IJWTS Thread (24)

[crishmael]

Dearest Martha:

I am pleased to know my legs lie safely at rest. I am pleased to say my teeth remain strong. A steady smear of lard and ashes have kept them a strong gray.

I am pleased and saddened to hear about George Jr. It had been my hope that he would have followed his father and have waited until he was mature enough for marriage like his father. I still fondly recall my 27th birthday when I was told by my father to marry you before you became an old maid. You certainly were the happiest 13 year old bride I had ever seen.

I shall endeavor to return home soon. Enclosed is my right thumb that a Confederate raccoon bit off. I request that you give my thumb a proper Catholic burial that it requested as it expired.

 

[Tink]

Dearest George,
Your thumb lies at rest to the left of your legs. The Catholic priest refused to perform the burial, so I had that one feller from the General Store come and do it. He dug the grave and everything for only $2! I'm glad to hear about your teeth; I have been increasingly worried for you.

I'm glad that your father convinced you to marry me. Though I had nothing to offer you at the time (my figure wasn't even fully developed!), I thank God that you gave me a chance. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the $9783 dowry either.

I hope you are able to return soon. I've been propositioned by Mr Cartwright up the road if you do not return within six months.

 

[crishmael]

Dearest Martha:

I am pleased at least that my thumb has find rest. Me and him have never agreed on religious questions but I wish him the best in the afterlife.

I am also pleased that you too remember our marriage as fondly as I do. I sincerely regret investing all your dowry in that mechanical wagon scheme our neighbor Roscoe Ford was peddling. I did not know he was more of a drunk than an inventor.

I am pleased to inform you that I shall be returning home soon. Doc Shmitty has fashioned me a fine pair of strong wooden legs made from the very tree we hung that rebel raccoon from. And I would encourage you to inform Mr. Cartwright that I am as strong and as fit as a horse with no hind legs and if I hear any more of his propositioning I will not be the only one walking on stumps.

Tell the dog I love him. Wave to the children.

 

[Tink]

Dearest Martha:

I am pleased at least that my thumb has find rest. Me and him have never agreed on religious questions but I wish him the best in the afterlife.

I am also pleased that you too remember our marriage as fondly as I do. I sincerely regret investing all your dowry in that mechanical wagon scheme our neighbor Roscoe Ford was peddling. I did not know he was more of a drunk than an inventor.

I am pleased to inform you that I shall be returning home soon. Doc Shmitty has fashioned me a fine pair of strong wooden legs made from the very tree we hung that rebel raccoon from. And I would encourage you to inform Mr. Cartwright that I am as strong and as fit as a horse with no hind legs and if I hear any more of his propositioning I will not be the only one walking on stumps.

Tell the dog I love him. Wave to the children.

I'm seriously LOLing over here and I don't know if I can go on.

 

[SweetDee]

IJWTS all of you make me laugh and smile so much!

 

[Daedalus^2]

IJWTS... And it's here in your eyes, here in your eyes tonight.

 

[crishmael]

I'm seriously LOLing over here and I don't know if I can go on.

It's okay. I'm kind of running out of ideas. We'll just say George returned home to Martha and his loving dog and supported his family through a lucrative circus career.

The End.

 

[Tink]

It's okay. I'm kind of running out of ideas. We'll just say George returned home to Martha and his loving dog and supported his family through a lucrative circus career.

The End.

Excellent!

 

[crishmael]

Excellent!

Thanks for playing along with me. Hopefully we'll do another Civil War Epistle Theater in the future.

 

[crishmael]

IJWTS-Good night CF! You've been great.

 

[stan1472]

Loose curls, like this:

She was one of my crushes; still find myself drawn to her.

 

[SweetDee]

IJWTS I am off to bed and praying tomorrow and the rest of the week is not going to be as awful as I fear it to be.


IAJWTS

 

[Niels]

IJWTS - That wasn't intentional.

IAJWTS - Gotta love accidentally falling asleep after dinner, only to wake up in the wee hours of the morning still wearing yesterday's clothes.

 

[Gym]

IJWTS- you fought the law and.... the law won

 

[Guy Incognito]

IJWTS; shout outs to Ericka, Keri, and JennieAmber

 

[Fremdin]

IJWTS- Quit throwing shade Shangela!

 

[stan1472]

IJWTS

I've tried to live like the prodigal son, and it doesn't satisfy. I'd rather live like God's son.

 

[Gym]

*whine mode*
IJWTS.. was it that most (95%) of the girls I've met who actually think I'm attractive are not christian?
*whine mode terminated*

 

[crishmael]

IJWTS-I got waffle love this morning.

 

[Marycita]

IJWTS - It really wrankles my ire and makes me incredibly sad, how many Christians still fall for Satan's question of, "Did God really say....?"

Yes, He did.