If I could go back to my wedding day, I would do ___________ differently

[peckaboo]

I know this is an old thread, but it's fun, so I'm going to answer anyway lol!

What would you do differently if you could repeat your big day, and even the first few weeks of married life?

I wouldn't change the day at all, even though everything didn't go totally perfectly. It was OUR day, flaws and all. I'd have not lived at my in-laws house for the first weeks (months) of married life. It made it that much harder to figure out our 'husband and wife' roles when one of us was also still benig shoe-horned into his 'child' role.

What details would you take care not to overlook this time?

We were only engaged for 5 months, so we overlooked SO many details that the bridal magazines would have you believe are "essential". And you know what? We didn't miss any of them.

What family members would you talk to about not bringing up embarassing stuff with other family members?

This probably isn't exactly what you mean, but my mom told me to confess to my in-laws a few days before the wedding that I'd had an abortion some years ago. She said they deserved to know the person that's marrying into their family. I believed at the time that honesty was the best policy, but now I deeply regret telling them.

What did the photographer leave out?

My friend's husband did our photos. I wish I'd given him a more detailed list of exactly who we wanted photos of. We don't have a big family picture, for example. And a couple of close relatives he didn't get any photos of, which I think hurt their feelings a little bit when they looked through the album. But he did a great job overall!

What should have been in your vows?

We talked carefully about what we believed to be the purpose of the vows and what we wanted them to include, so there's nothing I would add in hindsight.

Did you have inclement weather or some other unexpected glitch?

The weather was great. One unexpected glitch was that I had arranged for a friend with a nice car to drive us from the church to the reception venue, but hadn't checked that with my husband. In the end he wanted us to drive ourselves, so that's what we did. It wasn't a big deal, but it was a bit embarrassing. Our friend had had his car professionally cleaned, so we reimbursed him for that later.

Who would you invite that you forgot?

A colleague. I didn't even realise we'd forgotten to invite him until months later when I jokingly asked, "Hey, where's my invite to your housewarming party?" and he replied, "Probably the same place as my invite to your wedding." *akward silence*.

Who wouldn't you invite this time?

There's nobody I would uninvite.

Where would you go for your honeymoon instead?

We rented a canal boat and spent a week on the river around Bath, England. I'm a beach girl, so I was sceptical at first, but now I wouldn't change it for the world. Beaches are (wonderful but) all pretty much the same, but this was fun and secluded and relaxing, and something that we probably would never have done otherwise.

How did your finances look after all that?

They were fine. It's just one day! We had a £2000 (US$3500) budget, not including the honeymoon. We're fortunate to have some very creative and talented family/friends who lent their skills, and a girl I barely know was lovely enough to lend me her wedding dress! We also got a great deal on a reception venue because I used to work there.

What legal matters did you overlook that caused a problem after the wedding?

None.

What should have been discussed in premarital counseling that wasn't, and now as newlyweds you've got unanswered questions?

Our premarital counselling was pretty thorough. One thing, though, was that we tended to give the 'right' answers. Neither of us answered "How do you think conflict should be resolved?" with "Well, I like to throw a plate across the room, and then storm out of the house for some angry, erratic driving." but in practise that happened on occasion. (Yes, we've since addressed it and developed healthier methods.) Also, bear in mind that people change their minds. 4 years into the marriage your spouse might have a different perspective on some things than he had pre-marriage, and it's not fair to hold him over a barrel for it.

How did you get used to intimacy?

The mechanics? Not a problem. The emotional baggage from past stuff? We talked and prayed about it, and got some outside help.

All the best for your wedding, bluegreysky!

 

[Inkachu]

We were only engaged for 5 months, so we overlooked SO many details that the bridal magazines would have you believe are "essential". And you know what? We didn't miss any of them.

This is a great point! It can be lots of fun looking through bridal magazines and websites, but honestly, it's almost too easy to get caught up in the details and "essentials" as Peckaboo says, that are really NOT essential at all. We skipped sooo many things for our wedding, and I'm really glad we did. If you find yourself feeling like "OH, I want that, I have to have that, I should do that" and it ever starts to feel stressful or pressuring, STOP. Put the magazine down, get off the website, and refocus on the whole point of why you're getting married! Step away and sit down with your fiance, and figure out what sort of day the two of you would like to envision. Don't wanna mess with flowers? Don't have them! Don't feel like putting together gifts for the guests? Don't! Is a formal reception too much work? Don't have one, have a backyard BBQ! Do what makes the two of you comfortable and happy. You're marrying your fiance, not your in-laws or cousins or friends

This probably isn't exactly what you mean, but my mom told me to confess to my in-laws a few days before the wedding that I'd had an abortion some years ago. She said they deserved to know the person that's marrying into their family. I believed at the time that honesty was the best policy, but now I deeply regret telling them.

I find it shocking and abhorrent that your mother encouraged you to do this. She was completely in the wrong. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with any fallout from doing this.