I suffer the last 2 years from ocd. My ocd fear is about making rushed promises to Gods (not Jesus) for stupid things and asking punishment in case breaking it.
I was able to become normal, after 2 years of suffering, by breaking some ocd compulsions that I thought that they were real promises to Gods, due to intrusive thoughts.
I remember all ocd promises to God and I cant remember anything related about sticking gum. I labeled all promises to Gods as ocd so, they do not count because I am ill. That created a new fear, what if it was a real promise that was made BEFORE my ocd?
I started, trying to remember how this compulsion (must not stick gum) was created. I remember, during quarantine, using my laptop on my desk. On that desk, I used to stick gum some years ago, I do not remember how many, It could be 3 years or 5 or more!
I was chewing gum, in quarantine, and it ran out of flavor. I was too bored to dispose it to the kitchen and I got a random thought that suggested me to stick it on my desk, as I used to do in the past. At that second, I got a bad feeling and a new thought popped like
" must not do it, i may have made a promise to God that i cant remember"
That stopped me many times from sticking gum in my desk.
Some days later, I wanted to stick gum on my bookcase but ocd was not letting me. I wanted to be normal! I WANTED TO BE NORMAL SO I LABELED IT AS OCD and broke the compulsion. The same feeling appeared again. I started analyzing all my thoughts related to that bad habit.
I started wondering why a random thought stopped me from sticking gum on my desk, some days ago? Why I did not stick gum on my desk but stuck on my bookcase?
I started fearing that I may have made a real promise to God, 3 years ago, not to stick gum on furniture. Since I did not have ocd that time, I worry if that hypothetical promise is real.
I am worrying for something hypothetical. I do not remember making a promise. I probably, never made one. I would not dare to make a promise for such a stupid matter. Even if I did, I would remember it. I remember nothing.
If I imagine myself making the promise (which is my ocd fear for the last 2 years) I do not remember anything, but I get a really bad feeling and some images are coming to my memory that seem real but they are not. I get thoughts like
" 3 years ago, before my ocd, I was stupid enough to make a rushed promise to God to force myself stop sticking gum on my desk. Since, I rarely, eat gum, I forgot it. But, my subsconscious remembers it. That is why I got a bad feeling. Let's imagine to see if I ever made a promise. I got some images but seem real and yet, so fake"
I am confused and worried. Did I made a promise or not? Why my subconscious insists so much? Why this hypothetical scenario seems so real?
I was able to become normal, after 2 years of suffering, by breaking some ocd compulsions that I thought that they were real promises to Gods, due to intrusive thoughts.
I remember all ocd promises to God and I cant remember anything related about sticking gum. I labeled all promises to Gods as ocd so, they do not count because I am ill. That created a new fear, what if it was a real promise that was made BEFORE my ocd?
I started, trying to remember how this compulsion (must not stick gum) was created. I remember, during quarantine, using my laptop on my desk. On that desk, I used to stick gum some years ago, I do not remember how many, It could be 3 years or 5 or more!
I was chewing gum, in quarantine, and it ran out of flavor. I was too bored to dispose it to the kitchen and I got a random thought that suggested me to stick it on my desk, as I used to do in the past. At that second, I got a bad feeling and a new thought popped like
" must not do it, i may have made a promise to God that i cant remember"
That stopped me many times from sticking gum in my desk.
Some days later, I wanted to stick gum on my bookcase but ocd was not letting me. I wanted to be normal! I WANTED TO BE NORMAL SO I LABELED IT AS OCD and broke the compulsion. The same feeling appeared again. I started analyzing all my thoughts related to that bad habit.
I started wondering why a random thought stopped me from sticking gum on my desk, some days ago? Why I did not stick gum on my desk but stuck on my bookcase?
I started fearing that I may have made a real promise to God, 3 years ago, not to stick gum on furniture. Since I did not have ocd that time, I worry if that hypothetical promise is real.
I am worrying for something hypothetical. I do not remember making a promise. I probably, never made one. I would not dare to make a promise for such a stupid matter. Even if I did, I would remember it. I remember nothing.
If I imagine myself making the promise (which is my ocd fear for the last 2 years) I do not remember anything, but I get a really bad feeling and some images are coming to my memory that seem real but they are not. I get thoughts like
" 3 years ago, before my ocd, I was stupid enough to make a rushed promise to God to force myself stop sticking gum on my desk. Since, I rarely, eat gum, I forgot it. But, my subsconscious remembers it. That is why I got a bad feeling. Let's imagine to see if I ever made a promise. I got some images but seem real and yet, so fake"
I am confused and worried. Did I made a promise or not? Why my subconscious insists so much? Why this hypothetical scenario seems so real?
