I'm sad

[odeminkwe]

A thread on another board has brought it up again and I just feel sad. I thought I was okay with what happened and I'm not really. It still hurts. I'm crying right now and I should go to bed, it's two in the morning, but I don't want to lay next to my husband. I don't want to be touched. He would notice me crying and want to know what's wrong and I don't want to talk about it right now. I don't want a hug. I just want someone to know I'm hurting. I'm still hurting.

 

[TertiusC]

I'm hurting for you

 

[odeminkwe]

Thank you for caring. I'm still sad today, but not as much as last night. I feel more sick to my stomach, raw and exposed. I don't want to re-feel this right now. I've got too much to do. This is not a good time for me at all, but I know better than to push it away. That would make things a lot worse. I'm a recovering alcoholic and bulimic. I'm not worried about drinking over this, but bingeing and purging sounds remotely appealing right now. I'm going to have to talk to someone, at least my husband, and let them know what's going on.

 

[TertiusC]

That sounds like a good idea. I pray that God gives your husband the wisdom and strength that he needs to help you in the way that God wants him to and that you need.

Hang in there

 

[calledchuck]

Im praying for you right now odeminkwe!!! I promise you, things WILL get better. Are or have you gotten counseling for this?

As TertiusC said, Hang in there!!!!

-Chuck

 

[calledchuck]

Im praying for you right now odeminkwe!!! I promise you, things WILL get better. Are or have you gotten counseling for this?

As TertiusC said, Hang in there!!!!

-Chuck

 

[odeminkwe]

Thanks for your prayers. I haven't talked to my husband, but I did tell a friend. No, I haven't gotten counseling for it. I've been in recovery for alcoholism and it is something that has come up before, but my focus has been maintaining my sobriety. Tomorrow, I will have 7 years clean and sober. It is probably time I start dealing with some of the things that happened in my past. The rape is really heavy right now, but there are other things that are starting to slip in, other times I was assaulted sexually. I feel a bit overwhelmed. Please keep praying for me.

 

[Johnnz]

Sadness is common. Those were bad times. Sadness is OK when someone has messed with you like that. Just get some wise and caring support.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[bubblefish]

I am praying for you *hug*. And congratulations on 7 years. That is an amazing acheivement.

Sadness and bad times are ok, just as John said. I really suggest that you talk to someone if you can. It does help to talk about it, even though it can be hard to begin with.

 

[odeminkwe]

Thank you for your support. You are right. I need to talk to someone about this. I think it's time I seek counseling. I plan on going to the counseling center on campus some time this week to see if they can help me or refer me to someone who can. I need to deal with this. I need help.

 

[TertiusC]

That's a good choice, you'll feel better after you have someone that can help you that really knows how to help you. It's a brave move, you can do it

 

[odeminkwe]

I hope so.

 

[bubblefish]

*hug* That is a huge and very brave move. Will be praying that it works out for you

- Katie

 

[odeminkwe]

Thanks, Katie. I finally told my husband that I've been having flashbacks. He was very supportive, though I could tell that it smacked him pretty hard. He knew about the one incident, but I related some details about the other thing that has come up. I couldn't help it. I had to get it out. He's got so much on his plate right now, and I feel guilty for burdening him. I know that I'm wrong for feeling that way, but I do.

 

[bubblefish]

Really, I know what that is like. Only one of my close friends knows about the abuse I went through and understands the flashbacks. I knew at the time I told her though, and even now, she has a lot of other things worrying her and I felt horrible about adding more stress, but telling her was also one of the best things I have done.

Even though you may feel like you are burdening him, I don't think he would see it that way. And it will help you too *hug* You should never have to be in this alone.

 

[odeminkwe]

It does help. Thanks, every one, for responding to my thread. I felt so embarrassed and exposed when I first posted. I immediately wanted to take it back. I don't like people knowing that I need help. I don't like reaching out. I don't like showing that I'm hurting. I like to pretend that I can take care of myself when that simply isn't true.
I'm so glad I posted. I don't feel so alone now.
Oh, I'm going to try to get to the counseling center tomorrow. I had classes all day today, but I only have one tomorrow.

 

[calledchuck]

Odeminkwe,
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm going to cram a bunch of info in so bear with me.

Congra's on 7 years!!! That is an amazing achievment. Never take that lightly, no matter what anyone says. Remember the hard work is took to get you there.

Also, That was an awesome decision to tell your husband. You won't regret it!

Im not pressering you to talk. If you dont want to talk about it, that fine. We understand. But I wanted to ask: How did it go today? Im praying for you. May God give you courage and strength!!!

*HUGS* YOU ARE LOVED BY MANY!!!!!!!

-Chuck

 

[bubblefish]

*hug* Have been thinking of you. Hope everything went well with the counselling centre.

 

[odeminkwe]

I didn't make it there. I chickened out.

 

[bubblefish]

*hug*