I want to have a girlfriend ;(

[IvanOng]

I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 and I really think I could have gotten along a lot better if I waited. I'm 19 now and married and although I'm not unhappy with my life, I think I would have done a lot more with my life if I waited until I was 20 to start dating. My advice: focus on God. We are all called to bring glory to our Creator no matter what the circumstance. Here's a few examples of people who were used to bring glory to God, under their strange circumstances:
NOAH was a drunk...
ABRAHAM was too old...
ISAAC was a day dreamer...
JACOB was a liar...
LEAH was ugly...
JOSEPH was abused...
MOSES couldn't talk...
GIDEON was afraid...
SAMPSON had long hair and was a womanizer...
RAHAB was a prostitute
JEREMIAH and TIMOTHY were too young...
DAVID had an affair and was a murderer...
ELIJAH was suicidal...
ISAIAH preached naked...
JONAH ran from GOD...
NAOMI was a widow...
JOB went bankrupt...
JOHN the Baptist ate bugs...
PETER denied Christ...
The DISCIPLES fell asleep while praying...
MARTHA worried about everything...
MARY MAGDALENE was demon possessed...
The SAMARITAN WOMAN was divorced...more than once...
ZACCHEUS was too small...
PAUL was too religious...
TIMOTHY had an ulcer...
AND LAZARUS WAS DEAD!!!

Really? Since you said that I will try my very best to be as patient as possible and not rush into getting a girlfriend... OKAY! Let God use me fully in any way AMEN!! thanks Seattle Rain and for the efforts you made to list down all the examples. That's really very kind of you!!

 

[IvanOng]

I feel old saying this, but you are way too young for this to be a huge concern for you. An annoyance, sure, but a huge concern -- no.

What do you do? Do you go to school? Do you have social hobbies? Be into those things and meet people. When you find someone worth your time, pursue it. But in the mean time, don't feel or act desperate. It'll just make you appear less desireable to the women you so desperately want to attract.

Mskedi you are right, I somehow agree what you said. The more eager I am to have a girlfriend, the more tendency I will have to create awkward situations.. And I believe that will discomfort the girl which make your "appear less desireable to the women you so desperately want to attract" sounds true. Thanks alot, I will try to change myself too!

 

[IvanOng]

I know exactly how you feel.

Last year I found myself praying to God "For the last few years of my life, the biggest desire of my heart has been to find love." I literally stopped right there. The biggest desire of my heart was to find love? And I expected God's sympathy, and help, in fulfilling a desire which did not include him as being my number one? It was such a huge turning point for me! From that moment I worked hard at prioritising my desires. It's hard, when singleness can hurt. But God will honour that.... He brought my SO and me together two months ago.


It's funny now, looking back at the last couple of years, and the pains I went through of being single. Now I can honestly say I'm glad I was single for all that time. I grew and developed as a person, as a woman of God... and my friendships just deepened to extraordinary levels during that time. I needed that time, in my first couple of years of adult-hood, to grow and develop in myself and God. If I marry Chris (which is definitely our plan!!), I will never have an opportunity like that again. So I'm incredibly thankful that God didn't take to heart the desperate prayers and pleas I threw at him when I was in so much 'pain' from my singleness...


Hang in there bro. You'll be a BETTER person for it. In the meantime, pray that God will grow you into the man your future needs. If you're willing for God to change you and grow you, how can he not bless you with an amazing love down the track?

Hope this helps ya

miss_klara, your sentences really gives me HOPE too! It made me realise that God has His reason/purpose for me to be single for the meantime.. perhaps I may not know but God always plan for the best isn it !?

OKAY! I will hannnnnnngggggg as long as the earth is round! Yeah! It helps!! thankSSS! I will think through your words......

 

[keyz]

I know love also involves hardships as both need to make efforts to keep it burning.. I'm willing to take that and keep it going.... And I know God could fill the emptiness in me at times, but sometimes I really do need someone especially a girl who understands me, able to share my feelings and able to turn to when Im down.SIGHz

I'm not really feeling very depress now, just that I'm only feeling impatient and envious of others. Where are youuuuuu......

You are missing the purpose for Godly relationships. God does not call us to partnership so another partner may fill the emptiness in your heart. You say that you know that "God could fill the emptiness in me at times..." May I remind you that you serve an Almighty God who created a vast and expansive universe. God CAN and WILL fill and empty heart. In your statement you are saying that God is not big enough to satisfy. You are elevating people bigger than God and saying that God can't quite meet your needs so you need people instead. I do that as well and I don't even realize it. Not good.

Your desire is a good one to have. It's a good desire for a man to want to romance and pursue a woman. That's at the core of a man. However we must be so careful that desire does not transform into lust. I will tell you straight up that God will not send a woman in your life to satisfy a lustful heart. God wants to break lust from your heart and set you free from it. Lust is sinful. God will not satisfy self-serving needs. It's sin. God's heart is to set the captives free, not help the captives further embrace a path of sin.

Another very important thing to understand is that we do not pursue relationships so that we might feel good about ourselves. We don't even pursue relationship with God to feel good about ourselves. In fact, God commands us to deny self and serve him simply because he is GOD. The Gospel did not come to make us feel good about ourselves. The Gospel came so that we would recognize our wickedness, repent, and then receive God's grace. Our relationships are for the sole purpose of bringing glory to God. Nothing else. They aren't about meeting our needs for acceptance, love, or significance. The Bible says nothing of that sorts.

In our time of singleness we need to passionately pursue God like we would in our romantic relationships. All of us need to transfer from such an inward view of satisfying self to an outward view. Our purpose in life is so that God may be glorified. That purpose needs to remain the same in our relationships.

Count your singleness as a blessing. If you were in a relationship right now you would automatically assume that the lady is there to meet your needs and what not. You'd be so disappointed... you'd become bitter and angry.

Keep passionately pursuing God.

 

[KellyLeigh]

I can relate to you, but always remember that God's will is perfect for you and He knows who should be your wife and when the best time is to meet her.

I never had a guy ask me out until my fiance did after i graduated from high school. not one guy before him. I thought something must have been wrong with me. I was so desperate for a boyfriend I probably would have said yes to just about anyone. But I wasn't ready for a boyfriend. I didn't know what I wanted, what I needed, and i wasn't strong enough in Christ yet. Then my fiance entered my life and he is absolutely perfect for me. Praise God for knowing what is best for me and for ignoring me when I would pray a certain boy at school liked me (haha yea I was a pathetic pre-teen).

I thank God that He wanted to bring Jeff into my at the time that He did.

 

[12Joseph12]

Pray...let God guide you remember:

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart”.
That is a really good advice!!!!

 

[gsmart]

IvanOng I can totally relate to how your feeling. For many years I obsessed (yes obsessed) over wanting to have a girlfriend. I had my many reasons...emotional intimacy, the experience, the status, etc...

It took me until I was 22 to finally realize that I was chasing after the wrong thing. God clearly calls us to run after him first. Anyways, after I realized that I had a simple prayer. "God, I'm through with chasing after girls, I want to chase after you and let you do the rest." The amazing thing is, no more than 4 weeks passed and God placed the most amazing girl into my life.

The point I'm trying to make is to focus on God, build a strong relationship with God, the girlfriend will come...just on God's terms. I'm confident that the girl that God orchestrates to be with you will be the most amazing, better than you could ever imagine girl.

Hope this encourages you!

Blessings;
Geoff

 

[princessellie]

Hi brothers and sisters in christ..... Im so envious of all the couples out there. It must be really sweet to fall in love with one another, someone whom you can pour your concern onto... WOW

But sadly, Im already 20 years old soon and I doesn't have an girl friend yet.... Im getting impatient and my desire to have a girl friend is building rapidly... I need your help....

Please either pray for me that God will give me a girlfriend soon or pray for me that God will change my mindset of having a girlfriend

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely
Single Ivan

take my advice, dont get impatient, if god has not yet blessed you with your perfect woman, it is for a reason, either your not ready or she isnt, wait and be patient in the mean time pray and strengthen your relationship with god

 

[allthatisgone]

For this past few years.. Im really longing to have a girlfriend, whom I can really take care of, someone whom I can everyday express my love to...

But girls whom I met are either attached or belong to the 'only treat you as a brother' category and one rejected me. Sigh.. Im everyday wondering when will God let me meet my 'she'.

I know love also involves hardships as both need to make efforts to keep it burning.. I'm willing to take that and keep it going.... And I know God could fill the emptiness in me at times, but sometimes I really do need someone especially a girl who understands me, able to share my feelings and able to turn to when Im down.SIGHz

I'm not really feeling very depress now, just that I'm only feeling impatient and envious of others. Where are youuuuuu......

I nee

"whom I can really take care of,"

And just how well can you take of yourself?

Just why are so many ppl - Christians - being idiots and dating so much?!?! Then they get caught up in the heat of the moment and often take things too far or go in a direction that wasnt God's will for them. Dont they realise how deceptive and unreliable feelings are?! Its so easy for feelings to grow for any number of people in turn, and to believe yourself in love. What if you got involved with anyone you were attracted to and ended up being w/ them coz things naturally progress in a relationship, yet it happens that God had someone else planned for you or the person you're with?! Most would never realise it, even if that was the case, and you might even be happy enough and so it's fine for you, but it's a sad thing nonetheless when you consider what might have been. Well we exchange what's best for what's good...or seems good but is many times bad.

 

[unnikrishnan86]

hi I also want christian girlfreinds who is loving me in god...

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Your 26? Gosh your so old and still single!!!!

Oh wait I'm 31 and just getting married. Trust me as much as it sucks to not find anyone and to see others all "lovey dovey", it will be worth it in the end when you do find someone.

 

[redeemedbygrace24]

I want a Husband

 

[VeritasA]

Your 26? Gosh your so old and still single!!!!

Oh wait I'm 31 and just getting married. Trust me as much as it sucks to not find anyone and to see others all "lovey dovey", it will be worth it in the end when you do find someone.

31 is the perfect age to get married! You have your life more or less together and a job and the means necessary to support a family.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Exactly! I truly don't think we really mature until after 25. We tend to hit 18 and think we know what we want. But until about 25 we tend to change things around alot while we find ourselves and settle in to our lives as adults more.

The person who I was at even 27 is not who I am now. Now I am very content with who I am. I honestly worry about couples getting married so early in life. Most women I know who got married between 18 and 21 are either divorced or have pretty bad marriages. Now that I am older I am glad God didn't bring my fiance into the picture earlier in life. I was not ready even though I thought I was.

 

[LinkH]

Ivan,

It's funny. As I read your message, I was scanning an article in the library about Singapore. It had nothing to do with dating. How is dating handled in Singapore? Do teens date in high school, or does dating start after high school ends?

Something to keep in mind is that dating cultural practices are less than 100 years old. From what I've read the modern concept of the 'girlfriend' is less than 100 years old, too. Before the automobile and philosophies about dating promoted by women's magazines, men used to court young women. They might talk to the girl on her parent's porch. Then, one of the suitors might propose marriage. The family would discuss it, and if they approved, the young woman might agree to it.

But nowadays, young people date. Society encourages it. Parents encourage it. Girls get emotional needs satisfied-- that should be satisfied by a husband in marriage-- by a boyfriend. Boys get these emotional needs satisfied by girlfriends. They have numerous emotional affairs, dating and breaking up, and carry the emotional baggage into marriage. Even worse, the way dating is done here in the US, a lot of young people go off somewhere alone and end up committing sexual sin.

Recreational dating is a bad thing. If you are going to date, wait until you are close to being able to practically get married, and then only date someone you might potentially marriage. If you know her values are not in line with yours and you know she isn't a potential marriage partner, don't continue the relationship. Dating should not be to satisfy emotional needs or to have some kind of social status. You should be looking for a wife.

Biologically, if you are 20, you are old enough to marry. But that doesn't mean you are ready to marry, practically. You need to be able to support a wife and children that are produced from your marriage. So if you want someone to love, focus really hard on preparing yourself to be in a position to marry. That may mean studying hard or learning a trade.

I like Singapore. It's a nice orderly developed refuge surrounded by the wild developing world. The economy is really developed, but people tend to be career-minded. I hear it's hard to find a wife in Singapore. Singaporean women tend to focus on their careers, and the government has been promoting marriages and having children. It's easy to get married in Singapore if you have $10k in Sing dollars because you can just go down to the Vietnam matchmaker and pick one of the girls to be your bride. Seriously, don't do that. I saw a video on that, and found it to be a curious way to marry. If you do get set up to get married and have difficulty finding someone in the right age range who is serious, lots of Indonesians will marry young. The whole country is really marriage-minded. Marrying a foreigner can be considered somewhat desirable depending on who you talk to. And if you want to marry a Chinese woman, there are plenty of Chinese people in the city. Indonesia would be a great place to go if you want a home and family oriented wife, though plenty of women do various types of business activities as well. If you were ready to support a family at a young age and couldn't find a willing Singaporean partner at the right age range, Indonesia is a short plane or boat ride from Singapore. There are also Chinese-Indonesian churches, but I don't know if they'd marry young or not.

My wife's Indonesia, so I'm a little biased on how great Indonesian wives are. She's about an 8th Chinese though, and wasn't raised in Indonesian Chinese culture at all.

The desire you have to find someone to love is a normal thing. It is good advice when people tell you to focus on the Lord. But I also believe the innate desire for a spouse is a God-giving thing. God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone. He had Adam look at the animals and name them. The lion had the lioness. The tiger had the tigress. The donkey and the she-donkey. He didn't have a match. None of the animals was a match for him. He must have had a desire for someone, and realized he was alone. Did God tell him to just pray more? No, he gave him a wife. Adam was already set up, though, with a way to 'earn a living.' He had a garden to tend to and eat and a whole planet to subdue. Then God brought him a wife.

While you are waiting, you can try to improve yourself to be a better future husband. Do get closer to God. Pray, read the word. Study and meditate and what you want your marriage and family to be like and prepare yourself. You can read books and articles on marriage.

I had had a desire to have someone to love from a young age. I didn't have a real girlfriend, though, until I was a little older than you. It was probably a good thing and helped keep me out of trouble. When I started dating, I didn't really find someone who seemed to be a suitable match for me. I remember thinking is it ever going to really happen to me? Will I ever get married? I prayed about it. When I got to be about 26, I was alone for Christmas overseas, and I realized I really wanted my own family. I didn't like being alone. I knew that already, but I got even more serious about praying about it. In a couple of months, I'd met the woman I would marry. She told me later she knew before we had that first conversation. I went home asking God if she was the one who would be my wife. We were 'just friends' for a while, talking on the phone, each one trying to subtly pry out of the other one if we thought the Lord was directing us toward marriage. We didn't really show our cards until later, though.

Use your single years well for the glory of God. When you are single, you have more free time to devout to prayer, ministry, study, and hard work. If you want someone, work hard and get ready for marriage, acknowledging the Lord in all your ways. Then you can tell the Lord you've worked hard and gotten ready to support a wife, and ask Him to help you find one.

 

[LinkH]

Exactly! I truly don't think we really mature until after 25. We tend to hit 18 and think we know what we want. But until about 25 we tend to change things around alot while we find ourselves and settle in to our lives as adults more.

The person who I was at even 27 is not who I am now. Now I am very content with who I am. I honestly worry about couples getting married so early in life. Most women I know who got married between 18 and 21 are either divorced or have pretty bad marriages. Now that I am older I am glad God didn't bring my fiance into the picture earlier in life. I was not ready even though I thought I was.

Why do you have to be fully matured to be married? Lot's of people in other countries get married young and turn out okay. It doesn't seem to work out as well in the US, maybe because the culture is too divorce friendly and tells people if they married young, it's okay to divorce and find someone else

 

[maggie15]

This is definitely a tough situation. I was 22 when i got my first boyfriend. He came when I wasn't looking for him. I think sometimes, we as humans, can focus too much on wanting relationships with other people. I think that keeping your focus on your relationship with God and asking him to give you a relationship when your ready is really the best way to go about this.
Just remember there is a good chance that he is saving that perfect person for when you are ready!
All I wanted for years was a boyfriend, and it took me changing my focus to finally find one.

I will keep you in my prayers I know how you feel.