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I'm just sitting here

mama

Chocolate the "other" food group
Feb 26, 2002
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I am sitting here looking at the computer screen wishing this day was over..its been to long of a day for my taste....I thought hey why not go and check out a different section of these forum boards.......I seem to be losing a battle here that I thought it was going well, I guess I was wrong..So many things are going through my mind right now and I feel like its gonna fall off and roll under the table then its gonna be lost for sure...I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing at times.............

Anyway, I am wondering where G-d is and why can't I find him...I have called him but no answer...maybe he has gone out for the evening or just turned the ringer off....but I was sure he had call waiting..maybe the bill was to high so he had it disconnected; I wish he would hurry and get home.......

Maybe I will leave him a note and tell him whats up......

Hey G-d I came by to say hello and to ask for your advice but I got no answer.....I figured you must of stepped out for a moment and I was gonna wait but I am kinda in a hurry....like that is a suprise right?

Well let me give you a little of the story........Well I feel like a failure and I am only 35.......My kids need a father and you have brought me one, thank you by the way, but I still feel like I am crawling out of my skin.....I have been taking my medicine so I dont think its that I am just not sure what it is I can't seem to pin point it and I was hoping you could help me, but as luck has it your not here.....story of my life...anyway I just need some help with the kids and my health isn't so good, I am getting headaches more often and I don't know why.......oh did you get my note from a few weeks ago when I stopped by........I seem to have no luck catching you at home...gosh I wonder if you've moved......


So about the help....I don't want to bother you or anything cause I know your busy with comforting those who, well you know those who deserve help.......like the ones who lost someone on September 11th, or ones with cancer or the homeless...You are busy with the ones who really need it, but I was hoping maybe if you had just a spare minute just to answer a couple of questions.......oh listen to me going on and on and on...sorry I will let you go I didn't mean to ramble on and on.....I will try and reach you when your not so busy.........Maybe I can stop by in a couple of weeks...I am not sure when cause my schedual changes all the time but I am sure someday we will touch base........Well see you later God...........

As I am walking home I am thinking to myself, boy thats strange God wasnt home.....I wonder where he is these days.....Maybe he doesn't love me anymore.......maybe I am a disappointment to him again...........Boy I feel stupid, who was I kidding thinking God the almighty the alpha and omega would have time for little ole' me he has more important things to do.....oh well..what eles is new....

Then I get home finally after such a long and stressful day.....I notice a light on in the living room....I don't remember leaving the light on....oh one of the boys must of left it on for me....well I guess thats nice...........So I unlock the door and go inside and put my things down and notice dinner is made and the table is set and it looks nice....smells good too....I call out........hello anyone here hello....... and as I turn to go into the kitchen I stop dead in my tracks....I must be seeing things....this is a joke...so I call out to the boys and tell them very funny.......and then I hear........

Hello Michelle.....do you remember me its me God....I have missed you so very much and haven't seen you in a long time so I thought I would come over and fix you dinner because I know you have been having a hard time lately and I thought you could use a break...........

You know michelle...I love you and you are the most important person to me....I created you and I know you inside and out........you can tell me anything and I won't condem you or judge you because I love you....I sent my son to die just for you because you mean that much to me...........I know you have felt alone lately and thought I wasnt around and wasnt listening to you but Michelle I was holding you.....the nights you cried yourself to sleep.....I was the one who wiped your tears with my mighty hand..........how could you think I didnt love you or care for you........I am always here for you and I will never forsake you or leave you and that I promise you can trust me.....give me your hand.............so I give God my hand and he looks me in the eyes and I notice that he is crying and I ask him Lord why are you crying...........

He tells me...Michelle you thought I wasn't there, you thought I didnt care...........I cry when you cry and I laugh when you laugh....everything you feel I feel...........I can't tell you enough how much you mean to me and how much I love you.......I can help you, let me help you...........together nothing is impossible.......nothing michelle is impossible for me........ :angel:
 
I'm 5 years old. My Daddy is so big. He is my hero. "Daddy, Lift me up so I can touch the ceiling." Is anyone as tall as my Daddy?? I don't think so.daddy I love you. Do you love me? :clap:

I'm 7 years old. Now my Daddy is yelling. His anger is so fierce. I want to hide and I want to let him know "I didn't mean it, Daddy." "I didn't mean to interupt." So many , many things to keep track of. So many things that make Daddy yell. "Daddy, be proud of me, Daddy notice how hard I'm trying. " Daddy, I love you. Do you still love me?

I ran so very fast, as fast as I could . I hoped my Daddy would cheer for me like He does the players on TV. But my Daddy yelled instead. "don't run. you might knock something over!!!" Why, oh why do I always get it wrong. Daddy, I love you. Do you l still love me?? :confused:

I'm 9 years old. i get so angry, i yell and stomp. i want my way. i want to matter. I'll make you listen. I'll make you care. Please don't hate me. I just want you to hear. Tell me i matter . because I'm afraid i don't. Won't you please say it. I love you daddy. Do you still love me??? :wave:

Now I'm 11 years old. Daddy yells again, "you are a loser, a troublemaker too. I wish we'd never had you!!" The words cut deep. but not as deep as the silence. The icy stare from the eyes
of my Daddy. I'm sent from the table. "you'll eat over here. Away from the family. Just see if we'll show you that we still care." I love you daddy. do you still love me???? :cry:

I'm 14. My Daddy is gone now. Left to be with another family.
I said " go ahead and leave. we're better off without you here." "I hate you now, don't you know." But secretly, i was thinking . daddy I love you. Do you still love me????? :help:

Now i'm 20. " G-d , you're my Daddy now." " Daddy, I love you. Do you still Love me???

I'm 30 now.This morning the preacher yelled. he said, "you did it wrong, quit doing it that way or you'll mess it up" Daddy , i love you. Do you still love me??? :help:

Now I'm 34. Yesterday my wife left me. She said I did it wrong. She said she 's better off without me. I begged her to stay but she just turned and said, " stay with you. " she laughed. Daddy I love you. Do you still love me??? :cry:

Now I'm 36. i want to get remarried. A friend told me"don't you understand. you're doing it wrong again you loser"he had a list of rules. Daddy I love you. Do you still love me??? :(

So I was wondering Daddy. Do you notice when I run fast? when I try so hard to do it right. So many things to keep track of. Why do I always get it wrong. Daddy I love you. Do you still love me?? :confused:

Tell me I matter Daddy. Tell me you care. " can I sit at your table Daddy??"
I love you Daddy. Do you still love me?? :clap:
 
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