If I Remarry...

[McScribe]

...I think I'll marry a non-Christian. I have to be honest and say I was happier dating before I got saved. I found it easier to have frank conversations about relationships, without moral arguments being used to trump practicalities. What I generally see here when it comes to discussions of relationships is appalling to me. But the thing that disturbs me most is this: the idea that sex (which is one of the things that bonds a couple together) is not, according to what I'm reading here, something that two grown up intelligent people can sit down and discuss. That inappropriate behaviour has to be seen as monstrous rather than merely inappropriate.

I mean literally, here I mentioned an analogy (which means it's not a real example, just a theoretical idea) of a guy liking his wife in black stockings, and her refusing, without explanation, to wear them again, and him in frustration turning to erotica that shows women wearing black stockings. Now this is obviously dysfunctional, but the answer I basically got was that it was ENTIRELY the man's responsibility, that he should just go without. This is really messed up. Because yes, the guy shouldn't be turning to inappropriate contentography. In fact, what he should be doing is walking out the door because the woman doesn't respect him enough to even talk about it or explain herself.

And this is why I'd rather marry a non-Christian woman, because to be honest, I think she'd be more likely to understand why the door got slammed and the guy walked out--even if she disagreed vehemently with him doing it she'd realize that he has the right to walk out on a broken contract.

 

[c1ners]

But if she sat down with you and explained "why" she didn't want to wear black stockings it would be okay, right?

I get frustrated too..................

 

[McScribe]

sure it would be, especially if we were able to talk about where we were happy together and could build on that that would be wonderful.

 

[wpage]

Communication is the key here...

God sent his Bible as his word and asks we pray back questions.

This question of marriage is asking for trouble. It would be better for both if you could find another Christian. However with God in the mix all things are possible.

Pray for help with this question.

 

[McScribe]

It would huh? Why would that be? It didn't make any difference when I was married. It was supposedly one of the things that drew her most to me, was me being a serious Bible reader and prayer. And trying to communicate didn't help either. I might as well have been speaking in gobbledegook. There are no guarantees.

 

[c1ners]

Not all Christians like to argue and see things only in black and white (as in: "I'm right and you're wrong. end of subject"). But it does seem like that here on this forum.

 

[McScribe]

It sure does.

 

[c1ners]

Feel better now?

 

[McScribe]

I'm not simply venting. I'm seriously thinking about it. I'm not seeing consistently how marrying a Christian woman helps anything at all--it's the same crapshoot as you get with anyone with her seemingly have the right to legislate righteousness in the home. It's like getting a house where you have to paint and decorate it a certain way but it's still just a house.

 

[illudium_phosdex]

I'm not entirely sure. I go to this secular marriage forum and they have a tendency to be just as black and white. The only difference is that they tend to take their stance from a more psychological or humanistic viewpoint but the answers very often tend to lead to the same place.

A long time ago, a Christian friend and I had a discussion about inappropriate contentography. He wanted to end it because of its sinful nature. He was attending a seminar led by some leading feminists who also wanted to end it but their reasoning was because it degrades women. There would be many conservative Christians attending because while their reasoning for ending it was different, the end result they wanted was the same.

 

[McScribe]

Well, I don't want to marry a radical feminist either. Eh, maybe C1ners is right and I'm just venting. Who knows.

 

[c1ners]

Well, I don't want to marry a radical feminist either. Eh, maybe C1ners is right and I'm just venting. Who knows.

lol! It's your life though and only you can decide what's right for your life. I don't think it would make much of a difference though. I'm friends with both Christian and non-Christian and trust me when I say that they both tend to be pig headed and stubborn. Men and women both.

 

[McScribe]

Guess there's no hope then. Seriously though, I think you must know what I mean. Relationships are hard enough without someone thinking they're going to do what God would do if God had the facts of the matter.

 

[c1ners]

I know what you mean. The only thing I can recommend is that when things get to that point where you're thinking about marriage, sit down and talk it all out. Start writting concerns down now and when the time comes, talk about them. Ask her what she would do with xyz and how she would feel about wmr (whatever). Be upfront. Talk about your views and what you expect in a marriage. And then pray on it. There's always hope.

As for me? If I ever get divorced (or widowed) I am NEVER marrying again.

 

[McScribe]

Well, to be honest, that's how I really feel. I just feel like it's not worth it.

 

[c1ners]

*hugs* I think sometimes everyone goes through times like that.

 

[McScribe]

Thanks for the hugs. I think that this forum is like the blind leading the naked, to be honest. I mean I would never recommend to anyone to come here when they're troubled or confused, it's literally less help than not coming here. There are some people I'm glad I met, but it's kind of like being in a ditch full of freezing water saying through chattering teeth, "Wow, you're an interesting and nice person, glad I met you." You know?

 

[c1ners]

lol. I know what you mean. I pity the poor people who come here with real problems. It always seems to get turned around into an arguement on what the majority feels like discussing today.

example: My husbaand and I had an arguement. He got upset, stormed out of the house, went to Hooters and didn't come home at all. What should I do?

Forum: He went to Hooters? That place is awful! A christian man should not be going to hooters. The girls wear skimpy clothing and the wings aren't all that great either.

If I were that person I'd never ever want to come back to this forum again.

 

[McScribe]

Yes, and the five posts in that thread that were trying to help got lost in the crowd. Or look at Sasha's thread. I mean really, she took the idea of her relationship problems with her husband being a spiritual battle, and ran with it. But for some reason we can't discuss how to make that work. It's ranged from "Why aren't you wearing more sexy nighties" to "Aren't men awful and disgusting? Any man who doesn't scream in horror at the word 'inappropriate contentography' is pro-inappropriate contentography, you know it and dogs know it". I'm actually going to write her an apology for contributing to that, but stupidly I thought I might be able to get the conversation back on track. My bad.

 

[FaithPrevails]

After my divorce, I tried the whole dating scene thing and got increasingly frustrated with the available men...both Christian and non-Christian. So, I decided just to hang it up and not date. It really took all the pressure off of me with regards to relationships. If I was meant to be in a relationship, it would happen (I know that attitude frustrates some people around here - but this is my story and it's how I felt). I certainly wasn't looking for a relationship when I met DH. I even tried to resist - all I could think was, "Do I really want to go down this road again?" But, he persisted and God nudged and here I am today...no regrets.

I will say that my non-dating time was spent largely working on ME and my relationship with God. That, no doubt, made a lot of difference in my relationship with DH.

We don't have things perfectly figured out, but this relationship is night and day from my first marriage...so I'm glad that I took the chance.