I'm scared of being in a relationship..is this normal?

[Take Heart]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?

 

[Neal of Zebulun]

Read 1 Corinthians 7.

You sound like you have a beautiful soul. Even the color of your text is pretty. Don't be afraid when Father Yahweh answers you.

Christ loves His sheep and will not lead them astray.

 

[Sketcher]

It's not normal, but I understand it. I'm more scared of limited success that falls short than I am of being rejected from the beginning.

 

[Bro. Daniel]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?

I heard Him confirm yes and it's always best to wait on God as you've asked Him for confirmation. You can receive several confirmations if necessary, even one given to you according to scripture by Him alone.

Marriage is extremely important to God as it is 90% of one's destiny.

God will provides the spouse you grow old with and a family rooted in God will be very blessed and flourish as written in Psalm 127:3-5 and Psalm 128 (King James Version).

Being unequally yoked in a marriage (without God's consent of the spouse) causes division in the home as written in Mark 3:25, Matthew 12:25, Luke 11:17 respectively which many have unfortunately fallen into today as you've mentioned. Pray and ask God to prepare both of you to be ready for when he arrives.

Shalom and Happy Sabbath!

 

[JES1023]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?

Nearly 5 and half years ago when working at another Wal-Mart less than 10 miles from the one I work at now I saw a young lady that to this day I truly regret not talking to. Especially since God gave me a golden opportunity to talk to her.

I saw her from a distance conservatively dress and drop dead gorgeous. But her physical beauty was only surpass by her emotional and even more so spiritual beauty. I remember she reminded me of Jana Duggar and I was praying to God, asking if this was the oldest Duggar child?

God in His goodness gave me a chance to talk to her as she asked me about cantaloupe. But I acted foolishly and didn't persue the conservation. This was foolish because to this day all I know of this young lady is what I heard God answer; He didn't say yes this a Duggar daughter or someone else's daughter. God thru the Spirit Shouted: THIS IS MY DAUGHTER!

I bring this up because you seem to have that same genuine Spirit about you that she did. It easier say than done but trust God, He will bring someone in your life. Just make sure you don't miss it like I did.

 

[Willing-heart]

You have to vulnerable if you ever want to be in a relationship. Even to develop new authentic friendship, vulnerable is key. The song "Glory and Consequences" by Ben Harper comes into mind. You have to start letting go of your fears and then maybe perhaps you will see that it is time time time, time that you love. You have to make the most of the little time God has given you here on this side of heaven before it runs out. God gives us the choice to remain single or married. The bible from beginning to end teaches about choices. Just don't forget that for every choice we make there is a consequence. Dare to live!

 

[Tolworth John]

I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

Being scared of being vunerable, of betrayed or abused is understandable.
The purpose of courting, of dating is to get to know one another. To work out are you suitable to marry.
There is no place in such a trial relationship for sex and anyone expecting sex prior to marriage is not worth seeing more of.

Talk to the men around you, if asked out consider it and let him know that sex is not part of the eveening.

 

[Take Heart]

@Neal of Zebulun
Thank you for your kind words.. and yes, I'm very familiar with that chapter. It's a relief to know that it isn't a sin to marry if one chooses to. Like it's not as if one would 'go against' His will or anything.

 

[Take Heart]

@Sketcher
What did you mean by 'limited success that falls short'?

 

[Take Heart]

@Bro. Daniel
That's a nice thought..thank you brother. Do you mind if I ask how you came about hearing Him confirm 'yes'? I've always wanted to hear His voice. I'm sure it's not always audible but moreso a subtle but firm sense of Him trying to convey something that our spirit somehow picks up on? I'm not sure of the 90% but it seems that way. I don't meet many who have remained celibate their entire lives. I'll be sure to pray for my future husband, should I receive confirmation that it's His will for me to have one

 

[Take Heart]

@JES1023
That sounds like a lovely encounter. I've seen some of their daily life on television-it's such a blessing to see Christian families courting and really making sure that Christ is at the centre of it all. I guess the moral of the story is to be open for any opportunity but also be prayerful and wise throughout.

 

[Take Heart]

@Femi Williams You're right..one must be vulnerable to some degree when forming a relationship/friendship. Thanks, I'll check that song out after I finish typing this out. Yeah, I'll try to be more open to the idea and try to set my fears aside. It's scary though for me..just have to take things one day at a time and ask for His help.

 

[Take Heart]

@Tolworth John Thank you for reminding me that courting is a safe way to get to know someone better and to make decisions if one wants to pursue the relationship further with marriage as the end goal. Not many people believe in courting. I think it's lovely..I'm sure if I continue to prayerfully ask for God to send me someone who would be interested in courting instead of recreational dating, He'd make a presentation and I wouldn't have to 'look'. I'm not a big fan of the concept of 'searching' for one's partner. It just always seemed like if God wants someone to cross your path in His perfect time, then He'd let that happen. Nothing is impossible for Him.

 

[Tolworth John]

God wants someone to cross your path in His perfect time, then He'd let that happen. Nothing is impossible for Him

When does a date turn into courting?

How does God guide us?

Which is eaier to guide, a car in motion or one with no wheels?

If someone asks you out, listen to your instincts, ask what he has in mind?
Untill you get into deep conversation how are you to find out about them?

 

[Take Heart]

@Tolworth John
Honestly, I have no idea how I'd go about the situation. I'd expect the guy would be the one leading and directing the course of the relationship and be upfront that he'd like to court instead of date. But I think I understand where you're coming from. One would need to open up to the possibility to talking to someone in order to find out more about them.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

This is something I've heard ever since I was old enough to marry...which has been decades ago...I heard this kind of talk from guys and girls...usually because
of coming from broken homes or worse they were in two parent homes but they
parents carried on so badly that the parent's treatment of one another badly
scarred the children.

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'.

Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?


There's to be "you time", for none of us can continually function properly without proper rest/relaxation...my widowed mom couldn't do it, I was there
when she collapsed and mom spent months recovering from that...us, her minor
children had to stay with other people until she was able to leave the hospital.

Mom learned she couldn't handle everything herself, that it was OK to ask for help, seek assistance and to give others a chance. Most importantly, to forgive when others don't do something exactly as you would have it done.

Committing to being single for the Kingdom is to be done out of love for God
not because of fear(s).

What does the Bible say about fear?

A better way of approaching your situation is to simply trust God in
the matter regardless of what happens.

There's no human relationship guarantee that the other person won't disappoint you, cheat on you, leave etc... oddly enough, those who really fear being done wrong have turned out to be the person who ends up causing themselves the most harm....'cause their fears hinder them from forming deep friendships and having true koinonia with other believers and growing deeper with the Lord as well...not to mention turning away a potential spouse.

In God we trust, He's the only one who stands by His Word..."Never will I leave
you, never will I forsake you"...so abide in Him because no matter what
comes your way in life, God will enable you (if you ask/allow Him to help you) to forgive, heal/recover and go on.

 

[Take Heart]

@Kit Sigmon
Wonderfully said, sis. It makes sense..just have to trust God in the process and allow Him to help me through every season and whatever comes my way.

 

[Jenniferdiana]

You dont have to get married but youll become very lonely sometime eventually. If you have a good relationship with God and he makes you complete and content in all things then thats great too. Im 34 and never had a relationship and i sometimes often feel lonely and scared i will be alone for the rest of my life. I mean i feel happy in God but yea my story is a little different..and awkward...

 

[Take Heart]

@Jenniferdiana
Very true, sis. Contentment in God and knowing one is complete in Him helps solidify who we are in Christ so that, no matter what may come our way, we won't be shaken-our faith will remain steadfast. Though, I imagine it's quite normal for one's faith to waiver now and then. It's good that we have Christ our Rock to fall back on when things get a bit shaky. I pray God will let your paths cross in His perfect time

 

[Jenniferdiana]

@Jenniferdiana
Very true, sis. Contentment in God and knowing one is complete in Him helps solidify who we are in Christ so that, no matter what may come our way, we won't be shaken-our faith will remain steadfast. Though, I imagine it's quite normal for one's faith to waiver now and then. It's good that we have Christ our Rock to fall back on when things get a bit shaky. I pray God will let your paths cross in His perfect time

Thanks. I hope you figure all these things out soon. I really know what you mean. Im going through it.