I want to change my life...

[KaterinaChk]

I'm a 18 year old female questioning her entire life right now.
Firstly, I am supposed to be Christian but I don't feel like one. I consider myself agnostic. That's because no matter how hard I try I just can't believe in the existence of God. However, I don't really believe in His non-existence. Sometimes I am a believer, sometimes I'm not. When I pray I feel like no one listens to me, like I try too hard to believe in something that doesn't even exist. I've tried talking to God, saying that I want to know and believe in Him, but nothing has ever happened. Whenever I feel like God does exist, I change my mind quickly afterwards. I would give everything I can to find out the truth! I hate being so confused...
I hate being so paranoid, like why do I even believe that priests are clowns obsessed with money (If I'm offending the priests out there, forgive me, please). I hate to dislike them! I dislike most of the Christian rules and traditions.
Secondly, as if my confusion isn't stressful enough, I also feel attracted to the same sex. Same sex only. And I don't see anything wrong with it although it goes against the God I am supposed to believe in. Yep. My life turns out to be a complete lie. I wish I were a man! Not because I feel like one, but because I could have a relationship with someone I feel attracted to. I hate having these not-so-healthy thoughts...
I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to give me some advice...
Thank you.

 

[John Bowen]

I'm a 18 year old female questioning her entire life right now.
Firstly, I am supposed to be Christian but I don't feel like one. I consider myself agnostic. That's because no matter how hard I try I just can't believe in the existence of God. However, I don't really believe in His non-existence. Sometimes I am a believer, sometimes I'm not. When I pray I feel like no one listens to me, like I try too hard to believe in something that doesn't even exist. I've tried talking to God, saying that I want to know and believe in Him, but nothing has ever happened. Whenever I feel like God does exist, I change my mind quickly afterwards. I would give everything I can to find out the truth! I hate being so confused...
I hate being so paranoid, like why do I even believe that priests are clowns obsessed with money (If I'm offending the priests out there, forgive me, please). I hate to dislike them! I dislike most of the Christian rules and traditions.
Secondly, as if my confusion isn't stressful enough, I also feel attracted to the same sex. Same sex only. And I don't see anything wrong with it although it goes against the God I am supposed to believe in. Yep. My life turns out to be a complete lie. I wish I were a man! Not because I feel like one, but because I could have a relationship with someone I feel attracted to. I hate having these not-so-healthy thoughts...
I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to give me some advice...
Thank you.

 

[KaterinaChk]

?

 

[John Bowen]

The Creator of the entire universe is very hard to relate to God is a spirit and our minds can't comprehend that.God isn't a old man with a white beard sitting on a throne .We can connect to Jesus Christ who is our direct teacher .You might ask him to help you with your answers to direct you where you can get help.We aren't human beings we are spiritual beings having a human experience.To be balanced we should have both masculine and feminine energy if you are in a female body than you should be more feminine and vice versa.2/3 world believes in reincarnation it was taken out of the Christianity in 553 so people would convert if they thought this was there only life.But if you read the Bible it has many examples such as "If you live by the sword you shall die by the sword ". It also explains homosexuality if a person had many lives as a man and they became imbalanced in masculine energy they would have to have lives as a woman to balance themselves .Explaining their attraction to the same sex. "Seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you " and that kingdom inside you , so you might get therapy to deal to look at your psychology which is what Jesus taught us to do .Look at the beam in our eye.

 

[Basil the Great]

Welcome, KaterinaChk, to the forums. All I can say that for someone from Russia, your English is superb. They must teach English in school for several years? I know that they do this in most of Western Europe. Congratulations! We here in America need to do better at learning foreign languages.

I am sorry to say that I do not have the time at the moment to give you a lengthy reply. However, remember that the existence of God does not depend upon the Bible or Christianity or Judaism or any other religion. God is God. He always has been and always will be. He created a vast Universe. It is so big that we cannot really understand how large it might be. Look up at the sky on real clear night and you will see thousands and thousands of stars. Hopefully this will help you to see the reality of a Creator behind it all.

I will say a prayer for you. Hopefully you can find someone here at the forums who can answer your concerns better than I can. You are young. You have most of your life ahead of you. Smile and take life one day at a time. Peace be with you.

 

[EvangAlived]

I'm a 18 year old female questioning her entire life right now.
Firstly, I am supposed to be Christian but I don't feel like one. I consider myself agnostic. That's because no matter how hard I try I just can't believe in the existence of God. However, I don't really believe in His non-existence. Sometimes I am a believer, sometimes I'm not. When I pray I feel like no one listens to me, like I try too hard to believe in something that doesn't even exist. I've tried talking to God, saying that I want to know and believe in Him, but nothing has ever happened. Whenever I feel like God does exist, I change my mind quickly afterwards. I would give everything I can to find out the truth! I hate being so confused...
I hate being so paranoid, like why do I even believe that priests are clowns obsessed with money (If I'm offending the priests out there, forgive me, please). I hate to dislike them! I dislike most of the Christian rules and traditions.
Secondly, as if my confusion isn't stressful enough, I also feel attracted to the same sex. Same sex only. And I don't see anything wrong with it although it goes against the God I am supposed to believe in. Yep. My life turns out to be a complete lie. I wish I were a man! Not because I feel like one, but because I could have a relationship with someone I feel attracted to. I hate having these not-so-healthy thoughts...
I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to give me some advice...
Thank you.

Watch these. Know that God's word is truth.

Do you read daily, out loud, the Bible? If not, try it.

Rom_10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

You need faith. God listens. Be honest and open with Him. Tell Him your heart, though He already knows it. Ask Him for a new Heart as David did, as Solomon did. Ask. Seek. Knock (keep knocking, He will open, but are you serious in knocking? Jesus is even as He knocks on your heart, keep calling as He calls to you).

God sought the woman at the well, will He not seek after you, oh ye of little faith?

You are like me in these things.

Ask Him to take the polluted heart and to give you the new.

You have just been listened to, with much love. You are heard. Not forgotten. Not forsaken.

Faith is not in feeling, nor flesh. Faith is believing in God's word and acting upon it.

Call upon the name of the LORD Jesus Christ and be delivered.

As for liking someone of the same sex is fine, and healthy in a biblical relationship, see David and Jonathan (no it wasn't homosexual, but rather they understood God and had the same heart kinship in this). However, do not let satan twist your like into something else, which is to your and their destruction (that is not love). Women need social interaction with other women, even as men with other men.

 

[royal priest]

I'm a 18 year old female questioning her entire life right now.
Firstly, I am supposed to be Christian but I don't feel like one. I consider myself agnostic. That's because no matter how hard I try I just can't believe in the existence of God. However, I don't really believe in His non-existence. Sometimes I am a believer, sometimes I'm not. When I pray I feel like no one listens to me, like I try too hard to believe in something that doesn't even exist. I've tried talking to God, saying that I want to know and believe in Him, but nothing has ever happened. Whenever I feel like God does exist, I change my mind quickly afterwards. I would give everything I can to find out the truth! I hate being so confused...
I hate being so paranoid, like why do I even believe that priests are clowns obsessed with money (If I'm offending the priests out there, forgive me, please). I hate to dislike them! I dislike most of the Christian rules and traditions.
Secondly, as if my confusion isn't stressful enough, I also feel attracted to the same sex. Same sex only. And I don't see anything wrong with it although it goes against the God I am supposed to believe in. Yep. My life turns out to be a complete lie. I wish I were a man! Not because I feel like one, but because I could have a relationship with someone I feel attracted to. I hate having these not-so-healthy thoughts...
I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to give me some advice...
Thank you.

Things which are impossible to us, are possible for us through God. Mark 10:27
Check out the personal testimony of Rosaria Champagne: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/from-radical-lesbian-to-redeemed-christian

 

[Sketcher]

Did you give your life to Christ at an earlier age?

Why do you doubt that God exists?

 

[KaterinaChk]

The Creator of the entire universe is very hard to relate to God is a spirit and our minds can't comprehend that.God isn't a old man with a white beard sitting on a throne .We can connect to Jesus Christ who is our direct teacher .You might ask him to help you with your answers to direct you where you can get help.We aren't human beings we are spiritual beings having a human experience.To be balanced we should have both masculine and feminine energy if you are in a female body than you should be more feminine and vice versa.2/3 world believes in reincarnation it was taken out of the Christianity in 553 so people would convert if they thought this was there only life.But if you read the Bible it has many examples such as "If you live by the sword you shall die by the sword ". It also explains homosexuality if a person had many lives as a man and they became imbalanced in masculine energy they would have to have lives as a woman to balance themselves .Explaining their attraction to the same sex. "Seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you " and that kingdom inside you , so you might get therapy to deal to look at your psychology which is what Jesus taught us to do .Look at the beam in our eye.

I don't believe in reincarnation. Are you even christian? I don't think so. You seem to be buddhist.

 

[KaterinaChk]

Did you give your life to Christ at an earlier age?

Why do you doubt that God exists?

I couldn't give my life to Christ as I never really believed in God back then. My parents were always good believers but I wasn't. There doesn't seem to be any proof that God exists.

 

[aiki]

You should read Romans 1:18-32. It will show you the trajectory you're on morally and spiritually.

At the heart of every person's rejection of God is the same thing: selfishness. We want to call the shots, to do what we want to do when we want to do it. God gets in the way, though, and commands us to serve Him, not ourselves.

All of us have wicked impulses we ought not indulge. It does not follow that because we have them, we are obliged to obey them. God promises that if we do, death will result. Not just physical death, but death of fellowship with Him and of the joy, peace, and fulfillment only knowing Him can bring.

God does exist, by the way. Deep down, we all know that He does. But if you require some shoring up in this regard, check out:

www.crossexamined.org
www.str.org
www.reasonablefaith.org
www.coldcasechristianity.com

 

[Sketcher]

There doesn't seem to be any proof that God exists.

How deeply have you examined that? Have you read any books on the subject? If so, which ones?

 

[Grand_Commander_Zhou_Ziyu]

Hi from a Chinese believer. I am sorry to hear about your struggle with faith, and to be honest with you, there have also been a lot of times where I doubt God is really there. However, I have never let go of God, or rather, God has never let go of me, and I am reminded that He does care about me and whatever situation I'm in even when it seems like He's not there. He gives me, helps me bit by bit, even in seemingly tiny things that I doubt whether God would care. Christ is God in the flesh, Christ walks with me and watches over me no matter where I am. It takes a lot to trust, but I keep telling myself that God will always find a way for His children, that the needs of his children will not be unheard. God the Father is Lord, and He watches over all, He is too great for us to finally understand and comprehend. However, we have His Word and Christ, and the Holy Spirit. It has never been easy to take up faith and never stop believing, even when things seem impossibly grim. That was what my life seemed to me in my teenage years and my first few years of college. I've contemplated suicide, and I've been through a lot of emotional struggles related to the ongoing abuse I've suffered from my biological so-called family.

However, God did not allow me to die because God knew that I would be able to overcome this and end up better, stronger because of it. Without God, there would be no me today. Though I am still depressed and I cannot call myself a happy person, and I struggle a lot with feelings of rage and resentment, even despair, God is my lifeline that guides me to keep going. I am sure there are believers here who are in a much better position to give you the guidance you need, and I am only sharing with you what little I know, but you can begin by asking God, by asking for Christ to be in your life, to reveal Himself to you, to guide you and give you faith that He is there and He cares about you. Amen, may all be well. I hope you can overcome this in your heart, remember that God is Almighty, that He is a God of love, that you can cast all of your fears, worries on Him.

 

[Andrew77]

I'm a 18 year old female questioning her entire life right now.
Firstly, I am supposed to be Christian but I don't feel like one. I consider myself agnostic. That's because no matter how hard I try I just can't believe in the existence of God. However, I don't really believe in His non-existence. Sometimes I am a believer, sometimes I'm not. When I pray I feel like no one listens to me, like I try too hard to believe in something that doesn't even exist. I've tried talking to God, saying that I want to know and believe in Him, but nothing has ever happened. Whenever I feel like God does exist, I change my mind quickly afterwards. I would give everything I can to find out the truth! I hate being so confused...
I hate being so paranoid, like why do I even believe that priests are clowns obsessed with money (If I'm offending the priests out there, forgive me, please). I hate to dislike them! I dislike most of the Christian rules and traditions.
Secondly, as if my confusion isn't stressful enough, I also feel attracted to the same sex. Same sex only. And I don't see anything wrong with it although it goes against the God I am supposed to believe in. Yep. My life turns out to be a complete lie. I wish I were a man! Not because I feel like one, but because I could have a relationship with someone I feel attracted to. I hate having these not-so-healthy thoughts...
I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to give me some advice...
Thank you.

Being attracted isn't wrong. But for a Christian, you can't engage in homosexuality. If that means more to you, than salvation and life in paradice for eternity, then you don't need to follow those rules. Go do whatever makes you happy.

Part of being Christian, means submitting to G-d. We believe.... (us that are Christian), believe that G-d's rules are actually for our benefit. That our lives are happier with G-d, than without him.

And that requires a level of trust. Obviously you don't trust G-d, and don't believe he wants what is best for you to live a happy life. There is nothing I can say that is going to magically make you Trust the Lord. I might ask that you pray to lord, a simple prayer.... "Lord, show me that I can trust you".

It's a thought.

Just out of curiosity...... Setting aside the same-sex stuff.... what part of Christian rules and traditions, do you hate?

Can you just give me an example? Or a list of the 'rules and traditions' that you dislike?

I'm having a hard time with that, because all the rules I know of, are..... pretty reasonable.

Do not take my name in vain. Seems reasonable to me. If I went around... OH KATER!... DARN KATER! Oh for Kater sakes! That would be insulting to you, and get really old really fast.

Why would G-d be any different? Seems reasonable to me.

Can you kind of explain what rules and traditions you have a problem with? Is Christmas a problem? Is it an issue just celebrating the Savior of the world coming down form Heaven?

I just need some context.

 

[lastofall]

If we sincerely wish to be in Christ, and follow Him, then we must deny our own will from henceforth, and not at our leisure. for there is no respect of persons with Him.

 

[Greg J.]

I'm a 18 year old female questioning her entire life right now.
Firstly, I am supposed to be Christian but I don't feel like one. I consider myself agnostic. That's because no matter how hard I try I just can't believe in the existence of God. However, I don't really believe in His non-existence. Sometimes I am a believer, sometimes I'm not. When I pray I feel like no one listens to me, like I try too hard to believe in something that doesn't even exist. I've tried talking to God, saying that I want to know and believe in Him, but nothing has ever happened. Whenever I feel like God does exist, I change my mind quickly afterwards. I would give everything I can to find out the truth! I hate being so confused...
I hate being so paranoid, like why do I even believe that priests are clowns obsessed with money (If I'm offending the priests out there, forgive me, please). I hate to dislike them! I dislike most of the Christian rules and traditions.
Secondly, as if my confusion isn't stressful enough, I also feel attracted to the same sex. Same sex only. And I don't see anything wrong with it although it goes against the God I am supposed to believe in. Yep. My life turns out to be a complete lie. I wish I were a man! Not because I feel like one, but because I could have a relationship with someone I feel attracted to. I hate having these not-so-healthy thoughts...
I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to give me some advice...
Thank you.

Many people around your age can get into a really confused and consuming (and painful) state over any of the struggles you have. You really have a heavy burden right now. Grant yourself some grace and peace. No matter what happens, God loves you just as you are right now. That may contradict what you've heard, but it is true. (But some choices will help you and others will hurt you.) Jesus died so you could be forgiven, to make you pure before God, and to make you worthy to become a holy child of God.

Someone facing all the things you are is best off in the long-term to be celibate for the near future. Trying to deal with any sexual issues can consume all of your energy all by itself. At your age you have plenty of time to deal with all that, and getting a little older can make it a little easier. Getting things right with God first means you'll have his help with everything else in your life.

Unless you were raised by Jesus-loving parents, you aren't going to instantly believe in God. God has given us a path to discovering he is real before we believe, and it is to be obedient to him.

While you may not believe in God right now, that is what lies ahead for you if you want to be forgiven of all wrongdoing and destined for eternal love, peace, and understanding, and it isn't because you try harder to believe. Millions of Christians have experienced the truth of this verse:

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” (John 14:21, 1984 NIV)

However, it requires genuine devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. Yield control of every area of your life to him with which he can do whatever he wants. Do what he has already commanded in Scripture and you will get more personalized help from him to help you with the situations you face. Study the Bible and pray daily. Worship him, honor him, care about the things he cares about. Try to adopt his attitude toward things and imitate him as best you can and he will help you with your life such that your long-term will be better than you can ask or imagine.

Regarding churches and their rules, you are not alone. Many, many people have problems with churches and rules. Jesus said this about the church leaders of his time:

You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: “ ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.’” (Matthew 15:7-9, 1984 NIV)

Your primary goal is Jesus, not the right church or their rules. All humans have problems. We're all tainted with sin and affected in many ways. Priests and pastors are not exceptions. There's plenty of examples of them having lost their way, or just being outright manipulative or greedy, but there's also examples of good, sensible priests and pastors, too. The ones that want your money are suspect. The ones that want you to give 10% of your income to God are trying to help you receive limitless blessings from God. It is a part of God's stated nature that if you give the full 10% of your income to him he will pour out more blessings on you than you can use (Malachi 3:10). I mention this only because God will bless you for this even if you do not believe in him. (He doesn't generally hear the prayers of those who do not believe in him.)

To talk to a sensible pastor/priest, you can write into the Chaplain's forum (which is private). You could also start a private conversation with one of the highly capable working pastors that participates in these forums (e.g., @Paidiske ).

 

[Persis]

hi Katerina, are you reading and studying the living Word of God..

Because,

Romans 10:17 New King James Version (NKJV)
17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.


Faith comes from-- God.


Read and study the Word of God. I would try to read bits of both the Old and New Testament. Ask the Holy Spirit who is our Helper each time before you come to study, to soften your heart.. to humble your heart.. that you want to SEE with the eyes of your heart and your spirit mind who God is, and that He will impart a deep revelation and conviction to you. Pour out your heart to Him, and cry out to Him. I dont think that God would ever turn down that request.

Matthew 7:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.


Finally, seek out other believers who can share their own testimonies, encourage you, talk the truth to you and inspire you.. and find a church where you can attend bible studies. Persevere and dont give up, friend.

 

[AvgJoe]

There doesn't seem to be any proof that God exists.

If the Bible is true, then Christianity is true, and God, who is described within it's pages, is true.

The Bible was written over a period of 1,600 years, by 40 God chosen men, who lived on multiple continents and they all wrote about the same thing, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There were no mail delivery trucks, no drop ship planes, no Federal Express, no UPS and no email, yet when all of the writings were put together they present one unified message. The Bible is truly the Word of God.

Following are some topics and links I hope you will look into, concerning the validity of the Bible. Please see what the evidence has to say.

An excellent ebook on the subject: http://www.apologeticspress.org/pdfs..._pdf/idobi.pdf

Proof of Textual Evidence
Old Testament: The Dead Sea Scrolls and Biblical Integrity
New Testament: http://www.carm.org/questions/textualevidence.htm
More on the Bible: http://www.carm.org/bible.htm

Proof of People Living at the Time of Christ
http://www.carm.org/questions/extrab...l_accounts.htm
http://www.carm.org/questions/Josephus.htm

Proof of Archaeology
http://www.christiananswers.net/arch...e.html#general
http://www.carm.org/questions/eviden...aeological.htm

Proof of Science: Statements Consistent With Paleontology, Astronomy, Meteorology, Biology, Anthropology, Hydrology and Geology
Science and the Bible
http://www.carm.org/bible/ms_science.htm
http://www.eternal-productions.org/101science.html

Proof of Prophecy (Messanic & dealing with nations)
https://www.gospeloutreach.net/bibsuper.html
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.co...ophecies.shtml
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/fulfill.shtml
http://www.carm.org/bible/prophecy.htm
http://shoreshdavidbrandon.org/pdf/I...ose-Jewish.pdf (awesome eBook)
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/b_proof.shtml

If the Bible is true, Christianity is true. In Christianity, faith is required but it does not have to be a blind faith.

 

[Grand_Commander_Zhou_Ziyu]

There is no truer path, and no other path that grants us eternal salvation and eternal life than the path of Jesus Christ. Christianity is the only faith that acknowledges the inability of man to bring salvation by our own efforts due to our imperfect and sinful natures. No matter how hard we try we cannot be clean and pure and free of sin, but with God's mercy and message of salvation through Him coming to us in the flesh 2000 years ago, we are given a chance at life through connecting with Him and having a personal relationship with He who has descended on us by becoming just like us, yet is much greater than us.

 

[Paidiske]

I imagine it's overwhelming trying to deal with so much at once (and probably finishing school and working out what next, too?)

I'd say give yourself some time, and don't panic. How you feel now - about God or sex or anything else - isn't how you're going to feel for the rest of your life. Time and experience will give you perspective on all of these things.

I'd also say choose one big thing, at most, to be trying to deal with at a time. If you want to deal with the question of faith, I'd make an observation with a follow up suggestion. The observation is that often people have been given a certain picture of God, and find that they don't believe in anything that matches that picture. But with exploration, they might find that there is a God they can believe in, but it doesn't look much like that original picture. It might be worth exploring some different ideas about God - different approaches to Christian meditation and prayer - and trying some things out and seeing if any of them click for you. If you do that, what have you got to lose?