I'm done

[ByTheSpirit]

This is in all likelihood my last CF post ever. I am done, everyone. Just exhausted on life and my failures. Please don't give me the God forgives my failures thing, because I can't forgive myself even if He can. I know I have ADD which makes it impossible for me to keep a job, or friends, or anything. I have begged God to help me and I just feel lost. I am about to lose my house because I couldn't pay the bill (unless I get a miracle today, a true miracle). I have to explain to my wife and 3 kids how their husband/father couldn't provide for them. I have thought very VERY seriously about suicide, but I'm afraid to die. That's probably a good thing, because I would have done it otherwise. I just can't go on.

I have spent many hours/days seeking God's voice and now I have nothing to show for it but mounting bills and increasing heartache. WHERE IS HE?! He said He would never leave me or forsake me, but I have to tell you, it seems like He is lying right now. I've fasted, I've prayed, many hours and days. I've done everything I knew to do in order to position myself before Him so He could tell me what to do and where to go for a job, house, etc. NOTHING. I'm ready to give up.

Pray for me if you want, but I'm asking you to pray for my children. They don't deserve what I am putting them through. Pray for my wife, because if I go, she will need all the help she can get.

 

[Fortran]

Praying for you and your family.

 

[brinny]

Praying for you, brother in Christ and beloved son of the Most High God...

 

[LoveConquers]

Praying for you

 

[Pastor Don]

obg84-

If it is ok with you, I am going to talk straight with you for a moment. One fact that I can state is that I do not know a single thing about you or your situation except what you have shared in your brief missive. I cannot tell you that everything will be alright for to do so would be irresponsible and also make light of what you are going through. I cannot tell you what God's will is or what His master plan is for you and your family for to do so would mark me as false as a serpent.

What I can say to is that you are not the first person to wonder if God was absent in their lives. David comes to mind immediately as he ran for his life from the king. It is in our nature to miss His presence in times of heavy self loathing. The reason behind this is that we are so angry at ourselves and the situation that we are in, that we are not ready to relinquish control to our Father in heaven. We pray, fast, beg and yet forget that God has promised that this world would be difficult and that our challenge is to make the choices concerning how we will handle the situation we are in. Do we walk the path of righteousness or do we succumb to our own fears and drown ourselves on the road to perdition.

Not knowing your scenario limits what I can offer you, my friend. You may not want to hear these words, however God does love you and though you feel like you are pounding on that ceiling, begging Him for that answer, perhaps it is the time to be still and know that His grace is sufficient. He has provided you with salvation and though we wish for miracles and answers on demand, He does not work that way. Jesus tells Satan that in the desert when Satan suggest that Jesus make a half gainer from the tower only to have the angels save Him.

Finally... God answers prayers one of three ways. The first is always nice and the way we like to hear. It is the affirmation; the 'yes.' The second way is the denial or the 'no.' Both of these answers are absolute and come in many forms; indirect and direct. The final is the hardest for us to deal with. It is is the answer "My grace is sufficient..." In other words, God is saying to us that He has provided the saving grace of Jesus Christ in our lives and the tools that we need to follow Him and that is all we are going to receive at this point in time. This seems harsh until you look at what the price was for this grace. At this point, the grace given seems to cover more than we can ever repay.

Peace to you as you work through this. I will pray for you and if you PM me the initials of your name, I will put them on my church's prayer list and we will all pray for you and your family. Be kind to yourself. Take a moment to step back and reflect on what God HAS given to you... You may very well be surprised.

In His service always,

Pastor Don

 

[ladyjazz]

I'm sorry that you are having such hardships. I'm sorry God is silent at this time. Life is not easy for any of us. I wish I had an answer to comfort you and makes things " all right." I know that Christian or non-Christian, life gives us all raw deals at one time or another. I would just hope that you WOULD NOT give up! I would hope that if you do not get the miracle you need, that you could adjust to what you do have. I wish you the best and cannot encourage you to throw in the towel. We all face that. I will prayer for you and your family at this horrible time. I do know that sharing this with a Pastor or Counselor can help, as they can look at things from a different angle.

Prayers.

 

[faroukfarouk]

John 14.1; John 14.27; Psalm 46

 

[ananda]

I'm sorry to hear about the problems you're going through. I know of some of it, and how it feels.

My wife and I were also stressed about bills, housing, etc. and have had long conversations about this, and we concluded that (at least for our situation) that trying to live the "average American lifestyle" was actually insanity. We can no longer justify purchasing all that we formerly purchased, or imagine stressing and slaving for 30+ years to pay off a mortgage/insurance/tax/etc. We drastically minimized and liquidated our possessions (which actually possessed us) and expenses, and we are much happier for it. We now live in basically a 300 sq ft place, and can fit pretty much all of our stuff we do own in our small fuel-efficient car in one day, if we needed to leave.

I don't know if my anecdote applies to your specific situation, but I thought I'd share.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

You and your loved ones will be in my prayers.
May the Lord in His Merciful Love, bless you with His Presence, healing, and peace

 

[brinny]

praying, brother in cHrist and beloved son of the Most High God...

 

[Kingsdotter]

Brethren the life of a Christian is not easy, because we are asked to believe even when things are not changing, have faith without doubting, hope even when the situation seems hopeless. God is working brethren, hang in there. Praying for u. God bless

 

[Jesse2014]

 

[achristian2]

praying