I'm So Depressed!

[Ave Maria]

Hi everyone. I am really depressed right now. I just got up about an hour ago when my dad and his girlfriend came over to check on how clean my apartment is and to bring some clothes over that Patty did for me. Patty is my dad's girlfriend. She came over to help me clean the other day. Well my apartment was a little bit messy again and so my dad just kind of got mad at me. He told me that if he came over again later and it wasn't cleaned up he'd blow up at me and I told him he better not blow up at me cause I'd make him leave my apartment. Well, he then proceeded to blow up at me and I got really upset and told him to leave. He wouldn't leave and he even told me to call the cops as if he was just daring me to do so or something. My dad has really bad anger problems. I did not call the cops on him. The only way I'd do that is if he hit me or something like that and he didn't. I'm still all depressed bout this and can't quite get to feeling better. I'm going to Mass and confession later so I know that will help me a lot. I also haven't taken my medicine yet but I'm going to in a moment or so. Please pray for me or just talk to me if you would like. I'd really appreciate it.

 

[Judy02]

Hey there hun.

I'm sorry you've been having problems with your dad.
Can u arrange to meet him somewhere else, when you do see each other - not your apartment do u think?

Also, why does it bother him that its messy, when he doesnt even live there? xxx

 

[Ave Maria]

Hey there hun.

I'm sorry you've been having problems with your dad.
Can u arrange to meet him somewhere else, when you do see each other - not your apartment do u think?

Also, why does it bother him that its messy, when he doesnt even live there? xxx

Well it bothers him cause I sometimes have trouble keeping it clean and he worries about me I guess. Anyway, I don't mind meeting him at my apartment. I have apologised to him so I think all is well with him and I now but I'm not sure as I asked Patty to tell him since he was asleep when I went over there.

 

[Judy02]

Well it bothers him cause I sometimes have trouble keeping it clean and he worries about me I guess. Anyway, I don't mind meeting him at my apartment. I have apologised to him so I think all is well with him and I now but I'm not sure as I asked Patty to tell him since he was asleep when I went over there.

Yeah. Will pray for you. I understand him being a bit concerned being a parent and all,but you are an adult and living independently now, he will have to let you live your own life, and learn from your own mistakes. I'm also quite a messy person, and my parents are the opposite. It only really bothers them if I'm messy in their house, but your dad can advise you, but he does have to let you live out your own life, and providing you're not living in such a way where you become a danger to yourself...like I dunno, leaving the gas on on the cooker, he does have to leave you be to an extent. Hope I helped a little bit, feel free to contact if you just need to vent, or whatever xxx

 

[HolyOne87]

im not sure what to say in this situation..but I shall pray things get better btwn. you and your father.

 

[angelluv]

Sorry this has happened. I'm glad your dad has cooled down a little bit. I understand what it's like to be depressed, and how sometimes the people that love you the most can hurt you. I've learned that it's not because of me they are that way, it's because they don't understand mental illness. I hope that things get tons better for you, and I will be praying.

 

[HisEagle]

Mary, I think you're a really nice person - you know that. But I have to be blunt here. You asked him to leave YOUR apartment. He refused. When you threatened to call the police, and then backed down, all you did was give HIM the power over you.

What you should have done was gone ahead and called the police. I know he is your dad, and you love him, and you want to respect him. BUT - by not calling the police, you sent the wrong message.....namely that you are going to allow other people to govern your life and decisions. By following through with your threat to call the police, it would have sent the message to your dad that YOU are an adult making the decisions which affect your own life. As long as you allow him, or anyone, to have that kind of power over you, you are going to be easily swayed from standing your ground. Likewise, this is also an issue of learning to defend yourself. If you cower away simply because someone else is in some sort of position of authority over you, or seems to be more powerful, then it emboldens your opponent and gives them the upper hand. You need to learn to fight back, or else the world will run right over you. Trust me when I say this, dear one.

I don't know your personal arrangements in your life, but just because he's your dad, that does not give him the right to yell at you in your own home.

 

[Judy02]

Likewise, this is also an issue of learning to defend yourself. If you cower away simply because someone else is in some sort of position of authority over you, or seems to be more powerful, then it emboldens your opponent and gives them the upper hand. You need to learn to fight back, or else the world will run right over you. Trust me when I say this, dear one.

I don't know your personal arrangements in your life, but just because he's your dad, that does not give him the right to yell at you in your own home.

Yeah I'd say thats true sweetie. You can say u respect his views, and him as a person, but you are an adult now. He doesn't have the right to control you or the way u live. I'd say be polite and respectful, but also firm. You appreciate his concerns, but he has to, in return respect you as a person, and let you make your own decisions now. You're even in your own house now. This is just advice in general, I don't know ur dad personally, or the exact situation here, but sometimes a firm response, and standing your ground is what can get the other person to realise they're being controlling or overpowering. I know its not always easy to do, but it'll be worth it.I hope things are a bit better now than they were. Let us know if you'd still like us to pray for you
xx

 

[PrairieGurl]

Dear One,

I agree with Judy02 last post.

s & s,
Wendy

 

[aLi3nZ]

You're 24 and your dad is giving you flak for having a messy apartment causing the occasional argument?

Of all the things to get upset about...

Sounds like your dad should be taking the pills here.

My dad gives me a little flak when my house is messy, not as bad as what you have described but then again. I try defuse the situation rather then wording responses that could escalate it.

 

[rjfp]

Your father ,like mine uses fear and agression to assurt dominace over us. As a child it is impossible to stand your ground against such a towering and agressive man,but you are 24 and should not be cowed by anyone anymore and your father ,like mine will see your independence and if not then he is too arrogant to ever change