- Jul 14, 2014
- 76
- 4
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Protestant
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
**********UPDATE ON PAGE 3 as of July 29th.**********
I don't know what to do at all. I've been in this really lonely and depressed mood for awhile now and I'm sick of it. I need help, I need a lot of help. There is absolutely no way I can do this on my own, only God can do this.
The first thing is that I don't have a job. I'm 21 and need a job. Whenever I look up different types of jobs, careers or even different types of college courses I could take, it's like I'm reading a different language. It starts frustrating me almost immediately because I either can't understand it or it's uninteresting. I guess you could say reading isn't my strong suit. Don't get me wrong, I know how to read, words aren't the problem, but if it's too much at once it bothers me greatly. I can force through it when it comes to the bible, but that's really it. You could say it's a form of dyslexia, but not the way it actually is because I don't confuse letters around or anything. I don't really know how to explain it I guess.
I feel REALLY stupid saying this, but I don't have a clue on what I'm interested in. I have absolutely no idea what I like at all and that to me makes me feel stupid. Who doesn't know what they like? The only thing I can think of is that I like working with my hands, though I don't trust myself with construction work, if that makes any sense.
The next thing pretty much relates to the first thing, money problems. My family (myself, mom & stepdad) are struggling a lot. We have 2 bank loans that we got just to save our house and we still wound up losing it. We has to move to a trailer after that and have multiple maxed out credit cards trying to pay the bills. We don't even have money for our food anymore , we're having to get it from the pizza place my stepdad works at just to have dinner.
Funny though, through all of that, the thing that bothers me the most, others would find the least important. I'm lonely. I want my soulmate in my life, wherever she is, whoever she is. I want God's choice for me, I trust him a lot more than I trust myself. He knows me better than I do. I feel so sad all the time and constantly daydream about how I want my life with my soulmate to be. Even the simple stuff like imagining holding her hand, or holding her in my arms, to walking through nature or whatever other romantic things I think of. I guess if this bothers me more than anything else (even though I know it's not as important as possibly becoming hungry/homeless), it must prove that love really is stronger than anything, huh?
I pray all of the time, I know God hears me. There are times when I wonder why he is waiting to fix these problems and help me, I can't figure it out. He must have a good reason, right? So how do I ask him to change his mind on waiting and to fix these problems now? Ever since I was 15, 6 years ago when I quit high school due to multiple different reasons like depression, loss of motivation and bullying. Everything in my life has been going down hill for both myself and my family. 6 years is too long, and I want this to stop before it hits 7 if possible and God willing. My faith will NEVER break, and God knows that. He knows he doesn't have to test me to see if I'd ever turn away because I never would.
I have little to no motivation to do anything anymore. That's not me, that's not who I really am.
I just want a break from all this crap and actually start prospering for a change. I want to eventually help others. Be financially strong enough to be able to give money to people in need and stuff. I just want a normal, better life full of peace and love and happiness while helping others to try and have the same thing. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what to do at all. I've been in this really lonely and depressed mood for awhile now and I'm sick of it. I need help, I need a lot of help. There is absolutely no way I can do this on my own, only God can do this.
The first thing is that I don't have a job. I'm 21 and need a job. Whenever I look up different types of jobs, careers or even different types of college courses I could take, it's like I'm reading a different language. It starts frustrating me almost immediately because I either can't understand it or it's uninteresting. I guess you could say reading isn't my strong suit. Don't get me wrong, I know how to read, words aren't the problem, but if it's too much at once it bothers me greatly. I can force through it when it comes to the bible, but that's really it. You could say it's a form of dyslexia, but not the way it actually is because I don't confuse letters around or anything. I don't really know how to explain it I guess.
I feel REALLY stupid saying this, but I don't have a clue on what I'm interested in. I have absolutely no idea what I like at all and that to me makes me feel stupid. Who doesn't know what they like? The only thing I can think of is that I like working with my hands, though I don't trust myself with construction work, if that makes any sense.
The next thing pretty much relates to the first thing, money problems. My family (myself, mom & stepdad) are struggling a lot. We have 2 bank loans that we got just to save our house and we still wound up losing it. We has to move to a trailer after that and have multiple maxed out credit cards trying to pay the bills. We don't even have money for our food anymore , we're having to get it from the pizza place my stepdad works at just to have dinner.
Funny though, through all of that, the thing that bothers me the most, others would find the least important. I'm lonely. I want my soulmate in my life, wherever she is, whoever she is. I want God's choice for me, I trust him a lot more than I trust myself. He knows me better than I do. I feel so sad all the time and constantly daydream about how I want my life with my soulmate to be. Even the simple stuff like imagining holding her hand, or holding her in my arms, to walking through nature or whatever other romantic things I think of. I guess if this bothers me more than anything else (even though I know it's not as important as possibly becoming hungry/homeless), it must prove that love really is stronger than anything, huh?
I pray all of the time, I know God hears me. There are times when I wonder why he is waiting to fix these problems and help me, I can't figure it out. He must have a good reason, right? So how do I ask him to change his mind on waiting and to fix these problems now? Ever since I was 15, 6 years ago when I quit high school due to multiple different reasons like depression, loss of motivation and bullying. Everything in my life has been going down hill for both myself and my family. 6 years is too long, and I want this to stop before it hits 7 if possible and God willing. My faith will NEVER break, and God knows that. He knows he doesn't have to test me to see if I'd ever turn away because I never would.
I have little to no motivation to do anything anymore. That's not me, that's not who I really am.
I just want a break from all this crap and actually start prospering for a change. I want to eventually help others. Be financially strong enough to be able to give money to people in need and stuff. I just want a normal, better life full of peace and love and happiness while helping others to try and have the same thing. Is that too much to ask?
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