"I'm not single anymore......."

[Luke 1:45]

A few weeks ago, someone very close to me who is 22 announced that he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and that he was now "single again." I pointed out to him that actually, he was single all along, to which he replied, "No, I wasn't really single, because single means available and I was taken at the time. Now I'm not so I'm single again." I responded, "Ah, actually, single means unmarried, so you see, you were and are now, still single."

While on another thread, someone said that they were not single anymore since now they had a boyfriend. Another poster pointed out that having a boyfriend doesn't mean you are no loner single. They then replied "I'm courting." But, while courting, you are still single. Even when engaged, you are still single. Only when you actually marry will you no longer be single.

But, being single has such a negative status that everyone folks are happy, and in a hurry sometimes not to be labeled as single. They can't wait to say "I'm not single anymore", but is that really wise? I don't think so. Sometimes we are so in a hurry to be married that we step right these relationships with a marriage mentality, when in actuality we are not married at all. This is not emotionally healthy .

There is a danger in this practice of saying, thinking, believing, and acting like you're not single anymore because "I have a boy/girl friend, I'm dating, I'm courting" The danger is we begin to start treating someone like a spouse who isn't really our spouse yet. Mentally and emotionally (and sometimes physically) this usually becomes a dangers the believer, whose heart and mind should still be striving for clarity, closeness, and a deeper connection with Jesus Christ. Especially when entering into new and close relationships with the opposite sex.

Please, beware of falling into this trap. Because that is exactly what it is.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I take single to mean that same thing as your friend because in my opinion, even if two people are just boyfriend/girlfriend/courting, they are off-limits.

When someone says "I'm single" I assume they aren't dating anyone special and that they are open to meeting someone new.

I hear ya though - there are definite differences between a boyfriend and a marriage though

 

[Linnis]

I think the same this as the above poster. Single means you are unattached, not seeing someone dating etc. Not Single or Taken is when someone is in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship, because since they are dating, they are not or shouldn't be open to meet someone else.

I don't know about the mentally healthy part. Would you rather dating meant they were single and open to date others? I think you'd have a lot more problems on your hands than people having the mind set of dating as being taken.

Yes, marriage is a lot differant than dating but dating and engagement are steps towards marriage and if we start with this mind set as long as we're not married, we're still single as in free to be with someone else, it would hurt us more than the other way around.

You have to have dating, engagement to get to marriage and if all of a sudden, dating and engagement is seen as nothing special because "your still single" how will any two people build a strong, trusting stable relationship to base a marriage off of? I think that would be more mentally and emotionally damaging than thinking dating means you arn't single until you break up.

Just my opinon though, you can take it or leave it.

 

[RefinedByFire]

1. Single and dating (attached)

2. Single and available (want to be attached)

3. Single and unavailable (don't want to be attached right now)

4. Married (someone's attached to you for life)

Pick one.

 

[Luke 1:45]

1. Single and dating (attached)

2. Single and available (want to be attached)

3. Single and unavailable (don't want to be attached right now)

4. Married (someone's attached to you for life)

Pick one.

My point exactly.
The first three are all still single.
Only the last is marriage.

 

[Niels]

There is a danger in this practice of saying, thinking, believing, and acting like you're not single anymore because "I have a boy/girl friend, I'm dating, I'm courting" The danger is we begin to start treating someone like a spouse who isn't really our spouse yet. Mentally and emotionally (and sometimes physically) this usually becomes a dangers the believer, whose heart and mind should still be striving for clarity, closeness, and a deeper connection with Jesus Christ. Especially when entering into new and close relationships with the opposite sex.

Please, beware of falling into this trap. Because that is exactly what it is.

I agree with you. It's healthier to date a variety of people when single, rather than latching onto a pseudo-spouse. There's less temptation to become overly intimate with someone, and when they're ready to tie the knot, a couple will have the perspective to make a more educated (though not always better) decision.

 

[mixin machine]

I agree with you. It's healthier to date a variety of people when single, rather than latching onto a pseudo-spouse. There's less temptation to become overly intimate with someone, and when they're ready to tie the knot, a couple will have the perspective to make a more educated (though not always better) decision.

I agree also. Though this isn't a popular choice. The way I see it I'm either single or married, that's it, there is no inbetween. And I'm SINGLE....huh that wasn't difficult to say.

Andrew

 

[JPPT1974]

I agree also. Though this isn't a popular choice. The way I see it I'm either single or married, that's it, there is no inbetween. And I'm SINGLE....huh that wasn't difficult to say.

Andrew

I would rather date somebody that has never been married. And to be honest, never, ever had dated long-term. So that I can be exactly like that person. Never dated before. My parents only dated each other and nobody else. As they stayed together and are at it to this day.

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm... i disagree personally. If you date or court (no real difference these days, just the politicalness of the term) then you don't want others involved as well do you? I agree that many have psuedo spouses, but isn't this better than partner after partner?
I think many esp in the christian cirlcles date with the "ultimate intention of marriage", and so we should look at this in a one person way, not many.

When i talk of "dating or courting" here, i'm talking about the one on one relationship not when people date many at the same time.

Why browse the people via dates? Friendships great for that... Relationships should be kept to those people you would be willing to marry.

 

[Niels]

I think many esp in the christian cirlcles date with the "ultimate intention of marriage", and so we should look at this in a one person way, not many.

Why would you have to look at them all that way? You could go on a variety of fun dates with different people, saving deeper marriage feelings and kissing etc. for the one you'd ultimately like to marry. It's possible to keep your 'ultimate intention of marriage' in a lower pressure environment. The type of dating I'm talking about is closer to friendship than marriage, though it lets the guy be manly and a girl be womanly (unlike in the typical guy-girl friendship) and could certainly result in marriage when you meet the right person.

Just a thought... Would you rather your future spouse have a bunch of light-hearted coffee house/'pizza and movie' dates with a different person each time, or deeply serious gut-wrenching, kissing cuddling verbally intimate relationships with a chosen few? This isn't a rhetorical question. A lot of this is subjective, Biblical instructions for dating are ambiguous at best, and I'll admit there's plenty of room to disagree with me.

Why browse the people via dates? Friendships great for that... Relationships should be kept to those people you would be willing to marry.

What would you say about going on an actual 'date' with a friend if he asked you out tomorrow? Do you think that should mean he wants to marry you?

 

[~Lady Trekki~]

A few weeks ago, someone very close to me who is 22 announced that he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and that he was now "single again." I pointed out to him that actually, he was single all along, to which he replied, "No, I wasn't really single, because single means available and I was taken at the time. Now I'm not so I'm single again." I responded, "Ah, actually, single means unmarried, so you see, you were and are now, still single."

While on another thread, someone said that they were not single anymore since now they had a boyfriend. Another poster pointed out that having a boyfriend doesn't mean you are no loner single. They then replied "I'm courting." But, while courting, you are still single. Even when engaged, you are still single. Only when you actually marry will you no longer be single.

But, being single has such a negative status that everyone folks are happy, and in a hurry sometimes not to be labeled as single. They can't wait to say "I'm not single anymore", but is that really wise? I don't think so. Sometimes we are so in a hurry to be married that we step right these relationships with a marriage mentality, when in actuality we are not married at all. This is not emotionally healthy .

There is a danger in this practice of saying, thinking, believing, and acting like you're not single anymore because "I have a boy/girl friend, I'm dating, I'm courting" The danger is we begin to start treating someone like a spouse who isn't really our spouse yet. Mentally and emotionally (and sometimes physically) this usually becomes a dangers the believer, whose heart and mind should still be striving for clarity, closeness, and a deeper connection with Jesus Christ. Especially when entering into new and close relationships with the opposite sex.

Please, beware of falling into this trap. Because that is exactly what it is.

Excellent point! Thank you.

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm i guess that is part of the cultural differneces. We are exclusive or single or cheating. That is the way in which teenagers are seen. We don't really "date" unless it's with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Have more than one and you get labeled a flirt, or player.

The type of dating I'm talking about is closer to friendship than marriage, though it lets the guy be manly and a girl be womanly (unlike in the typical guy-girl friendship) and could certainly result in marriage when you meet the right person.

My personal view is that you can get to know the person you wanna be with fully before even entering a relationship. So you are womanly at times, or manly for that matter. The view i've always known is friends are exactly that friends, but i've also known there is the middle ground, and that is where you think get closer to them, then you can/can not get into a relationship depending on the decision..

And also i've seen that guys are guyly and girls are girly, when you end up married, you'll be yourself, and there will not be thousand of dates. SO why not start off in that friendship you need for the lifelong commitment...

 

[winglovesall]

I have never gone out on a date before. My parents stuck together - they met the first day and they never got separated. A huge age difference - but it dóesn't bother me, even as a child. It's closing the gaps - I think it is important for all ages to come together and build friendships or long-term relationships. A person at 36 meeting a person at 24, for example, is alright. The person at 36 is not an alien and the person at 24 is also not an alien to the 36 year old.

 

[Niels]

Hmm i guess that is part of the cultural differneces. We are exclusive or single or cheating. That is the way in which teenagers are seen. We don't really "date" unless it's with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Have more than one and you get labeled a flirt, or player.

It's too bad people can't just go out for fun without getting a reputation. It's been that way my whole dating life as well. I know what you mean about players, but they usually have ulterior motives, take things too far physically etc.

My personal view is that you can get to know the person you wanna be with fully before even entering a relationship. So you are womanly at times, or manly for that matter. The view i've always known is friends are exactly that friends, but i've also known there is the middle ground, and that is where you think get closer to them, then you can/can not get into a relationship depending on the decision..

And also i've seen that guys are guyly and girls are girly, when you end up married, you'll be yourself, and there will not be thousand of dates. SO why not start off in that friendship you need for the lifelong commitment...

I want to agree... but in a non-dating friendship, the guy tends to be 'nice' (tame/passive) as possible even if he's interested in dating her, and girls don't usually look for that in guys they want a relationship with. Most want a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go for it. A friendship may stifle these feelings. Of course, most friendships are just that... friendships without a romantic element. I'm talking about the few times where there might be more to it.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Interesting to see the differences of opinions when it comes to dating - and why some peolpe can get hurt easily because of differing definitions of "what is defined as what (single/bf/gf/etc.).

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Luke,

I think that you have a narrower definition of "single" then you friend does.

I take single to mean that same thing as your friend because in my opinion, even if two people are just boyfriend/girlfriend/courting, they are off-limits.

When someone says "I'm single" I assume they aren't dating anyone special and that they are open to meeting someone new.

I hear ya though - there are definite differences between a boyfriend and a marriage though

ITA

Diane

 

[Inperfected]

Mm.. yes i personally agree with the above qote as to wat single means..