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I'm So Confused Right Now...

lindseykale

Hello. My name is Lindsey and I'm a workaholic...
Feb 23, 2010
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My fiancee and I have been together nearly 6 years, lived together for 5 and a half, have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, been engaged for a year and we're getting married on October 10, 2010 (10-10-10). Here's the kicker; I'm Baptist and he's a Mormon. When we first got together I was not going to church and so religeon never even came up. I was a Chrsitian, but worked every Sunday, so I just kind of fell out of the church. We have lived all of these years and I have asked him about going to church, but when he mentions going to his church, I change the subject and we do nothing. I have recently turned back to God and I am so confused about what it is I want, and what God may want from me that it is eating me alive. Our relationship has been so hard for the last few years. We can be so happy and not have a single problem, and then we hit rock bottom. It has been known to get pretty miserable and nasty down here with the name calling, accusations, nagging, hostility and the control issues. He has never been physically violent, but when we get to this point I am just mentally and emotionally exhausted. Well, we are here right now and I don't know how much more I can take. Talking to him does not help, it seems like things are actually getting worse. Usually when we get to this point I can sit him down and explain what is bothering me and tell him the way he acts and talks are hurtful and it stops, at least for a while. This time seems different. I've been praying for God to give me a sign so I know if I should stay or leave and things are progressively getting worse and harder to deal with. Maybe this is my sign? Before I didn't leave because I was not working and my car was actually his car. Now I am able to support myself and my daughter. Which leads me to another thing; our daughter. We are both very close to her and I do not want to raise her in a broken home. I do love him. I have myself talked into leaving because I cannot stand to be around him anymore, and then he does or says something that changes my mind in an instant (keep in mind that I have not told him that I wanted to leave). It seems to be a never ending cycle, and someway, somehow I've got to break it. We are supposed to get married in October and I'm afraid things will get worse. But what if they don't? I just want some insight from someone on the outside looking in. My mother and sister both say that he is too controlling, and I try to hide the way he acts from them, but I guess they just see what he does when they're around. Maybe if I hear some advice from fellow Christians it will help me decide what it is that I need to do. :confused: Thank you!!
 

bliz

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Run. Pack your bags, get away, and run for your life.

None of this is going to get any better without serious outside help, and maybe not even then. Getting married will probably make it even worse. These issues probably stem back to him childhood and are not easily fixed, and the never get better, they always progress to being more violent and dangerous.

Would you want your daughter to marry a guy like this? Then why are you about to?

Raising a daughter in a broken home is not the worst option out there. Raising her in a sick home would be far worse. The damage that this causes to her is major. Rescue her, rescue yourself.
 
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Criada

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It's a horrible position to be in, sweetie, especially with a child involved.
I think you need to talk to him, explain what you are feeling, and your doubts about the future, and ask whether he would be willing to come to some kind of counseling with you to try to work on the issues.
If he isn't physically violent, then I think that your relationship is worth a chance... but please don't get married until you are very sure. It is never a good idea to marry someone in the hope that they will change, because sadly, it rarely happens. You need to know that you are both working together to build a healthy relationship before you make that kind of commitment.

Thinking of you sweetie, and hoping that you can work things through :hug:
 
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Lighthouse76

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Hi Lindsey,

I am sorry you're going throu all of that and praying that you have clarity for each step of the way , wisdom from above and the peace of God to make the right choices.

I do agree with the others about to not marry with those issues around, red flags, because it does not get better "later on"..and counseling helps too.

Big hug and blessings.
 
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spazlegs

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Lindsey, my dear sister in Christ, you are not in obedience to God right now, because you are living with your fiancee.

The first thing you need to do, is not live under the same roof again with a man not related to you until you are married.

Mormons believe in a God the father who is about 60 feet tall on one planet and Jesus is about 30 feet tall on another planet. They believe that Satan and Jesus are brothers. God is Spirit, say the bible. Read John chapter 1, Jesus is the spoken WORD (logos), the written WORD and the living WORD. He and the Father are one and do not live on separated planets. Jesus is the great I AM, the creator of the universe. Satan is a created being and is definitely not equal to Jesus.

Get out now. If the controlling issues, and all the other red flags are fixed, the showstopper is still that you would be unequally yoked with him. He should be one who believe the basics of Christianity. You don't want to be married, have more children and then have him say that he is divorcing you because you aren't a good LDS wife do you?
 
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ChaplainWoody

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Reply from: Chaplain Woody

I have been in the ministry 45 years, and have dealt with all types of issues in relationships.

First, understand, if he was raised Mormon, the head of the household and always in control is the husband, and Mormon wives don't really have a say, and they MUST be obedient to their husbands, so he is doing what he knows through his raising.

Second, now that you have come back to the Lord (PTL), you both are very much unequally yoked.

Since you are not married, living together is an immoral sexual sin in God's word. Think upon this, pray about it, and ask God to lead you to the right decision of living together because of this point alone. This means you are not in the Will of God for your life.

Lean upon the Lord, seek Him in for all your answers...He will never fell you or forsake you.

Even, if he believes whole heartedly Mormon, he is also not following the Mormon plan by living together out of marriage.

I will be praying for your future in the Lord, who is the most important Person in your life, "Seek ye first...Him...He has the best plans for your life, your child and him too. Pray for him too! He needs Jesus. Keep in His word daily, for the Bible has all the answers to life.

God bless
 
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lindseykale

Hello. My name is Lindsey and I'm a workaholic...
Feb 23, 2010
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Thank you all for your prayers. We have been trying to work on our issues. We are currently looking for a church. We have tried 4 so far, I have liked them all for different reasons and he liked the preacher from one of them. So maybe will will attend that one this Sunday. He has not attended a mormon church in 7 years or more, and he no longer mentions us trying "his church" because he knows that I will not step foot in it. He is trying, and I was feeling better about us until a few days ago. For no reason in particular my heart has begun to feel heavy again and I feel like I still have some hard choices to make. Please keep me in your prayers, I am going to need them.
 
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