I'm fearing I will be permanently single as well as marrying someone I will not like

[DMendrone]

So, I am in my mid 20s and still single. I have never had a girlfriend before and I fear that I will be permanently single.

I also fear that when I meet my future wife, that I will not find her attractive or get along with her. The reason why I fear this is because I have a list of what I want in a wife. A couple people have told me that my list is subject to change and well I do not like the sound of that.

So I am looking for encouragement in this. Thank you.

 

[My King and Lord]

I am not at your age yet, but some people meet their partner at different times. I know someone who meet their wife at almost 40 years old. You just have to interact with people and wait.

 

[timewerx]

A couple people have told me that my list is subject to change and well I do not like the sound of that.

This is very true...

When I was in my twenties, I was physically attracted mostly to slim, supermodel physique and introverted woman.

Ten years later, I found plus size and extrovert (and not a snub) more attractive - this is long before the plus size started trending. So it is completely out of my personal taste, NOT from influence of popular media.

There's nothing bad about changing preferences. It comes naturally. Our perception of beauty changes overtime. It is not forced so it's a non-issue. Don't worry about it.

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I'd recommend you become what you could be first, and then once you are that man then get the best possible mate you can within a reasonable time frame. There are obstacles people have where the possible mate they could get even if they were all they could be might not be of the highest quality, but at that point you can either accept your lot in life or simply remain single. I'd say at least become what you could be first before saying it's hopeless.

 

[MariaJLM]

It's not a bad thing to be single, provided God calls you to that path. Nobody should ever be ashamed of being single. That being said, if God wants you to marry then you will meet somebody, in time.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

So, I am in my mid 20s and still single. I have never had a girlfriend before and I fear that I will be permanently single.

Why, in your opinion, haven't you had a girlfriend before? The fact that you haven't found a wife by your mid-20s wouldn't be surprising, but the fact that you haven't even found someone you've wanted to date regularly is.

I also fear that when I meet my future wife, that I will not find her attractive or get along with her. The reason why I fear this is because I have a list of what I want in a wife.

I think everyone has such a list. Sometimes that list doesn't match up with the person who made the list. In other words, I have known lots of overweight guys who wouldn't date an overweight woman (an attitude that has always amazed me). When you look at your list and think of the woman who checks off all the boxes, is that the sort of woman that you think is looking for you?

 

[Elliewaves]

In your mid 20's you shouldn't worry. When you get to mid 40's and up; eh? it could happen but is more likely to not . So basically you have many more years of potential right now. Go forth and be interesting.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I'm 28 almost 29 and still single. I recommend that you don't get married unless you're actually in love. Marriage is difficult and many marriages in my country end in divorce. it's a sad thing to be married to someone that doesn't love you.

I would have to agree with this for sure. I’m 27 and I kinda took this advice for myself to be honest.

 

[Citanul]

I also fear that when I meet my future wife, that I will not find her attractive or get along with her.

I'm not really following you here. Why would you choose to marry someone you don't find attractive or get along with?

 

[Messerve]

So, I am in my mid 20s and still single. I have never had a girlfriend before and I fear that I will be permanently single.

I also fear that when I meet my future wife, that I will not find her attractive or get along with her. The reason why I fear this is because I have a list of what I want in a wife. A couple people have told me that my list is subject to change and well I do not like the sound of that.

So I am looking for encouragement in this. Thank you.

A former youth pastor of mine didn't get married until he was in his forties. He adopted his wife's daughter from a previous marriage and they had another son together. So in a very short time he went from single to a wife and two kids. So, really, for all the pressure you're getting from others there is no reason to rush into anything. Just ignore the people who think it's weird, because it's really not. As others have said, why get married to someone you don't actually love that much only to have troubles later on? That's a terrible solution.

 

[vinsight4u]

Have you made a list of the qualities you will be for your future wife?

 

[dzheremi]

St. John Chrysostom tells us that the Christian marriage should be as the hand and the eye: when the hand is hurting, the eye should be crying, and when the eye is crying, the hand should wipe away the tears.

If that is not what you are willing to be and to have, then even if you have someone you're not married, you're just dating -- and in a very non-Christian way.

I also like what another poster said: "Go forth and be interesting." Forget whatever list you have for now (you're in your 20s, and yes, it will change, and that's a good thing; just ask anyone in this thread or life in general who is older than you) and focus on becoming the kind of person who attracts a woman of quality, character, and faith. Looks, prestige, etc. all fade in time (both in importance and more literally). In the end, who you are and who you are with matter not because they satisfy some list you made by that point years and years ago, but because you are one flesh, and you live accordingly. If you can't give up your list or your idealization of who your wife will be or how your marriage will be, how can you ever give up yourself and live according to the Christian standard?

 

[Sketcher]

Concerning a list of qualities, I recommend reading Boundaries In Dating by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It has a part where one of them polls a crowd on what they want in a spouse, and then tells them that while he likes fun and attractive people too, the people he counsels who are freshly divorced cite serious character problems whose opposite virtues didn't make the list the crowd gave him. It's a good book for setting basic standards for yourself, and I don't know that older people outgrow those.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

I have a list of what I want in a wife

I'm curious what is on that list. Will you share that?

Also, do you require a woman meet every item on the list in order for you to go on a date with her?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

if you're gonna chase something, chase power, wealth, and influence. increase your value as a human being socially and economically.

..then let the women chase you.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

*sigh*

we just need to keep sowing the seed of patience, love, and righteousness and continue trusting God that His promise of delighting ourselves in Him will bring about Him giving us the desires of our hearts. In His timing. I'm in the same boat with ya. Stay blessed!

 

[sunshine100]

I'm curious what is on that list. Will you share that?

Also, do you require a woman meet every item on the list in order for you to go on a date with her?

I agree

 

[sunshine100]

I am not at your age yet, but some people meet their partner at different times. I know someone who meet their wife at almost 40 years old. You just have to interact with people and wait.

 

[DMendrone]

I'm not really following you here. Why would you choose to marry someone you don't find attractive or get along with?

I wouldn't. A couple of people I've talked to make it sound like whether I find her attractive or not does not matter. I've actually taken my list as "subject to change" personal because of it.