I'm really struggling

[rawkstar05]

Hey guys, I'm new here...but I came here because I really need some help....in middle school and my fresh/sohp. years of high school I started cutting myself...I'm not sure why but I've been depressed my whole life and it seemed convient, well one day I cut my wrists (not a suicide attempt) and the scars were so bad I had to wear a sweatband for a few months, well then I really got close to God, and started crying and told my parents, they asked if I needed to see a counlser and I said no and that was the end....but I didn't want to cut anymore so I stopped....well now I transfered as a sophmore to a christian college....and things were awesome I was really getting close to God, then some friends of mine went out and drank and I joined them, and in the mist of drunk dialing I accendently called my R.A. now I'm in serious trouble in fact I have to go in front of a panel of really important people soon and explain what happened, and I've failed (literal F's) on three exams this week.

I was so upset that I started cutting again...I don't know where it came from...but I did it....and since then I've been cutting everyday...its almost been a week...I've never been this addicted to it...and I think my roomates getting suspicious...and I can't afford to get in any more trouble...

I'm also really mad at God right now...it just seems like he wants me to fail...every time I give my life to him....it just get put in situations and I fail...everytime...I'm just getting tired of failing, and screwing up, my parents put a lot of pressure on me to succed and if they find out I'm dead....and I'm so scared that if they do they'll see me as a screw up. I'm just sick of it. I feel so alone. I barely have any friends and my BFF constently ditches me...and I felt God speak to me in more ways than once this week, he spoke to me about peace and grace...but grace is really hard for me to accept, and I'm pushing God aways becasue I don't want to screw up anymore and his perfection scares me.....

I don't know what I need right now....prayer, guidance, advice...but I really need something...I'm scared and alone.

 

[mitiog]

Hi, I'm new here too and I noticed that no-one has replied to your thread yet so I thought I'd try and write something. I'm a perfectionist and I struggle to fully grasp the idea that we have a perfect and holy God yet at the same time he has made provision for our lack of perfection through the cross of Christ where we can be forgiven. If you've put yourself right with God then today is a new day. Yes there will be consequences and I pray that your RA (whatever that is - sorry I'm from the other side of the pond!) will deal justly with you.

It's amazing that God loves us unconditionally and he cares so much for us. Please don't rely on how you feel. The Lord's love for you is unconditional as it is for all of us. He doesn't want you to go back to self-harm and he will give you the strength to cope with life in the power of the Spirit.

Bless you.

mitiog

 

[mamalonglegs]

Hey guys, I'm new here...but I came here because I really need some help....in middle school and my fresh/sohp. years of high school I started cutting myself...I'm not sure why but I've been depressed my whole life and it seemed convient, well one day I cut my wrists (not a suicide attempt) and the scars were so bad I had to wear a sweatband for a few months, well then I really got close to God, and started crying and told my parents, they asked if I needed to see a counlser and I said no and that was the end....but I didn't want to cut anymore so I stopped....well now I transfered as a sophmore to a christian college....and things were awesome I was really getting close to God, then some friends of mine went out and drank and I joined them, and in the mist of drunk dialing I accendently called my R.A. now I'm in serious trouble in fact I have to go in front of a panel of really important people soon and explain what happened, and I've failed (literal F's) on three exams this week.

I was so upset that I started cutting again...I don't know where it came from...but I did it....and since then I've been cutting everyday...its almost been a week...I've never been this addicted to it...and I think my roomates getting suspicious...and I can't afford to get in any more trouble...

I'm also really mad at God right now...it just seems like he wants me to fail...every time I give my life to him....it just get put in situations and I fail...everytime...I'm just getting tired of failing, and screwing up, my parents put a lot of pressure on me to succed and if they find out I'm dead....and I'm so scared that if they do they'll see me as a screw up. I'm just sick of it. I feel so alone. I barely have any friends and my BFF constently ditches me...and I felt God speak to me in more ways than once this week, he spoke to me about peace and grace...but grace is really hard for me to accept, and I'm pushing God aways becasue I don't want to screw up anymore and his perfection scares me.....

I don't know what I need right now....prayer, guidance, advice...but I really need something...I'm scared and alone.

Hey rawkstar05:

You seem to feel all alone in every difficult situation that you find yourself in. That is a myth. Every one of us goes through tough times on and off throughout our entire lives.

Remember that life isn't about perfection it is about living. God works us everyday to make us better people even if it doen't feel right.

The key word being "feeling". Don't let feelings run your life. Deal with them. Find someone that you can talk to. Talking is important in order to sort things out and learn the truth about how you are feeling and where they are coming from.

The person has to be someone with whom you can be honest with and be willing to be honest with yourself.

It is true that we don't have to be perfect. God is perfect and Him only. Otherwise, He would never have given us I John 1:9. Use that verse everyday or several times a day if you need, okay?

Love yourself by taking care of yourself. Fear is from satan himself. Love casteth out all fear. God is Love!!

mamalonglegs

 

[0145xyz]

hugs, it is very addictive and harder to go w/o it when you are in hard times. God does not want you to fail. Christian life is not meant to be a bed of roses, there will be many tests, temptations, and trials you'll go through. My parents see me as a screw-up, i had to learn to deal with it. It's really hard but you have to understand God just wants your best, don't push Him away. Hmmm, I don't know if my advice was helpfull at all, but I will definately keep you in my prayers. Maybe college isn't meant for you maybe there's another path God wants you on-or maybe you'll overpass this and this is just a stumbling block-whichever it is it would be good to pray about it and trust in God. At the college I went to they has a class called "college success", it was really good and worth my time, i highly suggest it.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hey guys, I'm new here...but I came here because I really need some help....in middle school and my fresh/sohp. years of high school I started cutting myself...I'm not sure why but I've been depressed my whole life and it seemed convient, well one day I cut my wrists (not a suicide attempt) and the scars were so bad I had to wear a sweatband for a few months, well then I really got close to God, and started crying and told my parents, they asked if I needed to see a counlser and I said no and that was the end....but I didn't want to cut anymore so I stopped....well now I transfered as a sophmore to a christian college....and things were awesome I was really getting close to God, then some friends of mine went out and drank and I joined them, and in the mist of drunk dialing I accendently called my R.A. now I'm in serious trouble in fact I have to go in front of a panel of really important people soon and explain what happened, and I've failed (literal F's) on three exams this week.

I was so upset that I started cutting again...I don't know where it came from...but I did it....and since then I've been cutting everyday...its almost been a week...I've never been this addicted to it...and I think my roomates getting suspicious...and I can't afford to get in any more trouble...

I'm also really mad at God right now...it just seems like he wants me to fail...every time I give my life to him....it just get put in situations and I fail...everytime...I'm just getting tired of failing, and screwing up, my parents put a lot of pressure on me to succed and if they find out I'm dead....and I'm so scared that if they do they'll see me as a screw up. I'm just sick of it. I feel so alone. I barely have any friends and my BFF constently ditches me...and I felt God speak to me in more ways than once this week, he spoke to me about peace and grace...but grace is really hard for me to accept, and I'm pushing God aways becasue I don't want to screw up anymore and his perfection scares me.....

I don't know what I need right now....prayer, guidance, advice...but I really need something...I'm scared and alone.

well calling your RA when you were drunk was not the smoothest move in history. I think if you tell the panel that you totally didn't know what you were thinking and that it was a mistake then you'll probably get some community service hours and such.

It sounds like going to the new school is bringing things that you need to deal with to the surface.

 

[mamalonglegs]

Keep hanging there and please invest in yourself. God did with the greatest sacrifice ever. You do not have excuse to say I am not worthy. God knows all about you and everything you have been through and will go through in the future already and still loves you to the very end. Who are you or I to say give up I am not worthy when Almighty God loves us so much that He keeps on working with us even when we are not aware of it. Sometimes, He steps aside and waits for us to become willing to let Him in again. That is okay because He has all eternity and is willing to wait even as the father in the gospels who waited for the "prodigal son".

Keep talking even if it is just in here. That is a start. Holding things inside will only make things worse. Step outside of your comfort zone and tell it like it is and ask fo guidance on how you can help yourself.

It's okay to cry. You have a voice. Your life is your truth. You are unique. God's Love for you is from everlasting to everlasting. mamalonglegs