i want to hurt the fellow

[fields316_2000]

I cant prove anything went on, but my wife had a situation that i didnt trust or believe so i checked our phone bill. sure enough instead of it being females calling to confide in, it was some fellow from a job she used to work at. now she's upset with me that i accidently called him, wants a divorce and sleeps in another room.
I know where he lives. I know his phone number. She says that im over bearing and controling and that she has nothing to hide :he's only a friend who never hit on her once and i embarrassed her. however the guy is the go to guy every time we had a fight according to the phone records;she'd talk to him before i get home from work and somehow wouldnt mention him when i asked who was it on the phone.
so, should i go to his house and introduce myself?
call him so he can lie to me some more? my pride wont let it go.

 

[~Lynz~]

oh i know all to well how u feel except i want to punch lights out my husband rather than the other person but i did walk by them one day and the ducked away from i think the thought i was gona hit them. which i bloody well would have if i didnt have my 3 yr old and 6 week old at the time there.

i say u got to find out for sure but i recon u are sure. but if she had cheated i say chck her out and get a divorse why should she still stay with u if she dont love enough to be faithfull.

and dont get in to a fight withthe guy it aint heathly for you, be the better person.

 

[jupiterinka]

From the information you gave, it's hard to know for sure if she cheated or not. It could be that she just went to this person out of emotional need or someone to talk with about her problems. If that's the case, she needs to find a close female friend or a counselor to speak with because it's never wise to discuss issues with a spouse to a member of the other sex; it definately can lead to infidelity. So, I say that the two of you need to sit down and discuss what is going on in your marriage. Please, be loving and hear what she has to say to you. Make sure she knows that if she has something on her heart, that she can talk to you about it and doesn't need to go to another man for that. If she is cheating, that's a whole deeper issue that you also need to talk about.

 

[fields316_2000]

i brought it up today in front of her mom and family and she said that nothing was going on BUT if im not pulling my wieght as the man of the house dont be upset if someone steps in line..then says she doesnt care whati think she's leaving anyways and went to shower

 

[dorig59]

I cant prove anything went on, but my wife had a situation that i didnt trust or believe so i checked our phone bill. sure enough instead of it being females calling to confide in, it was some fellow from a job she used to work at. now she's upset with me that i accidently called him, wants a divorce and sleeps in another room.
I know where he lives. I know his phone number. She says that im over bearing and controling and that she has nothing to hide :he's only a friend who never hit on her once and i embarrassed her. however the guy is the go to guy every time we had a fight according to the phone records;she'd talk to him before i get home from work and somehow wouldnt mention him when i asked who was it on the phone.
so, should i go to his house and introduce myself?
call him so he can lie to me some more? my pride wont let it go.

It sounds to me like the problem is with your WIFE, not the other guy. Unless he is stalking her incessantly.....she's the one who's married and who is calling him. You need to deal with her on this, not the other guy. And just for the record, from what you've told us, I don't think you're controlling or being unreasonable to not want your wife confiding in another guy and then trying to hide it from you.

 

[fields316_2000]

i called the guy this afternoon and he said it was alot of flirting going on but nothing more and wouldnt tell me more in fear i would 'hurt her'. so i cut her texting off her phone - she loves it but it's not necessary. what is is the phone line in case she needs to reach out while with the kids. so i told her that she can ask him to provide for her and all that. i told the guy on the phone that he needs to get her a car, pay for her mri's for cancer and make sure she has her living arrangments in line and he said no. so i let her know that she cant rely on him like she thought. so now i dont even want to deal with her anymore. i can care less what she's doing or where she's going..im going to surgery, im planning on getting on my feet and getting on with my life as god wants. im tired of living so toxic.

 

[jupiterinka]

First of all, this sounds like a private matter, not one which should be brought up in front of your wife's mom and family!!!!!! That would automatically make a lot of people offensive and resentful. Also, I am wondering if you have evaluated why your wife is seeking out another man to confide in? Has she always received a warm and loving response (or even just a listening ear) from you? Now, I am in absolutely no way condoning her behavior...she is setting herself up for disaster. However, a woman doesn't usually turn to another man for emotional help if they are getting that at home. Please, pray and seek God in your marriage. If she hasn't cheated on you yet, there is still time to turn your marriage around.....but you have to want that and be willing to make some changes on your end, too, or it won't work.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

However, a woman doesn't usually turn to another man for emotional help if they are getting that at home.

That's a double-edged sword, like a man wouldn't cheat if he was getting all he needed at home. Some people are bent on ruining their lives and the lives of others. BUT, this is a huge wake-up call! Are you both having health issues right now? Understand that people may make bad decisions out of stress. Don't throw the marriage away without a long, hard fight. The next one is going to have its own issues; there are no easy marriages. The good ones take work and involve compromises that don't come naturally.

Counseling and a good support group from church, accountability for both of you may work miracles if you're both willing. At least once a month the pastor at my church will say something about roles in marriage at some point during the service. He frequently asks folks to share something of importance and I often hear a woman talk about learning to submit to her husband or the husband talking about cherishing his wife or learning to speak more gently to her. I know what is expected of me when I get remarried, but how many people do if they aren't hearing it in church? A man can't throw this stuff out to his wife in the middle of an argument.

 

[fields316_2000]

i can honestly say that we both have health issues. she was screened for what could have been terminal cancer, and i have to have screws put in my knee.

however prior to that, we were argueing all the time about her commitment to the marriage because she loved having male friends., loved being center of the attention of people that she knew were not healthy to be around..which always lead to trouble. for example, she was a supervisor at her job. i told her (6 years military) you can not be friends with the people that work for you..they wont respect you because now that you are buddies they wont respond to discipline. she didnt listen..became friends with her crew made their personal problems hers, gave personal advice to them about their girlfriends..then rumors started that she was seeing one of them because she was friendly instead of being a sup. one of the higherups noticed and sexually harrassed her based on the assumption that she was 'like that'...she reported it and quit her job. in the end im telling her sound advice, she argues tooth and nail about me being to controlling,,then it fails and she blames me.
so after awhile she stopped telling me about her guy friends because i would always call out that this one is after this or about that..and she didnt like it..but now she's sick no job and broke because i'm telling her now to go see her special 'ear tickler'

 

[DZoolander]

You've got a messed up situation bro. Like I said before - you need to find a way to get yourself out of it - and really act on that. You need to find a way to truly put some separation between you and her - and do it.

I respect your desire to follow through with the agreement to help out the inlaws - etc - but all things considered - it would be perfectly understandable if you changed that agreement and/or put a limit on it. Give the mom like a month (maybe two) to organize her life and find a place for herself. That's totally fair. Once the mom is gone - then take care of the wife. She will cease being your obligation as soon as you say so.

 

[BRISH]

bump


Just wondering how your'e doing.

Prayers