I'm not even upset about it...that's the worst part

[TheMainException]

I used to get upset if I would slip up. I'd get depressed, make resolutions, whatever. But when I walk away from God, when I just "live my own life" and act like a marginal Christian, I become a marginal christian...drinking, doing pot, and mildly abusing my ambien. The great arms of evil greeted me and I returned the love. What good are my promises? Bets? Vows? Worthless. Guess this is why I've become so very noncommittal as I've grown older...no commitment, no breaking of vow....perfect situation. But really, whenever I return the place of not caring, I jump in with two feet, drink any alcohol sitting around. I know how bad it is. I watch myself. I grin from across the pit fire...and then take another swig. I get handed a beer to try, I chug it. I drink in moderation, but that's not where my head is at.

Funny thing about all this is that, when I'm close to God, I have no urges at all. I could sit in a room full of alcohol, pot, DXM, E, coke, salvia, you name it. I'd find no trouble in ignoring it all. If i'm not spending time with God alone every few days, I'm basically back on the street. You've got beer, I've got the time.

I just got put on a new sleeping med (It's a long story about how that came bout). I've been on seroquel for two years. Great stuff, I love it...It works amazingly well. My new doc won't prescribe it. I'm on ambien now. Hate it...but it's great if you want to hallucinate before bed. I'm anxious and more tired than before (both of which cause me to desire altered states more).

I don't think this has anything to do with not being cured...more like a cure that needs me to work with it to activate its full potential. One day, I'll be totally free, but for now, I've got to work towards that place as I'm not 100% cured. A cure exists. I think any alcoholic can be cured. Any addict. All addicts can be cured. I think the cure is being made full in me. I'm working against it...I can say no...but the enemy knows that if I dont' care, I won't say no. Urgh...medicine is working....I'm getting stupid now. I'll start rambling soon and I don't want to say anything I shouldn't. But that's about the jist of everything that's in my head.

 

[madison1101]

I find it interesting that you believe in a cure, yet seem to not be seeking the solution. Alcoholism is a disease that, like cancer, can be arrested, and put into remission. I can only share my experience and research.

When I sought the "cure" as you call it, I was telling God how to do His job. I was dictating the terms of His dealing with my disease. I did not ask to become an alcoholic. I did not ask to be a member of AA. Yet, I am both, alcoholic and a member of AA.

In AA, I have found the solution. I have learned that I am powerless over alcohol and that I have an allergy to it as well. I have learned that I must admit defeat, or die. I have learned that I cannot stop drinking and stay stopped by my own strength, determination or will. I have learned that God will release that from me ASAP.

Get to some AA meetings and talk to people there.

 

[BobW188]

You have just taken the first two of the 12 steps, seem well on the way with the third, and to even have started on the fourth.
You have (1) admitted that you yourself have no real power over addiction, (2) acknowledged that when you are close to God he can handle the problem for you and restore you to sanity. You seem more and more willing to (3) turn your will and your life over to Him as you understand Him and, finally, in the post above you are in fact (4) taking an inventory of your moral strengths and weaknesses. (And, for that matter, (5) admitting to God and to other human beings the exact nature of your wrongs.)

Amazing hw many steps you can work without ever attending AA/NA!

The point of that Fourth Step, by the way, is not to play What A Bad Girl Am I. It is to make yourself aware of your vulnerabilities; and the strengths you (and God) have to set against them. In other words, pat your back, don't just flog it.

Better get with that doc about those hallucinations. Prescription medications are one thing; DTs without even drinking are another.

Hang in there. Keep coming back! I hope you've noticed the help you've given others here already.

 

[faithful follower]

I am praying for you to be led by God closer to His side; and for God to show you how much He loves you.

 

[BlessEwe]

I hate that ambien, maybe it was worse when I mixed it with alcohol and perhaps this may be the reason

the label says don't mix the 2 ..It made me feel awful.

May I ask why are you on them?

I'm anxious and more tired than before

This was the same effect I got from them, sorta puts me in a altered sleep not really sleeping and getting the deep REMS

I am glad to see your knowing where your strength comes from, its powerful for sure..

 

[TheMainException]

I only mixed alcohol, seroquel and ambien once while at a friends house and in dire need of sleep. It didn't work anyway and I still felt horrible the next day. I've been on seroquel for quite some time because I have insomnia and anxiety. the seroquel puts me to sleep, deals with my anxiety, and allows me to live. My doc refuses to put me on it unless i see a psychiatrist but said he could put me on ambien to help me stop the meds (which is what I want). He's on vacation right now. I'm either going to get to my doc as soon as he gets back, or start chewing on kava leaves.

What's a DT?


I do believe one day I'll be able to drink and have no allergy and not be an alcoholic....one day I will be "cured" and not like you are...you aren't cured...

But I need to get off this medicine. I know what works for me and what doesn't work for me. And I know that when I don't sleep right, when I begin to travel that path, I work myself into insanity. I've done it before, a bunch of times. My latest bout with sleep deprivation and insanity was about 6 months ago. I stayed awake from 5 pm until 8 am for a week straight. I sent NiN some of the strangest messages I've ever sent him...some of the strangest I've sent anyone. I quickly became dark inside and felt downright evil. I feel like there's a monster thrashing about inside of my soul. When I was on seroquel, I'd sleep pretty well. I didn't feel like the dead. But on ambien, I completely dead to the world for 8 straight hours and feel horrible even when I wake up. I wake up feeling like I slept rough...like I didn't lie still very often and thrashed about. They say this is one of the few sleep meds that enable a person to get into all stages of sleep like they should. I doubt it. I can't keep going like this. I make bad choices when I'm tired. I do bad stuff. I get angry and hurt people. I drink and smoke. I think about my choices less and just make them.

One of the big reasons I don't go to AA, haven't been fond of support groups and don't bother much with telling random people to help me stay strong is because when it comes to that point, I don't call people. I don't struggle about whether or not to drink. It's not like there's a battle raging. It's like someone flipped a switch and I do the thing I've decided to not do. I'm not going to call a sponser in that moment and ask what I should do, vent or ask them to come over. I'm going to flip out my lighter, pop the top off the beer, or chew up that pill.

Strange thing is...I've got a certain extent of control. I say one, but have two...but still don't leave that house until an hour has passed after an hour for each beer has passed. I've regained slight control. I've been telling more of my friends the truth...letting them know that I absolutely can't be around alcohol, that it's not about temptation, it's about the inability to stop myself...the absolute need to have it if it's available. So I realize, I wasn't cured in that moment...I was handed a different set of keys to drive a different car. Yet I keep running back to that junker, ditching the shiny one in an alley.

I'll be different...or I'll die. I see the shadow of my destiny and I know I wasn't meant to die, but I was meant to be different. So I guess the death part can wait a bit.

I'm playing the fool. I really am. I could stop if I wanted to. I know it. But when I walk away from the King, I walk away from a reason to stop. I've got a bad memory, you know. I forget right quick and start acting human again, living for myself, living for pleasure.

I'm glad there was no bashing. I was half expecting some slight whiplash...my monster was roaring and ready for battle. There's silence now. My monster is somewhat in awe I'd have to guess.

 

[BobW188]

No we're not cured ... and by and large we've stopped wanting to be! You might ask yourself in your reflective moments why this "cure" of yours is so important to you. Why is it that your happiness seems to depend on indulging every appetite, and having no consequences?
Take a look around , M. E.. Some of us are in a daily struggle; but most of us you are talking to here are pretty consistently happy; and big reason we are is because we gave up the idea of doing something that was killing us! The psychologist Carl Jung writes of talking to a Navajo chief who told him, "The problem with the white man is, he is always wanting something." It would be more accurate to say that, in this consumer society, we are always wanting everything; and we want it right now; and we want as much as we can grab even if it kills us!
Which, long about last October, it came very close to doing. Checked out the economy lately?
There are treatment programs that say they can teach you controlled drinking; and if you want to check them out, feel free. I think I speak for most of us here when I say: Not interested. The consequences of failiure are too high.
As for AA/NA, we talk about it because we're members. Frankly, you're doing a better job on the steps while not going than I was, with your period of sobriety, while going twice a week. I do think you have reached some awfully firm conclusions about yourself. Believe me, you are not the finished product you think you are. One way or another, for better, for worse, or some of each, the Main Exception of 40, 50 or 64 years old is going to be a lot different than the one of 21.
Like I say, you're doing the steps while not in AA better than many people who are; and I don't mean to push it on you. But for heaven's sake, gal, open your mind to other possibilities! In giving me this list of reasons why you don't go, you're only telling me about a bunch of limits which I don't think exist except between your ears!
I'll close by saying that a big reason we here are not interested in going back to booze is because we found that's where so many of ours were!
M. E., you are a brave, gutsy gal and you're fighting valiantly. I am proud of you, and nothing I've written is meant as criticism. Hang in there; and hurry back!
Bob

 

[TheMainException]

I don't care about the economy. I'm watching it fail, watching everyone crash and burn...but really, I'm not worried even in the slightest. I'm used to living on close to nothing. God will provide.

I don't want to indulge every whim. That's not the point. The point is...alcoholics are never free. They can't do certain things, go certain places, be with certain people. How can I help someone if I can't even walk into a bar or deal with the pot smell on one of my client's clothes? How can I help a drug addict when I am still dealing with that? It would be too difficult to not be free from that while hearing the stories of drug addicts. Let me put things in a new way for you...I KNOW I will be cured, not just because of some desire I have, so wish. Sure, who wouldn't want to be cured? Why shoot for second best? But that's not the point. The point is, I've been told by many people, some who knew me and others who had just met me, that I'd be healed of this, not have to deal with it, be cured. In the same way that I knew I'd live past 25 and that I should be a counselor for 14-24 year olds, I also know that I'll be done with this. I'm not like every other consumer. I hate materialism. I get suckered into it from time to time, but I can wait out my purchases until I have adequate funds. I don't buy tvs, dvds, game systems, electronics, etc. I have a ps2, a nice lap top, and a broken ipod that only works sometimes. I do without. I'm fine with that. I'm a scavenger, not a consumer.

I don't want to check out controlled drinking programs. I'm not ready for that and I know it. Right now, sobriety is all I'm ready for. I need to focus on God and allow him to work and heal me (which is the cure) from my past and my pain and my anger and the things that plague me. Once the need to be loved has been fulfilled, what more could I want? Drinking...why? Because I'll be able to enjoy the million different tastes of beer. I like beer, it has a good taste (most of them anyway). That's all. If I don't want to drink, I won't have to. It's not about being able to drink. It's about being able to not care about drinking. To walk past a bar without every part of my mind and soul walking into that place without my body. To not get so excited about smoking cigars and drinking cognac around a small fire. To not drive past the street my dealer used to live on and wonder whether he could still hook me up.

Bob...you think you know a lot more about me than you really do. I KNOW I'm far from finished. I don't think I'm anywhere near done. I've seen how imperfect I am. How much I struggle and suffer needlessly and how much work God will do before I can do what he promised me...the great and mighty works he's worked into my destiny, the shadows of which I've seen. Like a puzzle being put together in the dark as I watch and the lights are carefully turned up, I am beginning to see more and more of what my life holds. I think I'm going to live longer than I thought I was...that's one thing I didn't think. Since I was young, I knew I had until 25 at least...but I never really believed I'd have much more than that...I think I'll have at least until I'm 30...but I'm still unsure about that. I think I'll take my bullet when I'm still pretty young.

I love you Bob, you're a great guy. I can't say I'm not typing here because God desires of it. I knew you'd have a comment on my reasons for not going. I'm not going, that's all. The steps work because they are a naturally progression...I might go some day...but not in the near future.

BTW...the only limits that matter are the ones sitting between my ears. Limits don't exist for me otherwise. I make my own limits. If I want to fly, darn it, I'll do just that. No one but God will be stopping me. Natural laws, to heck with them. I don't believe in such hewey. (no really, it doesn't matter when you're a christian...you're co-creator with the author...but that was a bit of an exaggeration...but you ought to consider the possibilities of being an heir more often). Keep track as I do the steps. You'll notice I won't do one...but will probably do most. I'd just like to hear which ones I'm doing, cuz my numbers have totally reached beyond what they were since the last thread.

Just remember, I don't say everything on here...the whole truth of who I am is hard to get here...there's a lot I wouldn't be able to say all here about myself that would clog the words. But all that I write isn't that simple and cut and dry.

 

[BobW188]

You are laboring under a few misconceptions. I can go anywhere I want, including bars. I just don't drink in them, or at the ever-increasing number of restaurants that offer beer, wine and mixed drinks. My wife's cousin, who is sort of the Sun around whom the extended family revolves, routinely sets out wine at our dinners. I simply don't join in. This sort of thing is incredibly hard during early sobriety and you are wise to avoid it. Comfort comes after months or years.
I'm useless to AA if I can't be in the presence of drunks. In fact, AA started and grew through ex-drinkers dealing with drunks; and will die if that ever stops. As I pointed out some time ago, this ain't the Women's Christian Temperance Union. In AA, the rubber meets the road. In the early days, before there were such things as detox centers, AAs were known to take new prospects into their own homes; and to keep a bottle handy to prevent the guy from going into what might be a life-threatening cold turkey withdrawl, until a hospital bed was available.
It's safe to say that, far from having to avoid drunks, anyone of us would have dropped what we were doing and rushed to your side that night you wrote us about had it been physically possible. Me, Trish, BlessEwe, Hotsauce, Faithful Follower and the others you see here from time to time.
But, as I said in my earlier post, I'm not trying to push it on you. Plenty have gotten sober without it and you may well be/become one of them. I just find it (very pleasantly) ironic that you, who will not darken an AA door, are in fact, and largely without knowing unless somebody tells you, doing better on the steps than many people who've gone to meetings for years.
How can you help while you still have the problem? By sharing. Were you to go to a meeting, I think you'd be surprised at how many newbies, measuring their sobriety in days or hours, or perhaps there with the taste in their mouths and the smell on their clothes, might hang on your every word! Answer me honestly. Did you believe, standing there talking to that tree, (and leaving a perfectly good pack of cigarettes which I'd've gladly finished for you. Address furnished on request), that you'd ever have the sober time you do?
I'm not kidding. My twenty five years? Easy. My first twenty-five days? A walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. You know a great deal more about alcoholism than many a psychiatrist, many a psychologist, many a preacher; because you've been there and are in most ways still there! I'm not kidding or just-being-nice when I say you've already helped people on this thread.
And, by the way, when you decide to fly, do so in a sailplane. And ask for a lesson, not just a ride. Short of angel wings, it's the only way to aviate!

PS: DT = delirium tremens. Visual and audible hallucinations, usually of a terrifying nature, incidental to alcohol withdrawl. Jocularly described as "seeing pink elephants." In very extreme cases, where the person's drinking has led to severe brain damage, the condition may be permanent. I've seen a few. Trust me, you ain't missed nuthin'.

 

[BlessEwe]

Well said Bob! And to add:

I was just in San Francisco last weekend with my cousin who is a PHD from Chicago for the National psychologist convention. It was really cool talking to doctors from all over the world. Addiction is world wide, and in order for these doctors to understand and help addicts, addiction specialist classes/certificates are now being offered. Soon to be a possible requirement for anyone working in the recovery field. And guess what? AA, Celebrate recovery is a huge foundation of this credential, in all areas of recovery. Why, the tools work along with of coarse God being the umbrella. For some other things, or faiths.

Until the brain is stabilized it is recommended to stay away from sticky places like bars or other users. Just because the survival part of our brain will have us relapse because this is what it knows to survive and has changed. With some time ( just like smoking) it is possible to be around others.

Intervention is all about being around people still abusing and intoxicated. Most of these intervention specialists are recovering addicts. I am going up for my state board exam in June, and I am a former flaming addict...lol let alone I have done several assessments on some who are detoxing, or still drunk or loaded.

Recovery isn't about telling ourselves we will never use again, it is One Day At A Time. The thing is once our brains change from addiction it will never change back to what it was before we picked up and used substances. So with this said, Once a addict always a addict..

We just learn to live with it to survive, and live a healthy lifestyle from the tools we have learned from other addicts, or professionals who understand addiction.

 

[TheMainException]

They aren't DT's dear friend. Far from it. Ambien causes some of the strangest side effects I've ever seen out of any prescription drug yet. The things I've heard of others experiencing and the drunken stumbling I do when I'm on it as well as the strange closed-eye visual of strangeness that I experienced a few days ago...

Oh the tree...what a night...I owe my life to NiN for what he's done for me. He doesn't even realize why I help him so much...why I do so much for him. It was a nice tree. I talk to plants when I'm sober too, you know...it's not as strange as it seems...I have chats with all sorts of plants all the time...who else was I going to talk to in that moment while finishing my cigs? But yea...in that moment...did I think I'd ever be sober? Sure I did. In fact, I knew it. I was just absolutely confused as to how it would happen to be that such a thing would come around as fact and not just a hidden hope. Inside of me I still desire a life of chemicals. And the dual nature I live by still desires the power and love of God flowing through my veins making me lie on the ground in ecstasy for a full 10 hours in praise to Him.

I know that without a struggle, I can only help marginally. With a struggle, as I walk through it, crawl through it, I'll help many more. What I don't see might just be more powerful than what I do see. In fact, it is that way. Some things, I wasn't yet meant to see. I'm not saying I need to struggle in all things, but the things I've struggled in, once healed (and on my way to healing as well), I can do much greater works than before. It's always been in me to see people whole again, not hurting so much. My biggest problem is taking in the pain of others when they yet can't even let it go. I can't hold what isn't mine, yet I do anyway. I take on the pain of times long gone, reliving things that I've never experienced and crying on the inside, wishing that their pain would have been mine and God said to me one night: "You can't take it. It's not yours to take. They won't give it to you because you can't carry it. It will kill you. I am the only one who can carry it and the only one to take it. They must give it to me as you must give it to me. You can show them who will take it, but your yourself must not attempt to hold it for them."

I know my destiny...I must live in my destiny. I am wise, but I am yet a fool (for it is wisdom to know so).

 

[madison1101]

Bob and Bless Ewe are right on. You have it wrong if you think we can never enter a bar, or be near someone on drugs or alcohol again. I have had long term sobriety, and have family that worked in a bar, and would go there to see him. The AA Big Book points out that we are only able to do that if we are on fit spiritual ground. Would I go there right now? Heck no. I am too raw and vulnerable.

But, there will come a time when I will be able to be around alcohol and it won't phase me in the least. The nice thing about AA is that I become self-aware and learn my thinking. If I find myself feeling strangely after being around alcohol, I have a plethera of friends in AA I can talk to about it. They understand and can help me talk it out.

You mentioned earlier being a loner, or something like that. I hate, absolutely hate asking someone for help. I have an ego that says, I don't need anyone's help, and I can handle things on my own. Well, I have learned to ask my sponsor for help, and to ask other women in AA for help. The help might come in just calling someone to say "Hello" and see how they are doing. It helps me break my isolation and loneliness at times.

I truly see you doing a lot of work that is done by so many people in AA.

Trish

 

[TheMainException]

I'm a loner, but I'm not lonely. I need my alone time to regenerate and organize my thoughts. I used to be lonely, when I had no one to talk to and no one to vent to and didn't realize all the people who loved me...but that changed when I got out of my depression. Now I've got healthy aloneness, not loneliness. But asking for help is difficult. But if you're referring to my statement about not calling anyone when I'd go for that drink, smoke, or pill...it wouldn't make a difference. It happens so fast. I have my support people. I've got people in the know who love me who have offered for me to call them whenever, to smack me if start asking them about any alcohol they have lying around, etc.

Madison...look at the threads you have posted...you've been sober, but you struggle now. You sound like you've been sober for a long time and then fell out again. Do you expect to be cured, to never struggle again, never look longingly at the wonderous drinks lining the shelves at a liquor store? I do. Few alcoholics are ever done being an alcoholic. Alcoholic for life right? I detest such a thing in my own life.

I will NOT always be an addict. You guys keeping saying that, but I keep telling you that I REALLY AM the exception. There you go again, shaking your head. Heck, I can hear it rattle as I write and it hasn't even happened yet. You guys think I just can't see it clearly. I'll have off-nights when Satan's minions torment me, but once fully healed, I won't be an addict. I won't be an alcoholic.

 

[madison1101]

I'm a loner, but I'm not lonely. I need my alone time to regenerate and organize my thoughts. I used to be lonely, when I had no one to talk to and no one to vent to and didn't realize all the people who loved me...but that changed when I got out of my depression. Now I've got healthy aloneness, not loneliness. But asking for help is difficult. But if you're referring to my statement about not calling anyone when I'd go for that drink, smoke, or pill...it wouldn't make a difference. It happens so fast. I have my support people. I've got people in the know who love me who have offered for me to call them whenever, to smack me if start asking them about any alcohol they have lying around, etc.

Madison...look at the threads you have posted...you've been sober, but you struggle now. You sound like you've been sober for a long time and then fell out again. Do you expect to be cured, to never struggle again, never look longingly at the wonderous drinks lining the shelves at a liquor store? I do. Few alcoholics are ever done being an alcoholic. Alcoholic for life right? I detest such a thing in my own life.

I will NOT always be an addict. You guys keeping saying that, but I keep telling you that I REALLY AM the exception. There you go again, shaking your head. Heck, I can hear it rattle as I write and it hasn't even happened yet. You guys think I just can't see it clearly. I'll have off-nights when Satan's minions torment me, but once fully healed, I won't be an addict. I won't be an alcoholic.

You have no idea how I did when I was sober for over 6 years. Back then, I was able to go into a liquor store to buy a bottle as a gift, and not think anything of it. I had long term sobriety and quality relationship with God. I did not look longingly at the bottles, I made my purchase, much the same way I buy candy for my students, which I cannot eat.

Unfortunately, I relapsed, and for now, I can't be near the stuff. This is temporary. I will get stronger, as I work my program and reach out to talk to people in my program, my group, and my friends.

I know where you are coming from when you say that you wouldn't call anyone once your decision is made. I was like that. I made up my mind, and there was not one thing going to change my mind. Nothing was going to get between my drink and me, when I decided to drink. And, that could happen again, someday. But, not today. Today, I call my sponsor on a daily basis, to talk about the steps of AA, my work, my stinking thinking, and any possible triggers that could be coming up in the future. I also make a verbal commitment to her that IF I am tempted, I will call someone, and talk first. Every single time I have drank, I had some emotional discomfort that IF I talked to a friend first, about the emotional pain I was in, the urge to drink would dissipate. I spent most of this past weekend, talking to her, and another friend, because of emotional pain I was in. I got past it, and didn't drink.

I do have one question for you. You say you are cured. What if you are not cured? What if you are just like Bob, BlessEwe and Me, an ordinary, run of the mill alcoholic? Would that be the end of the world for you?

 

[TheMainException]

No, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me...but when you know something...you just know? Maybe it's never been something you guys have experienced. Maybe I'm dealing with a different wave pattern than you guys. Could be...I've found a few people in my travels on similar wave patterns. I've known a lot of things in my life: small things, big things, where I should go with my life, that I'll live past 25. I know things. I have a good track record with my knowledge too, it's not just like I claim to know things and making wild claims.

But if I'm not cured, if relapse could happen just like it happens to so many other alcoholics, if I'm just average, normal (it's not that I'm not, I'm not special, but it's God's will and I'm merely taking hold of that), not cured, but working towards remission...then I am. Then I will be that way...but having struggles, constant struggles throughout my life that pop up here and there and torment me in the night...no, that's not what my God is about. I refuse that and I'd give any demon a punch in the mouth if he walked into my room with torment when I'm raging with the power and glory of God in those days. (I wouldn't really, I'd probably just go sit in the Father's lap or something...but we are meant for battle in any case).

There are many voices in my head (not heard, no fear) and since they all have my own voice, I yet have trouble dissociating which is which and to whom they belong. Some are mine, one is God and some are Satan's minions. I often have to cross examine what is said, especially if it gets repeated multiple times whenever I think certain things. Like, when I think about situations when I go for substances, one keeps saying "you don't think, there's no time from the decision to the act." Well come on now, that's becoming highly illogical isn't it? Sure, I often shut down and don't think, but I could couldn't I? I could stop. And I KNOW I've got time. I've been shutting off. If I could reboot, shake myself out of the walking coma and realize just what on earth I'm doing, I'd probably be alright. Thing is...there's no torment, no torture, no struggle, and no pain. It just happens. It feels that way anyway. I think it might be a lie I've been fed that I've been repeating...I think we humans have more control than we think we do...but we are lost as to how to wield it...God can give us back our control.

 

[madison1101]

I understand your thinking about knowing things. I felt the same way in my younger days. What I have learned is that I did not know much at all, and that I had a lot to learn. The thing I have learned the most is that I must be willing to have God show me His way of doing things.

I am curious to know something. How is being cured God's will? I studied God's healing at length when a friend was dying of cancer, and she died at the age of 29 to breast cancer, leaving a 4 year old daughter, and a devastated husband. Strong believers. Sought God for healing. Had the elders anoint her with oil. She was gone in six weeks. I don't see anywhere in scripture that says it is God's will we be healed of anything, especially addictions.

As for torment and struggles, my struggles are of my own making. I don't blame anyone but myself for where I am. I chose to drink. I chose to not take my medications as prescribed. I chose to abuse the pain medications. I had alternatives, and I chose to do those things instead of staying obedient to God and accessing the alternative resources God provided me. Now, my struggles are not Satan's minions, they are the consequences of my choices.

 

[BlessEwe]

Well there are some christians who are able to stop, and never pick up again.

Some non-christians as well.

The thing that gets me is the

Ability to drink normally again...

I remember many years ago when I stopped I hoped to be able to have that glass of wine again someday, 2 years went by and I picked up again. It took several years and I almost died finding recovery again. I was one of the lucky ones making it back alive.
Not one of us in recovery like to think that we will never be able to have a drink again the rest of my life.
Some days I even tell myself, when I get old ( I mean real old like Bobs age..) Haaaa just kidding but like in my late 70's I am going to have a drink.

But really, I don't even want it. I don't miss the hangovers and laying around all day feeling sick. Barfing, doing stupid stuff and not remembering what I did, lack of respect from my family and friends. And most of all not respecting myself.. Nah don't miss it at all

 

[TheMainException]

Trish...you don't understand. There's a ton I don't know. I've finally been able to come to a place where I can relax in not knowing a whole lot of things instead of searching out answers, but it's a blood gift I've got. My mom's got it, I've got. We know things. My mom's known that certain things would happen and they did. I've known where things were without any foreknowledge and that's where they were. It's odd stuff...and some normal stuff...but there are a few things I can be sure about. And we've gone on about the God healing bit before. Look at Jesus, that's all I ask. He even healed the gentile woman when He said that it wasn't yet time for her...she kept at him and he healed her anyway. He healed everyone. Name one...you can't, he healed everyone. I don't care about today, before Jesus, tomorrow. I care that what he saw the father do, he did...and what he did was heal a lot of people.

My struggles might be my own making and it might be my flesh that lives and breathes for itself and for pleasure...but I've got a beast chasing me always and I know he'll return sometimes. Satan's army is a tad different than you might think...they are around us, even hanging and clinging to christians. They come to me often with tricks, but they've trained my flesh well and I obey easily because it is so easy to do something you've done so many times before.

We live in different worlds, you guys and me...we've seen different things...lived different eras. You are just giving me what you know, and I understand that. If we're all still around here 10 years from now, it'll be a glorious time. God's gonna do a bunch of things you can't even see coming...and although I'm a lazy fool about it (yea, I am), he's still got work for me to do...it's so great it'll seem mystical if I don't hold it back (well, it'll seem mystical anyway).

 

[TheMainException]

There's always that tap-tapping on my head..."naw, just a couple drinks won't hurt. You're sitting down to a relaxing time with your friends, or hey, maybe your older brother...like old times when you'd chill with him and watch tv and enjoy yourself. What's wrong with that? Nothing..." But I made a commitment...and that's what's wrong with that.

 

[BobW188]

Hang in there.
Agree with us, disagree with us
But hang in there.