IJWTS Thread #8

[Starcradle]

You're right... but... I guess it's difficult to explain (especially in Spanish ) why I feel the way that I do. To me, it makes no sense to go to funerals just for the sake of showing one's face. If you only see family when the chips are down, you are undeserving. Likewise, if you go to church only on holidays... what are you truly benefitting?

I read your thoughts approximately twenty minutes ago, yet was pondering them before offering a response. In all honesty, I am still reflecting upon your comments. I shall say for the time being that what you describe is similar to the dynamic at work within pockets of my maternal, extended family...

 

[white dove]

Thank you for carefully considering your response to me.

 

[white dove]

On one hand, I want to be supportive of my living family members (including my parents); however, to me, it is wrong to fake relationships with others I do not know at all. My own parents are not close to the family member who passed away. I know who she was. I recall speaking to her a few times. Yet... I am struggling so much to find a reason to go.

And my thought is, If you are not close to them, (mom or dad).. there is probably a reason.


If anything, I would simply be the driver - as the funeral is out-of-town and my father needs corrective eye surgery... that is, if they go. My mother can drive, but she will most likely... "pull a mom."

 

[Starcradle]

I confess that I am having an internal struggle insofar as the proper response. As you stated, you wish to be supportive, and yet you do not want to erect some sort of facade...

 

[white dove]

Thank you for even taking the time, mamita. In your silence, I feel as though you are encouraging me to take a deeper look into it.

For all intents and purposes, this side of the family has been cut out of our lives (I do not wish to continuously air my family laundry here, but... this is how it has been for us). I know that I have to support my family, even if I do not want to... that is what love does. It seeks the best for others. Yet... I struggle with truly understanding what that is in this case.

My grandmother passed away... YEARS ago. I remember being a child and having her braid my long hair until I fell asleep on her lap. I recall her making tamales every weekend and letting us kids play outside and get ice cream from the vendor down the street. Yet, I could not tell you - nor anyone else - the last time I saw or spoke to her before she passed. When I was a teenager, that side of the family was "dead" to me. Not by my choice. Now, as a woman, my mind is even foggier than when I was a child.

I don't know where the Spirit is leading me. I really don't.

 

[white dove]

Lol I'm sorry.. what I just typed is letting some deep feelings express themselves and I cannot see my monitor so clearly right now .

 

[Starcradle]

These types of family divisions can be heart rending and so utterly...pointless. You may have spent some of your most joyous, childhood moments amidst family members who, for one reason or other, become fragmented with the passage of time. Suddenly, it is as if your moments with them, however jubilant, pertain to another world entirely and all at once they are lost to you...

I apologize, I am babbling incoherently! All I can say at the moment is that I do not speak as one who cannot empathize.

 

[soccerdad66]

I have a mole!?!?

He deered to kill a kings dare!

Ahhh... now I may watch it this afternoon...

Yah, my son loves it too, although, there's a couple of times I have to tell him what something means later

WD - I'll be praying for you.

 

[white dove]

Deep down, I don't know who I'm most angry with.. my mother.. or myself for thinking and feeling this way.

Starcradle, your words have brought me into tears even further. That is exactly how I feel.


I'm going to schedule a time to meet up with my mom to discuss things. Clearly, there are some things I have not confronted... which amazes me because I am almost-always confrontational - almost to a fault.

 

[Quoth]

I'm extremely agitated, frustrated, and ready to kill something...

...but I haven't had a cigarette in five days.

 

[bradmatic]

IJWTS I am blessed to have air conditioning and a place to live. Due to a paperwork problem about 100 people were displaced from their residence on our hottest day of the year so far (heat index abt. 105). They were forced out because the power was turned off to their entire complex.. and can not be turned on until Monday.

Part of me thinks that the power company should never turn off the electricity during the hottest summer months no matter how delinquent the bill is (as they do with the heat when it gets too cold). But, this place is known for being 'less than reputable' and is a hotbed for many vices so I am kind of glad it's shut down.

I don't need a debate started.. just needed to vent a second.

 

[* kittie *]

I'm extremely agitated, frustrated, and ready to kill something...

...but I haven't had a cigarette in five days.

Great job on not having a cigarette though.

 

[Quoth]

Great job on not having a cigarette though.

Thanks. I would like to get rid of the addiction, which they say takes a few weeks, then--if I have a smoke--it's only when I drink. The last time I drank, by the way, was back in March, and I had one beer, if that tells you how often I drink.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Thanks. I would like to get rid of the addiction, which they say takes a few weeks, then--if I have a smoke--it's only when I drink. The last time I drank, by the way, was back in March, and I had one beer, if that tells you how often I drink.

That's awesome. Keep it up!

 

[Niels]

IJWTS - I love the smell of hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill!

 

[lozzie]

IJWTS - I'm cranky at boys who cancel coming over to go play video games... and then have the nerve to say 'do you want to come? we'll call you if we watch a movie'

Bah! lol... I should be feeling sorry for my friend who's marrying one of em. They will ditch anything to sit there and play games.

 

[Starcradle]

Deep down, I don't know who I'm most angry with.. my mother.. or myself for thinking and feeling this way.

Starcradle, your words have brought me into tears even further. That is exactly how I feel.

I'm going to schedule a time to meet up with my mom to discuss things. Clearly, there are some things I have not confronted... which amazes me because I am almost-always confrontational - almost to a fault.

This is certainly a wise idea.

IJWTS that I blossom at his side, and that he puts me in a good mood despite myself.

 

[Inkachu]

IJWTS I love Saturday mornings. Got to sleep in. Just made a nice toasted ham & cheese sandwich for breakfast. I hear some lazy, distant thunder outside. Ahhh...relaxing...

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

IJWTS today has been amusing so far.

 

[Wren]

IJWTS-You would think after 31 years that it would no longer annoy me when people misspell my name, but it does. Just for the record, it's Shelly not Shelley.