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I wish I could understand why my mother committed suicide

Michael2021

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My life was shattered and fortunately I was adopted. All my biological siblings are dead and I never bonded with my new family. Looking back, I'd say my adoptive mother was like a saint and loved me. The anniversary of her death just passed and it rips me up inside. I find it very difficult to connect with people on a deep level and am pathologically independent. My inner voice is going around a vicious circle without any resolution.
 

FutureAndAHope

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Being a person who has thought about suicide, it really comes down to a feeling of hopelessness. A feeling like there is nothing that has hope. It is not that the person does not care about those around them, and it is not selfishness. It is just an overwhelming feeling of loss. As Christians, we should not judge people who commit such an act harshly, God knows the depth of sorrow endured, and many people who have committed such acts would be in Jesus's arms.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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My life was shattered and fortunately I was adopted. All my biological siblings are dead and I never bonded with my new family. Looking back, I'd say my adoptive mother was like a saint and loved me. The anniversary of her death just passed and it rips me up inside. I find it very difficult to connect with people on a deep level and am pathologically independent. My inner voice is going around a vicious circle without any resolution.
I don't think that you will ever find a satisfactory answer. It seems to me that you are working through the different stages of grief, and this will carry on for quite a while, perhaps years. You will feel it more acutely on each anniversary of her death. My father passed away in June of 1982 at the age of 61, too young. I still feel a sense of grief all these years later, especially when I sometimes dream about him, where I try to tell him how much I love and appreciate him. But as we work through the different stages of grief, there ultimately comes a point of acceptance and we are able to get on with life. But that slight ache never really goes away. Putting your trust in Christ and seeking to do His will for your life helps.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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My life was shattered and fortunately I was adopted. All my biological siblings are dead and I never bonded with my new family. Looking back, I'd say my adoptive mother was like a saint and loved me. The anniversary of her death just passed and it rips me up inside. I find it very difficult to connect with people on a deep level and am pathologically independent. My inner voice is going around a vicious circle without any resolution.
Welcome to CF. I will pray that you find peace in Him.
Blessings.
 
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HIM

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My life was shattered and fortunately I was adopted. All my biological siblings are dead and I never bonded with my new family. Looking back, I'd say my adoptive mother was like a saint and loved me. The anniversary of her death just passed and it rips me up inside. I find it very difficult to connect with people on a deep level and am pathologically independent. My inner voice is going around a vicious circle without any resolution.
What is it telling you?
Having been through the same thing. I think it is the worse way to lose someone. Especially someone who is dear to us like our moms.
What are your thoughts on God through all this?
 
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