If you were retired & planning your will, would you bother leaving anything to these next of kin?

[JohnDB]

Well...
There are some simple solutions to your dilemma.
You can be the one to make an effort to see if any nieces or nephews are living close enough to visit you and fund their trip plus a little recreation in your area. (Tourist trap of some sort)

To have a friend one must first be a friend.
Because dying alone sucks no matter who you are. Un-nelled is not a positive no matter what.

Secondly... American churches are absolutely flush with stuff. Buildings and debts and gold candle wick trimmers...not really a lasting thing either because a bad pastor can make a congregation evaporate faster than alcohol on a Texas sidewalk in the summer.

Then there's foreign missions where essentially some pastor gets to retire in a foreign country living luxuriously by comparison of the congregation there. (Seen this too)

If you don't make a will the lawyers in probate court will eat it all up trying to find your nieces and nephews to issue them each a check for twenty three cents. (Seen that too)

Since you are discussing trusts I'm imagining that the sum value is in excess of $600,000 where the Government really gets the money.
And that requires friends you can really trust beyond the lip service they give. Both legal assistance and executor assistance.

Doing no harm while trying to do good isn't exactly as easily done as said.

You really need some true friends...ones that prioritize morality over money. Those are difficult to come by.

 

[justme6272]

Dear brother,
Assuming that you still didn’t like your deceased siblings, !

One of the 3 has never been friendly when I'm around, (I might as well have been a piece of furniture, and he even stayed in the car, presumably asleep, when his sister and parents got out to visit me on their way through town. We weren't together more than 30 minutes, so he could have easily gone back to sleep as they continued their travels.) But I wouldn't hold that against him or his kids who have nothing to do with it. I've thought about waiting to see if any of the three reach out to me, then just leave it all to them and stiff the other two. Should that one decide to share it with their siblings once I'm dead is their business, but it could be a cause for resentment between them. It seems perfectly normal for a sibling to be resentful if the will excluded them, in favor of their siblings, with or without a reason, good reason or bad. But I doubt I'll ever hear from them cause it would have happened by now. The more that time passes, the more it would give the appearance that they just wanted to re-connect to get some inheritance. I myself was once accused of being 'like the prodigal son' by their mother, when she didn't know what she was talking about.
So what would you do?

 

[justme6272]

what I said in post #15

which one tugs at your heart?
there lies your answer

I'll rephrase the original question. Which choice would tug at your heart?

 

[justme6272]

I respect the struggles of dealing with childhood cancer, as it's such a financial cost, for struggling families.

I'll look and see if they have an endowment. I thought patients there didn't have to pay.

 

[Hazelelponi]

..

That's correct St. Jude runs on donations alone, so patients don't have to pay anything..

 

[mama2one]

Which choice would tug at your heart?

I can't stand in your shoes hence my previous reply


fyi, once heard on local news about a woman teacher who had no children
she lived in an old house/rarely spent money on herself

she left one million dollars to the school in her will

I thought that was awesome

 

[justme6272]

But if their income didn't warrant, then I would be concerned more with what concerns me more, and that's God and sharing the gospel, and helping those struggling with children with cancer.

How does paying someone's medical bills share the gospel?

 

[justme6272]

Un-nelled is not a positive no matter what.

What does un-nelled mean? I did a search and only found annulled.

It's interesting how I never hear about friends leaving money to friends, (non-blood relatives) and no friends have left me anything. So under consideration here is doing something for friends that they would never do for me, and that I've never heard of anyone doing. Everyone either has relatives and/or a charity as their priority. I've heard of a local church where certain seniors passed away and left lots of money to their church rather than their kids. And the kids are upset about it.

 

[Hazelelponi]

How does paying someone's medical bills share the gospel?

It doesn't...

Why that sort of thing coming second in importance to me to sharing the Gospel? Perhaps you'd have to have watched your child die of cancer (while poor) to understand...

 

[JohnDB]

What does un-nelled mean? I did a search and only found annulled.

It's interesting how I never hear about friends leaving money to friends, (non-blood relatives) and no friends have left me anything. So under consideration here is doing something for friends that they would never do for me, and that I've never heard of anyone doing. Everyone either has relatives and/or a charity as their priority. I've heard of a local church where certain seniors passed away and left lots of money to their church rather than their kids. And the kids are upset about it.

Olde school words... from a poem you obviously don't know. So it's just a blend of my bad spelling and out of date vocabulary. Meaning no one to mourn your passing.

You may not be acquainted with bequeathing stuff to friends...I've heard of it.

A buddy that you go fishing with gets your bass boat, trailer, motor and tackle...that sort of thing.

But the friends you need are the sort that will dispense your assets in a manner that you will approve of long after you are gone. (Executor)
And a lawyer who actually knows that exact language needed for trusts to not be misused...like removing the cash in it and replacing it with an annuity. (Scholarships and etc)
All kinds of things that you can't think of that greed teaches people to do. That's what a good lawyer can do. Otherwise if no one claims "fraud" or something...nobody does anything. You certainly won't be able to cry "foul".

If you don't care...they got a "turbo tax" version for wills.

Depends on who doing what you deem valuable in your life that you think a little reward would give them a hand up to do more good when you are gone.

It's not easy.

Edited to add:
A lot of this I learned from my ex, step-grandmother and her husband...both multimillionaires several times over.
She has trusts set up for her kids.
And she executed her husband's estate and then my father did his brothers estate after doing his mother's. (What a mess)

I've tried to stay out of all of that sort of thing...I like small sentimental tokens like grandma's cookie jar and other items of no value... except to me.

 

[justme6272]

She has trusts set up for her kids.

If you feel like disclosing, what category of person (i.e. relative, lawyer, bank, financial institution) is the trustee, and do you have any idea what the trust says if something happens to them? Tons of financial institutions went belly up in 2008/09, and individuals die.
I did read a website that said financial institutions charge a hefty % each year, regardless of how much they dole out, and so that's what doesn't make it worth it unless it's a very large sum. Such an arrangement wouldn't include me. I can see how they may not do much to earn their pay. Warren Buffett once said he wants his heirs to just buy a mutual fund or ETF that tracks the market, which certainly doesn't take any management, and even if it's actively managed, that's a lot of money in commissions just to put it into funds they probably sell to others all the time and then leave it there.

 

[JohnDB]

If you feel like disclosing, what category of person (i.e. relative, lawyer, bank, financial institution) is the trustee, and do you have any idea what the trust says if something happens to them? Tons of financial institutions went belly up in 2008/09, and individuals die.
I did read a website that said financial institutions charge a hefty % each year, regardless of how much they dole out, and so that's what doesn't make it worth it unless it's a very large sum. Such an arrangement wouldn't include me. I can see how they may not do much to earn their pay. Warren Buffett once said he wants his heirs to just buy a mutual fund or ETF that tracks the market, which certainly doesn't take any management, and even if it's actively managed, that's a lot of money in commissions just to put it into funds they probably sell to others all the time and then leave it there.

She herself is the trustee until the time of her death then the trusts are free and clear for her children to have open access to... although the liquidation of the assets inside of it might take them some time.
And then the taxes (if they liquidate and remove too much of the funds) will eat up a lot of money needlessly.

The three children are the secondary trustees of their own trusts. The children all have to pay the taxes on their trusts and mom helps them with it but it's a much better situation than mom paying the taxes. But again...it's multiple millions of dollars. I'm thinking that this won't really help your situation.

However...
You can set up a 501c.3 corporation complete with a board of directors (you being the CEO) that disburses the funds in a manner that the direction the corporation determines. With another CEO designed to eventually replace you.

 

[mama2one]

heard on car radio today:

"be honest with yourself....really"

speaker said he'd always ask his father "what should I do?" when he had to make a decision & his father never told him what to do


my take on above ^
if you're really honest with yourself, you'll have the answer

decisions can only be made by practicing decision making

 

[justme6272]

"what should I do?"

I've made several posts in the past similar to this one which asks "what would you do," not "what should I do." No one ever answers it. This is difficult for me to relate to, because if someone asked me what I would do, I would tell them. If I needed more information before answering, I'd ask them, and then I would tell them what I would do once I had sufficient information. I try to include enough detail, which usually makes the post really long. Then, fearing that no one would read it all, as was the case here, I usually edit it down.

 

[mama2one]

I've made several posts in the past similar to this one which asks "what would you do," not "what should I do." No one ever answers it. This is difficult for me to relate to, because if someone asked me what I would do, I would tell them.

it's difficult to say what one would do since it's possible no one is in your exact situation

 

[justme6272]

they seek advice to align with what they've already decided to do in order to "confirm" that's what they should do

no one & I mean no one has ever changed their mind from advice given on a forum (at least from what I've read)

often OP's gets upset when people try to give advice to change their minds once OP divulges what they plan to do & threads get locked
(on other forums, threads were locked constantly when advice askers got angry)

I'm different from other OP's since I post to the advice section when I haven't already decided what to do, and don't just want to seek confirmation. And I can't remember ever announcing what I ended up doing. I haven't seen locked threads here. Perhaps there are a few if they violated rules. Mine have stayed open and people sometimes reply months or years after the previous post. I don't know about any other Christian advice boards. If they exist, I don't know the names of them. If you tell me, I'll check them out. Maybe I should put a reminder at the end of the original post that says "NOTE: The question asks what YOU would do in my situation." This also might tell me who did or didn't read the entire post, or simply isn't listening, or is incapable of following instructions.

 

[mama2one]

you're in a unique position with next of kin being nieces/nephews

before we became parents, we had designations for our several siblings but not nieces/nephews
(too many relatives)

now our only child will take priority in our will
we'll be dropping siblings from will when we revise

as far as organizations, might leave some to adoption agency we used if they're still in business

 

[justme6272]

before we became parents, we had designations for our several siblings in our our will

will be dropping siblings from will when we revise

Did the siblings know about it? Do they now know they will be dropped, or will you wait until they are actually dropped to tell them?

 

[justme6272]

would do since it's possible no one is in your exact situation

That's why I explained my situation, so that people could say what they would do IF they were in my situation. I guess that's asking too much.

 

[jacks]

I know no one would be in my exact situation. That's why I explained my situation, so that people could say what they would do IF they were in my situation. I guess that's asking too much.

That is a reasonable request. I guess maybe some posters said "you could..." and it is the equivalent of "I would...." I know that is the case for me. See post #17. I'm in a similar situation and that is what I did. I just didn't mention what charities I use.