I'm afraid my girlfriend will commit suicide

[shabbo148]

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. I love her more than anything in the world. However it's hard sometimes as she's suffering from so much. She has depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, aspergers and suspected bipolar (shes being tested.)
I use to be so supportive. For the first year i would talk for hours with her about her problems. I use to collect collages of screenshots of people saying shes beautiful etc. to boost her self esteem and remind her she's beautiful. I showed her sides of life she's never experienced before. I encouraged her so much, inspired her and supported her every step of the way. I put absolutely everything into helping her, and almost fell into depression myself.
Our relationship has become a bit toxic since then. We spend a LOT of time together. We don't live seperate lives or have seperate friends. Only eachother. I've been finding it really hard to support her. When she gets sad now, it becomes a burden. I no longer feel the motivation to help her and i hate myself for it. She attempted suicide the other month, but i walked in on her and stopped her. I'm scared she's going to try again, but i still don't feel I'm able to help her anymore.
She's EXTREMELY sensitive, and gets upset over the tiniest things in the world. This is completely understandable considering everything she's going through, but i've lost the energy to cope. I get angry and fustrated at her, and make her feel hopeless and unloved. She has told me that I am part of the reason she wants to die. She says I make her hate herself, and yet at the same time she would do anything to stay in a relationhip with me. Shes dependant on me and loves me so much. It's the same vice versa, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her. My energy is gone, and I don't know how to cope with her when she's sad anymore.

I read stories of people whos partners committed suicide, however they were always there for support. They always helped their partner. I'm not like that. I'm scared she's going to commit suicide without my help, and I hate myself for it. I want so badly to help her but she's just sad so often I don't even know what to do anymore.

Shes going to see help but it's always delayed. Her parents have booked her to see psychatrists etc. but they're so caught up in their own lives they never go through with plans. She's not getting the help she needs and I feel like I can no longer provide for her.

I feel like she deserves better than me. There are so many people in the world that would be able to provide the loving support I no longer can. I want to so badly, but I don't know how. My own mental health is at risk, and I can't tell if i'm a bad person or not. I'm basically contributing to her self hatred and i'm never there when she needs me most.
But I just don't feel I have the strength to anymore, and I only act out of anger and fustration.
Am I a bad person? I really don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm trying to get out of this post, I just need some advice.


Thank you

 

[grandvizier1006]

You'll have to forgive me. What I say might be...politically incorrect, and I don't mean to offend you. But since you're a girl and you said "girlfriend", I might as well elaborate.

LGBT people have higher rates of obesity, smoking, alcoholism, anxiety, depression and suicide. Some of these issues could be connected to a "homophobic society", but not all of them. In light of this, your girlfriend's parents really shouldn't be putting off appointments to therapists. Chances are she has a lot of issues that need to be worked out. If they know exactly what's going on then they would put her health as their first priority.

Do you know if she has any unhealthy habits? Has she elaborated on what it is that makes her suicidal? Since she claims that you are somewhat responsible (and it's best to just take her word for it even if you think it isn't true), I think that it would be best for you both to try and find other friends, since you said that neither of you have any others. A separate group of platonic friends could really help with autonomy, and maybe your girlfriend would feel better if she felt like she didn't have to be "stuck" with you. Even if you both do love each other there is a chance that she's feeling bad because she feels like she "can't" back out of it for any reason--as in, if it fails then there is no hope. The best thing to do is to find other friends so that your relationship isn't the single most important thing in your lives.

Finally, don't blame yourself, no matter what happens. If she gets upset, and it makes you mad, then the cycle of negative emotions just gets passed back and forth between both of you, and it's not healthy. It's best to view yourself individually, not the two of you as a unit. I know that sounds insensitive, but you'll have to forgive me, I've never actually been in a relationship. But I have had suicidal thoughts before. My point is that ultimately, you are not responsible for her. I have had my own issues with that with people on here, because I keep feeling like I "need to help them", or else they won't make it. But ultimately, it's only something that the individual and God can do. Pray that your girlfriend will be able to evaluate herself in a godly manner--i.e. she won't feel ashamed of whatever insecurities she has.

Again, has she been specific as to what has been causing all of this? What would you say it is, if you just have to guess? People have suicidal issues for all sorts of reasons.

 

[GameHHH]

Look into transcranial magnetic stimulation. It's expensive but effective.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

grandvizier said most of what i wanted to say.

also, you need to take care of yourself too. talk to her, communicate but don't place blame on anyone. she needs counciling from a professional since there's only so much you can do.

 

[Messy]

She needs inner healing and deliverance. Does she even know the Lord? She needs Him, you can't give her what only He can give her. My ex threatened to commit suicide, he was on drugs and autistic. I had also three kids to take care of. It wasn't a christian relationship, we were living together and he didn't believe, I had to break it off. Before that he called me when he was at the water side and wanted to kill himself and I could get him back. He didn't want to live, was so depressed, only negative, I couldn't handle that, but I did warn him that it would be much worse if he did that, I just threatened him with hell, maybe not very sweet, but it did work. That was the reason he didn't want to do it anymore. He didn't want deliverance prayer, that was a pity.

 

[TorturedSoul]

Whenever I hear about suicide I think of 1 Samuel and the evil spirit God sent on Saul for continual disobeying God, resulting in his suicide. I have battled depression and suicidal ideation as a young adult and I figured out how I could better serve God instead of being sinful. Now when I start to feel depressed I ask what I am doing wrong and what I can do to serve God.

 

[shabbo148]

You'll have to forgive me. What I say might be...politically incorrect, and I don't mean to offend you. But since you're a girl and you said "girlfriend", I might as well elaborate.

LGBT people have higher rates of obesity, smoking, alcoholism, anxiety, depression and suicide. Some of these issues could be connected to a "homophobic society", but not all of them. In light of this, your girlfriend's parents really shouldn't be putting off appointments to therapists. Chances are she has a lot of issues that need to be worked out. If they know exactly what's going on then they would put her health as their first priority.

Do you know if she has any unhealthy habits? Has she elaborated on what it is that makes her suicidal? Since she claims that you are somewhat responsible (and it's best to just take her word for it even if you think it isn't true), I think that it would be best for you both to try and find other friends, since you said that neither of you have any others. A separate group of platonic friends could really help with autonomy, and maybe your girlfriend would feel better if she felt like she didn't have to be "stuck" with you. Even if you both do love each other there is a chance that she's feeling bad because she feels like she "can't" back out of it for any reason--as in, if it fails then there is no hope. The best thing to do is to find other friends so that your relationship isn't the single most important thing in your lives.

Finally, don't blame yourself, no matter what happens. If she gets upset, and it makes you mad, then the cycle of negative emotions just gets passed back and forth between both of you, and it's not healthy. It's best to view yourself individually, not the two of you as a unit. I know that sounds insensitive, but you'll have to forgive me, I've never actually been in a relationship. But I have had suicidal thoughts before. My point is that ultimately, you are not responsible for her. I have had my own issues with that with people on here, because I keep feeling like I "need to help them", or else they won't make it. But ultimately, it's only something that the individual and God can do. Pray that your girlfriend will be able to evaluate herself in a godly manner--i.e. she won't feel ashamed of whatever insecurities she has.

Again, has she been specific as to what has been causing all of this? What would you say it is, if you just have to guess? People have suicidal issues for all sorts of reasons.

Thank you this is really good advice.
I'm doing my final year of school, and will be going to university next year. She has also had to drop out of school due to her stress and as a result we're spending a lot less time with eachother and this allows us to both develop individual lives again.

The reason she is the way is isn't due to any trauma events etc. She has lived a pretty average life, however she has a strong family history of bipolar, depression, suicides. It's definately something genetical, and it's most likely something that is only solveable through medication the root of her problems come from a hormone misbalance. She's not yet on medication, however she's being assessed in a couple weeks. Hopefully this will help to balance out her hormones.

Through the balance of Medication/therapy, and our seperate lives due to my studies I do believe our relationship has extreme potential to survive. We've been together 2 years, and as described throughout the post we've pretty much battled everything. I wrote this post during a moment of extreme doubt and confusion, and so it portrays our relationship as something quite horrific and toxic. However things will and do improve, and behind all the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] is quite a loving and dedicated relationship.

Her sexuality is not a contribution to her problems. We both have extremely supporting families, and recieve no discrimination from our church or school.

 

[shabbo148]

This may potentially sound absurd, depending on where your beliefs lie.
When she was 12 years old, she had no friends and was testing religion. She decided to pray to satan and ask for friends or something similar in return for a small bug she had 'sacrificed.'
To this day she occasionly has awful experiences where she'll be trying to sleep at night and may see the black figure or a man in her room staring at her.
In one occurance she experienced sleep paralysis, and couldn't move. She saw the black figure and the time on her computer screen. She then felt as though she woke up, she looked at the time and the computer flashed off in a spark. She started screaming and her parents came into her room etc..
Things like this happen but not often.
I'm unsure if this may be related on a spiritual level to what she's experiencing. Or weather it is simply related to her mental illnesses and has a more scientific/medical explination. She use to tell me she would hear voices occasionly as well, telling her she's ugly, disgusting, they shout and scream at her. They tell her to kill herself. (This only happens when she's EXTREMELY stressed)
Sometimes when she tries to sleep, images and visions flash in her head of horrific killings, suicide, blood etc.
OTher times she cant sleep because 4 particular memories from her childhood run trough er head over and over again. SHe cant stop them. She tels me it's like the memories are trying to tell her someting.

 

[grandvizier1006]

If it mainly has to do with demons and hallucinations, then I think there might be a spiritual as well as a psychological component to this issue. The fact that this didn't happen until she "prayed" to Satan is a pretty big indicator. Has your girlfriend claimed to be a Christian in order to placate you? Chances are if she's attempted to become a Christian so as to stay with you, there's a chance she never "really" did so. Not that she would be deliberately faking it, but there's a huge, subtle difference between Christians vs. people who claim to be Christians but are simply that way for cultural reasons or haven't truly accepted Jesus into their heart.

For 19 years I was the latter, not even realizing that I wasn't a Christian and assuming that I had been one. But after some personal struggles, I finally pleaded for God to help me through what I assumed was the darkest point in my life. Looking back, prior to that point in time I don't think I was a Christian at all, which explains some of my mental anguish back then. But enough about me.

What I'm saying is that there if she hasn't done this, there's a chance the demons or whatever it is are attempting to prevent her from connecting with Christ. She claims that you, a Christian, are responsible for making it worse. But it might be just because the demons are "struggling against" her because they don't want to "lose" her to Christ.

Now I get that that all sounds weird, but I like to see that sort of stuff as a cause for the mental disorder and whatever it is occurring in her brain that is causing her to feel so much self-loathing. I have OCD, and I get lots of bizarre thoughts all the time, and I listen to them and let myself believe lies. They're essentially from Satan. I didn't produce them voluntarily, did I? The fact that as a person with OCD my brain is prone to doing such a thing just makes me wonder why my brain is like that and what is making me worry. What lets the negative thoughts in my head? I would say Satan.

Granted, I doubt your girlfriend is actually demon-possessed. I think she's just having major issues that are being caused by hereditary conditions and sort of being "exploited" by demons, if you will, assuming that there is a demonic component to all of this. I don't mean in the sense that she needs an exorcism, just the sense that Satan or some minion of his, in accordance with his role as the "accuser", is "accusing" her of being everything she says she is, and she believes it because it appears to come from her own mind. Does that make sense?

With that being said, the best solution is for her to go see a psychiatrist, get on a prescription for some medicine to treat the anxiety and depression, and most importantly she needs to start considering a genuine relationship with Christ. It can't be on the level of "get the demons out"--that's sort of conditional love, if you will. God has unconditional love for us, and so we have to be willing to express unconditional love to Him in return.

Oddly enough, the best way she could do this is to admit that, as painful as it might be for that moment, that whatever negative things she feels about herself are, to some minor degree, actually true. That was what I had to do with my own depression issues, when I came to Christ. I was feeling terrible about myself, and while in reality it was mainly depression fueling all of this, the negative traits about myself that had made these things worse were really there. A major aspect of becoming a Christian is admitting your issues and admitting that ultimately, you cannot fix yourself and be your own God.

Afterwards, it sort of felt like release for me. I still had depression, but it began to fade away when I started realizing that there was hope for myself--hope that it would all go away. And God gave me that hope.

 

[Ant0099]

Hey man,
I haven't read through all the comments other people have posted and it's already almost the end of the year. Hopefully things are better?
I was going to add some comments that might help yah.
Everything you described is almost identical to my last relationship... It was a huge change in my life.. I lost a lot of friends (which I was completely Pk with simply because it made me realise who the real true friends were vs the fakes)

More importantly, although I went through hell.... The interesting thing is.. During and after it was all over. I never had any regrets and it was something I probably needed to go through because when I came out the other end... I was a changed person..in a good way of course.. Any ways if Ur still in the same situation, I'm happy to provide any advice or suggestions.
But don't feel bad or guilty... The best thing to do in these situations is to let go and let go completely because you'll come to realise that you are the problem...and as long as Ur around, her issues or illness will never get better... U might disagree but I'll explain if u want me to...
I hope things between you two imported since Ur last post.
Cheers
Ant

 

[Krissy Cakes]

I'm praying for you both.