I'm new here...having problems

[amandita]

Hey everyone. Sorry in advance for the long post.

I'm pretty new here. If you look at my previous posts, you can see I've had problems with doubting my salvation, and these thoughts have persisted for quite some time. I want to be saved, and I believe Jesus is the Messiah who gives eternal life to those who believe in him, but my thoughts keep telling me either I don't truly believe or trust him or that I'm not saved. I can hardly think of anything else, and the thoughts eat away at me all day until I'm in a total and complete state of despair.

So, my mom was really worried about me and convinced me to go see a counselor and my doctor. Both told me that I have anxiety disorder and am borderline OCD. My doctor put me on Celexa to see if it eases the anxiety I feel. I've been taking it for 6 days now, so I don't think it's had enough time for me to notice a difference.

I should add that this isn't the first thing I've had "the thoughts" over. For the past couple of years I've found myself feeling that I may have certain diseases. For example, I pricked myself with a safety pin that had been holding a tag onto some clothes, and for a long time afterwards I thought I had contracted HIV. I looked on the internet for HIV symptoms over and over and over...my thoughts got worse and worse. I talked to my mom (who is a nurse) about it, and she said that the chance I got HIV was pretty slim to none, and that there was a greater chance of getting another disease instead of HIV. Well, I'm sure you all know what that caused me to do.

I also am always scared that I am gaining weight. I feel the need to weigh myself periodically throughout the day just to check that I haven't gained a massive amount of weight suddenly. I've been doing this for years.

I feel so alone. No one around me understands what I'm going through with my faith. I've talked to my pastor and the youth minister I had while in high school, and they both said something like, "You only tend to doubt that which you believe. If you weren't a believer or saved then you wouldn't be doubting because there would be nothing to doubt." But this just makes my thoughts worse. I just want to overcome these thoughts and anxiety so I can feel assured of my salvation. I really want to be saved. What should I do? I need encouragement so badly!

 

[HoneyComb Son]

u are saved..its just OCD type stuff and probably the devil tempting you..but dont give up

one thing I have learned....just dont go by YOU..in that I mean your brain ur logic etc..

OCD makes it hard..u cant go by YOU..your feelings etc..its hard.I am in a crysis myself..

but really dont go by your feelings and your mind..its hard to grasp..looking for the assurance..but that itself is a trap

just use the small hope you have...just rest...u are in the hands of God...He is carrying you..not you..He will walk u throught his

 

[Standing_Ultraviolet]

OCD can be hard to deal with, and it's even worse when you have no idea what it is. I'm very happy to hear that you've opened up and talked to someone about it; honestly, even now that I know what's wrong with me, it's not something that I can mention easily. It has caused me a lot of fear and anxiety for the majority of my life now, so trust me when I say that I understand how you feel.

 

[frank1234]

Hello dear one;
You are dealing with few different issues:
First is your salvation. What makes a person saved is an understanding that he/she is a sinner and that they need God in their lives and that they are willing to surrender their lives to him and confess(acknowledge) that Jesus died on the cross and rose again on the third day. When we believe and confess this from the heart, then according to the bible we are saved. God is not looking for perfectionism in trusting Him right now, He is looking whether or not we (truly) have believed and surrendered our lives to Him; and "truly" means that we are not "faking" or "pretending" to believe, but that we "honestly" have believed and surrendered. When we do that, then we are saved, and we should not doubt that any more, but keep on studying the bible so we can grow in knowing what we believe.
The second issue seems to be(from the patterns you have written about) that you have a tendency to "worry" or be afraid easily, which is quite common with a lot of people. OCD does that to you; but also you have to understand that the root cause of OCD is "fear" and the anxiety that it causes. OCD is the "doubting" disease, which means you doubt what you believe on top of being afraid.
I think you have to approach this from all angles. I think you definetly have to keep on talking to your pastor(or maybe even other people of God who have a good understanding of the bible. It's always good to get a second opinion, even in spiritual matters. As long as your pastor or people of God advise you biblically and not guide you through the path of condemnation and wrong "lack of faith" type of stuff, you should be O.K). Also It's a great idea, and a must, to talk to a therapist who understands OCD and anxiety(specially one who understands christianity). I know that such a therapist is very hard to find. I know that I needed one like that and even now after many years that I have sort of found one, she still does not quite have a totally christian type of mindset, so I can't some times trust her advise completely.) So you have to keep on praying for The Lord to guide you in what to do and who to trust, but know this that The Lord never leaves you nor forsakes you. So keep on searching and trying no matter how long it takes. Make sure that you are attending a good bible believing and teaching church, and try to be involved in their home bible studies and projects. But, at the same time, keep after praying and resolving and treating all the underlying issues that you are stuggling with, such as fear and anxiety. Also know that you are not alone in these types of struggles. There are many, including myself, who have and are going through them. Do not loose hope. God will see you through it. Do not give up.
God bless you.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Amandita, what have you described sounds very, very common for OCD. Many if not most of us on this forum have gone through either the salvation doubting and other things. OCD usually attacks what you value most such as your faith, salvation and in the case you described your health. Whatever....it can takes many angles. I would suggest you look at the following website if you haven't. He doesn't necessarily always embody a Christian viewpoint, but there's so much and understanding and truth here, I think it warrants a look.
www.ocdonline.com
Sounds like you are on the right track by seeking counseling and meds for it. ( As Frank above also said, I think we can also pray and believe for healing from the Lord for this but that doesn't rule out doing what we can do in the natural realm too.) Yes, it takes awhile for the meds to work and sometimes you have to try more than one to get one that works ok for you. Glad your mom seems to understand and is on board with you in this!

 

[Philothei]

I will just offer my prayers here. Lord Jesus Christ the healer of our bodies and souls please heal thy servant from any stress and anxiety and restore her. In the name of the Holy Trinity. Amen. I think christian life is a struggle we are in our way to salvation and it is normal to doubt a bit. Like others said it is sometimes the temptation and human "reasoning" that comes to play tricks to our mind to distructs us from walking with Christ. He never leaves our side and if we do leave Him for a while he is always there to help us in our walk with HIM.
Prayers again.

 

[amandita]

Thank you all so much for your support. Coming here with people who understand what I'm going through helps. I am ready for time to pass to see if the medication helps with the anxiety. It is very tiring to deal with. In the mean time, I'm just trying to trust God and His Word.

God bless you all!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hey everyone. Sorry in advance for the long post.

I'm pretty new here. If you look at my previous posts, you can see I've had problems with doubting my salvation, and these thoughts have persisted for quite some time. I want to be saved, and I believe Jesus is the Messiah who gives eternal life to those who believe in him, but my thoughts keep telling me either I don't truly believe or trust him or that I'm not saved. I can hardly think of anything else, and the thoughts eat away at me all day until I'm in a total and complete state of despair.

So, my mom was really worried about me and convinced me to go see a counselor and my doctor. Both told me that I have anxiety disorder and am borderline OCD. My doctor put me on Celexa to see if it eases the anxiety I feel. I've been taking it for 6 days now, so I don't think it's had enough time for me to notice a difference.

I should add that this isn't the first thing I've had "the thoughts" over. For the past couple of years I've found myself feeling that I may have certain diseases. For example, I pricked myself with a safety pin that had been holding a tag onto some clothes, and for a long time afterwards I thought I had contracted HIV. I looked on the internet for HIV symptoms over and over and over...my thoughts got worse and worse. I talked to my mom (who is a nurse) about it, and she said that the chance I got HIV was pretty slim to none, and that there was a greater chance of getting another disease instead of HIV. Well, I'm sure you all know what that caused me to do.

I also am always scared that I am gaining weight. I feel the need to weigh myself periodically throughout the day just to check that I haven't gained a massive amount of weight suddenly. I've been doing this for years.

I feel so alone. No one around me understands what I'm going through with my faith. I've talked to my pastor and the youth minister I had while in high school, and they both said something like, "You only tend to doubt that which you believe. If you weren't a believer or saved then you wouldn't be doubting because there would be nothing to doubt." But this just makes my thoughts worse. I just want to overcome these thoughts and anxiety so I can feel assured of my salvation. I really want to be saved. What should I do? I need encouragement so badly!

Wow, This really reminds me of myself. I had a few months where I was so afraid that I caught HIV (even though Im a virgin and I only had one blood transfusion in my life andthey used my own blood they got from me the day before during my shoulder operation), and my current agonizing disbelief thoughts. What makes OCD so bad is that when your having it , its very hard to tell whether the thoughts are the ocd or they are your own. That is why they call ocd the doubting desease. To me it seems like you have super faith just because you are trying to fight these thoughts off. Most people who never had ocd never would have known agony like this. Im not an expert on Celexa (im taking sertraline which hasnt worked to well so far) but it usually takes meds 30 to 45 days to see their effects. Your might wanna ask your therapist about exposure response therapy. If you have a great family support base (which it seems like you do) then you will have no problem trying ERP out with your therapist and at home. Unfortunately I dont have a great family support base which makes it harder on me.

You are now in my prayers and if you ever need to talk please pm me anytime
God Bless

 

[dabro]

Look at it for what it is! A Obsessions. Claim Victory Prayer and fasting. The Lord showed us the way to freedom and the Disciples learned from Him. And became Apostles. What a GRT advancment in the Kingdom of God. I know your feeling. The measure of Faith that I have I'm not sure why the Lord blessed me with it, but I'll pray that you too will have the same strength. I only boast in what Christ has done for me........................ I hope you get to feeling better hun. Praying!!!!

 

[amandita]

I am praying for everyone. Today seems to be a bad day for me concerning my thoughts and worries about not being saved. It's like I want to be believe and be saved, and I know in my head that Jesus died to save me, but I am so paranoid that I don't truly believe it. I really don't know what to do. It is so tiring.

 

[JESUS<3sYOU]

Amandita,

I don't think that we can say in this life that we are saved. We can say that we have done metanoia and turned to Jesus to worship and follow Him, if that's what we do, but it's up to Him to save us. It's about trust. I recognize part of your story: especially that part about the pin.

Niko.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Amandita, then what you can do is give these thoughts to our Lord. Let him deal with it until you get the help and therapy that you will need to get past these ocd thoughts. I know its easier said then done (believe me I should know this as much as anyone), but when you feel down come to the forum and consider us here your brothers and sisters in Christ. Please feel free to let it out here.
The fact that you are still fighting these thoughts show me that your faith is AWESOME and that you are a true Christian Warrior.

You are also in our prayers

 

[shelovesChrist]

praying for you . know that you are not alone and that there was never anything too big for God to handle . He sees our suffering , tears , confusion , but in the midst of all this He's made a way where we are able to be . His word is His bond, and the false guilt and anxity that comes with this feels so real, but we have to believe that He is just and righetous in judgement as He says and will not punish us, but help us through this . Look how much time Jesus spent with the sick, healing, restoring . He is not far, but closer than we could ever imagine . He hears us and loves us .