struggle, Ive seen other people on here post about it, but somehow that makes it even worse, I don't know how.

I'm going insane

/end rant

Sounds like the same poster.

 

[chapmic]

It'll be ok, just take it one day at a time. Remember that you are renewed in Christ, that may have been your issues in the past but because you believe in Jesus lust does not have power over you anymore so you do not have to be afraid of sinning. Remember it is the Holy Spirit that gives us power over sin, believe in the power of his strength and not yours and you can overcome any sin. I will be praying for you! God bless!

 

[Quasicentennial]

Christianity is a constant learning process and if Adam and Eve hadn't stuffed up in the first place through disobedience, then our spiritual wealth and success knowledge in God would be complete - if our minds operated on a genius level through speed reading and comprehension skills, we would know "Christ's spirituality encyclopedia" without memory failure, and that Jesus wouldn't have been born on Earth to sacrifice his life for our sins:.
It's almost as if God is allowing Satan to do his dirty work on mankind and we humans have to sort ourselves out by finding out our human origins, and constantly solving the root cause of sin by reading the Word of God, while at the same time, pray for Jesus to reveal his wisdom through the bible translation version, even in Hebrew that could be vaguely or wrongly translated.;'*';.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

We all have struggles. I myself was a virgin until I was 27. I was at a point in my life of confusion and bitterness towards God. So I gave into sex. Do I regret it? Of course.

As for sexual feelings and temptations. Its mens weakness. People joke our second brain is "down below" but its sort of true. A man trying to avoid sex is like a pregnant woman trying to avoid her craving for lets say chocolate. lol. For many men the fight will continue until the day the die.

I know someone much older then me who had a porn issue and overall perverse mind before he was saved. Once saved he relatively quickly got rid of that lifestyle. 40+ years later he slipped back into it and slowly has been stopping it again. Biggest thing to do is once you control it, don't ease up because the devil will look for the smallest of cracks in your defenses to make you mess up again. Hes been around long enough to know how we think.