What version are you reading? Deu 22:23 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;
Deu 22:24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.
Deu 22:25 But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die:
The rape victim is in 22:25, and she is not put to death. The betrothed virgin in 22:24 who doesn't cry for help, who consents to lie with a man unforced was stoned.
Anyway, why is it anyone thinks that recognizing what is sinful based on old covenant law means we should have to follow each and every part of it? We're in the new covenant where we must simply recognize our sinful nature and let God work salvation in us, the old law simply serves to show us that we can't do it. We can't feasibly follow every single biblical law, and that's the point. Jesus could, so we could trust in him.
We don't have to stone a rapist in order to maintain his wrong doing, do we? If we grant him mercy and he repents, does that make his act any less sinful? Is scripture stating how God detests homosexual sex part of the dietary law? Many believe Christ pardoned us from strictly adhering to the dietary laws when speaking to the pharisees.
This is their main ploy in trying to discredit the OT law we use
for identifying moral sin.
Even tho several of the same people have been told the hermaneutics
of OT Law (which means we cannot arbitrarily cherry pick which laws we agree with
then reject others we don't - which is moral relativism which seems
to run rampant w/ a few at CF)
they continue to make the same tired arguments as if they can
marginalize & discredit the OT moral system.
Unfortunately by doing that they shoot their own views down
as they uphold to moral cherry picking themselves - plus mix in
the failed & flawed system of relativism which is also problematic
for reasons you list here - like "lust".
But again, the problem is that we don't always SEE harm when
it's done (as if not seeing it means there is none??) - alot of times
we only see the harm much later in hind sight.
That's what happened with me for many years.
Prior to coming back to the Lord and being seriously backslidden
for 13+ yrs, I did nearly everything I wanted and got away with
it... (my sister was often jealous that I got my way).
But when I came back to the Lord and saw how what I had done
those years caused me alot of baggage, pain & regret and then wasted
time (lost time being the biggest kicker of all) -
I NOW see the devestating harm I caused myself. I cannot imagine
how much further I'd be if I didn't live for myself in sin.
Sin ALWAYS harms - if not emotionally, physically. If not physically,
spiritually. Most people ignore the fact that biblically, sin
SEPARATES us from God.
How can that not be harmful?

:o
When man becomes his own free moral agent, he is solely living in
flawed perception
that is prone to justification of evil -
becuz man is inherantly corrupted in the heart and mind thru
original sin