If you were retired & planning your will, would you bother leaving anything to these next of kin?

justme6272

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Assume that....

1) The next of kin are nephews/nieces, married, some with young kids. They are the offspring of your sole deceased sibling who you didn't like, but you're trying not to hold that against their offspring. You have no closer relatives related to this decision, like your own parents, spouse, children, grandchildren, aunts, or uncles. The focus is solely on the nephews and nieces, and any children they may have who theoretically benefit later if not now, but whom you've never seen.

2) You aren't close to them by any stretch of the imagination. They always lived in a different city, and the number of times you saw them as they grew up could be counted on two hands. You haven't seen them in 16 years, and even then, it was only due to attending family funerals. You haven't kept in touch in any way whatsoever. They may think you're mad at them due to the crazy antics of their dad, but you're not. It's just a matter of being motivated enough, like a distant cousin or uncle who is out there somewhere, but they could die and you'd never know it.

3) You don't even know where they are without possibly a "people-finder" type online search. So you haven't yet written any letters to track them down to ask if they want to inherit anything, and you're undecided if you even want to. You don't have their phone or email, and you aren't going to contact any other relative to try and get that info.

I could type volumes more, touching on 'drama' like stuff from the past regarding mutual relatives who are no longer in the picture, but it's too much to read, too boring, and your head might explode.

What are the beneficiary alternatives? Friends, a church, or non-profit, but what scares me about churches and non-profits is that their budgets are so high, they would go through my 'gift' within hours, like water down a drain (salaries, current bills, etc.) unless they had a building project to fund, which would have lasting value, but it's all a shell game IMO. The word is 'fungible,' meaning, if you say 'this money is for the current or next building project,' it just means they can pay it off sooner and money that would have finished the project would be allocated somewhere else. The deacons, elders, finance committee, etc. decide all that and there's nothing your stiff corpse can do about it. That's why I don't understand why people 'designate' money unless it's to get a specific thing done faster. (i.e. you'd like them to have a grand piano but they won't if YOU don't pay for it).

I have trouble maintaining objectivity in this situation, hence the post. If you have questions before answering, reply, and I'll try to answer them.

P.S. - I'm also thinking of the children of the aforementioned relatives who presumably would benefit, either thru a head start on their college fund, or passed on in 60 years if their parents don't blow it. If it were up to my own deceased parents/grandparents, I know that's what they would say to do, cause that's what they did. (i.e.-'keep it in the family'). Blood was thicker than non-profits, presumably cause they knew the money could stay invested for their blood offspring for years to come, assuming they didn't blow it all. That includes money for on-going giving to the church of their choice, not just their kid's college education.

I've thought of a lasting trust for a church or non-profit, but that's an unpractical expensive option in my case.
 
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justme6272

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if you don't have peace about what to do, trust God to keep you alive until you do have peace about this
Fine, but everyone should have a will if they have anything to leave. If greater 'peace' comes later, I can always change it. In the mean time, at least I'd have something in writing, which is a lot better than nothing, which is the situation now. I've put it off much too long as it is. In my state, not having a will has it going to the closest relatives in a certain order, which would be them, but it's just a big expensive hassle to die without a will. Someone would have to try and find them, and I'd rather have i's dotted and t's crossed to make things easier on everyone. It's the smart thing to do for people who care after they're dead. Lot's of people don't care.
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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is there anyone you could leave it to with guidance on what to do with it, such as what non-profits you would want to be included? someone you know you can trust? i'm assuming you're not at peace about it, so maybe God isn't leading you in this direction right now. if you weren't focused on this, what would you be focused on that might be neglected by focus on this? the devil is a master of distraction...
 
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justme6272

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the devil is a master of distraction...
That's what an executor does in the case of a will. The question to be decided is what those guidance instructions will be. (Unless you set up beneficiaries in such a way that it avoids probate.) You can do that with most accounts.

So your answer to my question is you wouldn't do anything just yet? That's not an option for me. I've done that for years when I shouldn't have. This is way overdue. I'm trying to be responsible. And God wants us to exercise wisdom. Leaving it undone is not wise.
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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when i retired, there were many things i wanted to get done; things i put off for years because i was working full time. my last months at work i often thought about what would be top priority, 2nd, 3rd, etc.

when i actually did retire, like you, i flew into those activities. oddly, it felt like work; little peace, much vexation. so one day i got up in the morning and told the Lord that i didn't want to set my priorities anymore; i wanted to be led by Him through peace. i asked Him, 'what should i be doing right now, Lord' - and the first thing that popped into my mind was something that had nagged me for years but wasn't a priority in my list. in the past i had put it off because it was a difficult task, but i made the leap of faith that since it popped into my mind first, it was likely God leading me. to my amazement, it went smooth as silk; i had a great time doing it, and realized that it had been a low-level bother to me for years. so i just kept doing that: i'd default back to deciding what i should do next, get vexed, ask that question of Him again, and switch to whatever task popped into my mind first - and peace followed every time. over time, i began to realize that many of the things He led me to do had an impact on my original list of priorities - but mostly i can tell you it's a better way to live.

(Psa 91:1) He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
(Psa 91:2) I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
(Psa 91:3) Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
(Psa 91:4) He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
(Psa 91:5) Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
(Psa 91:6) Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
(Psa 91:7) A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
(Psa 91:8) Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
(Psa 91:9) Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
(Psa 91:10) There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
(Psa 91:11) For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
(Psa 91:12) They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
(Psa 91:13) Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
(Psa 91:14) Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
(Psa 91:15) He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
(Psa 91:16) With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.


if you aren't yet satisfied with life, then take His Word that you'll live until you are satisfied with life.

and then once do you start thinking that you are satisfied, He'll lead you to do the things required to keep the wealth (that He's led you to acquire) in His Kingdom.
 
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seeking.IAM

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Many churches and not-for-profits have endowments. If you make a designated bequest to an endowment, the principle of your gift will be preserved and the recipient will be able to benefit from the earnings in perpetuity, You're gift will be con-mingled with other gifts, increasing the total value of their endowment.

As an example a NFP I was associated with had an endowment of about 7 million. It's spending policy allowed the agency to draw 4% of the average value of the endowment over the proceeding 12 quarters. This pumped about ~250k into their operating budget every year and still allowed the endowment to grow. This was necessary because fees for services only covered 85% of their operating costs. The rest had to be made up from endowment earnings and private philanthropy. Churches and NFPs struggle to make their bills. They would appreciate your gift.
 
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justme6272

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Many churches and not-for-profits have endowments.
What if they don't? The non-profit I've considered, and a church I've considered are huge and don't have endowments. In the case of the non-profit, it is very well known. They spend it as soon as they get it. The things they want to do exceed the money they get in. I like the endowment way better, but so be it. The church I thought about said it would just go into a brokerage account and they could do whatever they wanted with it at that point.
 
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Palmfever

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Apart from Christ's blood, being a brother of the Son, siblings have no advantage over someone I love or can trust to be wise. I would and do prefer believers.
Romans, 12:19. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another...
Gal, 6:10. As we therefore have opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto those who are of the household of faith.


In Christ
 
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seeking.IAM

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What if they don't? The non-profit I've considered, and a church I've considered are huge and don't have endowments. In the case of the non-profit, it is very well known. They spend it as soon as they get it. The things they want to do exceed the money they get in. I like the endowment way better, but so be it. The church I thought about said it would just go into a brokerage account and they could do whatever they wanted with it at that point.

Another option might be to make your gift to your community's Community Foundation if you have one. A Community Foundation amasses gifts into their own foundation and pays grants to local agencies from their earnings.
 
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One thing you could do is become involved in a few ministries as a volunteer so you can get a sense of how much their leadership makes (IMO no sense in your donation going to their 2nd or 3rd Mercedes) and whether they spend the money to spread the gospel or to run their organizations administrative costs.

We were donating to a church with a beautiful facility that was working hard to pay off its building debt - originally several million. Two Sundays after the debt was paid off, the pastor announced that they would like to put expanding the office space up for a vote. We never gave another dollar to them after that announcement. Millions and millions of dollars endlessly going for their beautiful infrastructures instead of to be deployed in spreading the gospel.
 
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justme6272

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Two Sundays after the debt was paid off, the pastor announced that they would like to put expanding the office space up for a vote.
So much for the 'work-from-home' trend. I've been convinced for a long time now that churches are businesses, and taking care of staff is the top priority. They are coveted positions with stiff competition for support staff applicants (when they don't just offer the job to their friends). Usually they know who they want to fill a position, and might advertise the opening just to pretend that everyone interested would actually be considered.

I cringe when watching people get rich off ministry. I thought about belonging to an all-volunteer church but couldn't find one. I don't know why more people including Christians are willing to volunteer for non-profits more than for churches.
 
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mama2one

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in your case, seems difficult to leave money to people who have not kept in touch at all so much so that you don't know where they even live

however, it certainly would be wonderful for your nieces & nephews to receive unexpected money
 
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justme6272

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in your case, seems difficult to leave money to people who have not kept in touch at all so much so that you don't know where they even live

however, it certainly would be wonderful for your nieces & nephews to receive unexpected money
So your answer is?
 
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Perhaps you could leave a portion of your estate (say 50%) to be divided among your nieces and nephews and the other 50% to a charity you value. It doesn't need to be a church. There are many charities doing wonderful work for a variety of causes. You may want to check out Charity Navigator to get some ideas.
 
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Assume that....

1) The next of kin are nephews/nieces, married, some with young kids. They are the offspring of your sole deceased sibling who you didn't like, but you're trying not to hold that against their offspring. You have no closer relatives related to this decision, like your own parents, spouse, children, grandchildren, aunts, or uncles. The focus is solely on the nephews and nieces, and any children they may have who theoretically benefit later if not now, but whom you've never seen.

2) You aren't close to them by any stretch of the imagination, even if you may have had fun with them as they were kids growing up. You haven't seen them in 16 years, and even then, it was only due to attending family funerals. You haven't kept in touch in any way whatsoever. They may think you're mad at them, but you're not. It's just a matter of being motivated, like a distant cousin or great uncle who you think is out there somewhere, but they could die and you'd never know it.

3) You don't even know where they are without possibly a "people-finder" type online search. So you haven't yet written any letters to track them down to ask if they want to inherit anything, and you're undecided if you even want to. You don't have their phone or email. You aren't going to contact any other relative to try and get their current info.

I could type volumes more, touching on 'drama' like stuff from the past regarding mutual relatives who are no longer in the picture, but it's too much to read, too boring, and your head might explode.

What are the beneficiary alternatives? Friends, a church, or non-profit, but what scares me about churches and non-profits is that their budgets are so high, they would go through my 'gift' within hours, like water down a drain (salaries, current bills, etc.) unless they had a building project to fund, which would have lasting value, but it's all a shell game IMO. The deacons, elders, finance committee, etc. decide all that and there's nothing your stiff corpse can do about it. That's why I don't understand why people 'designate' money unless it's to get a specific thing done faster. (i.e. you'd like them to have a grand piano but they won't if you don't pay for it).

I have trouble maintaining objectivity in this situation, hence the post. If you have questions before answering, reply, and I'll try to answer them.

P.S. - I'm also thinking of the children of the aforementioned relatives who presumably would benefit, either thru a head start on their college fund, or passed on in 60 years if their parents don't blow it. If it were up to my own deceased parents/grandparents, I know that's what they would say to do, cause that's what they did. Blood was thicker than non-profits, presumably cause they knew the money could stay invested for their blood offspring for years to come, assuming they didn't blow it all. That includes money for on-going giving to the church of their choice, not just their kid's college education.

Yes I've thought of a lasting trust for a church or non-profit, but that's an advanced topic and I'd rather not go there. From what I know, it's an expensive hassle where I'd want a professional trust department and there's still too many unknowns once I'm dead. Money that could have gone to the church has to be used to pay the trustee based on a percentage of it's value.

Dear brother,
Assuming that you still didn’t like your deceased siblings, I suggest you release forgiveness to them. For it is better you are found in God’s grace and counted among the righteous to begin with before you give anything.

Even if you are not close to your next kin, and don’t know where they are. The Lord knows where they are. Just pray for them and love them. In this manner, you fulfill God’s commandments and are blessed before you give anything.

Regarding fulfilling your duty to your kinsmen and God’s blessings, this is what we have heard:

Here is the sort of fast I want
releasing those unjustly bound,
untying the thongs of the yoke,
letting the oppressed go free,
breaking every yoke,
7 sharing your food with the hungry,
taking the homeless poor into your house,
clothing the naked when you see them,
fulfilling your duty to your kinsmen!

8 Then your light will burst forth like the morning,
your new skin will quickly grow over your wound;
your righteousness will precede you,
and Adonai’s glory will follow you.
-Isaiah 58:6-8 CJB

You can consider this and pray about it.

About beneficiaries, brother, let me ask you this questions:
whom do you consider to have lived a holy life that the Lord have spoken of ? If you know that person, approach that person or talk over with this person on the phone ; ask what he/she/ they need. Ask the Lord to give you discretion whether they are worthy.

If you know no one who meets the criteria, consider the evangelical sisterhood of Mary. Research about how they have dedicated their life purely for the Lord.

In all matters, seek first the counsel of the Lord, let the Lord guide you with His peace in your heart and then be a cheerful giver.

Lastly, meditate Roman 12:1-2 CJB and 2 Corinthians 9:6-15 CJB so that you will know what God wants and will agree what He wants is good, satisfying and able to succeed.

For this is what we have heard:
13 In offering this service you prove to these people that you glorify God by actually doing what your acknowledgement of the Good News of the Messiah requires, namely, sharing generously with them and with everyone. 14 And in their prayers for you they will feel a strong affection for you because of how gracious God has been to you. -2 Corinthians 9:13-14

God bless you !
 
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Hazelelponi

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Assume that....

1) The next of kin are nephews/nieces, married, some with young kids. They are the offspring of your sole deceased sibling who you didn't like, but you're trying not to hold that against their offspring. You have no closer relatives related to this decision, like your own parents, spouse, children, grandchildren, aunts, or uncles. The focus is solely on the nephews and nieces, and any children they may have who theoretically benefit later if not now, but whom you've never seen.

2) You aren't close to them by any stretch of the imagination, even if you may have had fun with them as they were kids growing up. You haven't seen them in 16 years, and even then, it was only due to attending family funerals. You haven't kept in touch in any way whatsoever. They may think you're mad at them, but you're not. It's just a matter of being motivated, like a distant cousin or great uncle who you think is out there somewhere, but they could die and you'd never know it.

3) You don't even know where they are without possibly a "people-finder" type online search. So you haven't yet written any letters to track them down to ask if they want to inherit anything, and you're undecided if you even want to. You don't have their phone or email. You aren't going to contact any other relative to try and get their current info.

I could type volumes more, touching on 'drama' like stuff from the past regarding mutual relatives who are no longer in the picture, but it's too much to read, too boring, and your head might explode.

What are the beneficiary alternatives? Friends, a church, or non-profit, but what scares me about churches and non-profits is that their budgets are so high, they would go through my 'gift' within hours, like water down a drain (salaries, current bills, etc.) unless they had a building project to fund, which would have lasting value, but it's all a shell game IMO. The deacons, elders, finance committee, etc. decide all that and there's nothing your stiff corpse can do about it. That's why I don't understand why people 'designate' money unless it's to get a specific thing done faster. (i.e. you'd like them to have a grand piano but they won't if you don't pay for it).

I have trouble maintaining objectivity in this situation, hence the post. If you have questions before answering, reply, and I'll try to answer them.

P.S. - I'm also thinking of the children of the aforementioned relatives who presumably would benefit, either thru a head start on their college fund, or passed on in 60 years if their parents don't blow it. If it were up to my own deceased parents/grandparents, I know that's what they would say to do, cause that's what they did. Blood was thicker than non-profits, presumably cause they knew the money could stay invested for their blood offspring for years to come, assuming they didn't blow it all. That includes money for on-going giving to the church of their choice, not just their kid's college education.

Yes I've thought of a lasting trust for a church or non-profit, but that's an advanced topic and I'd rather not go there. From what I know, it's an expensive hassle where I'd want a professional trust department and there's still too many unknowns once I'm dead. Money that could have gone to the church has to be used to pay the trustee based on a percentage of it's value.

Pray about it... that's just honest. And I'll pray for you...

Me personally, I would give to both the church and St. Jude... but it may depend on the relatives financials. If they were poor or of lower income bracket, I would think Christianity dictates to help them some if possible...

But if their income didn't warrant, then I would be concerned more with what concerns me more, and that's God and sharing the gospel, and helping those struggling with children with cancer.

But for me the later is personal, as my own daughter died of cancer. While she was too old for St. Jude (she was almost 22 when we found out she had cancer, and she died a year later), I respect the struggles of dealing with childhood cancer, as it's such a financial cost, for struggling families. Plus, it may save a life...
 
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